The Holyween Salamander Spook Alley Party
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Updated 10/03/2010 - The Salamander Society joined your favorite GA's (Goblin Authorities) and other especial spirits and spooks at this year's Happy Valley Holyween bash. We even had to sell a few of our "signs and tokens" in order to pass through the entrance veil. The theme for this priesthood powered party was inspired by the Deseret Book Store best seller - "Salamander - The Story of the Mormon Forgery Murders."

Your comments are welcome at the bottom of this page.

Demon Haunted

Halloween to the Lord

Boyd Packer God Whisperer

Mormon trick or treat, twelve days of christmans, smithmas, mormon temple marriage.

Alger Smith Halloween. spacer. Mormon Munsters.

Thomas Monson, Boyd Packer, Village People Halloween. spacer. Joseph Sitati first Black African Mormon General Authority.

Obscene Lab Rat Costume at BYU

10/24/2013 - by Senoritalamanita

I once dressed up as a lab rat at BYU.

I made a paper mache rat mask complete with a bulbous grey nose, pink cheeks and black whiskers made of pipe cleaners. I wore a lab coat, a name tag and pen protectors in my pocket.

I naively failed to notice that the rat's nose and cheeks looked like a grotesque penis and testicles.

When I wore the rat costume to a church function I got hostile stares by the men.

When I think about it now I choke with laughter.

Gawd how I love Halloween!

Elder Sitati Sings "Why Me You Say" - Sing along to the tune of "YMCA by The Village Peopole"

10/31/2009 - by cricket

Black man, you're now a Mo of renown
Yes, sir, Black man, with The Brethren get down.
Yes, sir, Black man, you're the new G.A. in town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Black man, off to General Conference you go
Sustain you, man, now you roll in the dough.
At Temple Square, I am sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to pray, Lord why me? You say.
It's fun to obey just like a slave G.A.

The Brethren make sure you really enjoy,
You can hang with the G.A. boys ...

Yeah man! I am the the first Black G.A.
Since nine-teen seventy-eight, it's all okay.

You can wash and annoint, you can preach with zeal
You can do whatever you feel ...

Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you're a GA's wet dream
But you've got to know this one thing!

No man is called all by himself,
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And you will become a G.A. some day
Sure Jesus can help you, unless you are gay.

It's fun to play, the Lord made me this way.
Just so I'd be the first Black G.A. some day.

They have everything that you need to enjoy,
Hey, I just love being the Lord's new toy!

It's fun to say, I'm the first Black G.A.
My story is sell'n at Deseret Book, so pay!

Do you get what I mean, I've got that appeal,
White man's quilt is what you all feel ...

Young man, I was once in your shoes.
At church, I was down and out with the blues.
For the priesthood I could not strive
I felt Mormon doctrine was so jive ...

That's when Tommy Monson came up to me,
And said, "Black man, take up this calling with glee.
Now is great PR time, this is your day,
I can start you back on your way."

It's fun to stray from Brigham Young's way
It's a matter of time 'til being gay is okay.

G.A.'s have all that you need to enjoy
So what if "I'm really just their black decoy!"

Why me you say?
Bring on the Mo-bling, don't delay.
Black man, young man there's no need to feel down
Black man, young man you're gaining some ground!

Why me you say?
Then just go and pray and obey.

Black man, young man you can wear temple shoes
Black man, young man, you're the hot news!

Why me you say?

Great start to Halloween!

10/31/2009 - by Searching27

We have particularly sneaky children :) They are very quiet and can get past you even if you are looking in their direction without you seeing them :)

Anyhow, I am laying in the bed and I feel something being slipped onto my feet. My oldest says "I have new house shoes for you!"

I sit up and realize they are DH's temple slippers. She then proceeds to laugh and tie my feet together with the sash. Very funny!

DH and I had a good laugh, then our 3 year old gets up on the bed with DH's bakers hat on, I totally lost it and could not stop laughing.

They asked if they could make a princess dress out of the big pleated robe thing. LOL. It was a great morning filled with LOTS of laughter all around.

The oldest asked what it was for and we just laughed and told her one day we would explain it all. She said it all looked very silly.

Boyd and Donna - Church Office Building Halloween Costumes

10/31/2012 - cricket

On the night of the Church Office Building Halloween costume party a Boyd and Donna Packer were having trouble picking suitable outfits because all they had were church clothes, temple robes, aprons, caps and veils. After a while Donna got mad and stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked except for a lemon between her legs. Boyd startled and speechless, never before having seen Donna without her temple garments, looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself.

Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his little factory.

Donna gave him a weird look and then Boyd blurted, "If you're going as a sour-puss, I'm going as a dictator."

Donna shot back, "OK, let's go spud nuts!"

Boyd retorted, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah" Donna replied, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Mormon Halloween party costume ideas

10/31/2009 - by badseed and others

Joseph Smith-

Don the suit and white shirt with up turned color. Tell fantastic stories but change them to become more and more awesome as the night goes on. Tell people that God told YOU that HE wants THEM to build YOU a mansion house. Hit on all of your friends' wives.

Seer stone in the Hat-

Create a huge cardboard top hat. Dress up like a rock. Park the hat in the corner of a room, sit in it and read off a BoM verse. Only continue to another after someone outside the hat reads the verse back youó and you confirm it is correct.

Book of Mormon horse-

Looks exactly like a tapir

Gay Marriage-

Dress really well. Go around trying to break up heterosexual married couples. This will scare the shit outta Mormons.

Uncle Thomas S. Fester-

Get the look for one right, you have the other as well.

The Gold Plates-

I'd have to gain about 25-30 pounds to pull this one off. I could just not show up to the party instead saying that I decided instead to hang out with some "angel'. Just like the actually plates people would have to have faith that the costume was awesome.

Zelph the White Lamanite-

Wasn't he around 9ft tall? I'll need some stilts.

Polygamist-

No costume necessary. Just invite multiple dates to the party.

Shiz- Dress up as a headless iron-age warrior. Despite being headless, gasp for breath now and then.

3 Hour Block Perfectionist TBM-

Church clothes. Zombie makeup.

Reformed Egyptian-

Don't worry about the accuracy of the charactersó any random marking will do.

1st Edition of the BoM-

I'll dress up as a book. One side will look like the BoM, the other like Spaulding's Manuscript Found.

Boyd's little factory-

Wear a smoke stack/stove pipe hat of sorts which would periodically open "releasing" a cloud off dry ice smoke.

Moroni-

Wear a loosely fitting toga, paint myself gold and carry a trumpet in one hand. Wander around alone in the front yard carrying some plates.

A Feminist Intellectual Homosexual-

Scarier than Freddy of Friday the 13th fame to Mormons.

Mormon apologists-

Think of the "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" monkeys and you've pretty much got it.

A Lamanite-

Dress however you want. No one seems to know what a Lamanmite really looks like.

An angel with a flaming sword - by Serena

After seeing the nun, monk and priest costumes at the local halloween costume store, why not the temple getup? It's just another religious costume, just sillier.

The angel bit tickled me. Imagine, threats from an angel, but not just any angel, one with a sword; and a flaming one at that. If liars could resist the silly embellishments of their lies, they'd get away with said lies rather easier!

Sidney Rigdon- by - Straight&NarrowPath

Dress in conservative Campbellite dress. In between seizures and slobbering fits, preach fiery sermons about a "war of extermination" on those who oppose the church, especially the ex-mo's who are the salt that have lost their savor. Then get into a big fight with the guy in the Joseph Smith costume for hitting on your daughter Nancy.

John C. Bennett-

Go around hitting on all the women asking if they want to have sex. When they complain counter back, "Well, Joseph is doing it..."

Willard Chase-

Just keep harassing the guy with the "rock in the hat costume" saying you want your rock back.

Joseph Fielding Smith (b. January 1899 Ė d. August 1964, gay presiding patriarch) -

Just go around confessing your sins about being a gay, but bear your testimony often of President George A. Smith, the profit that was inspired to call you to be the presiding patriarch.

Hubby's friend from work & roomie went as mishies last year. - by can't log in here

They went to downtown Dallas on Halloween dressed as missionaries - white shirts, black ties/pants/shoes/name tags, bike helmets & carying Books of Mormon. They were bar-hopping and got totally hammered. In the process they won 3 of 4 costume contests. They had way too much fun with it.

I'm thinking I would like to be a Moon Quaker. - by Jerry the Aspousetate

Only because after a few drinks I could "moon" Joseph Smith. No. Forget I said that. Just wipe it out of your mind.

Kolobian - by Tahoe Girl

I'd probably dress as a Kolobian, complete with temple clothes and Kolob Kool-aid.

Brigham Young bellowing - by Don Bagley

I'd like to go as Brigham Young. I'd smoke a pipe and imbibe whiskey. I would brag and proclaim, and try to cop a feel from all the ladies. "Give me your young wife," I would bellow. "The Lord hath filled my loins with desire."

How do Mormons handle Halloween it falls on a Sunday?

10/31/2009 - by southern idaho inactive

Even more than trunk or treat - by snb

Mormons create a weird ritual of the holy families trick or treat on Saturday, and everybody just kind of deals with it. Then, the next day, all of the normal people trick or treat like normal and all of the not so perfect mormons give candy and participate like normal.

It makes a weird diffused divide.

The Holy Ghost actually appears in Sacrament Meetings - by cricket

The presence of the Holy Ghost will obviously be ten fold stronger during the LDS meetings block on Sunday Halloweens. After all, it will be the HG's "speschul" day dedicated only to Him/It/She/They.

Move to the day before - by Poot

Utah will move Trick Or Treat to the day before, Saturday. Nobody will go out Sunday.

This happens every time Halloween falls on a Sunday. The whole state forces EVERYONE to move towards Saturday (this is Utah). If you go out on Sunday, you will be scorned.

No, majority rules in Utah, and Mormonism here rules all.

They will put bite sized Kit Kats and Hershey bars in the sacrament trays. - by monique

The cups will contain hot apple cider with a touch of cinnamon. Everyone will wear his or her costume to church. Cross dressing will be encouraged with the Relief Society president dressing as pimps and the bishops dressing as hoes. He will conduct sacrament meeting in his miniskirt, stilettos, and massive cleavage from his stuffed bra. The deacons will pass the sacrament dressed as Miss America contestants in the bikini competition.

My still technically Mormon dh husband is sitting here in his temple clothes

10/31/2009 - by Gullible's Travel's

As his Halloween outfit and trying to convince me to let him take the kids 'trick or treating' like that, maybe even crashing the local trunk or treat. As hilarious as I think that might be, I am worried about how the few mormons on our street might react in front of my kids and what the long term consiquences may be (kids at school, hate mail, other unwanted attention). So I told him I would put it to a vote on here.

There are 3 opptions:

1. No
2. Yes, but just around the neighborhood.
3. Yes! Neighborhood AND crash the trunk or treat.

I am going to put a picture up on the facebook exmo page, though! Just too funny!

Probably not the best idea - by Tiphanie

FUNNY as all get-out in fantasyland, or MAYBE in an area where there are NO mormons nor mormon sympathizers at all.

But given your situation, no.

Nor would it be good to go around as Joseph Smith with a few polyg wives and their many children haha! >;)

A compromise - by Beth

Compromise is good -- how about just the hat? Or maybe the apron, and he could say he's going as a Mason. ;-) Have fun!

Top 10 Costumes Guaranteed to Get You Thrown Out of the Trunker-Treat

10/31/2006 - by Primus

What better time of year to show off your creative and original spirit then by wearing a unique costume this year to the local ward Trunker-Treat? However if you want to enjoy the donuts and the coffee and not be kicked out, I suggest you avoid these costumes...

10. Bring-um Young - Based on Brigham Young, this costume involves 3 people...a guy dressed as Brigham Young in the Middle and 2 females, one on each arm.

9. Cricket Halfway Gulped by Seagull - What better way to celebrate your pioneer heritage then to have a display of a seagull gorging themselves on a cricket. Sure to make lots of people vomit.

8.Blood Atonement- Come as a headless person. When someone asks what you are, state that you are someone who had their blood atoned. Carry a copy of your lopped off head in one of your arms. Also makes a great costume for Shiz who had his head partially lopped off in BOM by Coriantum.

7. Come in your temple get out. Cap/Sash/Girdle, etc.

6. Woman Keep Silence in the Church - For the Ladies. Stick tape over mouth. You could also place a mans boot on your back showing that you are being stepped on and oppressed.

5. Of More Worth than My Wife - Come as a cow with this sign on it. Or you could do a 'ten cow wife' thing from Johnny Lingo.

4. The Word of Wisdom - Come dressed as coffee or beer or Tobacco with a Large Hammer Smashing it.

3. An Angel With A Flaming Sword - Run around commanding all the men to take extra wives or face your sword of wrath.

2. Jesus Christ on The Cross - Make sure you look as bloody as that guy on Passion of the Christ

1. A Penis or a Boob.

Top Ten Halloween Costume List - Exmo Style

10/13/2006 - by Simeon's Peep Stone

10. Go as a Big Bottle of Consecrated Olive Oil. Nothing says "I'm a Mormon" like having a 32oz. bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil around the house with the word "Consecrated" written across it in big black marker.

9. Go as The Holy Ghost. This one is easier to pull off than you think. All you need is a large white sheet and a pair of scissors. 20-30 holes should do the trick.

8. Go as Shiz or Laban. Either way, you're a headless Israelite living in America. To accesorize, be sure to carry a bottle of wine with you as Laban. For Shiz, go around gasping for air even though your head is already off.

7. Go as a Carthage Mob Member. This is sure to get your bishops attention. Simply paint your face black and carry a musket with you while muttering "Ole Joe's gonna get it".

6. Go as a Lamanite. But Simeon, I'm caucasian. No need to worry, we've got you covered. You can either go as Zelph the White Lamanite or just tell people you've repented and turned whitesome and delightsome.

5. Go as a Handcart Pioneer Zombie. The best part about this costume is that you won't get tired from carrying all that candy while trick or treating. Your handcart will come in handy for transporting your goods. Just be sure not to trick or treat in the snow.

4. Go as Ammon. This is a great option for those kids out there that want to carry a sword. Splash some fake blood all over them, give them a bag of arms and they're good to go. He was so righteous! Good thing he had a steel sword, otherwise chopping off all of those arms would have been tough.

3. Go as President Hinckley. Put on your Sunday best and break out the walking stick. This one is great if you're on a budget. This costume is all about how you carry yourself and what you say. You can only say three phrases through the night when dressed up as the Hinckster: "I don't know" . . . "I don't know" . . . "I don't know".

2. Go as an Ordinance Worker. This costume works on many levels. If you can get your hands on an all white get up and name tag, you'll be on your way. After saying trick or treat be sure to point to the candy and ask,"What is that" . . . "Has it a name" . . ."Will you give it to me".

1. Go as good ole' Joe Smith. There are so many incarnations of this guy that the options are limitless. You can pick from: Leg Surgery Joe, Head in a Hat Joe, Drunken Joe, Treasure Seeking Joe, Prisoner Joe, Nauvoo Legion Joe, Polygamous Joe, Martyrdom Joe, Presidential Nominee Joe, King of the World Joe . . .

Salamander - Story of the Mormon Forgery Murders
(click image to review/purchase book)

The big party was proudly sponsored by the technology company serving as the backbone of the Morg's world wide communication and public relations systems. Lucifer Technologies. This years bash proved to be much more liberated and uninhibited due the majority vote taken by last year's partiers which for "time and all eternity" excluded that still-small pesky member of the Godhead. No Holy Ghost.

Matrix gooks Anyone not in compliance with the standards, rules, policies, guidelines, directive and instructions of this party was immediately under the power of the Strengthening the Members Committee, the Brethren in Black and Darth Packer.

LDS Pumpkin Patterns
Jackolantern-Mormons
- www.pumpkinglow.com/LDSbook.htm - Be Peculiar this Halloween Carve what you feel, display what you believe.
Entertainment was provided by the new and everlasting Mormon gero-pop rock-o-salvation group "The Standards" performing their squash smashing hit, "Gourdhead B Hinckley - Punkinhead Prophet".

Highlights of the spook alley and party were broadcast to LDS Stake Centers around the world by The Three Witness News team. LDS parents are commanded to gather at their meeting houses at Halloween for "Trunk or Treat" where kids go from car trunk to car trunk in the parking lot rather than act like normal people in communities going door to door among their neighbors.

Dallin Cloaks (Phantom of the Tabernacle) and Sheri Dew (Bride of Elder Frankenstein) co-hosted the Brethren's Bash. Cloaks is a lawyer and apostle who specializes in "lying for the Lord" while Dew currently swerves as the CEO of Desperate Books. Dew previous swerved as 2nd Counselor in the General Disbelief Society Presidency.

The night's especially chosen guest list numbering 144,000 was nothing less than the "Who's Who of the Zion Curtain."

Sailing his way to the party aboard his luxurious yacht on the Great Salt Lake, the prophet unwittingly attracted a flock of the Utah State birds after they mistook his squeeky laughter as the mating call of the Mormon Cricket.
After changing out of his poop stained suit into a lighter colored suit that doesn't show the seagull droppings so much President Hinckley brought the party to a stand still while striking an "Alfred Hitchcock and the Birds" pose.

President Spencer Yoda Kimball - Getting "hie" unto Kolob offered his newly discovered "toke"-ens to all. He desires all to receive them. Please arise.

Mormon Zombies were awakening and arising at the midnight hour. Their chorus was "I will drink to that through the veil. Sell my tokens? Hell, I'll give them away!"

KSL-TV joined forces with FOX-TV in the creation of a new "un-reality" show "The Kolob Zone. Ratings skyrocketed Monday evenings in Utah but tanked otherwise. The show was excommunicated cancelled and replaced by General Conference Re-Runs.

Count Dracula's response when first informed of the Mormon practice of Blood Atonement by Elder Jack Kervorkian. (Belly Laugh) "When will the Brethren send sister missionaries to the Transylvania Mission?"

Elder Jack Kevorkian stopped by on his way to a special Young Men and Young Women's fireside in the BYU Marryalot Center. His topic was to be "Youth In Asia" - How missionaries can introduce the doctrine of blood atonement in China. Elder Kevorkian was bragging about how his talk "The Resurrection - Get In Line Now!" at General Conference was such a hit.

The pre-dusk warm up party commenced at the famous Gilgal Gardens in Salt Lake City directly in front of that sacred monument to that prophet of yore who practiced magic regularly. It looked like all that Reformed Egyptian finally got to him.

As momentum gathered and the "light mindedness and loud laughter" reached unsafe decible levels the party entered a secret passage way to the Salt Lake Temple underneath the tomb of still another famous Mormon prophet.

While in the tunnel to the Temple of Gloom guests passed through The Jaws of Hell, the worlds most vile and "soul snatching" spook alley. They were forced to view or participate in the following gloriously gruesome exhibits.

LDS Church spokesman and tour guide Don Lefemme reveals his secret for double speaking and lying for the Lord.

Many partiers were unaware of Nibley's recent demise. Several people fainted when Nibley actually started rambling on about The Pearl of Great Price as they passed by his coffin. Display courtesy of FARMS at BYU

As the clock struck midnight Boyd Packer waxed eloquent in his debut role as "Acting" president of Quorum of the Twelve Apoopholes. People were just blown away by the power of his testimonkey.
One faithful Packerite's bosom burned so brightly that she secumbed to a fatal case of "spontaneous combustion". Tragically, her temple garments only protect from burns, bullets and motor vehicle accidents from the "outside in" rather than the "inside out."

Thanks to Spencer Kimball, trick-or-treaters of all colors and cursed backgrounds may enter through the haunted veil.

President Monson showed off his sword of Ammon skills by smiting off the arms of Temple Square protester, Ed Decker. Decker repented so Monson organized the local Deacons to mow Decker's lawn and paint his house. Monson personally went the extra mile by planting a small vegetable garden in Ed's back yard. Sister Monson sewed quilts for Ed's 15 children because Mrs. Decker recently died of jaundice after her fifth liver transplant failed.

President Monson will share more details of this bosom burning story the next General Conference.

Elder Frank N. Stein recovers after passing out during his first "Washing and Annointing" experience in the local LDS McTemple. A over-friendly temple worker had inadvertently annointed more than his loins and sinews with desecrated olive oil.

Trick-or-treaters where shocked when they peeked at the mummified and petrified priesthood organ of Joseph Smith by which standard all current General Authorities are measured.


This temple worker suffered a near terminal attack of "The Gift of Tongues" after speaking for a week non-stop in Re-formed Egyptian. This most traumatic event seemed to be triggered after a special session in the Provo Temple for FARMS staff who went into rapture when Hugh Nibley assisted all of them at the veil upon the five mute-points of fellowship.

Once inside The Temple of Doom the newest and yet to be released "Temple Endowment Movie" was screened for the party goers.

Any party goers not still in shock were presented at the veil, ushered into the Holy of Groly's to witness Gordon B Wrinkly perform his prophetic duties by use of his urim and thummum to predict which piece of down town real estate to purchase next.

Elder Packer's invitations to non-Mormons to join him in the temple hot tub sitting atop twelve oxen met with resistance. Party people suspected Packer's veiled ploy to baptize them for the dead.

We were also cursed with the exceedingly sore curse of obedience to the Church Administration Building gargoyles.

Elder Packer was anxious to administer the washing and annointing to lovely young couple.

Every day is Halloween around Temple Square. Inside the temple they dress up like the Pillsbury Doe Boy.

As we made our escape from the Temple of Gloom the Friendly First Presidency greeted all warmly with a typical proclamation, warning and threat.

Spooky Quotes From The Brethren Overheard at the Party

The Salamanders observed that individually the Brethren do not speak spontaneously but rather only quote scriptures or past
General Authorities with whom they currently agree with to each other. Many seemed lost and suffering vertigo without their teleprompters in front of them.

Giving endowments to a great many proves their overthrow, through revealing things to them which they cannot keep. They are not worthy to receive them. Brother Heber takes the lead in giving endowments, and you may ask, "Why do you give such folks their endowments?" To qualify them to be devils, if they wish to be. The plan of salvation is calculated to make devils as well as Saints; for by and by we shall need some to serve as devils; and it takes almost as much knowledge to make a complete devil as it does to fit a man to go into the Celestial Kingdom of God, and become an heir to His kingdom. We want to complete the education of a number of such fellows;" (JD Vol.4, p.372, Brigham Young, June 28, 1857)

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Brother [Jedediah] Grant's body which lies here is useless, is good for nothing until it is resurrected, and merely needs a place in which to rest; his spirit has not fled beyond the sun. There are millions and millions of spirits in these valleys, both good and evil. We are surrounded with more evil spirits than good ones, because more wicked than good men have died here; for instance, thousands and thousands of wicked Lamanites have laid their bodies in these valleys. The spirits of the just and the unjust are here. J.D. 4:133; December 4, 1856; Salt Lake Tabernacle; Pres. Brigham Young.

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The atmosphere of many parts of these mountains is doubtless the abode of the spirits of Gadianton robbers, whose spirits are as wicked as hell, and who would kill Jesus Christ if they had the power. J.D. 11:84; February 19, 1865, Sunday; Centerville, Utah; Heber C. Kimball.

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The spirits of the ancient Gadiantons are around us. You may see battlefield after battlefield, scattered over this American continent where the wicked have slain the wicked. J.D. 12:128; December 29, 1867; Salt Lake Tabernacle; Pres. Brigham Young.

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Upon one occasion President Brigham Young was in the Tabernacle at St. George and was speaking on the spirit world. He stated that it was not far from us and if the veil could be taken from our eyes there wouldn't be either a man, woman or child who would dare go out of "this tabernacle as the spirits of the Gadianton robbers were so thick out there. This is where they lived, in these mountains", said he. Temples of the Most High, p. 81; 1962 ed., 13th printing; Heber Jarvis.

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My annual Halloween horror story

10/31/2008 - by Harbinger

My mom was sooooo determined to convert everyone in town by making us out as a shining example of happy mormon-dom. She was particularly interested in impressing local doctors, lawyers, and councilmen.

Every Halloween, she took us trick-or-treating at the homes of people on her "to impress" list and sent us to the door while she stayed in the car.

We had to sing "I Am a Child of God" before we could accept any candy. Sometimes we had to sing more than one verse, and on a couple occasions, we had to bear our little school-age testimonies. We were supposed to make it look like this was our own spontaneous idea, as if mormon kids just couldn't help bursting into song and testimony.

Then we had to go to school the next day and face all the kids whose parents' we had been made to preach to. Oh, the utter humiliation!!

Haunted House of the Lord

11/24/2006 - by Sage

Some time ago I attended a fireside that featured a temple worker. I became fascinated with his talk because he spoke of spirits being present in the temple, and not just a few. He told a number of stories about spirits making their presence known in the temple. He said the spirits of deceased individuals who are having their work done are invited to attend at the time of the ordinances and many do. After thinking about this an idea hit me. Letís have a Halloween party at the temple. The flyer could include the following:

Official Halloween Party

Place: Temple of your choice Date: October 31, 2007 Time: Every half hour throughout the day. You are asked to attend as many times as possible

Costumes: You choose the costume. If you donít have one, a green and white one will be provided. Those dressed as vampires will be able to officiate in the blood atonement ritual. First timers will be provided with a temporary ghost costume with slits up the sides. No underwear is to be worn under these.

Activities: Blood Atonement, spiritual wife swapping (you might not go home with the one you came with), bobbing for apples in the font, naked touching (for first timers).

Age: Females must be at least 14 to participate in the spiritual wife swapping.

Who may attend: Everyone is invited. Donít worry if you donít have a partner. Men can take home more than one wife.

Refreshments: Served in the cafeteria

Admission: 1 recommend per person or 10% of your gross at the door.

Use Temple Clothes as Halloween Costume

10/06/2005 - by Phil L

Give your temple clothes to your kids to use as a Halloween costume - LOL!

>Knock, Knock - TRICK OR TREAT?

Hello, what are you young kid?

I'm a temple worker - can I shake your hand?

>What is that?

The first token of lies and deception.

Has it a name?

Yes.

can you give it to me?

Seer stones in hat; Book of breathings on Payrus; Stolen Masonry ceremonies and symbols; Blood-atonement and ADAM-GOD theory; Wives unlimited in Celestial Kingdom. (any others???)

You may enter the candy bowl and get your celestial candy.

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Comments Section

Halloween Costumes in the Temple

My TBM mom is a temple worker. She spends all-day Friday and Saturday dressed up in a silly costume, wasting her time, going through the motions of some made-up silly religion.

I called her this morning on my way to work and was telling her about the costume party at my office today and lightheartedly asked her if she would be wearing a costume to the temple today (LOL) and she immediately got on the defensive and said “No costumes in the temple”….!

I had to quickly hang-up because I thought it was so ironic and funny because “wearing a costume” is what is done in the temple… - 10/29/2010 - by rgg

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you hurt us our dear prophets through out the times have never been so mistreated. i hope you will finally understand when you stand at his feet again - you are on crack - 10/03/2010 - anon

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I just love Halloween! I still dress up every year, even if it's just to pass out candy. DH and I will be sitting in the road (cul-de-sac) with our neighbors/friends and there will be loud laughter and a maybe a little drinking as we pass out candy to little goblins. And I'm SO glad that not one Mormon lives in my neighborhood! :-) - 10/31/2009 - Kirsten

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Re: Spooky GA quotes for Halloween

The next-to-last quote (by Brig Young, in 1867) is just a decade after Brig Young's MMM ordeal. And, if there ever were a man whose heart was to "kill and get gain", it was Old Briggy.

Brig Young, himself, was a murderous Gadianton: because it is the nature of such to swear all his followers to an oath never to reveal who was culpable, in the MMM affair.

And, so, Briggy, the Pig, meets all of the criteria for a "stinking, murderous Gandianton robber (and murderer)", himself. - 10/31/2009 - Sppokr

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I don't know how I got to your site, but I won't return. It's pathetic, distasteful, and irreverent. You have gone out of your way to be disgusting and will eventually pay for your evil deads. - 10/31/2009 - anon

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Funny stuff. I gotta agree that the exploded face was over the top. Uggggh. But overall your lampoons were a riot. - Don Bagley

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Tell me what is sacred and special to you so that I might drag it all through the mud! Ahem...your mother. - 10/30/2009 - anonypuss

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Regarding ward "trunk 'n treat" activities that exmo Primus with the TBM (True Believing Mormon) wife does not want to attend he speculates about a costume he could wear:

I could put on a black shirt, some pens in my pocket, some sandals with white socks and a lab coat and go around with a clipboard.

When people ask who I am supposed to be, I can respond by saying...

A so-called intellectual. - 10/30/2008 - Primus

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This is hilarious. Tell mormons what is sacred and special so they can drag it through the mud? They already have and continue to in their continuous perversion of Christianity. Horny Joe Smith started it, and we're having a great time finishing it! - 12/15/2008 - Karen

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You all will be going to hell - 10/10/2008 - anon

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love the whole site, but the picture of the guy with the exploded face is horrid. Please, please, please get a warning on the page for those of us who weren't expecting that. More nudity is fine though ;)--- Kristoffer - 11/16/2007 - Kristoffer

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This is the most horrible website I have ever come a crossed... You guys do not understand one thing about the Mormon church and it is very wrong of you jerks to deceive people about the only true church upon the earth today. I just have one more thing to say to you...GET A LIFE! and stop making fun of other peoples! - 10/21/2007 - S

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I can't belive this. I recently heard these Mormon authorities speak and they spoke of nothing but topics about how to improve all of our lives. To mock these men who teach the Mormon community how to be better people is absolutely terrible. If these men were half as bad as this website portrays them to be, why don't they put together websites like this that mock other individuals? I personally have heard only good teachings from these great men. This mockery is disgusting and not of God. Does anybody here think that Christ would put together a website like this? - 10/09/2007 - DL

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Wish more people could stumble on your site,have a kid wrapped up in this crap - 10/01/2007 - No Name not religious - Maude Isle

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Tell me what is sacred and special to you so that I might drag it all through the mud! - 10/01/2007 - anon

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I really enjoyed this until I got to the photo of 'Shiz'. I don't think it is appropriate to use a fundamental islamic terrorist propaganda shot of a bound tortured and decapitated hostage in this context. Without this photo, it would be great. - 10/01/2007 - ummm

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OMG! this is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I am a non-Mormon from Vancouver, Canada who just got fired from Franklin Covey (the ultimate LDS corporate cult). Reading your website has been so cathartic. Would love to connect with others who have been fired from Franklin Covey for rattling the status quo. - 09/30/2007 - Claudette

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That was the best dose of "extremely irreverent"! Still laughing. - 11/02/2000 - anon

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Excellent coverage of this histhorric event by the world-famous Salamander team! I am jealous I was not invited. I spent Halloween night passing out boxes of green Jello to the neighborhood little morglettes. - 11/02/2000 - Jerry the Aspousetate

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OMG!!!! that made my day... you are the funniest Person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I almost peed my pants!

Thanks for making a shitty day better. - B - 11/01/2000

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absolutely hilarious!! - Jan - 11-01-2000

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OMG!!!!!that was THE BEST. I bookmarked that to show my daughter!!!!I ahve been out of the church for a few months & you just gave me the first laugh I have had in a long time!!!!!!.......ladyspirit_guide - Cathy - 11/01/2000

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