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Flashing my doctor by Christy219
This got me thinking about an embarrassing moment I had with garments.
I had an appointment with a dermatologist to get a head to toe body scan for suspicious moles, etc. The doctor instructed me to take off all my clothes and put on a gown, but to leave my underwear on.
That left me in a quandry. I had my g's on, and it was one of those rare occasions that I didn't also have on regular underwear underneath. I was *petrified* of the idea of letting the doctor see my granny panties. So instead of leaving my g's on, I took 'em completely off and went totally nude under the sheet.
During the exam, the Dr. thought I had on underwear so at one point he tosses the lower part of the gown off my body. He visibly reacted when he saw me completely naked, because he wasn't expecting it and had given no thought to any sense of modesty.
My face turned a thousand shades of red, but I said nothing. I mean, what could I say? Sorry, but I forgot underwear today??
Trapped in sub-zero by Longtooth
Years ago before the advent of two piece garments my wife and kids moved back to our home town after living for a number of years out of state. We stayed temporarily with her parents while we purchased a home to live in.
My MIL was a very reserved and dignified lady; however I found out that she had a very active sense of humor. Back in those days women darned socks patched levis and mended anything with a hole in it. My MIL mended a pair of my garments and apparently decided it would be funny to sew the flap on the front of them shut. It was winter time and below zero degree temperatures.
I was working out of doors in a remote area with no rest room facilities available. If you had to go to the toilet you found a bush or got behind a piece of equipment or simply turned your back to the other crew members. It was so cold I had to wear insulated coveralls over regular cloths plus a heavy coat. You can imagined my frustration when I had to pee and tried to find myself through all those layers of cloths only to discover when I finally got down to my garments there was no opening in the front. I thought my fellow workers were going to die laughing watching me take all of my cloths off in sub-zero weather as I danced around trying to keep from wetting my pants.
She claimed she didn’t sew the front shut on purpose but because of the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye I was sure she did.
Rear end view - by Jim Huston
I had a woman working for me in Utah years ago. She came out of the bathroom with her dress inside her garments in the back. I really did not know what to do. She was wearing the tacky see-through mesh things.
She wandered around the offices for a half hour like that. What does a guy do in a situation like this?
Oops, those are mine - by The Ghost of John Ferrier
I was a convert to TSCC (The So Called Church - Mormon Church) and hated those things from the first moment I put them on! They pulled out hair, stuck to my skin, wedged up - you all know.
Anyway, I was working in a professional office outside the Mormon Corridor so people knew little or nothing of magic undies. I had worn a pair of pants one day and decided to wear them again the next (cash was tight and we were paying tithing after all). Apparently I must have taken off my garmies the next morning while getting ready and placed them on top of the pants. I must have been in a hurry and put on new garmies, got dressed, and didn't notice the crumpled up garmie bottoms now in a pant leg. I drove to work and walked to my desk without noticing that the garmies fell out of the pant leg and were on the floor at the entrance of the office. I was sitting at my office while a co-worked walked in, picked it up, and said, "What the hell are these?!" I was frozen for a moment wondering if I should say they belonged to me, pretend that they didn't or do something. Anything! I snapped out of it and ran over to the guy holding these weird things and grabbed them out of his hands. Everyone in the office saw the guy holding them up and me grabbing them. God, I was embarrassed. My co-workers could see that I was upset over whatever those things were so didn't ask any questions until later in the day. All I could say then was that they were "sacred" and I couldn't go into it further. The rest of the day I was left alone but knew there was a lot of water cooler talk that day and for a weeks to come.
Fortunately I was transferred to another department and as far as I know the weird "sacred underwear" story didn't follow me. This still makes me cringe to this day. Ugh.
Legal Descriptions - by bookworm
I worked for a law firm right out of college. One day I was wearing a skirt and I was reaching above my head for a box. When I turned around I caught one of my co-workers looking at me funny. she asked me if I was wearing my husband's underwear because she could see them when my skirt slipped up above my knees.
I just replied "Uh yeah, I haven't done laundry in a while." A few years later, this firm represented my mom in her very nasty divorce from my dad. My dad accused my mom of walking around in her underwear in front of the kids. My mom had to describe her underwear in court. I sat in the back of the court room horrified by the whole thing.
My co-worker remembered my "no clean laundry story" and asked me afterwards. "So you wear those long underwear too? So those weren't your husband's underwear." It was humiliating for both me and especially my mom.
Hotel Incident by Longtooth
A friend of mine while staying at a large hotel decided to quickly step out of his room for a bucket of ice in just his garments. The ice machine was just a few feet from his door and it was the middle of the night and no one in sight. It would take less than five seconds to grab the ice. He didn’t take into account the possibility of the door swinging shut leaving him locked out of his room; which it did. He took the tops off placed them around his shoulders like a towel and went down to the lobby and told them he forgot his key when he went out jogging. I can only imagine what the front desk clerk thought of a pale, pot bellied, middle aged man with no shoes on and with only garment bottoms in the middle of the night telling him a story like that.
Back when I was exed, I followed the instructions they gave me. - by Doug
The official excommunication instructions said that you could continue to wear the garments, but you had to cut the marks out. So, I got the scissors out, cut the marks out and started wearing them to the Sportsmall in SLC whenever I'd play racquetball with one of my especially righteous buddies.
Obviously, I'm kind of irreverent, and I enjoyed showing them the foolishness of their own church practices. The garms are especially heinous with the marks cut out, although, maybe there could be a new film called exmormon women gone wild.
The one-piece did. I didn't want to raise my hand in class at BYU, or reach for anything on a top shelf.
The two piece couldn't possibly cause a wedgie, unless my crotch were by my knees. It was really fun to stuff all of that into pantie hose. Why do you suppose there are such long lines at the ladies' restrooms in Utah? When I wore pants, I'd pull the garment waist up under my ribs. 24/7 discomfort, just like the cult.
Garments from what I remember are the most hideous thing you can shove up your behind place. They're designed so that the seam from the bosom area always rides up across the nipple (yes, i said it!!). The seams are sewn with a nylon thread that works like a little razor slicing and irritating this very sensitive area (much like the tip of your little factory). The bottoms fit like a pair of uncomfortable thin cheap pants and they ride up where they're not supposed to go and the elastic is so crappy that when they're not riding up, they're falling down.
I don't know if this is too graphic but for a lady on her cycle, these things are the worst. The pad ends up swashing around like a dryer sheet and before you know it, it's down your leg and into your sock, making for some very embarassing moments. The fabric that they make these contraptions out of is so flimsy that it just bunches up under everything so no matter what you wear, there's this clump and lines. No wonder so many Molly's wear frumpy dresses and sweats to cover up the bunched garments.
If you have ever worn the modern ones you should appreciate the distance these have come. When I first got married they came in a one piece get up with a wide neck so you could step into them. The back had a split crotch (not the kind in kinky panties) but this huge wide sloppy split that would separate under your clothes, leaving a draft in your nether region much of the time. The little panel they sew into the ladies special part was so poorly designed that it would roll and twist till you felt like you were skewered by a roll of old toilet paper. The split was apparantly so you could spread the back to do your dirty business but I'd also been instructed that the garments must be left on during sex and that the man would then open them just enough to get his stuff in place, and then with enough friction, it would all be over in a matter of seconds. For devout Mormon men this is apparantly the norm.
I can't tell you how many times i've seen people wearing these hideous things waaaaay past their prime. Perhaps because they believe they're HOLY underwear, they must wear them until it's a reality. THey become so thin and ragged and nasty that I can't imagine using them to clean the toilet, let alone wear against my skin. I've seen people wearing them with yellow & brown stains,skid marks, ragged seams, greyed coloring, etc. and still they don't throw them out. Even then, I've known some who consider it a travesty to throw them in the garbage where some hobo or homeless person might come across them, so they store their old garments in a box in the garage for years. WHO MAKES THIS CRAP UP????
For the past eight years I've been buying Victoria's Secret all cotton underwear. I'll tell you, there's nothing like natural fibers, a perfect fit, and good elastic next to the skin. If there's anything riding up now or causing excessive nipple irritation it's usually my husband. I don't mind wearing him nice and close.
This is a little story of my first experience back in about 1963, following the proper care of used garments,otherwise known as: "How I nearly set BYU housing on fire."
We were all taught in the temple, as I recall when first learning about the garments and their care, that the "sacred markings" were to be cut out and burned and then they were just ordinary cloth and could be used as rags, etc. The Mormons were very frugal.
I had been a member a little over a year, married in the Logan temple and living at BYU in Wymount Married Student Housing when I noticed that my BIC hubby had old garments left over from his mission a few years back that were in terrible shape.
So, trying to do things "right" I decided to ask a neighbor-Molly Mormon how she disposed of the markings. She told me she cut them out and put them in a soup can and lit them on fire then threw away the ashes. Oh, great, I though, I can do that. No problem. Or so I thought.
So, after hubby left for classes, I got busy. I carefully cut out the markings of hubby's one piece cotton garments , some had the buttons up the front for ...err...ahh..well, you know.
I put a couple dozen of those snippets in a washed out soup can, and not wanting to draw attention, I decided not to go outside on our third floor balcony and light them on fire, so I put the can on our kitchen table, and lit the pieces on fire.
But, something went very wrong very fast and the flame got too high and the can became too hot to pick it up, so I threw water on it to put the fire out!I Then, opened all the doors and windows and tried to fan out the smoke. Oh my gosh! .I had nearly set our apt. in BYU housing on fire!
When hubby came home from classes at BYU, he noticed the ring on the table we had refinished before we got married and hauled to Utah from Oregon a few months earlier. I didn't want to admit, exactly, what happened, I just told him that I put something hot on it by mistake! He never did know what I had done! I was not about to tell him either. After all, I was a new convert, and how did I know things would go so bad trying to be righteous!
From then on, I flushed the cut out marks of the old garments down the toilet and we had a whole new set of rags! The ,men's cotton garments made excellent rags! I never could figure out what difference it made whether they had the markings in them or not - a rag was a rag!
Looking back, it appears that flushing the sacred markings down the toilet was symbolic of what was to come. The whole Mormon thing went down the "toilet" so to speak, eventually!
This toilet flushing technique continued for years, until I walked out of a temple in the mid 90's and took those silly things off for the last time. I had been controlled by underwear long enough!
I contemplated what to do with them for some time. Initially, I kept them in a dresser drawer, then I wanted them out of sight, so I put them in a large plastic grocery bag in the back of my clothes close until I decided that I never wanted to look at them again.
Then one day, a few years later, when I knew I was done with Mormonism and what those garments represented, (that was an arduous process!) I threw that big bag over my shoulder like Santa Clause, trouped out to the trash cans and threw the whole bag in one of them. Then I added household trash: nasty, dirty, smelly trash on top. Again, that was symbolic of how I viewed Mormonism !
Then I walked back into the house with a huge smile on my face, snickering under my breath as I thought about their route into the big trash truck,where they were crushed up with the rest of the dirty stinking trash, then dumped into the local landfill! Just thinking about it would keep me snickering for days! I had often watched, and heard those trucks, loudly crunching and compact the trash in front of my house.
Ahh..what a wonderful feeling! I had just rid my closet, and my life of any signs of the God of regulation underwear! First the sacred markings went in the toilet (fortunately, they were very tiny, I flushed often and they never clogged up the lines!) Then they went into a garbage can, a trash truck and a land fill. Perfect!
Before I got married:
The first ones ordered and sized by my relief society president at the time, in 1962, were nylon and were one size too small and I was stuck with them in Utah in 100 degree heat which I was not used to. We were on a very limited budget and I had to wait until I could make more money to buy more!
Those were the days when the unwritten understood rule was they were not to be taken off for much of anything, and they were to be worn for sex. They even made men's button-up and zip up garments in those days.
I saw a very large breasted woman at the distribution counter selling the garments and asked how she got the tops to fit and she said she "squished," meaning, of course, that the garment did not fit so she had to stuff her breasts in the top and into a bra.
Later:
The two piece garments were not made until the late 70's so the women were stuck with the one piece with the flap. Those were also the days of sanitary belts and sanitary napkins. Many Mormon women I knew would never even consider using a Tampon in those days!
When I wrote to complain about the sizing and the fit I got a letter from the man who ran Beehive Clothing that made it clear that they could not accommodate every one so they made just standard sizes. I wish I still had that letter. It was typical of the attitude the idea of the cookie cutter Mormon.
I tried to get the panty to fit snugly just like a regular panty, and they would never come to the knee. Also, some fabrics were better than others for fit The Bemberg-Rayon was the best.
Temple garments did not come in many sizes. Only a couple in each one -- nothing like what you can get in the regular stores. If you are a "junior" or a "woman's" size, they probably won't fit well.
If you wear a D cup or larger bra, the garment is wider, but the seam still hits the woman in the middle of her breasts -- very uncomfortable.
My
I am amazed at men who answer the door in their garment tops and pants on! Or run around outside in the yard like that! We were always told to wear them UNDER your clothing, they were NOT outer clothing! It would be the same thing as a woman going outside in her bra to answer the door, mow the lawn, etc.
I have been in homes were people run around just in the garments in front of the children. I always thought that was weird! If they are so sacred and so holy, and not to be seen, put something on top of them!
I never could understand the mind set of some of the women I knew that thought the garments were the greatest things since sliced bread. I talked to one woman who had 150 pair of them. She bought several pair every fabric, and style they had. She said she loved to get out of the bath and put on a fresh pair!
Many of you know that the temple garments were sold over the counter in Penny's in Utah and Idaho before the distribution centers opened. It was not uncommon for non-temple goers to buy them, especially the long white mens union suits as they were excellent for winter underwear.
We had a elderly aunt (born in about 1860) who never took her garments off completely, even to bathe. She also never allowed anyone to work on her farm without a shirt on. Garments were never seen, clothing was always worn over them, and nakedness was unacceptable, even a small child was not allowed to get out of the bath and run around nude. That was Mormonism in Idaho!
His and Hers Garments Mix Up
When I think back to the goofy things that happened in the temple, the single event that stands out is the time an elderly lady with our group went to the temple (we had to travel about two hours) with her matching temple suitcase (with all the temple garb in there - remember those?)after her elderly husband died and realized when she got to the lockers....
She had his suitcase! So, she put on his one piece garmies with the fly, got dressed in her clothes and carried the robes and apron in the packet. Someone got her a veil. Then she cracked us up again, when she wondered ...if...they buried him in her garments!
Well, of course they didn't, because they have special open backed burial garments, but it was the one time that I went through the temple smiling an stifling a chuckle!
We laughed for years at the visual of her short, squatty, square body in her deceased, very tall, large husband's one piece garments! A couple of us would look at each other and say remember ____ (her name) and crack up!
Garments and nakedness
This is such a major part of Mormonism, that I can't get past it's power over the members.
I guess I never did quite "get it' that the undies (Holy Garment of the Priesthood- women wear that priesthood garment, but cannot officiate), were so special and sacred and that people lived in fear of not wearing them. Just never occurred to me as a convert.
I was raised in the days of wearing an undershirt and panties under your clothes, growing up in the 40's and taught by women in my family that your underwear should be as nice as your outer wear. A well dressed woman had at least white underwear and a set of black underwear for dark outer clothes. . But nobody ever considered that daytime underwear was to be worn at night. Pajamas or nighties were made for that pupose. Panties maybe, with nighties, but nothing else was added.
Getting used to the temple undies was no easy feat for me. First of all, the RS pres in the early 60's who ordered mine for me, ordered them in nylon, in a size too small when we were moving to Utah. Note: the two piece garments didn't come out until about 1977. What was she thinking? She thought because we were students, the nylon would wear better!That was horrible. I finally got up enough money to get the Bemberg Rayon fabric which was at least, somewhat comfortable.
BUT.... never could wear the damn things at night. Even if I went to bed with them on, I would wake up in the morning and find them under the pillow or on the floor. Finally I gave up.
I even told the bishop and stake presy in temple recommend interviews that I couldn't wear them at night and they never said a word about it.
I am amazed at what I told these ecclesiastical leaders. Religious power, the minister syndrome was drilled into me from my background so I came by it naturally -- many generations of ministers in my family and lots of personal experience with the local minister growing up solidified my respect for them.
I didn't mind wearing the undies in the daytime, when, many years later, I finally got the specials dept to make ones that fit and didn't irritate my skin. They were made with no lace, which stopped the skin irritation and itching, a real cap sleeve and seams under my breasts. I have sensitive skin so wearing the bra over them was no problem and protected my skin from chaffing. I bought nursing garments, nursing bras, which were worn next to the skin, obviously. The garments were acceptable attire for my new adopted culture and socially acceptable. So, I adjusted.
But, on the whole, I am flabbergasted at the level of fear people have about taking them off. Especially what I have observed in the older generations -- men and women now deceased or in their 70's and up.
They only wear the normal, regular undies (or "gentile" skivvies!!-nobody but a Mormon understands that odd use of that word!) when going to the doctor, or when swimming, taking therapy, and other kinds of events.
I have told the story before, but it bears repeating. This is a different kind of Mormon - one I never met before, but was, apparently quite common in the little Idaho farm areas of my adopted Mormon culture.
I married into a Mormon family and we often stayed with an elderly aunt (born in about 1890) that had Mormon heritage back to Nauvoo (now deceased, of course). Her home (she was a widow) was our over-night stop, traveling to and from BYU to Oregon back in the 60's.
I will never forget how she chastised me on evening, because our 16 month old little boy came out of her bathroom and lost his towel on the way to the couch to be dressed in his night wear. It had no idea that it was a huge sin to be naked. Not acceptable in her home. I was aghast. He is a 'baby" I said. Didn't matter. NO NAKEDNESS in her home.
I later found out that she never took the whole garment off even to bathe. I don't know exactly how she did it, but apparently, she used the bathtub, and took half the garment off, bathed half her body, put on half of the new garment, removed the dirty one, and so on. Those were the days of the full garment, and the one piece garment.
These are the kind of Mormons who insisted that the garment be worn 100% of the time, no matter how hot it is, or where they are - day and night, (different ones for nighttime)-they are worn like another skin. Always.
We thanks Jesus Christ for Creating cotton plants. It is used to make clothes.
It is comfortable wearing cotton garments
Elder Ganesh and brother Uday are deaf and dumb. We are in India. We have a business
of garments. We have different size but only for men.
We live in India. We joined the Church of Jesus Chirst Latter-day Saints Church.
We started working in the garment business for men only. We have different size
but only for men. The white shirt 100% cotton pure quality. It is a good and comfortable.
We make garments of export quality. The white shirt are low priced dollar 34.99
$ plus get four things free worth costly dollar 42 $ as brief, tie, handicraft and
courier. Please be happy and enjoy.
We believe Jesus Christ. He created the plants on the earth. The plants make the
natural pure 100% cotton white shirt. It is cool on your body. It is very comfortable
and is the best. It is of good quality.
Joseph Smith transalated the Book of Mormon about garment. Please the Latter-day
Saint people wear the white shirt respect to God . They like pure angel verse D
& C 20:6 but after repenting and humbling himself sincerely. Through faith
God ministered unto him by an holy angel, whose garments were pure and white above
all other whiteness.
We thanks Jesus Christ always created good cotton. We believe god. We know the Book
of Mormon is true. We believe Joseph Smith was prophet of God. We know president
B. Hinckley living prophet of God.
We are sell garments.
Pure white cotton 100 % shirt priced $ 34.99.
get free tie, brief, and handicraft free and courier free.
Payment only through DD in Favour of Ganesh M.C
address: # 124/D, III rd Main Road, III rd Stage, III rd block, basaveswara nagar.
Bangalore 560079, Karnataka - India
About us garments is dedicated to your total satisfication. If you have any suggestions
or comments please email us at mormonshirt@yahoo.co.in
Sincere your brother, Ganesh
P.S. Ghandi look good in garment.
I am looking for a parody song about the infamous garment feel up that I can sing to myself
while my True Believing Mormon wife isn't listen very closely.
What brought this on is a visit from some in-laws this past week. I was wearing an old, thin T-shirt that made it very obvious I wasn't wearing the regulation underwear. My brother-in-law is a bishop and I guess he couldn't stand it.
This is a man who in the 15+ years I've known him has never touched me other than to shake hands. Standing next to me he gently laid his hand on my shoulder while mumbling something about me being "a good man". It was awkward as hell but I thought it best to just ignore his underwear explorations as he rubbed back an forth a couple of times.
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Your wish is my command: "Put your hand on my shoulder" by Tyson Dunn
Put your hand on my shoulder
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She Felt Thigh (to the tune of "She's So High" by Tal Bachman) by Stray Mutt
She's from BYU
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The Garmie Rub (tune "Ma, He's Making Eyes at Me" - an oldy from the 40's) by kg68
Hey, the Bish is being nice to me,
Hey, he wants to fondle me,
Hey, he's being nice to me,
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Misty by BrerRabbit
Look at me.
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Garmy, Garmy (tune: "Mony, Mony") by Billy Idolater
Here she comes now sayin' Garmy, Garmy
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Exit Interview Song (Tune: "If You Leave by OMB" - created by Tyson Dunn
If you leave, don't leave now
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Put your hand on my shoulder, feel around (Tune: Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel) - by Pretty in Pink
Put your hand on my shoulder…feel around
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Happened to my True Believing Mormon brother at BYU - by Elizabeth
So, my brother was at BYU dancing with a girl. She was feeling his arm (searching for garments) and asking what material his "shirt" was made of. (It was a silky type of shirt). He responded "cotton-poly." I wish I could have been there to see her reaction! It was obvious he knew what she was searching for.
Anyway, it stinks when people feel it their business to see what type of underwear you are wearing. I figure, in or out of the church, it's between you and God. I hate nosey people!
April 16, 1842 - Emma Smith, tired of her husband's philandering, creates the one-piece garment.
April 17, 1842 - Before a date with Eliza Snow, Joseph Smith invents "crotch slit" garments.
June 26, 1844 - Hoping to score some chicks in Carthage, Joseph Smith leaves his garments in Nauvoo.
September 30, 1851 - Brigham Young authorizes the use of white markings in the garments because "the red ones look gay."
November 8, 1856 - Brigham Young counsels that reprobates should not remove their garments before being castrated.
May 13, 1857 - Parley P. Pratt discovers that the words "shield and a protection" are merely figurative.
October 1, 1864 - Quorum of the Twelve rejects proposal for color-coded garments to distinguish between wives.
June 5, 1876 - First documented case of autoerotic asphyxiation using garments.
March 7, 1888 - Sister Emmeline Hansen is lauded in Deseret News obituary for having worn her garments without interruption for 42 years. Cause of death was a chronic yeast infection.
February 11, 1907 - Tabernacle Choir director Evan Stephens notes in his journal that he prefers his "Adonises" sans garments.
June 22, 1918 - Church News describes how Private Enoch Tanner was miraculously saved from certain death in World War I. Thousands of other Latter-day Saint soldiers who were not thus protected were unavailable for comment.
December 12, 1929 - Utah Cotton Mills avoids bankruptcy through lucrative contract to produce garments.
October 14, 1936 - First "panty raid" at BYU is a great disappointment.
August 14, 1944 - Church News notes that an LDS soldier was killed by a Japanese flamethrower. Although the young man's body was burned beyond recognition, his garments remained intact.
September 6, 1956 - In an address welcoming students, BYU president Ernest Wilkinson warns of a communist conspiracy to introduce rayon and other synthetics into temple garments.
December 12, 1967 - Presiding Apostle Joseph Fielding Smith advises BYU president Wilkinson that gay students should not remove their garments before genital electroshock therapy.
April 3, 1975 - Church President Spencer W. Kimball tells the general priesthood session that "soon the Lamanites will be so light, we won't be able to distinguish between their skin and their garments."
September, 1979 - Responding to an increasingly frail church leadership's inability to put on their own garments, the church introduces the two-piece garment.
July 7, 1988 - Church member LaVar Cannon dies in a house fire ignited when he tried to burn the markings he had cut from his garments.
April 7, 1996 - Business executive J. Willard Marriott embarrasses Mormons worldwide with his account on "60 Minutes" of being saved by his garments.
_______________________
1978 - Crotch enlarged in male garments to accommodate new priesthood holders
2000 - Brown garments produced for US Soldiers deploying to Operation Desert Storm. The brown color unanimously chosen to camouflage "oops" moments when Soldiers figure out they won't stop bullets.
2005 - Operation Save New Orleans launched by LDS Church. Twenty semi-trucks carry emergency supplies of garments aboard the "Hurricane Express" convoy. Upon arrival, garment distribution points are established across the Crescent City.
- JW the Inquizzinator
I'm waiting for the Morg to contract Victoria's Secret to make women's garments.
They could have all kinds of special lines of G's - Super Sexy (more see-through than regular garments), Heavenly (scented G's with that "Celestial room" smell), Angelic (come with little wings, oh, never mind...angels don't have wings), Special Valentine G's (markings in pink with an appliqued pseudo thong on the bottoms)- the options are never-ending!
There could even be a catalog sent out called "Victoria's Sacred, not Secret, Underwear" wherein real Mormon housewives model the various garment options. What a turn-on!
My own worst garment moment (I never got to wear them myself though, whew) involved my mum. Mum is pretty well padded, what with the WOW and 10 kids and all. She also is not too comfortable in the heat, so if there is only family in the house, she will ONLY wear her Gs c/w bra on top. It is NOT a pretty sight, especially the old one piece semi-transparent ones. My nevermo boyfriend dropped by unannounced one hot summer day, we were chatting when mum burst into the lounge on some urgent errand, bustled about for a while then realised there was a visitor. The look on both their faces was priceless.
I am glad they seem to have upgraded the construction/design at least, because she is still doing it. In my heart of hearts I am hoping it is some sort of passive aggressive resitance. Dad does the same but wears a lavalava (sarong-type thing) when there are daughters around at least.
Kachh is a pair of white cotton shorts worn as an undergarment. It is practical in battle, and therefore
symbolizes moral strength and chastity.
For more details click here:www.religionfacts.com/sikhism/things
I have been garment-free for almost two years now, though being in Utah I am still surrounded by them. The effect that seeing them upon others has on me today is very different than the effect in the early years of my life as a young mormon adult. Clothing that once engendered an increase of respect, now stimulates in me a mix of pity and wonder (especially when seen upon the form of some who are otherwise so normal and down to earth.)
I was reflecting today about the feelings I had about garments in preparation for my endowment nearly 12 years ago. I had bought five pairs of tops and five pairs of bottoms, and spread the small plastic pink packages across my bed. As I considered that I would soon be allowed to wear the sacred white undies and join the exclusive club that included so many wonderful, kind, people, people that I had admired for many years and that had offered me a more stable life view than I had enjoyed as the daughter of emotionally unstable parents, a strange mix of giddiness and satisfaction washed over me. Donning the white undergarments would be an outward sign that I had made it, had climb high enough on the mormon ladder of success (at least as far as one can climb if female) to freely associate with those whom I felt had been previously out of my league, religiously speaking.
I did not see anything amiss in my feeling at the time, but today, the memory of that moment returned to me and I realized that though I was faithful,true believer, ready to make covenants, the garments were never about God. They were for me a societal status symbol, and I don't think I am alone.
LDS people still use those ever obvious garment lines to identify one another, and as a way of assessing another's status in the church. And as we are all aware, garments are painfully obvious. They are hard to hide in modern society and styles. Though they may have originated as a way to control behavior from within, in a very personal way (can't get much more personal than one's underwear) I believe garments have a very powerful external motivator, in their role as a church/Utah status symbol.
I believe that it is possible that garments are currently designed by the church with this idea in mind, walking a delicate line between what seems like intended subtlety and yet is so blatantly observable!
If garments were truly designed to be a symbol of ones covenants with God, a small delicate and discreetly placed tattoo would be more consistent with the supposed personal nature of a covenant. Instead, I repeat the cliche heard in the church that they are "an outward sign of an inward commitment." Outward sign indeed.
I remember one day I was lying sick in bed with a very bad case of flu. I was a newly endowed person, but had run out of garmies as I had been to sick to
do laundry.
The RS prez called up, and asked how I was. I said I was too sick to get out of bed, to cook or clean and could really use some help, maybe just a casserole for my husband's dinner? I was met with stone silence. She then
asked how I was doing with wearing the garmies and I said I wasn't because I had no clean ones and was too sick to wash a load.
Within an hour, two women showed up for laundry duty. And by laundry, I don't mean any of the huge load that had accumulated, I mean JUST the garmies. They didn't offer to get me so much as a glass of juice - just washed, dried and folded the garmies, ordered me to get into a pair *immediately*, and left.
The next Sunday that I was able to go to sacrament meeting, I was treated to an RS lesson on how important it is for us to help sisters in need. - 10/27/2006 by Feh.
What a great day I had yesterday. I took my newly married daughter shopping and we had Cafe Rio (yum, yum) then when we were looking for a black skirt in my closet, I found my Temple bag. I opened it and showed her all of the things. My ugly dress, the robe, that horrible veil. She tried it on and was laughing so hard. Then I pulled up the Temple ceremony on the Internet and we read it. I knew that it would surprise her, and it did. Her response, "What kind of a sick cult is this?" She said, "Mom, if I was in the Temple and heard these things, I would freak out."
I thought about my first Temple experience (just 4 yrs. ago) and remembered how it startled me but I was afraid at the time to say anything. I think I was in shell-shock or something. Thinking about that time I'm pretty angry that NOBODY told me anything about that crazy ceremony. Just how beautiful, and spiritual it was. 46 yrs. old, a lifetime member and all I knew was there was some sort of veil, you get a secret name and everything was symbolic. What a crock of s**t.
I am a never-mo dating a somewhat TBM (True Believing Mormon) guy... he's not a true deep down Mormon since we had sex on the second date. But the other day I was walking behind his mother and I couldn't understand her clothing lines under her shirt, and then it hit me, she had her bra on the outside of her undershirt!
I started laughing to myself because I just thought she messed up, but then the next day she did it again! I almost peed my pants laughing, then when I asked my boyfriend about it he acted like there was
nothing wrong with it, like it was normal.
Why one earth would you do that? Why
even wear a bra then? Especially with the high quality of bras today, you think
it would knock some sense into them. Guess not.
The church should design official feminine garments
and sell them exclusively at Beehive Clothing Stores as
another money making idea for the LDS Inc. marketing department.
Gordon B. Hinckley receives a
revelation that no unholy thing may enter the holiest
of female holies. He then announces that non-church
approved tampons constitute an unholy object. To
remain in good standing, LDS women are required to
only use the official feminine products sold at their
local Beehive Store. These feminine products are
basically an extension of the women's garments, and
they work in tandem with the garments to keep the
woman protected during her menstrual cycle.
The mark-up on these things could be huge because no LDS
woman would dare buy anything else.
The church could start a whole line of garment
accessories --girdles, depends, etc.
Just when I think I am beginning to recover from Mormonism's cultic grip, my sweetheart points out the obvious to me while laughing uncontrollably.
Let's back up a little bit. As one of the older guys on the board, I arrived in the mission field with 10 pairs of the only variety of garmies then available - one piece specials. Mid way through, a number of us were receiving replacements from home in the new two-piece style. Well, the Mission President decided that he needed to give us a lesson on how to properly wear them. He told us to make sure we tucked the tops into the bottoms to insure that the navel mark would remain close to our skin.
Well 26 years later I am out of the church, no longer wearing garmies (duh!) but still prefer to wear boxer briefs and a t-shirt under my dress shirts. I came home last night complaining that my undies keep riding up my crack, and my darling said:
"Who the hell tucks their t-shirt into their underwear? Every time you sit down, your t-shirt pulls your briefs up your ass!!"
Another vestige of contol falls away.
I joined,"The Church," and followed all the teachings of the Mormons.
Finally I had arrived, and I went to the temple with my wife. After the temple
ceremony we dawned our garmies in he dressing room. They were the one piece kind
that went to the knee and had the opening in back. When we went to the car and
sat down, I felt the material slicing my ass in half. I wore those garments for
many years, but when I finally switched back to the regular undies, I felt liberated
from the control of wearing magic undies to keep God's commandments. The magic undies never did protect me from anything, not even my divorce from my unfaithful Mormon wife.
I love to talk about garments not protecting people with my cousin. He gets really defensive when I say they don't really protect you. Seriously, if they were for protection, then the garment makers would be in the helmet business. It's a better business anyway. People even wear helmets to ski now. Oh, plus I learned that Mormons think that evil spirits enter you at the top of your head --- dios mio, man.
Anyway, yet another reason for the Mormons to go into the helmet business. Or they could make condoms, which are also scientifically proven to be for real, actual protection, not the fake spirit kind. I'd suggest they make pads, too, like shin guards and elbow pads, but those types of pads are supposed to look mean, and I think the Mormons would make them in white, with like CTR on the knees or whatever.
You know. I'm just trying to help them out. No one I know would ever wear garments. Besides, who's checking.
One might ask, "Perhaps there is a market for a GARMENT hat?"
Except it can't be made out of that material. I vote for a real cool helmet.
After my cousin gets really frustrated after not being able to say how Mormon garments really protect you from anything, he will tell me that they are supposed to remind you of some kind of promise that you have to make to God in the temple.
OK, let me repeat that --- you make a promise to God in the temple. I have never been in a temple or made any promises to God, but I would think it would be kind of like selling your soul to the devil --- you'd f**king remember that, dude! You just made a deal with an immortal God, who will send you to firey hell if you break it. I think you don't really need a "reminder." That's something even I could remember.
My TBM (True Believing Mormon) father was a radiologist and believed that his garmies would protect him from radiation. Needless to say, the bonehead died of leukemia at 49. Yet another example of how an otherwise bright person can do some silly shit in the name of faith. - 04/07/2005 - Jeebus
It has been fascinating to feel (and that is the important word) life come into our relationship as we leave Mormonism. A lot of that has had to do with raw sensuality that stirs some of our deepest and most powerful emotional forces. I have long said that intellectual forces are ineffectual against the kind of emotional firepower the Church uses, and that one must fight fire with fire. Here is a perfect example of how that can happen.
My wife (who I will call Eve) finally took her garments off about six months ago. And after having made love and slept naked in each other arms a number of times (we are both slow learners), and enjoying waking up in that state and simply laying beside each other and talking before beginning our day (something we have never done), we both began to experience some things that caught our attention.
There is something about skin-to-skin contact - lots of it - that fills a reservoir inside of me. It does the same for Eve, but the reservoir is different for each of us. Most of this experience is non-erotic. We do tend to make love more frequently than in the past, but that is the least important part (much to my surprise) of this process.
Simply lying naked together and talking pretty much every night and morning for at least a few minutes, while I rub her back, she my neck, etc. is satisfying at a level that I have experienced few times in my life. I would love to see a profile of the hormonal cocktail this causes. The feelings we have, I am sure, have something to do with acceptance at a deep level, and the simple sensation of human skin caressing human skin. I have no doubt that humans evolved to mate in this way - to bond to each other skin to skin, and so become more like one. This is a powerful part of what holds a couple together. The "become as one" concept is still, in my view, as useful metaphor. After laying together skin to skin for a while in a non-erotic way our boundaries are impossible to discern.
I am equally certain that the injunction that with Mormonism even married couples must “cover their nakedness” in front of each other and wear garments while sleeping together is part of the sensory deprivation program Mormonism evolved to weaken those forces strong enough to interfere with its control over its members. Mormonism is not unusual in this regard. Most other ideologies that are successful in the long term use similar techniques. While Eve and I were talking about this recently (while caressing each other naked in bed), she said she couldn’t believe that Mormon leaders sit around and plan these things. I responded that they of course do not. The social organizations that are survive in the long term evolve effective means of keeping their people under control, and these means usually come to be regarded as “sacred” and hence beyond question. The Mormon practise of suppressing the degree of sensual experience between spouses is simply one of the countless techniques that ideologies have evolved over the millennia of their existence that help to counteract powerful forces that may cause personal interests or allegiances to dilute institutional power.
In any event, we both feel more alive than we ever have, and this change in feeling has been so striking that we have talked about it a lot. The sexual aspect of our lives has caused some tension between us in the past, but no more than appears to be the case with most couples I know well enough to gauge this. And in our case (which is not always the case, of course), I have been the one who wanted more love making while Eve has been too tired, etc. to willingly participate. Hence, I have often had the feeling when we made love that it was mechanical and unsatisfying. And there were rare and wonderful occasions during which there were fireworks for both of us.
Eve would say that she felt a lack of acceptance; that she did not feel that our relationship was emotionally satisfying; that I did not pay enough attention to her; etc. and that this as well as the demands made on her physically by child bearing and child rearing were what deadened her sexually. Her position was, basically, "What do you expect given all that we doing?".
The change that has occurred during the last month has been nothing short of miraculous. In the past when we took off all of our clothes, it was either to shower or to make love. Both of us, we have realized, were still uncomfortable in some ways being in each other’s presence while naked. Nakedness was a temporary state required by some functional necessity (getting ready to shower; to make love; etc.). And it was bad in some inarticulate way. The injunction to "cover thy nakedness" rang in our subconscious ears.
When we began to just lay together, skin to skin, and talk to each other; to feel each other’s pulse and breath; to simply feel our physical selves, our body-shame began to dissipate. Eve has taken to locking our bedroom door as soon as we enter it each night, and undressing down to nothing. I do the same. We lounge together that way. IF I become erect while with her in that way (not the usual occurence, by the way), I no longer feel I need to hide that from her. That used to be bad news from her point of view.
Eve now comes to bed when I do instead of seeming to find almost any excuse to stay up late while I go to bed relatively early (10 pm roughly) in order to get up early. Now, we both have about half an hour at the minimum almost every night to feel each other’s intimate, physical presence, and to talk more than we ever have. In the morning we wake up and do the same before getting out of bed. This is the best part of the entire day for me in many respects. We are both rested. Life comes back into us as we touch each other. Sometimes this leads to lovemaking, but most of the time it does not.
Eve tells me that she feel my love and acceptance for her in a way that is new to her. A basic need she has felt unfulfilled ever since we married (and perhaps long before) is being met. She is satisfied, and happier than she has ever been during our marriage and probably in her life. This makes her want to make love more, and more passionately, than ever. I can feel this as we touch whether naked or not, but particiularly while we lie together with nothing between us. Whether we make love or not, she has completely given herself to me, and I to her. We both feel this. It is a new experience for both of us.
From my point of view, this process works in a completely different fashion. I had no idea that I needed non-erotic phyical intimacy. When I reluctantly get out of bed (as I did this morning) after spending half an hour with my arms wrapped around Eve, touching her in various ways and talking to her, I feel as full of life and energy as I have ever felt. And, I am satiated from a sexual point of view. I do not feel the need to pressure or cajole Eve into making love. This makes me feel acceptance at a level I have never felt it. Eve, for the first time in our marriage, is sometimes the sexual aggressor and I am happy to play along. And at other times we simply drift from the comfortably non-erotic touching into something more. It is wonderful to simply yield to this process. It feels like the most natural, and at the same time amazing, thing one can imagine.
When I think about being with Eve, naked at the end of the day or before getting out of bed to start our day, I am not thinking about sex. I am thinking about the whole enchilada - the touching; the feelings of security, acceptance and wonder; the calm we feel; the two bodies becoming one sensation that dominates both our love-making and quiet touching; etc. This is a far larger, more encompassing experience than either of us has ever had.
And, most importantly from my point of view, the experience I have just recounted has finally broken Eve's Mormon chains. She has become ready to let go. It has been a bloody long, slow process. Painful for both of us. I have wept a number of times during the past month as I have thanked her for loving me enough to stay within shouting distance until this could happen. And paradoxically, I am as certain as one can be about this kind of thing that we would not be were we are now had I not used the sledge hammer - and been ready to walk out the door - about a year and a half ago.
Hey, I still were the old, union suit one-piece mesh and corban gaments. I'm not
much of a True Believing Mormon anymore, but the "G's" are my favrite underwear. I find them more comfortable than gentile underwear, and like the fact that the tops don't pull out of the bottoms. And....that trap door is great for cold toilet seats!
What is this powerful force that so squeezes the rational thought right out of me? I thought I had this thing licked.
I am unable to take the garments off.
I am controlled. Someone else owns me. It is surreal to have an body of thought dictate what underwear I don.
I know the church is not true.... yet...
What if I am wrong? Oh geez. Oh gosh.
I cannot bring myself to wear normal underwear. This I recognize to be a classic sign that I am still under "the influence". And I can't help it!
Geez it is so final. So decisive. So finite. So damning.
I will recite a poem now.
Garments.... ohhhh my lovely garments...
Elder and Sister Packer went to the doctors office. The nurse told Elder Packer,
"I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen sample."
Elder Packer grunted, "Huh?"
Sister Packer leaned over and whispered in Elder Packer's ear, "They need your garments!"
www.lds.com is making it harder to order Garments online -- the old
"temple recommed" number hack doesn't work anymore. Now, thet want your
full name, bithdate and Membership Record Number. Anyone have a way
around this?- Anonymous- 08/13/2004
There is nothing wierd about garments, I have been a member for 3 years, and have
been wearing garments for 1 year. At first they are strange, but now I don't even
notice them.
They are a reminder to LDS members of the promises we have made and they also remind
us to dress modestly(not frumpy), and to have respect for our bodies!, maybe other
people should have respect for us who choose to wear them! - 06/26/2004 - anon
Someone's funny undies are my little labrador's tastie undies.
She returned from an unauthorized jaunt walk about carying a pair.
But not to worry Bailey has already chewed off at least three of the sacred symbols
- 06/25/2004 - anon
Everyone keeps asking
As one who sells Mormon Garments and Temple Clothes on eBay, I'm surprised at how
many Morgs try to tell me that what I am doing is illegal. They claim such things
as I am violating the Morg's copyright's on the items, I am violating patent laws,
etc. Is there no understanding of commercial laws by the Morgs? I have even had
Morgs who are "lawyers" threaten me with legal action if I don't immediately
remove the Mormon garments and/or temple clothes off of eBay. What idiots! - 05/22/2004 - Artifacts Dealer
"One man's religious icon is another man's underwear". - hermanuno
You may also purchase LDS garments directly from the Mormon Church's www.ldscatalog.com web site. The "For Members Only" is not a requirement. Anyone can buy them but you may have to register to set up an account. Type "garments" in the seach field and proceed from there. This is the cheapest place to purchase your very own "special" underwear.
Everyone let us fast and pray to eBay for the success and continuing growth of auctions selling garmies!
Gather in a prayer circle and say:
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouth
Let not these auctions be removed this day
Let us make the sure sign of the bidder
Ladies unveil your mouse and place your index finger on the button, and begin bidding
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouth
Please everyone join in!
Lo and behold I was left out of his service.
He is supposed to die in the next few weeks. He is suffering from Lupus and congestive heart failure. Right now he is in the hospital being fed through an IV and lapsing in and out of consiousness. He is coherant when he is awake but very week and unable to move. It's sad to see him like this but everybody's time on this earth must come to an end sometime.
Last night he and my sister (an ultra-TBM "True Believing Mormon" whose FIL "father-in-law" is a GA "General Authority") arranged his funeral. As the oldest child in our family (8 kids) I assumed that I would offer a prayer, the eulogy, or take some part in his funeral. But now that we have left the church he made it clear that he has no compelling reason for me to speak or be seen at his funeral. He is asking my two BIL's to speak (both are in bishoprics), my sister's GA FIL to speak, and my brother to give the eulogy. I was asked to be a pall bearer if they need one.
The talk topics were also discussed. One talk is on the first vision, the next on the apostacy, and the final one on the plan of salvation. The special musical numbers will be "Praise to the Man" and "Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?". Opening song is "Oh My Father" and the closing is "God Be With You 'Till We Meet Again".
My other brother will dedicate the grave and the local SP will offer some words about the resurrection during the graveside service.
My wife and I were asked to wear our garments on the day of his funeral as a sign of family unity. We were also asked to sing in church the Sunday after his funeral along with the rest of our family. My wife and I are supposed to pick out the song we are to sing.
My wife and I decided to attend the service but in our own underwear. My wife just ordered a plain black cotton SLEEVELESS summer dress to wear for the occasion. I'll wear a suit and tie. My shirt will be gray or blue. We will not sing in church, we will not wear our garments, and we will not be part of the dog and pony show that my family wants to put on for the special occasion.
The part that hurts though is that my sister asked him numerous times if he could find a place in the program for me to speak or offer a prayer. He said that as long as his son is out of the church that he is not welcome to participate in the regular family activities.
It just reaffirms my feelings that the church has such a grip on people and people place total faith in it that they will forsake everything that is important to them in order to feed the church's demands.
Has anybody here heard Bill Marriott's flaming underwear story?
I had only heard it apocryphally, and second hand heard that he had related something to this effect on his 60 minutes interview.
I heard it today in Frederick MD Stake conf, and it was gawdawful.
According to him, it was a muggy August day in New Hampshire, when he was working on his boat, and some gasoline that had pooled at his feet ignited from a spark on a switch.
His polyester pants caught fire, and the "spirit" told him to jump in the lake. He emerged with his trousers burned completely away, but his nylon garments and his belt intact. And of course, the only parts where he was seriously burned were outside the garment line.
Pardon my gagging noise here folks. I worked on the U of Utah burn unit for four years, and for every Bill Marriott story we saw of somebody whose underwear kept them from burning, we saw four more TBMs (True Believing Mormons) whose garments didn't stop them from having significant and delicate parts of their body burnt to a crisp.
Normally when polyester burns, it sticks to skin. The reason he lucked out was having a damp nylon layer between his skin, and the polyester of his trousers, which kept it from sticking. 'Tweren't nothing magical about his underpants at all.
The gaggable part of this story is that all the TBMs just lapped it up. Bill Marriott is particularly "spayshul" because he is so friggin rich, and because he foists BOMs on his hotel guests.
TBM magic-thinking would discount any of my observations by saying "well maybe those burned mormons you worked with were behind on their tithing, or didn't have such a significant contribution to make for the advancement of the Lard's work as brother bill did."
On the record 03/07/2004 - by Steve Benson
Mike Wallace's CBS "60 Minutes" interview with William Marriott, 7 April 1996, from the transcript:
MW: Do you wear the sacred undergarments?
WM: Yes, I do. And I can tell you they do protect you from harm.
MW: Really?
WM: Uh-huh. I was in a very serious boat accident. Fire--boat was on fire, I was on fire. I was burned. My pants were burned right off of me. I was not burned above my knee. Where the garment was, I was not burned.
MW: And you believe it was the sacred undergarments.
WM: I do. Particularly on my legs, because my pants were gone, but my undergarments were not singed.
I watched him say that on national television. - 03/07/2004 - Makurosu
It was embarrassing to me even as a TBM. Underwear protects you from fire??
Dunno if this qualifies, but I used to work on an offshore oil rig with a dude that
wore garments. Apparently when he turned them in to get washed they did not come
back the next morning, and he refused to leave his room. The problem with this
is that he was one of the guys that works on the Bridge and his presence was literally
required. It was simply amazing to see the level of brainwashing at work here;
he was willing to make his relief stay on watch (after already doing his required
12 hours) just because his magic skivvies hadn't come back in the wash. We never
let him forget that, and to this day I recite that story when discussing how completely
LAME the entire Mormon cult really is.
- 02/27/2004 - from Spyder
All of you are making light of something you know nothing about!! Garments are
a very sacred thing. Those of you who "claim" to have been members of
The Church, were obviously never truely converted! This is the Lords Church, and
the Temple is the most awesome place in the world! - 02/01/2004 - Elder Skid Mark Brown
I meet monthly with a group of girlfriends for a potluck dinner and an evening of deep conversation - they are amazing friends - we met in our community theater years ago. They have been very supportive of my journey out of Mormonism - interestingly, we are all on some sort of spiritual quest and a lot of our conversations center on our searches for a spiritual home. ANYWAY...
One thing that has come up is the temple garments - one of my friends is still just flabbergasted about this practice and can't believe I actually wore these for years! I keep telling her I'll bring some to show her, she is so curious. I promised to bring them next time and then we could have a ritual burning so I could leave all the trappings of the church behind me - another friend said:
"That would really be burning your britches behind you!"
We laughed until we cried! Thank God for such good friends!
The only guy that I have ever seen have belly button lint (which by the way, I didn't
think existed) was a former employer. Yep, I told him that it bothered me that he
was married in the temple and chasing me and wearing garmies..not a good thing so
he took them off (I did not ask him to do that. And lo and behold, blue belly button
lint! That is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. After 5 years, of seeing
him he still gets fuzz there. Do garmies attract dryer lint or what? Cracks me
up every time.
Hmmmm...back again 4 years later. My former employer with the bellybutton
lint (1/2004 post) and I still see each other. After confronting him about not
wearing his G's he finally confessed that he had been excommunicated but that
he could go back later. This happened just before his son's temple marriage,
so he got to go. I noticed that in public, he wore something under his shirt that
looked like the thin garments with the neckband cut off...is that a normal thing
to do? Someone educate me on this please! - 04/12/2008 - Stephiedoll
In a post at the exmormon.org, "In the Know," referring to speaking openly about what goes on behind the closed doors of Mormon temples said:
" . . . [T]here is no binding oath to secrecy, when . . . [Mormon temple] 'secrets' are bound under such false pretenses. Still, I think it's nice to be courteous and words like 'magic underwear' do little but betray a certain bias." (emphasis added)
I must confess to having "a certain bias," so to speak, about Mormonism's cultish temple practices.
It is a bias against stupidity, manipulation, irrationality, superstition and prejudice.
Mormons do, in fact, believe in the amazing powers of their secret magic underwear, as one properly applies the term "magical" within the context of official LDS doctrine.
Carlos E. Asay, emeritus member of the LDS First Quorum of Seventy, describes Mormonism's secret magic underwear as a "piece of armor worthy of our consideration." While Asay benignly refers to Mormonism's magic underwear as a "special underclothing known as the temple garment, or garment of the holy priesthood," he acknowledges that one of its functions is to be "a protective covering for the body."
lightplanet.com/mormons/basic/temples/garments
Specifically, Mormon temple workers, during the endowment ceremony, emphatically inform patrons that this magic underwear "will be a shield and a protection to you from the power of the destroyer until you have finished your work on the earth, so long as you are true and faithful to the covenants you make in the temple this day."
nowscape.com/mormon/mormcr1b.htm
This is merely Mormonism's convoluted way of acknowledging that its temple garments amount to magic underwear.
According to Merriam Webster, "magical" means "having seemingly supernatural qualities or powers."
Again, that is, to a tee, what the Mormon Church claims to be true concerning the alleged ability of a two-piece garment of polyester mesh, stitched with secret Masonic emblems, and rolled off an assembly line in a Salt Lake City factory to ward off Satan and shield its wearers from physical harm.
That kind of nonsensical belief is, in and of itself, laughable enough.
But it becomes an insidious, divisive, destructive and inhumane tool when used--as the Mormon Church does--to convince people that:
a) this magic underwear must be earned and worn by anyone hoping to receive the blessing of eternal life in the highest degree of God's everlasting glory;
b) this magic underwear is only available to those deemed worthy to receive it, based upon their agreement to cough up a significant chunk of their lifetime earnings to the LDS Cult;
c) those who refuse to make themselves "worthy" for the "blessing" of said magic underwear are condemned as being spiritually inferior to the supposedly morally "superior" and "righteous" Mormons who are allowed to wear it; and
d) those denied adornment with Mormonism's magic underwear will be eternaly damned to a lower station of existence--outcasts from God's presence, separated forever from their families and relegated to an inferior status under the hand-picked, magic underwear-wearing Mormons who have been transformed into Gods and Goddesses to rule and reign over such "less worthy" magic underwear-less rejects for time and all eternity.
Mormonism's claims of magic underwear are not only absurd on their face, they reflect a sick, twisted, elitist and condemnatory attitude toward any and all others of the human race who do not buy into its charade.
So, I choose to call it magic underwear because it does not deserve anything remotely close to a courteous reference.
And if Mormons don't like the fact that I call their magic underwear what they believe it really is--namely, magic undewear--that, frankly, is their problem.
This is just my opinion, based on my research of official church history and early Mormon diaries. I believe that the garments and the entire temple ordinances were created by Smith so he could keep his polygamy a secret.
Pre-Polygamy Mormonism in Kirtland
Under Smith's direction, the Mormons in Kirtland built a temple. But it was nothing like they did later in Nauvoo. The Mormon temple in Kirtland was open to the public. All the weddings performed in the temple were open to non-members. Weddings were for time only, with no talk of celestial worlds or kingdoms. Mormons had no garments or secret blood/death oath ceremonies.
Smith Started Secretly Practicing Polygamy
Smith was the first to begin secretly taking on other wives. He did so without the consent or knowledge of his first wife, Emma. Hardly anyone knew at first, only his closest associates. Smith's first secret "sealings" to these women were held in the woods at night with only two or three witnesses.
Introduction of Secret Ceremonies
Smith developed the first secret blood/death oath ceremony in the room above the Whitney Store. There was no temple, but Smith inducted a few close friends - all men - into his secret order. Later, these would be the same men that first joined Smith in secret plural marriages. However, there were not yet any secret garments.
Secret Society, Secret Underwear
Once his close male friends had been initiated into his new secret inner-circle of "the Church of the Lamb of God," Smith began introducing them to polygamy. It was near this time that the first garments came on the scene. Hyrum directed the sewing of the first set, which were very different than those used today. The key here is that all of this was ultra top-secret. At first, the only ones wearing garments were the ones who embraced polygamy and the secrecy it required. In essence, garments were the emblems of polygamy.
Eternal Marriage
Smith taught that the only marriages that lasted after this life were polygamous marriages conducted under his new secret "sealing" ceremony. He taught that men could be "sealed" to more than one woman - even if she was already married - and these sealings would last for eternity. Smith sealed himself to many women, including a 14-year-old girl, two adopted daughters living with him, and several women who's husbands were still living. Based on the diaries of these women, the sealings included intimate sexual contact. Some resulted in children. All of this went on without the knowledge of Emma, Smith's only legal wife. See: www.i4m.com/think/history/Joseph_Smth_mens_wives
Garments and Endowments Only for Men
Interesting to note that the women secretly sealed to Smith and his buddies were not endowed and did not wear garments. Emma was the first woman to be offered the endowment ceremony over a year after Smith had been giving it to his closest male friends. Smith offered Emma the chance to be the first endowed woman, but only on condition that she accept polygamy and keep it a secret. At first she accepted, but then refused.
The Garment Connection
The garments were a constant and intimate reminder to the men of the secret oaths they had taken regarding polygamy and the endowment.
Secret Combinations Revealed
Eventually, William Law and others blew the lid on Smith's secret ceremonies and secret underwear. Mobs started looking for Mormons wearing garments because they knew that was the sure sign of polygamy.
Regret
Weeks before Smith was killed, he sent a letter to the traveling Apostles to burn their garments. Smith also burned what he thought was the only copy of the polygamy "revelation" known now as D&C 132. Smith took off his garments and instructed other secret polygamists like William Clayton and others to do likewise. Later in Utah, Brigham Young would publish a pamphlet that called Smith a fallen prophet when referring to these actions. See: www.i4m.com/think/history/fallen_prophet
Garments Become a Holy Protection
Smith and Hyrum were not wearing their garments when they were killed. The other men in the Jail lived and were wearing garments. John Taylor was miraculously saved by his watch, which stopped a bullet from hitting his heart. Brigham Young and later, many Mormons, hailed this as a sign that garments could stop bullets and were not just spiritual protection but also physical protection and should always be worn. Today, that tradition haunts the lives of millions of Mormons.
Garments Divide the Fold
After Smith's death, those who followed the polygamist Mormons led by Brigham young kept wearing garments and performing the secret endowment ordinances that made polygamy possible. Those Mormons who loved Smith but rejected polygamy either never wore garments or stopped wearing them. All but the "Brighamites" as they were called, rejected the secret Nauvoo temple ceremonies and recognized them for what they were - a conduit for polygamy.
Conclusion
Again, this is just my opinion based on what I've studied. It's clear to me that garments and the secret temple rites are all lasting legacies of polygamy. This happened because when church leaders denounced the practice of polygamy, they kept all of the plural marriage doctrine and rituals of the temple.
But without Smith's lust for women and power, millions of Mormons wouldn't be wearing garments today. Instead, the church would be a lot more like it was in Kirtland.
This morning as my TBM (True Believing Mormon) wife and I were doing our morning walk in the mall, we kept passing a large picture of a beautiful woman, with her back turned to the viewer. She was wearing just a pair of panties. She was tanned and beautiful and the caption on the display said something like, "Just for him."
Each time we passed I would look at the picture. On the third pass, my wife, with a good amount of disgust in her voice said, "I really don't like that picture!!" I said, "Oh! I was just thinking how great she would look in a pair of garments."
And then I got: T H E L O O K !!!!!!!!!!!
Since Mormon underwear is a deeply sacred thing, perhaps sales of "garments" should only take place on the Sabbath day. And maybe that should extend to all underwear, since we don't want to fall into a slippery slope.
We all know that Captain Underpants is evil, since it mocks the garments that we hold so dear, and even if the author of these pernicious books aren't attacking the Lord's underwear, he might be attacking other people's beliefs. So, these books really ought to be kept behind the counter away from prying eyes and in a plain brown wrapper.
Last weekend during the LDS General Conference in Salt Lake there were outside the usual gaggle of anti Mormon activist yelling, screaming, and in general making asses of themselves. Some of the cacophony was aimed squarely at outraging the conference goers. One of the more egregious acts was to publicly display the LDS temple garment, a piece of clothing that these people consider quite sacred, especially because it includes specific marking representative of sacred vows they make in their temple. One or more conference goers (presumably devout LDS) were so angered that he attacked a protester that had been spiting and stomping on the garment while publicly displaying the symbols.
Now the irony. Those sacred symbols were lifted lock stock and barrel from the Free Masons by Joseph Smith. Then they were divulged by Smith to his non-Mason followers. The compass and the square, a masons tools, which in Masonic Temple symbolism took upon greater meaning. Smith also plagiarized much of the verbiage from the Mason temple rituals and incorporated entire paragraphs in the Mormon temple rituals. In other words, Joseph Smith publicly and egregiously waved about the very Masonic symbols that Mormons now think of as their own. And just as modern Mormons were angered by this public display of their adopted symbols, the Masons were similarly outraged by Smith’s public display of the same symbols. So outraged in fact that just as their modern Mormon counterparts attacked the protestor, so to did they attack Joseph at Carthage, albeit with a deadlier outcome. Interesting irony.
Go to: LDS cataglog
OR go to www.lds.org and click on "order church materials"
Scroll down the page to where it says "Temple Clothing" in bold and then click on "endowed members" under there.
It will take you to a page where you have to input your temple recommend number.
Type in A 0 7 1 5 X X X.
Choose any 3 numbers to replace with the X's
It will then "let you enter".
You know, I have not been able to afford to buy any new Garmies since my
first purchase 11 years ago. They wore out, I disposed of them properly and
I wish I could get more. You people should be ashamed. Don't ever take
your blessings lightly. - 09/05/2003 - anon
My parents visited recently, and we were walking downtown, my Mom was in front of me, and I noticed that the center seam of her jeans was being munched by her crack. I realized it was because her garments put up no resistance to the migration of clothing into the nether-regions of her bum.
Today I was walking my kids to school and noticed the same phenomenon in a woman ahead of us. (Perhaps the real concern here is why do I keep looking at women's butts?) I did not see a panty-line,so I checked her upper arms and sure enough, I found a garmie-line. (And dang it all, her daughter is in my daughter's class)
Ick! I married a nevermo so I never had to wear the gross garments, but I just know I would kill myself if I couldn't keep the center seam of my jeans out of my crack!
New Temple Garments: Depends
I think whoever invented garments was probably a gay man with a wife. His
wife's body disgusted him sooo much that he pretended he'd had a revelation
so he wouldn't have to look at her anymore. Because come on...what
straight man would suggest his wife wear those things??
On a sidenote, I was attending Utah Valley State College (which is just a
few miles away from BYU) a few years ago when I overheard a conversation
between what I suspect to be a young female non-member and a young man
recently married in the temple. They were talking about garments and the girl
asked, "Doesn't it bother you that your wife can't wear sexy lingerie from
Victoria's Secret?" and the boy said, "If my wife so much as thought about
getting those kind of clothes, I would divorce her because I don't want to be
married to such a slut!" Isn't that sad?
When I was younger had a horrible time with nitetime "wet dreams". Gosh
I'd dream about havin intercourse with everyone from my Bishop to my brother
& sometimes animals. I spent alot of time scrubbing the everwet crotch out.
I always wondered if others spent so much time obsessing with the crotch
cleaning process. Every month I was trying to get the blood stains out. And
all too often I'd get the trots and not make it to the toilet ontime...then
be scrubbing crap stains out!
Tossed them in the garbage one day and said
the hell with it! I mostly wear crotchless now and sleep in the buff. And
don't obsess anymore about my god damn crotch stains. I've always wanted to
ask others about this problem? Anyone else give up?
This weekend my girlfriend and I went to Goodwill looking for stuff. She was over looking in the house ware department and came back with what she thought was a really cool green apron, it was hand made real nice needlework on the front. It was her big find, since she just painted her kitchen green. Very excited about it. Since she is a never-mo, she had no idea what it was. I standing there laughing so hard that I almost wet my pants. She didn't understand until I explained to her about it and asked her where she found it; I was hoping to find a chef hat to match. Then when my TBM family came for dinner I could dress up while cooking dinner. No luck on the Chef Eddie hat. But did find a female robe and veil, where in very good condition. Even Goodwill didn’t know what they were since they were in the costume section or maybe they did? Also at another Goodwill we found garments, new in the bag. I also explain those to her. I loved her comment," No wonder all the Mormon women I know are unhappy and depressed, I would be also if I had to wear that stuff." She did buy the apron to hang in her kitchen. As I said you can find cool stuff at Goodwill.
They didn't have the fullness of underwear.
As strange as it seems, as a TBM kid, I judged people by their underwear. I'm confessing now because, as I was taught, confession is good for the soul.
I think that converts have an edge over BICs (people who are born into the Church) in seeing a broader perspective that includes both life in and out of Mormonism.
But when irrationality is inculcated from infancy it distorts your perspective in weird ways. One manifestation of this is that, as a BIC, I spent most of my youth feeling that non-Mormons were somehow "not whole." When I met a non-Mormon I would instinctively feel like there was something wrong with that person. They were defective. They were missing something.
Maybe this feeling spilled over into my sub-conscious as a result of hearing it repeated over and over that we had the "fullness of the truth", the "fullness of the gospel", the "fullness of the saving ordinances" and the fullness of a whole lot of things, while I was repeatedly told, on the other hand, that non-Mormons only had parts. And we Mormons all knew that having just parts is not as good as having the fullness of anything that you could possibly have a fullness of.
For example, as a Mormon kid, I knew that the non-Mormon parents of some of the neighborhood kids didn't have the "fullness of underwear". I knew this because I personally saw their non-regulation underwear hanging on their clothesline. My parents, being devout TBMs, did have the "fullness of underwear."
To kids, bigger is almost always better, and my Mormon friends in the neighborhood all had parents who had big underwear. Those non-Mormon neighbors didn't and that meant that they were obviously defective people.
As a kid, I just couldn't understand how they could not see that their underwear just didn't measure up to the full-sized underwear enjoyed by Mormons. Why would anyone in their right mind accept a lesser underwear, when they could see fully endowed underwear flapping in the breeze on their TBM neighbor's clothesline??? Those people were not whole.
I carried this unarticulated presumption (that non-Mormons were not whole) with me into the mission field. But as a missionary, I began seeing many, many non-Mormons who not only seemed whole, but seemed to have truths that I and many of my fellow Mormons were missing. (Of course I never asked to see and no non-Mormon I met ever offered to show me their underwear, but I knew that since they were non-Mormons, they didn't have the fullness of underwear in there under their street clothes.)
Well, maybe they didn't have big underwear, but the idea that underwear could signify superior spiritual attainments was starting to seem silly and petty to me.
Maybe it was just the result of a maturing mind displacing childish prejudices. But I met so many wonderful non-Mormons who had no interest whatsoever in converting to Mormonism, and who could see problems in Mormonism that I had been too childish to admit to, that I began to empathize with their view of Mormonism. And this new-found empathy for an alternative point of view was one of the things, in addition to my disillusionment with the Temple rituals, that finally helped me to break out of the box.
It sounds stupid. But, as a result of believing in Mormonism, I judged people by their underwear. Thanks for hearing my confession.
A funny experience re ' fullness of underwear ' in the mission field.
My comp and I had a Jewish landlord. One day, not realizing that he was present, I stepped out into the living area in my G's. Our landlord looked at my G's and exclaimed "Good grief ! What are they? " Not wishing to cast pearls before swine, I replied " Just some special long underwear." Thinking that I was wearing them to keep out the cold, he advised "No, no, no....get rid of them. You need something like these" (pulling up his trouser leg to reveal his ankle-length, fleecy-lined 'long Johns ' ) - 06/21/2003 - Observer
God doesn't look at our outer/undergarments, but rather our hearts.
- from Kelly - 05/28/2003
I'm not a Mormon but my wife is. When we first
got married she didn't wear the garments or tell
me anything about them. After a couple of years
of marriage, she explained about the temple and
the garments and asked me how I felt about her
wearing them. I was open to the idea so she
immediately put them on and they have been a way
of life ever since. Now here's the kicker... I
love the way my wife looks in garments! If she
were to stop wearing them I think I would cry. - 05/02/2003 - anon
I was thinking we could just get tattoos...then we can wear anything we
want and still be "protected".
Anyone remember a story that had to do with a person who was in an
accident and beheaded. This may be a total myth, but I thought it was funny when
the person told me that the mans body was protected...Hullo? He was
BEHEADED! It did'nt sound like a BLESSING to me. - 05/02/2003 - anon
After nearly 30 years as a funeral director I have no proof that the
garment protects people.
Believe what you may, but I've seen airplane accidents, burn victims and
automobile accidents. Not one astounding testimony that a person was
actually saved by wearing magic underwear.
Although, I must admit that business has always been better since I
started wearing them. - 05/09/2003 - James, Des Moines, Ohio
Oh my freakin' fetchin heck, I wish I could sue the church for "pain and suffering" over this moment!
I was 21, in Sacramento, and it was April. The weather was starting to heat up... I had been married and "endowed" a few months before, and I didn't have any shorts long enough to cover my special new Utahliban Underoos.
So I went shopping. I was trying some shorts on in a changing room, and I was between one pair and another... the saleswoman was a little pushy. She wanted me to try on a skirt, too, so she opened the door of the stall, and... there I was, in all my celestial glory.
"What are you WEARING?"
OH my gosh, I was mortified. I tried to explain...but with the Bra in the More Sure Place (OVER the little undershirt, as if you needed that visual...)! She could not understand.
"Do you....HAVE to wear all that?"
I actually believed that the Spirit would help me out in my situation. I tried to summon it to help communicate to the saleswoman about the special powers of my underwear, but to no avail. "They protect us... against... accidents... and the buffetings of Satan..."
She still just stared at me, open-mouthed, bug-eyed.
I left the store and wore pants that entire summer.
Okay, two garment stories here:
2) Six or seven months after I broke the engagement
with this girl, I was at a fireside with a friend of mine and I started
telling her about this girl I had a date with the next day; she said "be
careful"--my date was Catholic and we all know where that can take us (this was
NOT in Utah). Well, I had my date and really liked this girl, the next
Sunday I was preoccupied with all the bullshit I had suppressed and made excuses
for throughout my life (things I questioned a lot, especially on my mission--I was
faithful like crazy but it got damn hard to go on without looking at the whole
thing like a cult; my asshole mission president didn't help matters either).
Anyway, during sacrament meeting I just snapped and decided I wasn't going
to come back ever again--I was scared, like no other time in my life before
or since. It was liberating, I actually had to stop myself from telling
off some of the bigger assholes in my stuck-up ward.
The following Friday I
sealed my fate by having phenomenal sex with the Catholic girl. I was too
poor to go out that day and buy regular underwear so I put my mesh and
corban garments away and cut the knee-mark out of my cotton pairs--that was my
normal underwear for about a week.
Seven years have passed and this web-
site has been my only looking back. P.S. is there a portion where the
willing can share their temple names? I'd love to see how many of you have
mine. Editor's Note: Click this link for a list of "exmo new names."
Yep, I once wore magic jammies, and I would rather have bleeding hemmoroids
than wear thoses ugly hot rags again.....buy the way it would be nice to
have a site set up for all of us who went through the temple, we could play
the name game! Mine was SARAH, now isnt that original? Yep, me and how many
other SPECIAL women given this secret name....Here I was thinking when I
went through the temple that I would be given some wonderful name that no
one else would have, you know if ignorance is bliss then mormons are the
happiest people alive......PURPLE COOLAID ANYONE
I love to wear garments because of the sweat
A gun or a knife can be quite instrumental,
RE: Capitalizing on Garments in Utah
You really do need to wear them, but you can get a scoopneck tee-shirt to
wear on interviews. My husband was looking for a job for 3 months...before
we tried this. And guess what a job on the next interview he went on!
God, I want to go back to Michigan!!!! Oh, and by the way they do come right
out and ask which ward you belong to...on both sides of job interviews (I
work in HR)
Somebody wrote: "If you are in the business world, in Utah, one wears them for financial gain and acceptance. That seems the only reason I can think to wear them.
Huh? Exactly what business are you in there in Utah where underwear scrutiny bears on your success? - 05/25/2002 - from mike undies"
MIKE- Almost any business here in Utah that requires public interaction will be benefited by the use of the "garment." Even some construction jobs require letting your “smile” be seen. I’d personally like to crack them a vertical smile.
If they don't see it, they will outright ask if you are a member of "the" church or if you are LDS.
After asking them what that has to do with doing business, or telling them that I am no longer interested in being a member of their club, I have found business waning... Now, I wear them "religiously" when wanting to make the big sale. And lie by telling them how wonderful being a member is…Remember: The best way to succeed in Utah is to capitalize on "The Church," and it’s members.
I don't know about the rest of the country but down here in Georgia where it
gets hot and humid and stays that way for about 6 months, I have noticed that
none of the Mormons in my ward wear their garments outside of church or temple
sessions. At first I thought that it was just a cooincidence, seeing the
bishop's wife at the grocery store in a pair of shorts and tank top, seeing
the High Priest Group Leader mowing his 5 acre lawn drenched in shorts and
shirtless, seeing a member of the High Council in jogging cloths all day long,
seeing the young married dressed the same, even pregnant women in shorts. I
started keeping a log of when I run into fellow members outside of church,
what position they hold and what they are wearing. Its been more than 2 years
since anyone in my ward was seen in their daily outdoor activities wearing
garments during the months of May through September. Except those full time
missionaries. God have mercy on those poor suckers. I don't know how they
can tract in the summer heat all day long while wearing a costume that is
entirely incompatable with the weather conditions to which they are not
acclimated. They probably lay around the air conditioned chapels or their
apartments most of the time and I don't blame them.
When the temperature gets above 98 degrees and the humidity approaches 100%,
your body can not loose enough heat without sweating enormous amounts over a
large surface area. If you even move, you generate more heat that has to be
lost. If not your body temperature rises and when it gets up around 106
degrees you feel so sick you can't stand up. If it gets much higher you will
have a seizure and die. You can kill someone in only a few hours by wrapping
them in a blanket and putting them outside on a hot humid day. This is why few
civilized people lived in the South before air conditioning. And with global
warming, the problem is only going to get worse.
I am beginning to leave the church and am bothered by the fact that I have
gotten used to wearing these horribly unconfortable things. I can't imagine
wearing my bra without something in between and panties ride up just as bad as
garments! I don't know if I'll ever find comfortable underwear! To top it all
off, I just bought new garments and they are costly so I got out my seam
ripper and removed the marks! I haven't been stuck by lightning yet...
My grandparents wore thick cotton garments that went to their wrists and
ankles. My parent's generation wore one-piecers that went below the knee and
they came in a variety of fabric. My generation gets two-piecers and they are
much shorter. I'm sure the next generation will get thong garments and maybe
even labels like Victoria's Secrets!
If those markings are literally supposed to cover the appropriate body part, a lot of people are going to be in trouble for the knee one. Whose garments cover their knees nowadays? Mine never went that far down my leg ever...one-piece OR two-piece. In fact, after my mission I got some two-piece nylon mesh ones that yanked out the hairs on the front of my thighs. It wasn't long before I had enough of that and opted for "normal-people" underwear.
The marking should been designed to cover the asshole. No one would ever have to worry about the marking NOT being over its intended body part. In fact, the saints have to worry that TOO much of the garment works its way INSIDE that particular body part. Instead of "Every knee shall bow..." the phrase could be "Every asshole shall raise to be screwed by the Morg."
I laugh remembering the sight of my mission president grabbing his ass in public and yanking his garments out of it. He even did this in church giving a talk. He had been doing it so long, it was an involuntary reaction to him.
I guess we need to remember to cut the TBMs some slack when they act particularly "anal." After all, they've got a bolt of cotton-polyester blend shoved up their ass!
As a young, heathen, non-believer, growing up in the great Land of Zion,...Ogden to be exact, I took great pleasure in going to the old Deseret Gym on 25th Street. I was on s secret mission. (The gym was so stuffy that women were not allowed to wear a bikini in the swimming pool. If the top were at least a halter, and the bottoms "shorts", it would be considered, but the one-piecer was the safest way to go). There were no private dressing stalls in the women's locker room. I almost enjoyed seeing those modest "Molly Mormon" women changing out of their street clothes. It was so hard not to laugh. Here were these beautiful women, only a few years older than myself, all covered up by these baggy,ugly shapeless garments. I would walk around proudly in my colorul flower-printed bikini panties and lacy skimpy bra. I wanted to remind them that they, like me, were female.
A few years after that, there was a major front-page story in the Ogden Standard Examminer "Ex-Mormon Women Burn Their Garments in Front of Ogden Temple. I hoped that some of those women had been inspired by me.
Submitted by a woman who thinks that women should be allowed to be beautiful, not humiliated by their over-bearing cult- oops religion
Considering the laws defending concealed weapons and requiring one
household gun in Utah's deep south, howabout a campaing to persuade the
church to build holsters into the church undergarments? Then if some
sacriligious soul mocked the sacred Jell-O the faithful Mormon could whip
out his "piece" and blow the scoffer away. This would be a really
high-caliber endowment.
My sister-in-law had a pair of the women's garments that she had "borrowed" from her next-door neighbor's clothes line. We put them on her dog (an akita) I laughed so hard that I pissed my pants. She then took him for a walk in her back yard. How
fitting...it was a Sunday in Utah after all.
When all was said & done, I took the garmies to another state where they were hung
on the company bulletin board with a sign stating: "Latest high fashion from Salt
Lake City" Someone else got a hold of a pair of men's and added it to the
collection. We left it for nearly 3 weeks. Having grown up a non-Mormon in UTAH I can really appreciate it!
Somebody wrote: "If you are in the business world, in Utah, one wears them
for financial gain and acceptance. That seems the only reason I can think
to wear them."
Huh? Exactly what business are you in there in Utah where underwear
scrutiny bears on your success? - 05/25/2002 - from mike undies
Weird? Yes....Cultish? Without a doubt...But still the most comfortable men's
underwear there is....I still wear my one-piece mesh ones and I haven't been to
church in 20 years. My boyfriend thinks I look sexy in them, so why stop
wearing them? I really wish underwear manufacturers would make men's underwear
out of all the great fabrics that garments are made of.
You know as I study more about religions and such and have a Mormon fiancee
(still wondering if they will pull the he must convert or you can not marry
him stunt) I have come to realize that the garments are not really availible
out side of the temples. I could not even find a website at which for her to
purchase them.
This must mean that me being one who does not follow any one
religion but has looked at many, must first drive over 24 hours to a place
where I must wait in the parking lot for her to go in and buy her "ugh Granny
pannies." She use to have a great body until she started wearing the gastly
things. I swear that they are a licence for her to not care about how good
she looks. Then I get to drive that trip back home just to remember what
sex was like before she converted. It almost makes me wonder what they did
to her in that temple that makes her afraid to show her body.
If I was not a man of my word this would have made me leave her long ago.
In keeping with the several new names the church authorizes for it's self and others and in an effort to become more "mainstream" perhaps we should call this atrocious, and extremely uncomfortable garment by a name that accurately depicts it’s true nature.
- Fruit of The Buffoon
"If it weren't for me, Beehive Clothing would probably go out of business. I have to admit that there's something about being an Eastern Orthodox gay male who smokes, and wearing the Garmies -- kind of a kinkiness. I love 'em. However, Mom, you never showed me how to get into a pair of one-piecers, and I wound up getting stuck in the crotch hole. Nearly choked.
I prefer the 100% cotton variety, myself. Man-made fibers make me itch.
Yes, I wear Garmies most of the time. I started wearing them a long time ago as a joke in college, but then I became really accustomed to them. However, I do keep a supply of unsanctified undies in case I have to go to the doctor or something.
I enjoy wearing them because I have a big ego and feel that a special person deserves special undies. Kidding. The main reason is that I like wearing something that is forbidden to me. Kind of gives me a thrill, as sad as that may seem. And, no, it's not difficult getting the garmies. I purchase them myself directly from Beehive Clothing. Basically, anybody can get them. And I've seen the female version of the Garment, and I have to say that they're perhaps the most atrocious things that ever happened in women's fashion. For guys, it's nothing more than basic underwear with some stitching on the front.
As for the boyfriend, I almost always wore normal underwear whenever he was around. One time I had forgotten that I had on the Garmies, and he saw me in them, and said, "What in the hell are you wearing? Where the f*** did you get those?" I explained to him what they were, why I wore them, and where I got them from. Eventually, I managed to dress him up in a pair, and he said he was pretty comfortable.
God, my life is so sordid.
I've become slightly superstitious about wearing Garmies. For example, I won't attend a meeting without wearing them, and I always go to my Orthodox parish wearing my Garmies. I don't know what it is about them, but they almost become some sort of talisman for you when you wear them. I don't believe that they'll protect me from physical harm, but I suppose I have this sneaking suspicion that the Garmies bring me a bit of luck. I guess you could say that they're my wearable rabbit's foot.
The boyfriend, after the initial shock of seeing a pair of Garmies, has come to embrace my inherent weirdness and sees it as just another quirk.
Here are the references:
On another thread here, people are recounting stories of TBM parents and friends who wear garments ALL THE TIME, including during sexual intercourse.
Fanaticism over wearing garments is strongly encouraged by Mormon leaders. Here are some examples:
"The garment represents sacred covenants. It fosters modesty and becomes a shield and protection to the wearer."
-Apostle Boyd K. Packer, The Holy Temple
"There is, however, another piece of armor worthy of our consideration. It is the special underclothing known as the temple garment, or garment of the holy priesthood, worn by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who have received their temple endowment. This garment, worn day and night, serves three important purposes; it is a reminder of the sacred covenants made with the Lord in His holy house, a protective covering for the body, and a symbol of the modesty of dress and living that should characterize the lives of all the humble followers of Christ."
-Apostle Boyd K. Packer, The Holy Temple
"I fear that too many Church members take for granted the promise of protection and blessings associated with the temple garment. Some wear it improperly, and others remove it to suit whims of circumstance. In such cases, the instructions of modern prophets, seers, and revelators are ignored and protection placed in jeopardy."
-Elder Carlos E. Asay (Former President of the Salt Lake Temple), "The Temple Garment", Liahona, Sept. 1999, Page 33
"The blessings which flow from (wearing garments) are sufficiently great to recompense for any mere inconvenience. To break our covenants is to forfeit the protection and blessings promised for obedience to them."
-First Presidency Message, 3 July 1974
"Church members who have been clothed with the garment in the temple have made a covenant to wear it throughout their lives. This has been interpreted to mean that it is worn as underclothing both day and night. This sacred covenant is between the member and the Lord. Members should seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves any personal questions about the wearing of the garment. The promise of protection and blessings is conditioned upon worthiness and faithfulness in keeping the covenant."
-First Presidentcy Letter to Priesthood Leaders, 10 October 1988
No wonder some Mormons take it to extremes and feel unsafe when they aren't wearing their garments.
True Believing Mormons really think their underwear is magical protection.
The ghost shirts were supposed to be invested with "magic qualities that made the wearers
invulnerable to bullets," Prucha wrote. The Glasgow shirt is the only ghost shirt in Europe with a lineage linking it to Wounded Knee, said David Hartley, director of the museum of the South Dakota Historical Society in Pierre.
For more details and references: http://www.southbendtribune.com/99/feb/021599/local_ar/157556.htm
The Mormon authorities are caught onGanesh Gupta and the Indian Mormon Shirt Sales Pitch
Dear bothers and sisters
The Infamous Garment Feel Up
Check me for my garms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Feel me for my underwear....
Put me in the right light, dear
Won't you scan me once, baby
Just look for that smile, maybe
You'll see if I'm worthy still
Some people say leaving's a game
A game you just can't win
If there's a way
I'll find it someday
Till then these fools still rush in, and....
Put their hands on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, "Brother,"
What they want to know, "Tell me,"
"Do you wear your garments still?"
She does what co-eds do
She's checks if we’re temple bound
If I could just pass the test
Then anything could happen
But I am wrongly dressed
So nothing's gonna happen
No, no
'Cause she felt thigh...
Garments missing, she’s hissing
She felt thigh...
Now I’m unworthy, lost in sin, son of perdition
She felt thigh...
She can’t love me
Not all she should be
Not chaste or tarnish free
I know she’s faking everything
So with a guy like me
She’ll make an offer
Don’t tell her bishop, please
And I can have some of her
'Cause she felt thigh...
Garments lackin’, I’m packin’
She felt thigh...
Now I’m her boy toy, booty call, her secret lover
She felt thigh...
Want’s more of me
She loves to sleep with me
I’m happy as can be
'Cause what she wants is such a deal
Yeah, I knew it all along
That this was gonna happen
They sing the same old song
Then see what I'm packin'
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
'Cause she felt thigh...
Garments lackin’, I’m packin’
She felt thigh...
Now I’m her boy toy, booty call, her secret lover
She felt thigh...
Want’s more of me
Hey, he's been awatchin' me
He's beside me,
Mercy! Let my conscience guide me.
Seein' if I'm garment free,
Every moment he gets bolder,
Now his hand's upon my shoulder,
Yikes! He's rubbin' me.
Searchin' garmies, furtively
Keep that up, he'll meet resistance,
Hope he doesn't call assistance,
Yikes! He's checkin' me!
I’m as needley as a brand new Smithmas tree.
And I can’t tell your right sleeve from your left,
Your compass from your square.
I get misty from your underwear.
Walk my way,
And I strain to see the garments in your sway.
Doesn’t matter if it’s cotton or a blend,
Two piece or one.
I get misty just feeling your bum.
You may think that I’m leading you on,
But I want to know it’s holy drawers that you don.
If you’re not worthy, you fool,
I’m not wasting my time on your drool.
On my own,
I can’t wander through celestial worlds alone.
I’m just going to tug a button or a two,
Pull a wedgie up your butt.
I get misty just feeling you up.
Feels me up, feels me down come on garmies
Says she'll give me love, gotta be an RM
Come on now and let me see those garm lines
Then I'll feel all right, yeah I'll feel all right
I said yeah,(yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)
'Cause garms make her feel
So good, so good, so good
so right, so right
Loves those lines, so she feels all night
I said yeah,(yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)
She loves those garmy gar-gar-garmies
She loves those garmy gar-gar-garmies (Sure I do!)
She loves those garmy gar-gar-garmies (Sure I do!)...
Please don't take your tithes away
Promise me just one more try
Then we'll both kneel down and pray
We've always had testimonies
Now yours is fading fast
For the sake of every Mormon
We've got to--we've gotta make it last
I touch you once I touch you twice
I let you know, Here's my advice
You need them now like you needed them then
You always said you'd wear your g's, each day.
If you leave I will cry
I'll call every single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be stalking you every way
Temple vows went under the bridge
The thought gives me a chill
Heaven's our forever goal
You've got to--you've gotta say you will
I touch you once I touch you twice
I let you know, Here's my advice
You need them now like you needed them then
You always said you'd wear your g's, each day.
I touch you once I touch you twice
I let you know, Here's my advice
You need them now like you needed them then
You always said we'd still be friends
I touch you once I touch you twice
I let you know, Here's my advice
You need them now like you needed them then
You always said you'd wear your g's, each day.
If you leave
Oh if you leave
Oh if you leave
You'll never leave
the Church alone!
If it’s garmies that you seek…feel around
When garmies get you hot, but wear’n them I’M NOT
Put your hand on my shoulder…feel around
Put your hand on my leg…feel around
When it’s garmie lines you want…feel around
You wear them all the time, but for me they’re too damn hot
Put your hand on my leg…feel around
Put your hand on my neck …feel around
You lift my shirt and look …feel around
Garmies are so neat, you can’t but help and peek
Put your hand on my neck…feel around
Great Moments in Mormon Garment History
Victoria's Sacred, not Secret
The look on both their faces was priceless
Mormons are not the only ones with sacred underwear
Magic underwear in some other faiths includes the 20 million faithful of Sikhism.
An outward sign of an inward commitment
Temple garments before food
My daughter tried on all of my Temple 'Stuff'
In hindsight
Holiest of female holies - Temple garment accessories
Finally pulling my undies out of my butt
Those garmies didn't protect me from...
Mormon garments have got it all wrong
No garments leads to greater intimacy
My wife and I have been married for so long that I won’t say how long – it might conjure nasty visuals given the rest of what I will say. We are each at different stages of leaving Mormonism, and have recently had some experiences that are so profoundly meaningful to us that I will share them, despite their intimate nature.
Great for cold toilet seats!
Ah! Get them off me! I can't stop wearing garments!
A second skin you are
Garments, ohhhh Garments...
Without you I am sub par
I tried so hard to take you off
I did sputter I did cough
Bewildered at your powers that be
Should discard you, I should flee
But alas... tis not so, I lament
you remind me of the sacrament
And I did try to shed this skin
Yet into my head you crept back in
You're just a symbol Smith made up
Still you persist, shall I erupt?
Garments.... oh Garments,
Relinquish your hold on me
Garments... oh Garments,
let me alone... let me be.
Boyd and Donna's doctor office visit
Don't hate me for my garments
Nobody understands
They just want to know
about my funny underpants.
Sometimes I get offended.
Sometimes I think it's rude.
Perhaps I should start asking folks
what they look like in the nude.
They're clean and white
and covered with crosses
they make me feel cool in the summer
and when I'm feeling stylish, I'll wear golashes.
I like to wear them in the kitchen
and also to bed
and sometimes I will get drunk
and get my shirt stuck on my head.
So see, just because you don't see
all the wonder they are to behold,
don't blame me because
in your underwear you get cold.
Don't hate.
Congratulate.
I take my funny underwear creed seriously,
don't hate me for it.
My butt is pure.
Like a white bleached sheet.
You can check my garments
if you don't believe me.
eEbay auctions of Mormon temple garments regulary make headline news in Utah. The faithful then protest to eBay who then cancel the auctions. So get them while they're hot by privately emailing Andrew and Billie Moody to purchase your own pair of authentic Mormon Temple Garments.
Prayer circle for the success of Ebay garmies auctions!
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouth
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouth
May freedom of religeous persecution remain
Let garment auctions always stay
That many bids these auctions will gain
And the name of the bidder is ________
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouth
Oh eBay hear the words of my mouthGarments check at LDS father's funeral service
Straight from the horse's mouth: Bill Marriott's Flaming Underwear
Burning Britches
Lint in the navel - marrow in the bones
Read my markings: "Magic Underwear"
GARMENTS: Secret emblems of polygamy
A funny thing happened on my way 'round the Mall
Underwear should only be sold on Sunday
Fighting mad - Stomping garmies
How to order temple costumes from the LDS church
Weird garment observation... (gross, sorry!)
Hope you have baby powder and desitin! - 07/08/2003 - from jg.gagnon
The inventor of garments was...
Garmie Crotch Stains
Temple Apron and Garments at Goodwill
They didn't have the fullness of underwear
"What's wrong with your UNDERWEAR?"
Okay, two garment stories here
1) two years after my mission I got
engaged to an ultra-holy Mormon girl who had already gone through the
temple--she really started to freak me out after a few months because, for one thing,
she was already talking about our "children", and she wanted to name our
first-born (boy OR girl) "Corban" (sorry if I spelled that wrong, my
garments have been packed away and sealed in a box for seven years now and I
didn't want to bother with the trouble of checking the spelling on the tag of my
former underwear).
Rather have bleeding hemmoroids
I love to wear garments
that oozes from my pores, and makes me all wet.
100 degrees in the summer I endure,
because heavenly father wants me spiritually pure.
As I walk down the street while the weather is blazing,
I dig in my ass and find it's simply amazing.
Because I cannot seem to dig those things out,
from within my ass crack I get pissed and shout!
But then I remember the promise I made,
inside the temple, I would never get laid.
Of course if I marry then it is ok,
to give her my ding-dong and play sexual games.
But what happens when she takes off her clothes?
Those garments she wears makes me cringe to my toes.
A woman so pretty and right underneath
she's wearing those garments, I can't help but heave.
I will be protected I will not get hurt;
I will be in god's care wearing the bottom and shirt.
They're long and they're ugly, and not designer gracious,
and hang out my backside while tying shoelaces.
They have special signs that are there for a reason,
just wear them Goddamn it, don't matter the season!
Wear them all day and wear them all night,
wear them with holes and pants that are tight.
Do not remove them and always be good,
do as your told just like Joe Smith would.
We wear them and wash then every six months,
go over to beehive and then pull real stupid stunts.
We buy some more new ones and put them right on,
we don't even think of the physical harm.
A heat stroke, no sun, and a down right white bod,
just go to the new stake center and help lay the sod.
Remember to wear them and remember to suffer,
because this is what makes us spiritually tougher.
You wouldn't want comfort not shorts or tank top,
just wear your damn garments the questions now stop!
For only six dollars per pair you can be,
in spiritual safety and without any worry.
The spirit will guide you and keep you from hurt,
just put on your garments the bottom and shirt!
Garments Are A Guy's Best Friend
But Garments are a guy's best friend.
It's true that I know Green Beret fundamentals,
Still Garments are a guy's best friend.
Detroit makes new cars with both front and side air bags,
Lo! Garments are a guy's best friend.
The gym rats laugh 'n scoff at the way my crotch sags
But I'll win the game,
Cuz I'm immune to flame -- and other hazards.
So let the bombs drop,
They'll even make shrapnel stop.
Garments are a guy's best friend.
[manly dance sequence here]
Garmies!
Beehive Industries!
Protective!
Though Kevlar is bold, and steel is cold
They'll never save your soul in the end.
Whether poly-blend or tall-cut
These skivvies will save your butt
Garments are a guy's best friend!
V Necks Fool Job Interviewers
Capitalizing on Garments in Utah
Global Warming
Southern Mormons Don't Wear Garments
Global Warming
Saved by the Seam Ripper
Garmies Through the Generations
Missing the Boat on the Knee Marking
Old Deseret Gym on 25th Street
High Caliber Garments
Akita - The Garment Wearing Dog
My Boyfriend thinks I look sexy..
Granny Pannies Anger Fiancee
Fruit of the Buffoon
Wore Garmies as a Joke - Now I Love 'Em
Why Mormons Are Fanatical About Garments
Indian Ghost Shirts and Mormon Garments
This Sioux ghost shirt is believed to have been
worn by a victim of the December
1890 Wounded Knee massacre.
Apostles Caught With Garments Down