General Conference Lampoon Style

Each April and October the faithful gather in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City to spiritually recharge their worker bee batteries. What's all the buzz about? Well, we've got the "jive o' the hive" for you right here.

Many of the contributors to this section also post on the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board. Please submit your comments at the bottom of this page.

Thomas Monson glum fish general conference

Flushing Sensations at General Conference

04/02/2014 - by watedtime

We were given tickets to conference in the conference center (We still attended at the time). The kids were excited to go. Of course it was a traffic and parking nightmare. We sat through the entire session. The atmosphere was repressive and claustrophobic. At the end, I said I felt like standing up and screaming the whole time. All the kids said they were thinking the same thing.

Then they flush you out. For security, the entire building is designed like a giant toilet. They flush you out, then fill the bowl again, fill the bowl with more crap (the talks), then they flush it again.

Comic Con vs. General Con - Top Ten Comparisons

09/30/2013 - by cricket and a comment by hard6

Ironic that this month (September 2013) Salt Lake City hosted a wildly popular and successful Comic Con and next month, October 2013 will host the Mormon General Conference.

One does not have to be Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, David Letterman or Jay Leno to wonder about the similarities/comparisons between the two large scale events. So here we go.

10. Realize the whole affair is a fantasy. vs. Totally believe/know the Mormon story is true.

9. Wear their costumes on the exterior for everyone to see and enjoy. vs. Wear their costumes (temple garments) on the interior for only tithe paying, temple recommend holders to see.

8. Sold out standing room only. vs. Local wards and stakes assigned tickets and seats to keep Conference Center at capacity.

7. Vibrant, flamboyant, evolving culture. vs. Stagnate, stifling , static culture.

6. The Avengers take center stage. vs. The Pretenders (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) take center pulpit.

5. "Geeking out" is way cool. vs. "Creeping Out" cadence is Mormon cool.

4. Batman and Robin are dynamic. duo vs. Joseph Smith and Moroni the iconic duo.

3. Chose their own characters. vs. God chooses "us" to be his elect characters.

2. Good against evil is story line. vs. Us against them and the wicked world is the dogma.

1. Underestimate attendance and demand. vs. Over report attendance and adherence.

Comment by hard6

Since attending Comic Con in Salt Lake City recently, I now refer to General Conference as "Kolob Kon."

Confessions of a Conference Speech Editor

010/10/2010 - by Hermes

Haven't posted in a while, but with all that has happened in the past week with Packers' speech, I thought I'd tell you all how it was about 30-35 years ago.

One of my odd callings was to sit in the priesthood sessions with a large binder full of the night's speeches. I would follow along and note any changes that the speakers made. For the most part, they were minor things, but what was SAID became the permanent record, not the prepared speech. The edits were made and if there were any media questions, the spoken account was used as official.

The one time things got really weird was when Kimball departed completely from a speech and went off on his "Don't kill the little birds"Éthat alienated all the hunters in the crowd. I remember just crossing out pages of text, and they had to do a quick replay of the night to have a correct wording for the permanent record.

I quit doing this before the Poleman speech in 1984Ébut that was a kicker. They had him wear the same suit, he stood at the podium in a darkened tabernacle, and read a revised speech that was approved by correlation. They cut this into the conference footage, so if there is ever a replay, you get the revised speech.

What I love are how mormons are buying into a party line of "What changes?"

The words that were changed do matter.

That brings up a question. When are the brethren most inspired or when is the Spiritª the most involved? - by Erik

1. When they write their talk?

2. When a staff member writes their talk for them?

3. When the talk is corrected in committee before presentation?

4. When actually giving the talk?

5. When the talk is later edited?

6. When the video of the talk is later edited?

7. When the PR folks attempt to spin the talk?

8. When the apologists attempt to explain the talk?

9. When the talk is later correlated down to utter blandness?

Mormonism is certainly confusing. No wonder so many Mormons have different perspectives of their religion.

Good Grief!! Where is the Joy, the Hope and the Love at Conference???

04/04/2010- by Honey Maid

Boyd K Packer Joy of Conference Gads!!! I watched a couple of talks on KSL and thought "they could have replayed the April conference from 1977 and no one would have been the wiser!" Honestly!! It's the same crap over and over! All the guilt, the massive to do list, read scriptures, pray, revelation....where is the current, up to date...anything?

And why is it that every single speaker looks totally unhealthy, unfit and just physically miserable?

They haven't learned anything!! They talk down to everyone, males and females and offer NOTHING new that you haven't heard in bloody Primary!! Honestly!

Really, this is pathetic. The indoctrination of women to shut up, work your butt off, and stop complaining is so 1950's and so out of touch with so many women and what they are going through. It's the same damn pat answers that answer NONE of life's real issues!

What a huge waste of time!

If I was a Christian used to having normal Easter celebrations actually talking about Christ and Love etc, this would blow my mind. The reason people don't think Mormons are Christian is because they never speak of any of the good messages of hope and love that Christianity is supposed to be about? It's just more guilt, more chastisement and more doom and gloom.

Honestly, Mormons are abused people. Their meetings are verbally abusive in every way. I can see clearly why I'm no longer religious at all. What a horrid thing to put yourself through!

Btw, what on earth is this new Young Women's program? Who has that much time to spend outside of school, extra activities, part time work to spend on some stupid church program that gives you nothing at the end but tacky cheap jewelry? The young people have no time for this pointless drivel! They should be getting ready for college and focusing on their academic future!

Mo-Kat Mormon General Conference with Wiskers S Monson. Gordon Hinckley's nightmare at General Conference with Gladys Knight.

March 17, 2010

Thomas Monson's revelation to reduce General Conference to once a year.

Semiannual General Conference to Become Somewhat Anal General Conference

by G. A. Sustainer - UPI - Uppity Pious Information

Temple Square -

Reversing nearly 180 years of the traditional LDS Semiannual General Conferences, Prophet Thomas S. Monson announced the scaling down of General Conference from twice a year to only once a year.

This surprise revelation was received with a huge collective sigh of relief from the 13.5 million body of Latter-day Saints around the globe. This sigh of relief was so massive that it actually registered a 5.6 on the Richter Scale along the Wasatch Fault in Salt Lake City.

Attempting to appeal to a younger demographic Monson mimicked Dave Letterman's Top Ten list gimick.

Top Ten Reasons for my revelation to cut back General Conference - by Thomas S. Monson

Boyd Pucker Packer's response to Monson's Somewhat Anal Revelation. 10. Boyd K Packer is no longer competent to stand trial, oops, I mean competent to stand behind the podium so we no longer have to be so anal retentive in obeying his obsessions about proper hair styles, funeral protocols, little factory production quotas, grizzly bear circus acts for Dallin Oaks, excommunication medlings, missionary email restrictions, shunning gays, feminists, intellectuals, historians, counselors and facts that are truthful but not useful.

9. All of the widows I try to visit have dementia and treat me as a dangerous intruder so this just isn't as much fun as it used to be.

8. Eliminating one weekend of General Conference will allow me to speak at a miniumum of four additional funerals a year increasing my chances of scoring on a famous dead Mormon or two for PR reasons.

7. Redundancy twice a year has not increased activity rates more than redundancy once a year. Come to think of it, if my revelation works well, the Lord may tell me to hold General Conference only once a decade! "Now that's my idea of perfection in redundancy!"

6. One more Sunday of regular church block meetings will produce about 437 million in tithing receipts that otherwise the sheep would be able to avoid.

5. The General Church budget will save seven million dollars with conference related ticket printing, travel, lodging, security, air-conditioning all the hot air spewed forth in the Conference Center, traffic control, between session catering for G.A. meals in the Church Office Building, and non-revenue generating TV time on KSL-TV.

4. The General Conference sales and promotions at Deseret Book are in the red and flat as a pancake anyway. "My last book is headed toward the recyling bin, I am embarrassed to admit."

3. Instead of me presiding at another conference I could spend the entire weekend traveling to Tibet and actually have a real spiritual experience with the Dalai Lama. I have always adored that man and have strived to be more like him every day because Jesus wants me for a Dalai Lama too.

2. Most Mormons are actually using General Conference weekend to go camping, fishing, boating or working in the yard and garden. We can't have our faithful getting even a sniff of real lives. I hope the flock never finds out I love to hunt on our Church Welfare Farm properties.

1. I have completely run out of material for my conference talks and I don't want to revert to Paul H. Dunn tactics to fill in the time.

Monson went on to wax eloquent about his personal sigh of relief at finally receiving a revelation. "Lo and behold, I did fret exceedingly over the dilemma of being a General Authority since the age of 37 and not registering one single official revelation. Obtaing such a dramatic and globally signtificant revelation as this sure beats that boring "calling and election made sure" stuff I endured for a whole day in the holy of holies."

LDS spokesbrother, Seymour Proffits clarified for reporters that April 2010 Conference will be announced as the First Somewhat Anal General Conference with the October 2010 Conference being cancelled per Profit Monson's revelation.

When asked if Monson's revelation will be canonized as scripture, spokesbrother Proffits hinted that the entire Pearl of Great Price may be de-canonized and totally replaced with Monson's Somewhat Anal Revelation.

Present at the announcement was First Counselor to Monson, Henry B Eyring who interjected, "Our beloved Prophet Monson has never been one for dogma, details or dot-to-dot doctrine and instead has embraced eucumenical endeavors. President Monson is truly the perfect man for our perfect church in these troubled times. I so testify that as Gordon Hinckley once was, Thomas Monson may become and as Gordon Hinckley is Thomas Monson will soon become (Dead, so I can take over power.)"

Brother Iam Somo of the Provo 239th Ward was thrilled. "This monumental moment makes Spencer Kimball's revelation to allow Blacks the priesthood seem like just a little flick of history now."


Things you wish you would hear at General Nonsense

10/13/2009 - by adad and others

With all the unpleasantness caused by Holland and Oaks I thought it would be appropriate to make a wish list of things you wish you could hear at General Conference but you know you never will.

My fave would be, coming from Thomas S: "Shows over folks this is all a giant fraud. We will be closing down dividing up church assets and giving your tithing money back with interest".


Our guest speaker Mr. Elton John will now favour us with "Rocket Man" on the organ.

Or maybe less of a leap "The choir is a bit off today. Perhaps someone could FURNISH me with some earplugs".

"And now the choir will favor us with a selection from Le Cage."

"Will the owner of the blue '93 Aerostar minivan... You left your lights on."

Half the place would get up and leave.

Really I would like to see a GA just lose it, saying the whole thing is a farce. they'd cut to commercial really quick on that one. - CosmoMcK

"Somebody wake up Boyd so he can speak. And tell him to go easy on the tales of spooks and mules." - Don Bagley

Another one from Thomas S. Monson: "I'm really not being moved by the spirit. Actually, it's the crisp pace of the teleprompter and media training by our NY-based PR firm." - Mayday Man

I reckon Holland's teleprompter must have broken or been hacked by a cunning exmo. - adad

Yeah, he really broke from their typical droning style. Still very calculated! - Mayday Man

I now, before closing, we will be favored by a trilogy of favorite LDS hymns from the Men's Section of the Choir:

"You're Having My Baby", "Come, Come ye Saints", and "Put Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns in Bed".

"We will soon be distributing tithing refund checks." - Java's Mom

Due to the 50 class action lawsuits against the LDS church, and indefensibility of past LDS actions and teachings, we will be going into bankruptcy. This will require the sale of this building, and all other properties owned by the LDS church. This will be our last general conference.

These class action lawsuits involve 100,000 people, and the number grows daily. - me

Holland: "I think the church is true but, hey, I could be wrong. See this Book o' Mormon? Lot of nice stories in there and morality plays, but it's just fiction, ladies and gentlemen."

Tommy Monson: "We need some changes to happen in this church, starting with this stupid, monotone I've used for decades. Makes the digital generation fall asleep quick. Maybe I should just start talking like this Joel Osteen guy with the flashing white grill? Speaking of the youth, why don't I just SMS my talk to you all?" - charles, buddhist punk

Closing comment I'd like to hear by whoever is conducting the meeting:

As you all leave here today, for the first time in 50 years I won't take the time to tell you to drive safely. We shouldn't have to remind you to follow the traffic laws and use caution with the pedestrian crowds every d@mn conference. Besides, after being filled with the "spirit" you all shouldn't be tearing out of here like bats out of hell. Depart, ye sheep. - Dagny

A whole lot of you out there need to lose weight. Yeah, I mean you!

And whats with those hairstyles, sisters? Its no wonder we have a porn problem in this church.

I'd be surfing the web too, if I wasn't so old and blind. - Delightsome

"We're sorry for the racism and violence and bigotry." - Heresy

Yo, Bros and Hoes, Holla. Conference is cancelled, go party!! (after refreshments of course) - 6 iron

"Brothers & sisters, under each seat is a six pack & some snacks. ENJOY!"

And while you are enjoying your beers and food, Santana will perform live." - Matt

"Masturbation is NOT a sin anymore!!" - rebecca

"I couldn't help but notice you quoted about 5 of my previous talks Elder Kiss-up. Now find your own damn material the next time you are assigned to speak at this pulpit you suck up." - Thomas S. Monson

When the choir was about ready to perform Led Zepplin's "Whole Lotta Love" blasts over the speakers LOUD. The look on the congregations' faces? Priceless. - The Wicked Witch

"Get out your handcart and head for Missouri. Don't try to drive, it won't be safe. No bicycles either. Handcarts only. Don't worry about your house or belongings, you won't need them. We'll tell you what to do when everyone arrives."

Maybe it would wake people up to what a CULT they belong to. - scarecrowfromoz

Tourettes Testimony at 
General Conference.

The Great & Spacious Conference Center

05/13/2008 - by Old Beezle and others

Did anyone else ever feel that the conference center in downtown Salt Lick City resembled the great and spacious building from Lehi's dream about the Tree of Life?

The building was big and tall, the people in it were dressed "exceedingly fine" and they mocked all those who were not in the building with them. With all the terraces and gardens on the SLC conf. center and the "Sunday best" crowd milling about feeling good about themselves for physically going to conference rather than sleeping through it at home I always felt that somehow I was on the wrong side of the river when I went with my family to conference.

I called it the Great and Spacious Building - by No name for now in front of a never Mormon once. She had no idea what I was talking about. It was refreshing to find someone who lives in the heart of Mormondom who does not know about Lehi's dream (or should we say Joseph Smith Sr.'s dream as described in the History of Joseph Smith by His Mother)?

Also coming soon "The Big and spacious Mall." - by anon

I dated one of the architects that worked on the building by Bezoar

they called it the Meganacle.

I Gave One of The Engineers Who Worked on it - by SL Cabbie

A lift to the airport just as construction was winding down, a non-Mormon, he gave me a figure of 497 million dollars for the final cost. Hinckley was always hinting it was much lower.

For post Mormon purposes, I refer to it as the General Con Center.

Ho Hum Hymns at Conference

04/08/2007 - by NG and others

About the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at general conference singing Hie to Kolob with a query as to how that is mainstreaming, someone wrote they also sang the Joseph Smith songs ("Praise to the Man" etc.) and then "Mother" replied:

Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah who ascended to Heaven with a gun in his hand, giving the Masonic distress signal, and murdering someone on the way out.

New "Spiritual Feast" calling announced at General Conference

04/03/2007 - by Joseph's Myth

Each ward will now be required to call a few worthy members to Eat For The Dead. This calling will no doubt be sought after because being obese will now be a sign of righteousness instead of a sign of psychological problems such as depression or self control issues. Eating For The Dead will also increase member activity percentages the Church believes.

This conference weekend I saw a lot of women without shirts

04/03/2007 - by brian-the-christ

It wasn't in the Conference Center but it was wonderful!

I took my son to Vegas for his 21st birthday and along with the drinking and gambling I took him to Fantasy, a topless review.

There on the stage were eleven gorgeous women, singing and dancing and showing their breasts. Their bodies were pleasing to the sight and delicious, just like the Serpent told me they would. About half of the people in the the audience were women.

It was fun for both of us. After the show we met the ladies in the lobby and he got a calendar signed. We chatted with them about the show and I mentioned that TOL was a trained dancer and probably would have really enjoyed the performance. It was very professionally done.

My son and I had a wonderful drive there and back from Mormondumb. We talked about his life and his aspirations. He asked me advice and we reminisced about his growing up and laughed a lot about all that.

It was a wonderful, exhilarating experience...filled with beautiful women and wonderful breasts.

Much better than Geriatric Conference, I guarantee.

Top Ten Things Heard at LDS Conference

03/31/2007 - by substrate

10. Mom, Dad's snoring again. Mom? Mom?

9. Final Four or priesthood session ... tough choice.

8. Finally, a Sabbath day that really is a day of rest.

7. Don't worry about President Hinckley. We keep an emergency supply of unicorn blood under his chair.

6. This is really going to be a historic conference! Yes, we'll be hearing the same recycled stuff we've been hearing for years, but this time we'll hear it from a different group of geriatric white men.

5. No, President Monson, it would not be appropriate to start "the wave" in the conference center.

4. I just go weak in the knees when that Richard G. Scott pleads for something.

3. Women are placed on a pedestal of reverence in the church; that's why we only let one or two speak during conference.

2. I hear some Paraguayans donated their gold fillings to pay for the floral arrangements.

1. Do you think conference was this boring in Joseph Smith's time?

Top Ten April General Conference Annoucements

03/21/2007 - by cricket

10. Thomas S Monson will astound and amaze the congregation by having all 1,397 widows present stand in unison and sing his praises for attending to each and everyone of their person special needs the past year. Warm fuzzies and tears will be shared by all present except for the 976 widowers present who President Monson has completely ignored for years.

9. General Authorities salaries to be paid in kind from donations to Deseret Industries. Also GA air travel to be downgraded from First Class to coach.

8. The first sitting apostle to take up residence west of the Jordan River in Salt Lake City will permanently move up three seats in the seniority ranking of the Quorum of the Twelve. The cities of Magna, Kearns, West Jordan, Herriman and even Tooele have passed tax exemption status for any General Authorities who will take up residence within their city limits.

7. Daniel C Peterson from FARMS - BYU will speak in tongues (mostly Re-formed Egytpian) regarding the Limited Geography Theory of the Book of Mormon thus administering a stern "spiritual spanking" on believing bottoms of The Children of Lehi in attendance at General Conference. President Spencer W Kimball will turn over in his grave, unless he's already been resurrected.

6. The office of Patriarch to the Church will be re-instituted and must be filled by one who is gay in honor of the late patriarch, Joseph F. Smith. queer_mormons.shtml

5. In the sustaining of church officers, those opposed will be given equal time at the pulpit to ventilate their concerns but will still be excommunicated in mass on the spot and then escorted out of the Conference Center.

4. Richard G Scott will be "inducted" into the International Hypnotics Hall of Fame after all 22,000 attendees are once again mesmerized into glassy eyed stupors by his sermon.

3. Dallin H Oaks will be inducted into the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Hall of Fame after finally succeeding in stage managing Boyd K Packer during General Conference's three ring Celestial Circus.

2. Copying major league baseball, the Seventh Speaker Stretch will be instituted to allowed to return blood circulation to the heads and buttocks of conference goers. A peppy organ recital and sing along of "Take Me Out to Bath Room" shall "awake and arise" all of those not suffering from catatonia.

1. Seniority in the Quorum of the Twelve will now be based on penis size rather than age, thus maintaining the tradition started by Joseph Smith in Kirthland and Nauvoo. Unfortunately this will demote President Packer to the bottom of the priesthood pile.

TOP 10 List of Things To Make Conference Fun - Exmo Style

by Simeon's Peep Stone - 01/17/2007

#10 - Bug the shit out of all the TBM's (True Believing Mormons) around you by acting like you're a Baptist. Yell out "Amen" and "Praise the Lord" in sarcastic tones throughout the session.

#9 - Play the "I Know" drinking game. Stock up on your favorite elixir and take a shot everytime someone says the phrase "I Know". You'll be shit faced before the end of the first session.

#8 - Re-enact King Benjamins days by setting up a tent in your living room or in the overflow at church. Despite the desire to do otherwise, the tent door must be pointed towards the screen.

#7 - Show up at the Conference Center with your Temple Packet. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.

#6 - Host a Conference Party for all of your TBM friends at Hooters. They have great party rooms and the best chicken wings around.

#5 - Insist on turning the volume down really low so you can still hear the whisperings of the Spirit. How can anyone hear what God has to say with all of that racket?

#4 - Bring a laser pointer with you to Conference. Annoy millions of people around the world all at the same time.

#3 - Sneak up to the front and saturate the cushiony chairs of the 12 and First Presidency with the liquid of your choice. They'll be some Soggy Bottom Seers!

#2 - During the 2nd session as members are being brainwashed err I mean asked to vote on something they have no control over, voice your discontent with the G.A. of your choice. Then as all Hell breaks loose say, "April Fools!". (This only works for April Conference.)

#1 - In the middle of the last session, announce with a megaphone that Christ just returned to the earth and is holding a press conference on T.V. right at this very moment.

Megaphone with batteries - $45.00
Big Screen T.V. - $1200.00

General Authorities Shittin' their Pants . . . Priceless.

The (Long Gone) Glory Days of General Conference

09/29/2006 - by Tal Bachman

(Imagine the scratchy twang of an old prospector telling this)

"Time was, that Gen'ral Conference used to be *sumpin'*. warnt like it is now.

"See, back then, the fellas runnin' this show - well, they actually seemed to *believe* stuff. And they never cared who knowed it. They'd just git up and *speak thar mind*, like'n if you wanted to believe, you could, but if'n you didn't, then you was *wrong*.

"I was here one year, and didn't this Ezra Taft Benson git up, and start sayin' all the blacks only wanted thar rights, cuz the commie-nists told 'em they wanted 'em. That seemed mighty presumpshus, but at least everybody knowed where he stood. And he stood PLAIN WRONG (raspy cackling). And THEN, if that warnt bad enough, didn't that ol' Ezra git up and pretty much 'cuse Hugh B. Brown of being a commie-nist sympathizer - right in gen'ral conference! He all but tol' the members that Brownie, that he was a 'wolf in sheep's clothin''. Can you 'magine? Hoo-eee!"

"And then you had Packer talkin' 'bout little FACTORIES and all kinds of crazy nonsense, and Dunn spinnin' some mighty fine yarns, and ol' man Kimball talkin' 'bout Injun skin gittin' LIGHTER 'n LIGHTER, the more MORMON they was! Holy heck, them was the days. And even back in the early days, Brigham would talk about people livin' on the moon and stabbin' people with spears 'n such. Now violence ain't my cup o' joe, but at least there was sumpin' kinda...compellin' about it all, I guess. See, they was all practically loony. Not like now, where they just all seem, well, more borin' than a dead man, which, come to think of it, most of them pretty much are.

"And I reckon, thar borin', because...I figger, deep down...they don' really believe it anymore. Hell, how could they? Sure they believe some - but they don' believe all. No, they don't, or they'd say so. They'd talk from them scriptures and read 'em out all proud, even them crazy drawin's in the pearl o' great price. But...they just don' believe it like they used to.

"So I'll tell y'all what yer gonna hear this gen'ral conference - and that is, nothin' but a big ol' bag of nothin'. It'll be 'nothin' this', and 'nothin' that', and 'everything's fine', and 'everybody's feelin' good', and 'ain't we special', and that Tommy Monson'll start huffin' out his stories calc-ee-lated for to git the ladies cryin' and nothin' else, but at the end of it all, you'll just have nothin'. Because this church has become pretty church 'the church o' nothin''. Guess it was just a matter o' time..."

(Stay tuned for continuing episodes of "Harley J. Mufferson, Grizzled Prospector of the Great Basin" - not).

The General Conference Poem

09/24/2006 - by Denis

Lots of Old
Nothing New
Lots of Borrowed
Lots of Do (Pray, Pay, Obey)
Lots of Boring
Lots of Snoring
Nothing Good
Lots of Should
Nothing Real
Lots of Deal (God'll swap you This for That)
Lots of Proddin'
Bunch of Noddin'
Lots of Struttin'
Tons of Nuttin'
Lots of Ain't We Cool
Secret thoughts of What A Fool
Lots of Podium Puffery
Hidden thoughts of Take It And Stuffitery
Free Choir Musicality
Not a bit of real Practicality
Lots of Droning
Herds of GA Cloning
Lots of Piety
Way too much Sobriety
Bunch of Do The Right
Quiet hunch of This Ain't Right
So much of Look At Me
Way too little of Let Me Be

Which, I think, covers the situation for both speakers & listeners.

The Ghost of Conference to Come

12/11/2005 - by runtu

Brothers and sisters, we welcome you to this, the 280th general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Under the direction of President S. Node Frumburth, I, Brother A. Lyon Pendejo, am conducting this session. As you all know, this year, 2110, is the 200th anniversary of the birth of that great prophet, even Gordon B. Hinckley. Throughout this year, we will be celebrating the achievements of this great leader of the past.

The music will be provided by the choir ... I mean, soloist, Sister DeLuded Frumburth, who will favor us with the hymn "We Ever Pray for Thee, Our Prophet Dear." She will be accompanied on the organ--oh, that's right, we had to sell the organ to pay the heating bills for the temple. After the singing, the opening prayer will be given by I. Bray Forluker, second counselor in the First Presidency. Then I, Brother Pendejo, will speak to the conference.

[song and prayer]

Today is a glorious day in the history of the Church. For the first time since that marvelous day, 280 years ago, when the church was organized, the entire membership of the church is gathered together for a conference. Perhaps it is evidence of divine influence, but just as there were 6 original members of the church on that day, there are only 6 of us left. We see the evidence of the time of sifting spoken of in the scriptures.

Much of what has transpired began with the prophetic call of Gordon B. Hinckley. His was the blessing to be called to divide the wheat from the tares in the church. He accomplished this by denying or downplaying church doctrine on national television. He became known not for such homely phrases like "lengthen your stride" or "families are forever"; no, we revere him for his statement of sublime truth: "I don't know that we teach it." Has any prophetic utterance ever had such an effect on the humble followers of Christ? To those weak in the faith, it became a stumbling block, and many were left by the wayside, their faith choked by the weeds of expecting their prophet to stand up for truth. We who stand here today are evidence of the power of weaseling and following the prophet, no matter where he leads us.

His also was the privilege of overextending the finances of the church. My youth was filled with happy memories of empty temples dotting the land. Of course, now all but one have been sold. Still, I can't help but beam with pride each time I drive past the Wal-Mart in West Jordan, knowing that there my ancestors performed ordinances for the living and the dead. And the spires of Disneyland Washington conjure up in the mind the wonderful Christmas pageants held every year there. We could name them all: the Manti Home Depot, the Los Angeles Chippendales, the Newport Beach Taco Bell, the Bogota drug processing lab. Yes, ours is a proud history.

And what of his proudest achievement? Yes, I speak of the Salt Lake Conference Center, or as it has become more recently, the world's largest Hooters. I stand before you at the last remnant of the Conference Center: the walnut podium made from President Hinckley's tree. Some have suggested we burn it to help heat the temple, but we cannot lose this piece of history, no matter what.

Now it is my privilege to present the statistical report for the church:

Membership as of December 31, 2109: 6

Children of record baptized: 0 (you all know we're well past our child-bearing years)

Convert baptisms: 0

Total number of wards: 0

Total number of stakes: 0

Total branches: 1 (isn't it marvelous to be in the central gathering place for the church?)

Number of missionaries in the field: 0

Temples in operation: 1 (but we need to find out how to pay the bills. Otherwise, I have a great offer from IHOP)

Some of you may be discouraged at these results. Well do I remember that Joseph Smith was not discouraged when he too had a church with only 6 members. Brothers and sisters, this is the beginning of a new and glorious work. From this tiny seed, we will become a mighty oak. The great work of the church will ever go forward.

Oh, who am I kidding? I think we're missing the Niners game.

A Cricket's Eye View of the Joseph Smith 200th Birthday Celebration Exhibit at Temple Square

04/02/2005 - by cricket

Joseph Smith prophet of the restoration 200th birthday display.
The display is located in the Museum of Church History and Art or MOCHA. Note the irony that the acronym for the museum is a type of hot drink forbidden to Mormons in their own Word of Wisdom.
Joseph Smith 1805 toddler.
The tour starts out with delightful video clips of the young Joseph growing up in Sharon, Vermont
Joseph Smith leg surgery.
The tour turns from delightful to frightful as the agony of young Joseph's lower leg bone infection is dissected in minute and gory detail.
Joseph Smith surgerical tools used on his leg.
These tools proved to be an answer to prayer as a team of doctors attempted a new proceedure to prevent amputation. Many Mormons believe the Lord kept knowledge of this "new proceed" to Himself, to be restored in the Latter-days for the sole purpose of saving the young prophet's life.
Joseph Smith - cut and chip saw.
The story shows how young Joseph showed bravery and refused alcohol to numb the pain.
Joseph Smith - doctor delivers bad news.
The physician shares the bad news with Joseph and then proceeds to lance an infection in the shoulder spewing a quart of bloody fluid. Some days later the doctors perform the leg surgery.
Joseph Smith - surgical tools of his era.
Lucy Mack Smith, young Joseph's mother is shown having to leave their home and walk far enough away so as not to hear young Joseph's screaming and whaling.
Joseph Smith's calling.
After this gut wrenching and tear jerking experience designed to loosen the visitor's sensitivies to the Holy Ghost, the scene is set for the "Calling of a Prophet."
Joseph Smith sacred grove.
We are then taken on an "eye witness" account of young Joseph's enlightenment in a grove that was later to become Sacred. We are deprived of witnessing the three actual personages who visited Joseph, God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Other Son Lucifer. One may assume that because Gordon B. Hinckley, the current prophet is not sure that God was once a man or that man can become a God, these scenes leave all of this up to our own imaginations.
Joseph Smith returns from sacred grove.
When young Joseph finished his business in the grove it was back to home. Unfortunately television had not been invented yet, otherwise Joseph could have made the usual "talk show" rounds telling about his visit with God and Jesus. If only CNN had been on the scene?
Joseph Smith milk before meat.
Joseph had many hours to bask in the inspiration and afterglow of his Magic Grove experience and devised various marketing ploys to further the Work and Glory of God.
Joseph Smith gold digger.
One such marketing ploy involved writing a best seller about the local Indians and how they came to be in America.
Joseph Smith two faced.
Joseph perfected the art of speaking out of both sides of his mouth, a trait which has been passed down through all of his successor prophets. For instance the exhibit tells nothing of Joseph's treasure digging, the Kinderhook Plates fiasco, plural marriages and sexual relations with teen aged young women, financial disasters and false prophecies.
Joseph Smith death mask profile.
The glaring omission that Joseph, a prophet, seer and revelator failed to foresee and prevent his own death due to his womanizing and grandiose behavior is ignored completely.
Joseph Smith's bedroom replica - Moroni visited.
This replica and cut away of the home in Palmyra, New York where Joseph was visited by an angel named Moroni allows visitors to sit and watch a brief video about Joseph's amazing life experiences.

Reactions to the "Calling of a Prophet" video varied greatly.

Moroni delivers pizza.
The spiritual hunger pains the young Joseph suffered late at night soon turned to burning in the bosom as Moroni delivered the real goods.
Moroni delivers gold plates to Joseph Smith.
The Hill Cumorah, a short distance from the Smith home was the designated drop spot for the Gold Plates. The exhibit says nothing of the Sword of Laban and the Urim and Thummim also being dropped off.
Gold plates replica - Book of Mormon.
This is the inspired, official, canonized, customary, FARMS approved, marketable replica of the Gold Plates from which Joseph Smith dictated, cut, spliced and pasted the Book of Mormon story.
Lifting the golden plates - LDS.
Visitors can actually attempt to hoist a replica of these gold plates.
Gold plates and a box of rocks.
More scientific methods of calculation actally reveal that such gold plates would weigh approximately 200 lbs. Actually a box of rocks would weigh about 50 to 60 lbs.
Gold plates Joseph Smith carried were super heavy.
Curiously, the prophet with the sore leg from childhood surgery, who limped the rest of his life was able to sprint from the Hill Cumorah all the way home, leaping over logs, fending off attackers while carrying the 200 lbs. plates in a sack over his shoulder. "Where is Ripley's Believe It Or Not?"
Joseph Smith birthday 1805 visions.
And the rest is history. Joseph expands his "trip to Kolob" with personal chats with John the Baptist, Peter, James and John the Apostles, Noah, Elijah, Gabriel and Michael, not to be a name dropper or anything such thing.
Joseph Smith's Nauvoo cape.
This cape unintentionally has become a metaphor for the "caper" Joseph pulled while in Nauvoo which included being unfaithful to his wife, Emma, destroying a printing press exposing him and attempting to run for election to the U.S. Presidency.
Joseph Smith and Helen Mar Kimball.
Helen Mar Kimball was one of thirty three documented "spiritual wives" Joseph recurited at young and tender ages.
Joseph Smith's death mask - touchable display.
Visitors are allowed to actually touch this replica of a holy Mormon relic.
Joseph Smith death mask changes color.
The death mask actually changes color in accordance with the belief system and gullibility of the visitor touching the mask.
Joseph Smith mask left side.
The darker the mask becomes the less gullible and foolish visitor's personal tendencies are.
Joseph Smith mask rigth side.
Yours truly was able to snap a quick photo before the mask turned completely black.
Joseph Smith hair lock.
This exhibit showed many hairlocks of the prominent first Mormons. One wonders what a DNA analysis and sequence could provide as far as genetic traits and tendencies in these people. Maybe there is evidence of some mental illness in the Smith line?
Joseph Smith response comments.
Now that the visitors have been saturated with high doses of rays from the Holy Ghost, they are then encouraged to put them to writing. Surprisingly, the names and addresses of visitors are not requested.
Joseph Smith birthday busts x five.
After exiting the exhibit Joseph is to be found everywhere one turns.
Joseph Smith marketing of a prophet.
Books abound about Joseph Smith operating on the principle that "If we print them, the people will come, will see and will buy."
Temple Square God's plan closed.
A brisk walk though the Temple Square Visitor's Center leaves one in a spiritual crisis as God appears to have left the building.
General Conference desperation sales of pulp fiction.
With the Mormon Church membership and conversion rates dropping like a ton of bricks, the prices of sacred volumes published by the Prophet and Apostles reach second hand store prices.
Church Office Building COB and coca cola.
All of this enough to drive a faithful worker bee to drink.
Mormon LDS Salt Lake Temple international house of handshakes.
Mormon temple work sure is deal "you can shake on."
Temple square robots corner visitors.
A stroll though Temple Square requires the skill of a slalom skier in order to avoid the Lady Missionaries.
Temple Square Conference Center visitor guide.
Sincere people like this woman stand at the ready to guide one on a tour of the Conference Center.
Main Street Salt Lake City from Conference Center.
This is the street that made Salt Lake City famous a the turn of the new millennium. As usual "The Church" got its way and turnd a Main Street into a Highway to Kolob.
Temple Square from Conference Center.
An thus we conclude with an inspiring view of Temple Square from atop the Conference Center gardens.

Mutt's Rule for Conference Watching/Listening

10/02/2005 - by Stray Mutt

As you partake of General Conference, remember that the brethren don't preach about things that aren't problems for the church. In fact, they are so averse to admitting all is not well in Zion, that if they mention any problem at all, then it has become so large that they can't ignore it any longer. A prime example was when they finally had to publicaly address the fact the Lord's Chosen People had a massive problem with porn.

So as you listen to the brethren browbeat the faithful, know that whatever they talk about is a problem. Using "hyrum's" Saturday afternoon report as a guide, we can know the following are serious problems:

- Women are increasingly dissatisfied with the church

- Members are becoming more worldly

- The youth are less interested in the church

- Members aren't choosing the way the brethren want them too

- The church is sucking wind in Mexico

- Fewer members are looking to Jesus for answers

- Fewer young men want to serve missions

- More young women are bagging the church

- Seniors aren't responding the way the brethren hoped

- There are too many inactive members

- Member missionary work still doesn't work

- Members aren't prepared

- Members don't have enough faith

- Members aren't obedient enough

- Members aren't taking up the challange to read the BoM by the end of the year

- Fewer members are paying tithing

- Fewer Mormons live in traditional families

- Few members are doing all the at-home prayer/study/indoctrination/guilt-building exercises

- The Web is a huge problem

That all sounds like good news to me. The members are drifting into inactivity, filling their lives with something besides the church. Yippie.

This is my first Conference as an EX-MO!

10/02/2004 - by Samuel the Utahnite

I find it rather funny and entertaining to hear L. Tom Perry and I'm sure many others to follow, stand at the pulpit, with a straight face, talking to the whole world and using fairy tales as examples of how we should live our life and who we should strive to be like.

I mean, this is crazy when you think about it; the Book of Mormon has been proved to be completely bogus and a fraud and yet they quote from it as if the people in it, actually lived and were real!! There isn't one shred of physical or DNA evidence that prove the Book of Mormon to be what it purports to be. I just can't believe that these men really believe that the Book of Mormon is true. Can they really be that stupid or are they just brainwashed? They have access to the complete truth in the archives of the Church, how can they not know? They have to be knowingly perpetuating a fraud!!

They talk about Nephi, Lehi, Laban, Joseph, etc, as if they are real!! Give me a break!! It would be like the Prophet, Apostles and Seventies standing at the pulpit, referring to Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy, talking about the specific episode where they did this and that and that they should be examples to us in how we act. I just find it hilarious!! Like I said, this is my first Conference as a non-believer and every time they reference someone or something in the Book of Mormon, I just laugh, knowing what I now know. I just can't believe that I was one of the stupid, brain-washed suckers that bought this crap hook line and sinker for over 30 years.

Today I'm grateful for my freedom in actually not believing in the fairy tale of the Book of Mormon, and the Church's Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy!!

Personally, I love "the voice"

10/02/2004 - by activejackmormon

It is the most mind-numbing diatribe that talks to everyone like children. It's like if you haven't been lobotomized, let me talk you into one.

General Conference coloring activity book.

Gordon B Hinckley's Final Message to the Priesthood October General Conference 2004

09/30/2004 - by Seefar

Gordon B Hinckley levitates the congregation. My beloved brethren. Tonight I wish leave you with what may very well be my final farewell. The doctors tell me I may live a while longer but as I am now well into my 10th decade of this life, you never know. I must say that I am happy to have lived in a time when so many wondrous events in the world have taken place; I am happy to have been able to serve you these many years; I have no regrets overall; my life has been full and when my time comes, I do not wish any to mourn at my passing.

As my life comes to a close, I can say that I pass on with the satisfaction that we as a people have done much good in the world even if there is much left to be done.

But tonight I feel impressed to leave with you with a few closing thoughts, to correct some errors in the thinking and understanding of a few well meaning individuals.

Some of what I now will say may cause some consternation in a few, (turns and nods towards Boyd K Packer) but I hope my comments will be liberating for most of you. I choose this priesthood session as the forum to speak of these things because it has been primarily the priesthood that has been in error, it is the Priesthood that needs to repent. More correctly, it is the Priesthood leadership, including myself, that needs to change and apologize for past actions that have been the cause of unnecessary heartache.

I’m talking about the exercise of unrighteous dominion. Joseph Smith in the D&C revealed these timeless truths: “We have learned by sad experience . . . “

D&C 121:39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile--

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

Brethren we have too often as priesthood leaders attempted to impose our personal beliefs upon others without applying the principal of gentle persuasion, long suffering, and love unfeigned. Especially the love unfeigned. We need to work harder on that.

But let me tonight at least clear the air, let me correct a few misconceptions that have crept quite unnecessarily and sometimes to the detriment to the well being of our people, errors that have somehow embedded themselves incorrectly into our theology.

Let’s start with one of the big ones. Chastity. We have sometimes fallen into the trap of emphasizing chastity to such a degree that the more important principles of love, kindness, humility, are pushed aside, even completely violated in the attempt to enforce the principle of chastity. And yet the principle itself has been grievously misunderstood. Tonight I will clarify.

Chastity by classical definition is sexual abstinence. The Lord never preached that sexual abstinence is any sort of virtue. It is not and should never be suggested as a commandment or even a recommendation. It is a factor in our eternal happiness only in the sense that we cannot attain a fullness of eternal happiness if we advocate, or practice sexual abstinence.

The commandment is “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” The ancient meaning of this scripture has two parts: The first is that the sexual relations should never be forced on someone who is not a willing participant. Today’s terminology for such an act would be rape in the extreme case, or we some times say sexual abuse in less extreme but still very grievous cases. The second part of the definition is that a married man or woman should not have sexual relations with another person without fully satisfying the needs of their husband or wife. It was never meant to imply that sexual relations outside the covenant of marriage are evil or even to be discouraged.

Such matters are very personal and up to the individuals involved. Let me hasten to say that I am not advocating or encouraging extramarital relations either, I’m just saying that it is a personal matter that the Lord has left to our best judgment. We are expected to make mistakes. It is hoped that we can learn from them. It is not appropriate to have 3rd parties throwing stones. Refer to John 8:11. We are expected to make our own choices and then live with the consequences.

I fear that we have tragically created much unnecessary sorrow and suffering over this issue, especially with our teenagers.

In fairness to the authors and those who have propagated this tragic error let me say there was a time when there was some value, when there was a partially sensible reason for encouraging chastity outside of marriage. That reason is for the prevention of unplanned and sometimes tragically unwanted children that may be brought into a world that will not properly love and care for them. In our historical roots, it was a practical adaptation of the cultural needs of the time.

Our history includes many practices that were necessities in their day and time, but are no longer needed because of the prosperity that we have been blessed with. In my Grandfather’s day, even in my own youth, a weekly bath was about all anyone could manage. But modern plumbing and other household conveniences have decreased the unpleasant burdens inherent in a pre-technology society.

Just so has modern medicine has provided options for effective contraception and disease prevention. Just as we now enjoy the fruits of better physical health from better sanitation and a more clear knowledge of how to care for our bodies, we are now able to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits from increased protected sexual expression. Let me repeat, I am not advocating indiscriminate promiscuity or libertine behaviors. Sensible precautions and behaviors should be taught and advocated. I am simply instructing the Priesthood leadership not to question or pry into the personal lives of our members.

Just as we teach our children to wash and care for their bodies, we need to teach them responsible and wholesome sexual behaviors. Teaching them shame and guilt about expressing their pro-creative drives is surely abhorrent to our creator. Let’s teach our young people how to stay healthy and avoid unplanned children without abusing them with guilt or attempting to force them into unnatural practices such as abstinence. Any person that teaches that the expression of sexuality (whether alone or with another) is sinful, that person, teaching sin where none exists, is walking in darkness and not pleasing our creator.

And now for the Big One. I wish to address the literalness of the holy scriptures. The scriptures along with the great literature and historical writings of mankind have much value to us. We learn moral and ethical principles, we learn about human nature, we learn about our potential for greatness as well as the threat of darkest evil. But written histories are never complete nor fully accurate.

This does not mean that we simply dismiss them or refuse to study them. We have to work with what we have. But we should always maintain a healthy humility that acknowledges limitations in our records and our knowledge. It could be called a skeptical outlook. I did not say cynical. They are two quite different outlooks and approaches to life. So let us be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water, but let us lift the baby out on occasion, holding it lovingly to our breast while we discard the soiled water.

Gordon B Hinckley preaches about sex. The Bible and other scriptures are simply bathtubs. They contain many precious truths as well as the detritus of human error and misunderstanding. Only through honest research and study can we separate the two. If we are blindly loyal to a pre-conception that has not been tested in the crucible of scientific and historical scrutiny, we have no way to separate the floating fecal matter from the healthy baby. As long as we hold fast to the feces, we are condemned to darkness. We must have the integrity to distinguish between that which we have pretty good evidence for and that which we have pretty good evidence against, (that is we must only accept that which we really know) and we must withhold definitive judgement for those cases in which we have neither.

And so back to the Bible and Book of Mormon etc. Many men and women reported to have been prophets have written down their views of heaven and earth. Some seem to be pretty good, some seem to be in error. We now know that the earth was created over many billions of years. We now know that life on earth, including man, evolved through the ages from more basic life forms. We have a complete absence of any contemporary historical evidence that Jesus Christ ever lived upon the earth. We have conflicting historical accounts that indicate the Book of Mormon was largely a creation of Joseph Smith. I don’t know whether there ever were any Golden Plates. I can tell you that I have never seen them, even though I often feel the power of truth and inspiration when I read certain passages from the Book of Mormon.

So let’s let the scholars continue their research into archeology and history and then we will know which parts, if any, have literal truth. For the rest, let’s accept that which we can learn from any parable, metaphor, or allegory. We need not have a literal belief in a parable to learn important and valuable truths. So let us give testimony of that which we in truth have substantial tangible evidence, let us espouse acceptance and belief in the ethical and moral principles that we have come to accept, but let us always keep an open mind to receive further light and knowledge when the opportunities present themselves.

I realize that what I have said will shake some people to their very core. That is good. If it does, I have achieved at least a part of my purpose. But, if you feel shaken, will you proceed to dump the baby, or will you open up your lives to receive further light and knowledge. Will you accept the truths attributed to Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, and other prophets? Kindness, respect, service, honesty, etc, etc.?

Boyd K Packer on sex. There is one administrative change I am making tonight. There are some who because of the hardness of their hearts may not be able to accept what I am teaching this evening. We will create special recognition for their past great service even though they made many serious mistakes. Tonight, we are creating the position of Apostle Emeritus, to be filled by those who because of age, medical condition, or hardness of their hearts are no longer able to function as a special witness for Christ. (Not a witness of his literal existence, but a witness of the life affirming truths that he taught.)

Also, we will soon be issuing a much shorter handbook of instructions for the administration of the church’s organization.

Tonight for the positions of Apostle Emeritus the following names:

Gordon B. Hinckley
Thomas S. Monson
James Faust
Boyd K. Packer

As the new first Presidency of the Church:

L Tom Perry new president of Mormon Church.

L. Tom Perry, President
Dr Nielson, 1st Counselor
Jeffery R, Holland, 2nd Counselor

As president of the Quorum of the twelve: Elder Richard G. Scott

And a special warning to all non-emeritus apostles, especially Henry B. Eyring. Let’s not talk too much about blind or unquestioning obedience as a virtue. It’s not. Don’t ever expect it. Don’t ever require it. Nothing is above debate except your own personal beliefs. But everyone is as entitled to their personal beliefs as you are. They need not be confronted to justify their beliefs any more than you are required to justify yours. The rest of you, well I know it’s a shock but you are all bright, creative, and I expect have a good enough heart that you will be sustained in your efforts to separate this new Church Baby from the dirty bath water of past mistakes and doctrinal errors, including some that you yourselves may have propagated.

All in favor? Apposed? The voting has been unanimously affirmative from those that in their hearts are true disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I am now just another old man. I thank you for your kind regard and the many years of Association. May the blessings of our creator be yours now more fully than ever. In the name of all that is true and good. Amen

President Perry, the time is yours.

(Gordon B Hinckley sits down)

Gordon B Hinckley's heroes.

Remember, as Robert Baumgardner, the sage philosopher and spiritual giant once decreed, "Thou shalt not speak evil of the Lord's annoying."

Conference Center thumbnail.The Tabernacle thumbnail.
1 Nephi 8: 26-27: "And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building.... and it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female...."

General Authority domino reaction at General Conference.

Breaking down the General Authority speaking styles

05/04/2004 - by Tragic Mind

Each GA has their own annoying, fingernails-on-the-chalkboard delivery that drives me up the wall (amusingly, just like listening to Janice Kapp Perry music -- I can ALWAYS tell a JKP song because they're all written the same with the same chord progressions and insipid "row-your-boat" mentality).

THOMAS MONSON -- I do a great TM impression during general conference. I briefly had my kids doing it until my wife told them it was rude and evil (EVIL SPEAKING OF THE LORD'S ANOINTED!!). But who of us can forget the cadence of that voice...

"And thus... it came to beeeeeeeee... that I... and my beloved brotherrrrrr... laid our hands upon... that dear sister's heaaaaaaaaad... and blessed her... to be healed... EVEN unto perfect health!"

JAMES FAUST -- This guy is the worst for me. The thing that gets me, besides the cadence of his voice, is that he talks longer than he has the available breath... so that the end of a phrase dribbles off and you're sympathetically gasping for air yourself hoping he'll breathe...

RICHARD G. SCOTT -- This guy seems bent on hypnotizing you. You look at his face and his lips barely move. It wigs me out to even watch him talk.

JOSEPH B. WIRTHLIN -- Can this guy not memorize a talk at all? The way he stares into the teleprompter with those gigantic glasses of his and reads his lines in the most boring monotone possible makes me want to throttle him. At least he doesn't have the GA "singsong" cadence, though.

HENRY B. EYRING -- Is it me, or does this guy start crying BEFORE HE CAN FINISH THE FIRST SENTENCE OF HIS TALK??

JEFFREY R. HOLLAND -- This guy has the most engaging speaking style. But you get the idea that he is the next Boyd K. Packer in terms of personality. He's dangerous, folks.

BOYD K. PACKER -- When he's not preaching hell and damnation, you get the sense that he's bored with his subject matter. You know he's just dying to verbally kick someone's ass.

DAVID B. HAIGHT -- I actually like his talks now. He's too blind to read them and so he makes them up as he goes along. It's like, "Fuck it, I'm dying soon anyway so I'm gonna say what I want to."

RUSSELL M. NELSON -- This guy zeroes in on the camera and won't let it go. "Check me out! I'm not reading the prompter! Thus, my message is MUCH more meaningful!"

DALLIN H. OAKS -- You wonder if he's giving a legal brief before a judge, the way he talks. You wonder whether L.A. Law would be more entertaining.

We Are All Encrusted

(Tune : "We Are All Enlisted" - The Cricket Chorus)

We are all encrusted til the conference is o'er; Grumpy are we!
Comatose are we! Stuffed in our arm chairs, staying awake is a chore;
We shall snore and wheeze by and by. Haste to the pulpit, cameras now yield;
The teleprompter we use as a shield. Hosanna shout, hankies we wave!
We're awefully, dreadfully murmuring mono-tone.

We are all encrusted til the conference is o'er; Worshipped our we!
Adore-ed are we! G A's in the arm chairs, old geezers such a bore;
We shall wince and bear it, oh, my why?

Hark! Our death rattle sounding loudly and clear; Come join the rank!
We're stiff as a plank. We're awaiting the Grim Reaper, who'll volunteer.
Rally around the cranky and cross. Hark! Our Gordon we'll never betray.
Snooze not a moment, fake it all day! Fight for seniority;
You'll make prophet some day! We're robotically, robotically acting like clones.


Fighting for fiefdom, Boyd Packer's our foe; Desperate are we!
Panicky are we! Glad to be "The Brethren", we're all show and no go;
We shall strain and bicker and cry. Homosexuals may gather--why should we fear?
Gordon's our leader, mainstreaming is near. He'll soon change doctrine,
And comfort the queer. We longingly, longingly, miss our Tabernacle home.


GA's lengthen their stride and strut into shape for Conference

L Tom Perry and Dallin H Oaks flex. Jeffrey R Holland, Boyd K Packer and Barbie Girl in hot tub. Henry B Eyring and Dallin H Oaks too sexy for their garments.

Thomas S Monson looks like Al Bundy.
Al Bundy looks like Thomas S Monson
When the hypnotic pace of Conference numbs your senses attempt to remain awake by playing the General Authority - Celebrity Look-a-like Game
First Presidency throws away Book of Mormon
President Hinckley explains church policy about historical inspection of the Church. Scholars state their understanding of the policy. Click image for mp3 download.

Mormon Bullshit Bingo.
Keep the spark alive during Conference by playing Mormon McConkie Bingo. The first one to make sense of all the doctrine wins!

Sustain General Authorities - can't beat 'em, join 'em.

temple square graffiti.
On your way home from Conference swing though Temple Square and leave your own mark and graffiti for your posterity through all generations of time and throughout all etenity

General Conference circus comes to town.

Kathleen Beller plays Eliza.
Swing by Deseret Book and check out the soft-porn they have for sale their. Click the image to learn about the other side to Mormon movie stars.

Gordon B Hinckley on the Conference Coaster.

General Authority nepotism tree.
General Conference also serves as a grand family reunion for the elect. Click the image and discover who is related to who.

Conference Center looks like Lenin's Tomb

General Conference 3004

Prophecies for General Conference

created by RB - 04/01/2004

1.) Sheri Dew walks to pulpit, says "I can't live the lie anymore", and proposes gay marriage to gal pal Diane right over the live feed; Packer fills diaper;

2.) Camera pans over during Richard G Scott's talk and focuses on Hinckley, stone asleep, mouth open and drooling;

3.) Packer, having worked himself up into a spluttering rage during latest diatribe against homosexuals, starts dropping F bombs; Hinckley clubs him with cane; "due to technical difficulties, transmission has ceased";

4.) In an effort to breathe new life into his lame old goo-goo storytelling shtick, Monson pulls out hand puppets and does the juvenile voices of "Cindy" and "Johnny" during his heartwarming story about a puppy that ran away; brain dead RS women eat it up, marveling at Pres. Monson's "sweet, sweet spirit" homemaking, thousands of Relief Society's re-create the Tommy Monson hand puppets.

5.) A Q&A session is initiated at the end of the session; Hinckley answers "I don't know" to every single question. Upon closing, congregation sings "We Thank Thee O God For A Prophet", but no one senses any irony whatsoever. Gordo once again can't believe his good fortune ("Daddy always told me to play the company man and things would work out, and hot damn, they have!").

6.) Transmission restored, Packer resumes talk, still breathing heavily; just when PR man Hinckley thinks he's in the clear, Packer, getting worked up again, announces the church should "take the priesthood back from the negroes!"; Hinckley coughs his dentures out; transmission is once again cut; the church's PR firm pages their crack execs and immediately calls emergency meeting.

7.) MoTab Choir performs rendition of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" upon Hinckley's PR-inspired instructions, so as to connect to what "the young people are listening to these days".

8.) During his brief remarks, church accountant spills beans about what the GA's are actually raking in each year; truth being an excommunicable offense, he is excommunicated on the spot.

9.) Packer resumes talk, red-faced and heaving; calls for the assassination of women with more than one earring in an ear; this time Hinckley smiles proudly - after all, determining that two earrings are bad is - after fifty years as a general authority - will be his grand doctrinal legacy (thank God for that seer stone!).

10.) In his talk, Hinckley mentions he was recently asked whether Mormons believe in a Supreme Being. He says to the congregation, "But I don't know that we teach that. I don't know too much about it. That's some pretty deep doctrine we don't get into". FARMS later that week issues press release detailing why it was never "official church doctrine" that Mormons ever believed in any kind of Supreme Being. LDS manuals begin eliminating all references to a Supreme Being (PR firm says deism is just "too hot to touch" these days; Hinckley agrees).

11.) Faust announces they're raising the bar for missionaries again - SP's will evaluate all prospective sister missionaries to "weed out the uglies"; sisters not up to Eva Braun standards will be given collagen lip implants, silicone breast enlargements, liposuction, and spend time in a tanning booth until the "spirit can more effectively work through them". Elders with lobeless ears, protruding Adam's apples, acne scars, corrective lenses, etc., will be rejected due to "defective genes" and asked to castrate themselves.

12.) Hinckley inadvertently lets the cat out of the bag during his latest anti-pornography tirade when he pouts "...because I just don't see why it's fair that everyone else gets to have fun, when I haven't been able to get a rise out of Mr. Happy since 1964";

13.) Packer ends talk shaking, with tears running down his face, clenching his fist, shouting hysterically, "WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE?! WHY? THE GAYS - THEY'RE EVERYWHERE - THEY'RE TRYING TO GET YOU - CAN'T YOU SEE? CAN'T YOU SEEEE?!! NO, DON'T TOUCH ME - YOU MIGHT GET GAY ON ME - GET AWAY!!!" He is removed by security guards. p>


adapted by Stray Mutt for the Salamander Society on 05/24/2002

To Whom It May Concern:

On April 5, 2002, at the 173rd Annual General Conference of The Corporation of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the following was presented by President Thomas S. Monson, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church:

In early January of this year, the First Presidency announced that a revelation had been received by President Gordon B. Hinkley extending priesthood and temple blessings to all members of the Church, regardless of gender. President Hinkley has asked that I advise the conference that after he had received this revelation, which came to him after extended consultation with his marketing advisors , he presented it to his counselors, who accepted it under duress and approved it. It was then presented to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, who, after much back biting and evil speaking, unanimously approved it, and was subsequently presented to all other General Authorities, who likewise knew on which side their bread was buttered.

President Hinckley has asked that I now read this letter:

January 12, 2003

To all general and local priesthood officers of The Corporation of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout the world:

Dear Brethren:

As we have witnessed the slowing expansion of the church of the Lord, we have been grateful that credulous people of both genders have responded to the message of the restored gospel, though in many parts of the world there are insufficient active, priesthood-holding men to run even a small branch. This, in turn, has inspired us with a desire to extend to every worthy member of the Church all of the privileges and blessings which the gospel affords.

Aware of the groundless personal biases of the prophets and presidents of the Church who have preceded us, yet witnessing the faithfulness of those sisters from whom the priesthood has been withheld, we have pleaded long and earnestly with the less enlightened brethren on behalf of these, our faithful sisters, spending many hours in the Upper Room of the Temple twisting arms and threatening imeritus status.

Also, the Lord has heard our prayers, and by revelation has confirmed that we have been sexist pigs and control freaks and that the long-overdue day has come when every faithful, worthy person in the Church may receive the holy priesthood, with power to exercise its divine authority, and enjoy with her loved ones every blessing that flows there-from, including the blessings of telling men what to do. Accordingly, all worthy members of the Church may be ordained to the priesthood without regard for gender or sexual orientation. Priesthood leaders are instructed to follow the policy of carefully interviewing all candidates for ordination to either the Aaronic or the Melchizedek Priesthood to insure that they meet the established standards for worthiness. Priesthood leaders are also reminded that what people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is none of your business.

We declare with soberness that the Lord has now made known his will for the blessing of all his children throughout the earth who will hearken to the voice of his authorized servants, and prepare themselves to receive every blessing of the gospel.

Sincerely yours,

The first presidency of the LDS Church

The First Presidency

Recognizing Gordon B. Hinckley as the prophet, seer, and chief executive officer of The Corporation of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is proposed that we as a constituent assembly accept this revelation as the word and will of the Lord. All in favor please signify by raising your right hand. Any opposed can shove it up their asses.

The vote to sustain the foregoing motion was unanimous in the affirmative.

Salt Lake City, Utah, April 5, 2003.

“We Seek After These Things”

Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley, April 4, 2004 General Conference - adapted for the Lampoon by RB on 01/28/2004

"My Beloved Brethren and Sisters,

What a marvelous sight it is to look out on so many smiling faces, eager to learn the supernal truths of the restored gospel. What a marvelous experience it has been to join together as church members in this great general conference of the church.

Gordon B Hinckley gets the giggles. My mind is drawn back to a time when I was growing up here in the Salt Lake Valley, long before most of you were born. We were poor. We didn't have much. We didn't have many of the things our young people have today. But we never knew we were poor. We were rich in the things of the spirit. That was all that mattered.

It is a great and glorious thing that the Lord has poured out his spirit in these latter-day days. Marvelous technologies now abound; millions around the world may now listen to the voices of prophets and apostles speaking to them. The internet provides access to whole libraries worth of materials. Our televisions bring into our homes scenes from around the world. Surely, this is a miraculous age.

And yet, along with these great miracles have come dangers. The internet, radio, and television, can all bring things that are not nice into our homes, poisoning our minds and destroying our families. Stay away from things that are not nice! Avoid them like the plague. Do not touch them, ever.

The Lord is not the author of things that are not nice. Satan is. We are surrounded by Satan’s legions. They are everywhere. They are invisible. They are waiting for us to slip up, so they can grab us. Be careful. Satan is watching, waiting, listening.

Some of us are tempted by the not nice. Some of us may even rationalize viewing or listening to the not nice, by claiming that such material 'enriches their understanding' or ‘broadens their views’ or ‘helps them find truth’. Do not make this mistake! Do not jeopardize your eternal salvation by viewing not nice material that degrades the soft, perfumed aroma of the Holy Spirit.

Now, as you know, occasionally the General Authorities of the church are prompted to take a stand on issues of moral import. In the past we have spoken out about the evils of gambling and pornography, MX missiles and alcohol sales. Perhaps most importantly, we have decried the pervasive and pernicious habit of women wearing two earrings in the same ear. Sisters, respect yourselves. Do not indulge in such gross actions.

Speaking of not nice, we have also heard of husbands and wives, some of them even married in the temple, in intimate settings choosing to "explore", as they call it. We condemn in the strongest terms possible, the practice of husbands and wives kissing parts of the body other than the lips, and touching each other in ways that arouse so-called "passions".

(Teleprompter instruction: 'Affect impish grin') As we used to say as young boy, "People flip when kissed on the lip" (pause for uproarious laughter from audience).

(Teleprompter: lose grin and return to scowl, so people know it's serious again)

I have received countless letters from distraught grandfathers and grandmothers, who have been shocked to find out that their own adult children have engaged in that most holy of acts, in positions other than those prescribed by the priesthood. Man was created first. Brethren and sisters, God has ordained that man be on top. I speak to you frankly. Do not let the Lord down, by letting the woman go down. We sing often, “I hope they call me on a mission”. Let your position be in accordance with this great and inspiring hymn.

Brethren and sisters, in your intimate life, keep it natural. And please, do not write letters asking what "natural" might mean. Part of what we most enjoy as General Authorities is witnessing the spectacle of millions of sincere people scared to death of disobeying God as they try to decipher the vaguely worded riddles we proclaim as soul-saving dogma.

We have sometimes heard the unbelievable claim from some men, that keeping their intimate behavior "natural" would mean sleeping with as many women as possible as often as possible. Do not be deceived by them! Do not allow yourselves to be bewildered by the sophistry of men proclaiming this so-called "fact", as if biology could ever be in any way at odds with the Great Plan of Happiness. Beware!

Because of this confusion, however, we have decided to allow just one hint about the meaning of "natural": sleeping with as many women as possible is NOT what we mean by natural. It is true that Joseph Smith solicited sex in a cornfield, was caught having sex with 16 year old Fanny Alger in a barn, 'married' a fourteen year old, had sex with dozens of women who were already married, according to the Nauvoo madame, visited the brothel frequently, tried to blackmail Nancy Rigdon and Sarah Pratt into sex, and kicked William Law out of Nauvoo for telling the truth about it all. So quick are we to judge! How quickly we forget that an angel appeared over Joseph’s head with a drawn sword and told him he would be killed if he did not ‘marry’ all the women he did! Those were different times, brethren and sisters. Why can’t people see - THAT’S ALL BEHIND US. We condemn plural marriage, even though section 132 is still in our scriptures. It does not matter. When the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done. And I am the prophet. And 132 does not count.

In short, just keep it natural, or else you will pay an eternal price (note: try not to giggle).

In the past we have taken stands on other moral issues: we have condemned in hospital blood banks, the mixing of blood donated by the negroes with that donated by caucasians (negroes weren't valiant in the pre-existence, except for my favorite negress, Gladys Knight, who I had never heard of up to about three years ago). We have proclaimed that birth control is contrary to the eternal purposes of the Lord, and should not be considered. We condemn vasectomies and cremation. We have spoken out against modern dances, like the jitterbug and "The Twist", with their salacious gyrations that can only inflame the sacred fires of procreation. Sisters, do not be like Herod's daughter! Be chaste and pure. Be like that wonderful, wholesome young star, Annette Funicello.

It is now with grave concern that I announce that the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles join in condemning a new talkie entitled "The Passion", which purports to be a film adaptation of the Gospel of John. I have it on good report that this film shows the most horrible acts being inflicted on the Saviour. No member of the church should expose himself to such not nice material. I remind all members of the words of our thirteenth article of faith:

'If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.'

No so-called 'work of art' should portray such things as this talkie does. There is no excuse.

Think of the brave example of Joshua, who obtained the Promised Land of Canaan by letting the Lord gently pave the way for the Israelites. Think of Nephi who meekly obtained the plates from Laban, or Ammon who ‘dialogued’ with the cattle rustlers, or Shiz, who fought against the Lord and as a consequence, felt remorse. Think of the final experiences of Jesus - he had a wonderful meal, had a nice lie down under an olive tree, passed quietly away, and then resurrected! Think of the patient, solemn way the Savior asked the money changers to vacate the temple portico.

The gospel is sweet and soft and fuzzy, like the blankie I used to snuggle as a young boy. The gospel is an Anne Geddes print; cotton diapers; obeying the BYU dress code; it is about wearing the proper number of earrings; it is about not getting a tattoo. It is not about dramatic portrayals of things that are not nice.

Do not let unpleasant so-called "truths" or "facts", or in this case, "stories" shake you from the estrogen-soaked La La land we live in as members of the church. As Elder Packer said, and I paraphrase, "sometimes the truth is not very useful - or nice". Brethren and sisters, be nice.

To those critics who continue to ask whether we believe in things that are patently 'not nice' (like crucifixion), and are therefore contrary to the inspired words of Joseph Smith in the thirteenth article of faith, I answer: 'I would not say that. I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that much about it. That gets into some pretty deep doctrine that we don't know too much about. I think John's story is more a folktale than anything else'. Do not worry that I don't understand our doctrine. I think I understand it pretty well (pause again for uproarious, knowing laughter). It is true that some past leaders have spoken about crucifixion, but, again, like I always say, ‘That’s all behind us’.

I have been asked what will be the fate of this talkie. I answer, 'I do not know. I do not know what the future of this movie is. It might win an Oscar or a Golden Globe, and it might not. I have no idea'. I understand the director of this picture is a Catholic named Merv Griffin. We wish not to speak ill of any other faith or religion. This is not our way. I refer all to the ecumenical language used by the great prophet, seer, and revelator of this dispensation, Joseph Smith, in his account of the First Vision. Nowhere is there rancor or judgment; we say to all, as he did, worship as you will, and the Lord will accept your offerings. No church is an abomination. It has never been church doctrine, nor has it ever been proclaimed by any with authority, that any particular church was 'the whore of all the earth' spoken of in the Book of Mormon, and even if it has, again, ‘it is all behind us’.

I recommend to all those interested in uplifting talkies to view our own production, ‘Legacy’. I guarantee you will leave the movie crying. We pray you will mistake this for something we like to call ‘feeling the spirit’. This talkie tells a moving story about those who suffered to come to Utah, to escape religious persecution that had no other motivation except the blind prejudice of men who disliked having their wives hit on by Mormon elders, and who stiffneckedly would not accept the Lord’s mandate: Joseph Smith at the head of a theocratic dictatorship propped up by a band of murderous vigilantes and a 3000 man standing army, taking over their county and state.

It is true that the crossing the plains story might be viewed as ‘not nice’, but sometimes ‘not nice’ is okay, like when Michael Ballam scares the hell out of people in the endowment movie. Sometimes ‘not nice’ keeps the ward seats filled. But do not worry. The Lord will not allow us to lead the church astray. You can trust us to decide when 'not nice' is okay or not. And ‘The Passion’ kind of not nice, is not okay. Other kinds of ‘not nice’ are okay. I know that might sound initially confusing to some of you, but I promise you, that as you stop thinking and just concentrate on having faith in our leaders, all will become clear.

Brethren and sisters, stay away from ‘The Passion’. It has nothing to do with the gospel. Read the Ensign stories about dumbasses (ask Faust about this: does it make me sound more like Brigham Young, or should I drop it because of the 'not nice' thing?) that climb up Mt. Timpanogos in the middle of winter in a T shirt, pray, and then get rescued by search and rescue, or about starving people in the Phillipines sucking rocks for dinner who keep paying tithing because they don't want to be fried when Jesus comes again. Look at the Ensign's spectacular artwork, right up there with the stuff in "The Watchtower" and the old copies of "Highlights" magazine you find in your dentist's office.

If you enjoy fiction masquerading as history, watch that talkie ‘Legacy’ we've worked so hard on. Listen to the wonderfully crafted, creative stories told by Pres. Monson about little boys with pet frogs, and girls who lose dollies, pray, and then find them again - you won't find anything else like them outside of a Hallmark card. Listen to Michael McLean’s plagiarized re-writes of Air Supply songs. Read our vetted and comforting manual about John Taylor, who as of about a year ago, never supported plural marriage. Allow what you already think to simply be repeated back to you over and over and over again. Why try to learn or explore, when you already know everything as a member of the church? Stick with the gospel program. Be nice.

And don’t see ‘The Passion’; it's not nice.

In the name of Jesus Christ (note to self: Should ending in the name of JC be 'behind us' now, too?)


Comments Section

I won't denounce anyone's right to express his religious convictions (or lack thereof) on this site or any other, for as long as I am entitled to an opinion and the right to make it public, others ought also to be. I don't pretend to be familiar with the various procedures that are followed before and after the delivery of a conference talk. I'm certainly no general authority. In all honesty to myself and anyone who may read my comment, though, I promise that while all people (including our spiritual leaders) are subject to the mistakes and change that many have illustrated throughout this page, the Lord is not, and He brings forth His work through imperfect men and women for their benefits as well as his own. Argued as the fact may be, the authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are inspired of God to deliver messages for our times and circumstances. My dear friends online may believe them or they may not, but my testimony stands without regard, and I bear it in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. - 12/20/2013 - Sean


I do not like how rude everyone is being.

1.General Conference is held semi-annually. In April,a nd October.

2. General Conference says things that are important for us to know like stay away from sexual things drugs. Forgive people.

3. IF you have a problem with it, dont go off lying about it. its RUDE!

4. you do not have a problem with other religons, why do you have a problem with lds people. - 10/13/2013 - MONKEY


It's funny (and sad), for someone that hates the church so much, to have a blog and plenty of time to lose with... the church! But yeah, I understand, maybe you're one of those people that don't have an outlook on life... Anyways... good luck (or not) with your happy (or not) hobby! ;)

I hope you find something more interesting to lose your precious time, like swimming lessons, scrapbooking or even a girlfriend(that, obviously, you don't have). - 10/12/2013 - Debora


I stumbled upon this website randomly today (I was googling artifacts of Joseph Smith) and its been awhile since anyone posted. Not sure if the author will see this, but seeing the comments from everyone is embarrassing as one human being to can people write such rude comments back and forth? Bleh.

For the author - I feel for you that you didn't get the answers you were looking for. Heck doubts still seep into my mind and even my bishop said keeping his faith in check takes work. thats how its supposed to be faith isn't easy. Heaven knows that our ward leaders and teachers in the church are commissioned by Heavenly Father and have the best of intentions but nonetheless are imperfect and can have their moments.

What I hope you dont forget are not the things that some crusty seminary teacher may have shoved down your throat at 6 am, but the eternal truths of the gospel itself. As a member I can ignore the crazies and judgemental people, but hold true to the fact that Jesus Christ is my Savior and He loves me. If I struggle with any doubts, I just remind myself he is there. My mother struggles with the church and that is okay! Nobody needs to judge one another and we just cant loose sight of what Jesus Christ means in our lives and that His Atonement will right every wrong that we go through. That's it, the end. No shenanigans... that is what the gospel is all about and we as icky rude people tend to forget. That's my view of the gospel...we hold onto those principles, not the cultural trends or mistakes of the imperfect people that have their moments. Just believing in Jesus Christ.

I hope you are in a peaceful state in your life and things are going well :) - 02/28/2013 - Xoxo - Diana




"Mormons are not Christian because they don't serve people"? Really??? Hmmmmm.....let's see they only spend millions of dollars a year helping victims of disasters across the world? Most of these victims are not even LDS; yet, they benefit from the Christian service that this generous church provides. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints donates more money for the good of the world than any other church. If providing someone with food, shelter, clothing, and the necessities of life is not Christian Service, I don't know what is??? I have several LDS friends who love and are dedicated to their religion. They don't feel "controlled" like this article touts. In addition, each of them has a CHOICE as to whether or not they want to follow the standards the church teaches. My Mormon friends are actually among some of the happiest people I know. They are Mormons because they WANT to be Mormons. They follow the teachings because they WANT to follow them. If someone doesn't like this religion, they should go find another one. Spend your time and energy building up that religion; rather than wasting your time cutting down another one that you don't even care about. - 12/08/2012 - YoBabe


I'm not a Mormon, and quite frankly I find their religion kind of silly, but this is plain stupid. The absurd and patheticness of your "article" is really quite laughable, I thoroughly enjoyed making a mockery of your mockery (or what I could stand to get through). Maybe you should invest the time you spent writing this little paper into a real book or article that people will actually read. I recommend you start writing for your local middle school paper, and don't do any comedy, it's not for you. - 11/08/2012 - gooned


Let him be. Nothing that he says will ever change the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. Truth is truth and is unaffected by anybodies opinion. At the last day, all people will be judged and the truth will be known. It is true that I feel sorry for him (or her) and wish that he would stop. But the truth of the matter is that we need to pray for him now more than ever. Remember Jesus' plea to "love your enemies" and "pray for them that despitefully use you." If nothing else, it is the most Christian thing to do. Love him, even if we never get anything in return, our lives will be improved as we experience true, Godly love. May we all have the good sense to repent and come unto Christ. - 03/19/2010 - A Mormon wannabe Christian


Whatever happened to mutual respect and tolerance? Humanity has gone down the drain. I personally don't believe Buddha is God but I don't create websites and hate literature about it. You all get a golden star for climbing to the top of the ladder! Way to go, you deserve a cookie! How about you use your energy for something useful. If you believe getting rid of mormons is worth your time you have issues. They donate millions of dollars and disaster relief to helping people around the world, who cares if you don't agree with their thought processes, why does that matter? I might think your mom is ugly but I'm not going to tell that to her face because I'm sure your father thinks she is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so is truth. Its all in how you look at it. - 03/14/2010 - anon


what a waste of time man!!!! - 03/13/2010 - hankd


What is your problem with Mormons? honestly, we dont pick on any other religion, we dont break any laws, we are the first to help anyone in need, and yet we are still hated. But you know what, if you have nothing better to do then to poke fun like a child in elementary then go ahead. All i am saying is it just doesnt make sense why you have to hate us. - 11/20/2009 - I AM MORMON!


you have way to much time on your hands. get a life. - 10/29/2009 - parker


Hon... there is no teleprompter. And from the way it looks, you really need to talk to a real LDS member. Ask anyone, it hurts to be made fun of. But judging by what you wrote, it seems like that's what you were trying for, doesn't it? To hurt people you don't know about? Listen. I don't you, and you don't know me. But to read something that so blatantly disgraces everything I believe is true... It hurts. I know you were trying to be funny, and I'm sure some people thought you were. Have you, or anything you believe in, ever been made fun of? I'm sure you have. What was it like? Take my advice. Please be courteous, or at least perhaps tolerant of others and their beliefs. I hope you've taken the time to read this.

Oh, and by the way. I like Coca-Cola. - 07/25/2009 - no noose is good noose


First off I would like to say that from the many comments I read, there are about as many rude and ill-intended comments from the self proclaimed LDS members, than there are from those who obviously are not members or even ex-members. I just want to make that clear.

Having said that, I will point out that I am an ex-member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I will tell you why I am no longer a believer so you do not have to guess and tempt yourself to follow the other LDS member's example's and be rude.

At about age 15-16 I started to question the teachings I received every Sunday and once every other day at school. While not letting my doubts be known, I started asking a lot of questions about things I was being taught and random questions that I would have about the church in general. I will not be specific about what subject matter because of length issues in my comment, but I will say that they were about a lot of different subjects.

The end conclusion I came to was that when I delved deep enough into certain subjects many flaws and obviously made up material were found.(in one instance a seminary teacher flat out made up something on the spot that I actually knew the answer to according to church teachings - you could say I was double checking the information I learned) People would give me reasons like "I don't know enough about it." and "God has not revealed the answers to everything yet.". Now I can understand someone not knowing all there is to know about a subject, and I understand the concept/belief that God has not revealed everything and that ongoing revelations happen. But those are just excuses that are frequently used. Especially the latter excuse. Too many times was this trump card played. I couldn't and still cannot accept the church's blatant disregard of some facts that prove certain teachings of the LDS church to be false. When the church actually accepts a scientific fact, the fact either supports an existing belief, the existing belief is altered slightly to coincide with scientific fact, or the fact itself is altered. Reasons for altering a teaching or belief are usually attributed to "revelation" or even "misinterpretation" that was clarified. A recent example of this is that the Book of Mormon indicated that the Lamanites, descended from Lehi, are a "remnant of the House of Israel" and were the "principal ancestors of the American Indians". But the DNA of Native Americans indicates a different, Asian, origin. Some claim it is because of this incongruity that the introduction was changed (to try to reconcile Book of Mormon assertions with the lack of expected evidence).Found here:

I have so much more to say but I will stop here. When challenging the church and it's members it is usually pointless and seen as a "challenge" of their faith. In short I don't think I'm going to open any minds saying these things but one can hope. As an ex-Mormon(although I haven't been officially excommunicated) I can honestly say that without a doubt, I am much happier now than I was as an active member.

P.S. I do not hate the church and I actually like few things about it. Such as the strong emphasis on the family and strong personal morals. But I have actually met a lot of "Mormons" like the people here claim to be that were actually quite rude and stuck up people. I am a nice person and I don't go out of my way to be mean to anyone, but if I bring up the fact that I simply don't believe in the church's teachings then I am immediately frowned on and just treated rudely in general. I have encountered this from many different Mormons in different places, not just in Utah either, but especially in Utah. - 07/24/2009 - Long time Orem Utah citizen


As a mormon I laughed at some of the stuff you wrote but the truth is that the church is true. I would never take my son to a strip club because my father told me those men are cowards. Why would you want to try to destroy something that brings so much peace and joy into peoples lives. Why would you not want people to be better instead of worse. The truth is that the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints is the only true church on the earth and aside from that a great organization that helps people better their lives. Why would you want to destroy what is good. If you dont have anything good to say dont say anything at all! Thats another thing I learned being a mormon, maybe you should put aside your pride and be a real man. - 02/25/2009 - Mr. Right


if i were you, id fear your death. ive read lots of stuff on ur page, wow you guys all are on meth crack,, and do i detect a bit of retardinESS there? well hope you guys kno, you suck worse than anyone in the history of sucking, your hurting the best church ive EVER seen, and heck yes im a MORMON so bewere, to all the people on this stupid salamander crap, we'll be sending people to help you get the right mediction for your pig-headness. and to help your stupid mental staff that we arnt what your RETARDED SHAMFULL AWFUL MEAN HORRIBLE UR ON CRACK EVERYONE I SWEAR website thinks we are. soooo. dont come whining to us when the worlds about to end. ill be trying not to laugh as you sizzle in hell....ill still laugh.....YOU SUCK! EAT LEAD SALAMANDER! - 02/13/2010 - Dear salamander, eat lead!


"The works, and the designs, and the purposes of God cannot be frustrated, neither can they come to naught"

"I will not suffer that they shall destroy my work; yea, I will show unto them that my wisdom is greater than the cunning of the devil."

D&C 3:1; 10:43 - 02/08/2009 - God


Missing General Conference?! Do people miss things like that? Maybe this person who misses General Conference made it an occasion for recreational drug use or keg parties. I just can't see how anyone in a sober state of mind could enjoy the marathon teleprompter readfest and monotone drone zone known as the LDS General Conference. Do people miss torture? - 01/13/2009 - BFTP


this is ridiculous and YOU KNOW IT. its not the churches fault YOU did something wrong - 12/25/2008 - anon


Why would you do something like this? You clearly arent happy, please come back to the Truest Gospel on this Earth and Endure to The End to Live with our Heavenly father once again! - 11/05/2008 -


Wow....good luck in the hereafter. I'd hate to answer for all you've done here. - 11/04/2008 - C


Your comments just strengthen my testimony of the Church and the gospel further because they are just so ridiculous and childish. - 11/04/2008 - goodgrief


you have way to much time on your hands. get a life. 10/29/2008 - parker


this is ridiculous and YOU KNOW IT. its not the churches fault YOU did something wrong - 10/25/2008 - anon


So some of this stuff was pretty dang funny. I am an active member and some of it kind of offended me. I really don't care if you like the church or not, but I bet you could do stand up comedy! Maybe a route you should consider. I'd pay to see you. I take all things with a grain of salt. I love the gospel with all my heart, but I can laugh also. Maybe try writing some political stuff. I would love to read it. - 10/23/2008 - Melissa


To all that have posted are you really free of mormonism? It sure seams like it still takes up alot of your time and energy. I hope you can truly make peace with yourselves! Good Luck - 10/05/2008 - JustAthought


Its a terrible day we are living in, when the hearts of men are cold, no respect for what is good, virtuous, lovely. I only had to glance at this website for 5 seconds to realize that your intentions and purposes are full of malice and hatred towards the servants of the Lord. Focus on improving your life instead of trying to destroy someone else's good reputation and mission. We, Latter-day Saints are good and descent and stand for something true. Choose so stand for something positive and noble, not something low and negative. - 10/04/2008 - anon


So just one question for the creator of this site. What drove you to your excommunication from the church? I am willing to bet it was either you didn't want to pay your tithing, or you did something immoral for which you would not repent or change, or you won't comply with the word of wisdom. So which is it? I know this much, you are an ex-member that much is certain. I am willing to guess that you were to prideful and would not repent for what you did, then you were x'd and now you are full of hate and sadness. You mask the real issue by saying "I just didn't believe some of the doctrinal points of the church" etc. but really, you just wanted to live in your sins. You justify your wickedness by attacking those who are blameless. I call you out........come back, repent and do all you can to fix what you have done (you know what you are doing is spirtual murder right? See Alma 36:14) and I promise you will find peace again. Love ya man. - 10/03/2008 - Not Fooled


You have NO idea what you are talking about. You don't see the LDS church going aroung bashing other religions do you? Well!!! So keep to your selfs about YOUR opinions and keep this CRAP off of the internet! - 10/03/2008 - LDS Member


Regardless of religion I think this is quite possibly the dumbest website I have ever seen. - 09/30/2008 - Sam


The right of choice, the responsibility of choice, and the results of choice. How grateful I am that a wise and loving Heavenly Father gave us free agency! How often do we forget who has the right to judge? The Savior taught: "Judge not, that ye be not judged," Never go around gossiping about your associates or speaking unkind words concerning them. Such words will only backfire to hurt you. Anger is the result of sin. Anger between individuals is the result of sin. But we are still responsible for this kind of anger because we have previously established that pattern we have trained ourselves to react with anger to certain situations God, who knows the end from the beginning, told us what to include in his abridgment that we would need for our day. Every man must judge for himself, knowing God will hold him accountable. God Will Not Be Mocked and we need not judge or speak of anger as all is god's will and all anger is from sainten who is teh devil, this site is of sainten becasuse of the anger in it and god will judge. Remember who you are and act accordingly. God forgive them for they not know what they do. - 9/19/2008 - one of 3 wise men


I've been a member for just over a year, and I'm done with this circus called Mormonism. Let me tell all the fanatical morbots a little something. The truth will set you free, so if you think that God is an asshole, ie. that he requires tithing for his blessings, that women deserve less respect than men, that he lives on kolob now and was once a man, than you will rely on his mercy at journey's end for not praying and asking him for the truth. For you fail to see that the LDS church has the same faults as all churches of man - they place more importance on themselves than doing God's will.(living in the spirit of Christ) I am saying goodbye to; self righteous penishood holders purporting to speak for God, magic underware, low bloodsugar every Sunday AM from three hours of a "make it up as you go along" religion, participation in a Castro inspired like informant network to monitor and control fellow human beings, and the blind faith mentality of just going along because everybody else is brainwashed too. F%@$ing Cult !! - 09/18/2008 - soon2beexmorg


To all the mormons out there who find all these truths so self-evident that it crushes their little hearts, shakes their tiny testimonies to the very core, and leaves them with such rage that they can't do anything but sit here and insult on our fun and games that are harmless-- you seriously need to get the stick out of your ass and shut the hell up. NOBODY is making you read this stuff, NOBODY is forcing you to accept it... much unlike the way those of us who left were forced to take in all the Mormon Bullshitting that went on twice a week we were forced to endure.

Don't call this crock of crap the "One True Church" until you've gone and studied and took a hard look at it. Take it upon yourself to open your eyes. Study other religions. Look at Catholicism, or Buddhism. Spend a few years exploring Wiccanism or something- don't suddenly scream that you're righteous and you're going to Heaven and we're going to burn in hell. If heaven is filled with people like you, then we really don't want to be there in the first place.

Besides, at least in hell, we'll get to shake Joseph Smith's hand and tell him what a fuckhead he was.

Chyea, I said it. - 08/18/2008 - The laurasaur.




I won't say you'll go to hell, because I don't feel like I could ever send a child of mine to what we traditionally think of as hell. I'm sure you feel the same. I just think it's too bad you spend your time poking fun at people who willingly make themselves very vulnerable to people like you because it is worth it to them to try and do some good in this world. They have nothing to gain from their service, in fact, they sacrifice so much that we take for granted. Why do they do this? Because the world needs people who will stand for good and stand against evil (or pleasure seekers like yourself who would have the entire world adopt practices that directly thwart homes and family values) even though they know they place themselves in a position to be rejected and verbally "stoned" by those (like yourself) to whom the message is hard to hear. I think on my deathbed I will be happy or sad depending on A)whether or not I have a loving family around me who I have loved and cherished and helped to have a good life, and B) whether I feel like I have contributed to the happiness and service of mankind or just spent my days in selfish and self-justifying endeavors. I don't believe these are cult-ish ways of thinking, or that I am a blind sheep. On the contrary, I am familiar with and can not explain all that has happened in church history, but I CAN understand and see that the church is a lighthouse of good in our day, and I CAN decide to follow and raise my family in the church because of what it teaches that we should become. I wish you fulfillment and happiness - 07/26/2008 - stumbled on your site


It is interesting everything you have written. It shows a really great ability to think and analyze information. I'm very surprised. Perhaps you have ADD or any other kind of problems listening, since you seem not to be interested or able to hear. I bet we could get along, actually we could be best friends, since most of my friends think the same way about my beliefs. Some of them have had some times in which they feel the spirit and they are comforted, but they just don't like it. I don't get offended, anyone has the ability to choose and this was your choice. Have fun, it was kind of good wasted time, helped understanding you. Love ya, I'm 19 and you seem to be my age or around it, perhaps my little brothers age. I saw a comment that basically rejoicing on the anger of some writers. I bet if he were in a war and got shot, he would be calling his mother. It makes me kind of sad, watching all this modifications on talks, but nothing goes into the message. Use those editing abilities for something useful, serve others, i will make you happier. - 07/16/2008 - Someone with time to waste.


I am just wondering why? Why are you so against the Mormon church. Myself not being a "member", was just wondering. Perhaps you could send me some of your information and then I could talk to some of there "missionaries" and decide for myself. Would you mind doing that? I want to know about the things that disprove the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and the church in general. I hope you can help me. - 07/01/2008 - Daniel


You are an idiot! What goes around comes around. :-) - 04/21/2008 - hotmail


God help us. Idiots who know nothing rule both the world and the web. Written by a 10 year old Mormon. - 04/20/2008 - God Help Us!


This is a horrible page filled with lies and horrible things. People must really be arrogant to post and or believe this nonsense. - 04/20/2008 - What


No saben lo que estan haciendo, el burlarse de los mormones, las personas no deben hablar mal de ninguna religion, no burlarse porque al final se estan burlando de Dios. Piensen antes de hacer este tipo de cosas, yo soy de panama y soy mormona y no me agrado para nada esos comentarios realizados en esa pagina. - 04/16/2008 - Sancho Panza


with all you've written on this web page, its clear to me that you wish you were a part of the glorious gospel. you cant, so instead you ridicule it. the church has always taught to love one another and love god, its what we do and its who we are, what do you have against that? im not here to tell you that you're going to hell, because i am not the one that will judge you for your works here on Earth, Jesus Christ will judge you, i can only hope that you see the truth before the end, repentance is there for everyone, its never too late. - 03/19/2008 - lauren


You are so right about Mormons "revering" women. I mean, really, one or two speak per conference? Give me a break. If they had more female speakers, then you would have so much more "ammo" with which to embarrass and humiliate them as you have the men of the church.

Also, I think the church should consider having the few women who are "fortunate" enough to speak at conference, do so topless. That way you would have something on which concentrate instead of actually having to pay attention to anything deeper than, "Onto which side of your g-string would you like this dollar tucked?" (read in a drunken slur: "here, baby, a dollar for your hard work". [Everyone knows that strippers are much more respected by the public than the women who are fully clothed and actually have something to say. That's not what their mouths are for. Wink, wink.]

Do you accept donations? I'm hoping you do or that you're already independently wealthy so as to free up your time. I think there is nothing sweeter than an older "gentleman" making it his life's work to undermine and bash another group of people. I'm happy for you and your son's enjoyable visit to Nevada. It sounds like the two of you really bonded. Better watch it, though. Those sneaky Mormons promote family. I'd be suspicious before you plan anymore trips with your son, lest you get roped into joining the evil sect.

Now I have to go dip into my food storage for dinner. My husband will beat me if I don't have it ready in time, but that's okay, he can. He has the priesthood.

- 03/19/2008 - A suppressed and belittled LDS woman who is just stupid enough to be happy


I took my son to Vegas for his 21st birthday and along with...

Let's see, "by their fruits ye shall know them"

Doesn't take much for me to see the difference here. - 03/17/2008 - anon


The creator of this site is a person who is afraid of the truth. - 03/03/2008 - navygmg


I found your site extremely amusing and sad, My brother married a Mormon and only one of his 6 children and his wife still subscribe to it. She tried to get me involved when I was 12 however having been raised Catholic I knew BS when I heard it. There is a little unknown law that can be found in scripture God in his infinite wisdom knew mans gullibility so he charged his angles with a command they do not break, they are never to reveal their identity. Judges 13:15-18.

We are given only the names of the three cherubims who where allowed to enter Gods throne room as facilitators. They are Gabriel, Michael and Lucifer. So Moroni could only be the latter of the cherubs. With his dark sense of humor he laughs at the poor souls who fall for his treachery.

Joseph Smith was a liar the church never needed restoration. In fact a great revival called the great awakening was sweeping across America in Smiths day. He just thought like L. Ron Hubbard the best way to make money is start your own religion and live on the labors of others. Not a problem of conscience when you don't have one to begin with.

Satan did the same exact thing in the early church rose up another false prophet by the name of Mohamed. Ever notice how all the cults have to have there own interpretation of God's word or a distraction from his real prophets and the true scriptures? Other books such as Catechisms, the Koran, the Book of Moron's and Watch Tower publications, all ways to deceive and distract from the real purpose.

Never trust one man alone that's why the bible was written by 40 authors. When Christ came it ended the need for the priesthood, There is no need for new prophecy dealing with God's plan, there is personal prophecy but as far as global events and the direction of the church all has been covered.

My prayer is that they all see the truth and receive the Christ of scripture and accept him as the only one to follow, after all it is all about Him and He is the only one I know who was raised from the dead, someone well worth following. It's all about finding truth and relating to Him who is truth. "Know the truth and the truth will set you free".

Thanks for letting me vent and tell the truth. - 03/03/2008 - link2truth


You are an idiot!! - 02/26/2008 - anon


Your views of our true religion are completely wrong. Perhaps, you need to learn what our religion really is about. You are probably just about to stop reading this message but you really should read all of it. You notice that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church that has taught its members not to critisize other churches. Yet, you pick on us in particular. What could be the reason for this? If someone of our faith offended you, you shouldn't let that bother you. If you just don't like mormons, well we're sorry to hear that and we invite you to learn more about our Church. We can prove all of your information posted on this website wrong. Just give us the chance. Our church can change your life. - 02/24/2008 - Latter Day Saint


i hear you lost soul!!! so much more easier to live the cheap life you do and upon doing so why not drag your children thru all that dirt while your at it!!! but then again why not go all the way and sprinkle in some incest to spice it up a bit more! i am no church goer but everyone is entitled to worship how when and where. i think mormons are good people! their way of life i must say is very hard to live hence people take the easy and cheap way out! you must have been abused at some point of your life or your just sick in the head!!!

we are all human. everyone makes mistakes. i love the fact that these mormon people have a certain way of living that makes them different. maybe i too will find enough in myself to live up to their standards one day, meantime me and my lost soul friend will live the cheap, dirty and ugly lives that we do cause its so much more easier!! it don't feel good but hey what can i say for a life that is of no quality!! hey lost soul, find something better to do with your time then doing something that I KNOW you will regret later on!!

i mean really think about it, if we live the way they do and in the end it was all true and considering the children involved, well then i would be happy to know that me and my family are together but if and when that judgement comes and it wasn't all that...well then what do we have to loose? at least we lived sober very well aware of our choices, healthy and a happy life!! man i gotta start investigating more into this church. thanx to you i think i'm gonna head off to doing something about my life!! - 02/13/2008 - anon


Do you have any respect for the other people? you sons of ........ . Some day you will pay for that! - 02/13/2008 - anon


You servent of satin, how dare you twist the words of Gods Prophet! you will pay with much sorow and sadness in the life to come - 02/04/2008 - anon


Is a stupid who think this page - 02/2008 - mei


You are one big idiot! Maybe,if you strived to live the gospel you would see how amazing the gospel really is. You say the Book of Mormon has been proven fraud, you must listen to people who don't know one thing about the gospel and the history and some idiot scientist who knows nothing except his own voice talking. Because you were Ex have to make yourself feel better by telling lies about the church. I hope you get what you deserve in the next life for telling lies and slander such great men. - 02/02/2008 - john


Wow, this is a really tasteless site. Whether you believe in the Mormon faith or Catholicisms or are a Baptist or a Lutheran, this website just shows how juvenile that some people can be. It's amazing on how much time is wasted to produce anti-faith pages that are on the web just like these.

Now, I understand that we can become bored from time to time and don't have anything better to do. However, one would think that you could find better things to do than this. Or perhaps not, and you might be getting a "charge" out of all the comments that are being left here. You really need some help. You should talk to your church councilor, priest, bishop(or whatever religion you are)or maybe just a friend about some issues you might have.

However, on the flip side, it is sites like this that actually help spread the message of Christianity and the Gospel as the casual person that broweses this site would look at your off-color comments as ridicules but might actually peak there curiosity into the Mormon faith. So in your effort to hurt, you might have acually done some good.

Good luck with all your future en devours. And hopefully you can find a hobby that is a little more positive. - 02/02/2008 - Get a Hobby


You are right that the plates weighed more than 60 pounds. But 200 pounds would be the weight only for the dimensions on display. ALL the plates of the lengthy writings said to be in gold would have weighed TONS. And they would not have fit under Joe's bed or his in bedroom.

Besides EGYPTIAN pictographs fill up much more space than letters and how many pages in ENGLISH is the Book of Mormon? Count the plates on display. Then compare that number to the pages in print. - 02/02/2008 - TONS! Many STORIES high. - Peter

this page royally sucks, you can (and will) go to hell! - 02/01/2008 - anon


dude, the amount of time wasted to try and be funny at the expense of other people's faith... One day you will be old and embarrassed at how you acted when you were trying to be cool. I think it's sad you would go to such great lengths to criticize the church leaders one by one. You have my sympathy. It must be hard being so hateful, and if you're just really trying to be funny, what a twisted sense of humor! - 02/01/2008 - Happy Go Lucky


brian-the-christ: glad you enjoyed you son's 21st birthday bash in Vegas with the topless women. With an upbring like that I am sure I will soon be seeing him 'busted' on a COPS TV shows. Maybe he or even YOU will be one of the axxholes that resist and I'll get to watch you brought to your knees by a good tazering. Isn't that what usually happens to trash like you and your spawn??? - 02/01/2008 - Syd


You disgust me! - 02/01/2008 - anon


Ridicule is the the last recourse of the spiritually blind and fearful; it was true in Jesus' day and nothing has changed. So you don't believe in the restoration: fine, the Lord compels no man to accept the truth; but what on earth motivates you to spend so much time and money being hateful and intolerant of those who do? Hint: Your motivation has nothing, whatsoever, to do with Jesus Christ and His Gospel of love and salvation, it comes from an altogether different source. - 01/30/2008 - Faithful_Latter-day_Saint


one day you will find out that you are wrong.. however remember that god loves you and that we all make mistakes - 01/29/2008 - anon


this is disgusting. does it make you people feel better trashing talking someone else's religion? what have the mormons ever done to you? you don't see them talking bad about your beliefs. grow up, get a life. - 01/29/2008 - Cassandra


You people sicken me with your mockery, intolerance, and vile. You had better learn to swim before you drown in your cesspool of vice and sin. - 01/28/2008 - Will D.


i pitty you so much! aren't you scared on what you are doing? ... i pray for your change of heart that you will realize and know that the church is true and what you are doing is wrong. i testify to you that our church is true and that joseph smith is a TRUE prophet of god. i am proud to be a latter day saints. i love the memebers and our leaders. - 01/28/2008 - prepoucia


Espero que puedas ver a Jesucristo a la cara, y decirle que no te has afando en burlarte de su iglesia. Espero que tu alma sienta pesar por tus palabras, y puedas disculparte por tus actos. Lee el libro de mormon y ora. - 01/28/2008 - a single member of church of Jesus Christ of latter days Saints


Some of this is tacky.

But the underlying facts are that most of this information is true.

That's sad to say, because I live in Utah and have to deal with it all the time. - 01/28/2008 - Carl R. Clark


you are the most uneducated person i have ever come across you think you know so much about the mormons and their ways when in reality you know nothing about them. The mormons are good people that have good morals. Just because you dont believe in the things that they do does not mean you need to devote all this time to what makes them happy...their religion gives them hope and makes them happy why is it any of YOUR business to judge them they live good lives and do a lot of good for our society. who cares what they believe in its not your problem leave them alone and find a new hobby!!! - 01/28/2008 - anon


you may think what you wish, it is the freedom that we all share. but posting it on the internet is the wrong thing to do. no matter how much you hate someone(who you don't even know)you are seriously hurting other people. Gordon B. Hinckley died today and your hurtfull comments are hatful and distorted. please do not further distort this mans image, let him rest in peace. - 01/28/2008 - Samantha


My dear "ex", GOD forgives everyone, read the bible if you don,t believe the Book of Mormon, in fact if you don't even believe in the Bible use your common sense, if you have; there is still time. - 01/27/2008 - anon


I have read a little of what has been written on this site both from the author and the critics and I have to say that all I have read makes me sad. To the author I would like to say that I am sorry for the angry comments and rude statements that have been made by those that disagree with you and have been offended by what you wrote. I am a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, true blue through and through to quote one of our prophets, and I believe that it is your God given right not to believe and to tell others why you don't believe. However I would also like to warn others that may read this page that neither the author nor the critics have well represented the church that I know and that I am a part of. I belong to a church who's single most important doctrine is that of forgiveness. The author has focused on the things that the Gospel teaches we must needs be forgiven for and forgets that after every talk that tells of all the wickedness in the world comes a plea to repent and come unto Christ and be a better person. The critics have forgotten that we are also taught to love not only our neighbor but also our enemy and to forgive that we might be forgiven. I don't write to condemn either party but to say that if you would truly learn about the Church don't take what anybody says at face value. Study the matter out. Do your homework and listen to both sides of the argument and then let your own ability to sense good tell you what is right. I bear my personal testimony to you that if you do study and learn what you can and then ask the Lord with real intent of heart truly desiring to know the truth he will make it known to you as he has to so many others what is true and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen - 01/11/2008 - JT


Stop guys! - 01/05/2008 - Junior


I was doing a search for a picture of the new Gordon B. Hinckley Alumni building on BYU's campus and came across your site. I am sad for you and the path you have chosen for your life. It's one thing to leave the church and start a website explaining your reasons for leaving, but to mock and make fun of those who believe, and the Oracles of God? That is low.

Perhaps this is TMI, but, Even if you weren't an X-LDS, what respectable father takes his son to a topless review and out drinking for his 21st birthday?

I guess you are getting a lot of attention (emails, comments) from this garbage and it is sickly stroking your damaged ego.(I can see I am adding to the problem) The 10 lines of your travel-logue were about all I could hack, but then this thought crossed my mind... Not until I got married did I understand men's fascination with female breasts. My husband is crazed by them, by mine. Why not teach your son some good principles and encourage him to get married... wouldn't you rather have them in your face than to be a helpless onlooker wanting to grasp them from an audience?

I don't know what perpetuated your exile out of the church, but certainly it was traumatic to create this much resentment. - 01/05/2008 - 8 cow wife


It is interesting to me that you have allowed yourself to become brainwashed by the adversary, dear friend. I am no perfect individual by any stretch of the imagination. I have made mistakes in my life that had cast me into lonely and dispairing corners of existence, where I was nearly disfellowshipped from the LDS church. I too, at this time, regrettably was tempted to turn against this Church and begin to say and believe what you have exhibited here on this website, for I was bitter, hurt, and alone. But I realized that they weren't well constructed thoughts or truths, but simply they were just annoying attempts from the adversary to harden my heart and close my mind so as to prevent me from experiencing the healing affects of my Savior's love and perfect Atonement. It was a dark time for me, I wanted to spread my misery to those around me, so that I would feel better about myself and my situation. But nonetheless I sit here today, free of my guilt, free from my past vices and I am a witness to the actuality of the savior's atonement, and the truthfulness of this Church. Say what you will about the LDS church. Construct whatever comedic one-liners in your head at your pleasure, but know this.... the stone rolls through. - 12/15/2007 - Justin


I'm impressed by the amount of effort you (or all of you if this is a group effort) go to to maintain this website. While I am uncertain about your motives or objectives (dissuation? ridicule? fun? pay-backs? attention?), one thing is certain; the time and effort expended collecting, editing or otherwise digitally "tagging" photographs of everything from church personalities to museum artifacts and historic sites, clearly demonstrates your overpowering and toxic need to lash out. While we obviously share little in common vis-a-vis our views about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this I know we do share--gratitude for living in a country that allows us to freely express our views, regardless of who it might hurt or insult. How ironic--I spent 23 years in the military defending your right to insult me and everything I and my family hold near and dear. I am not writing this to lash out at you, insult you, laugh at you, or even dispair over you. You are free to hate whomever or whatever you want. But remember this: With everything comes a price (in physics it's known as the "law of equal and opposite reaction"). I'll make you a deal: If there is a life after this and I discover that the church was a hoax, a sham, you will be one of the first people I apologize to as I prepare to pay the price for my actions; for having followed something that was false or wrong. I'm not sure what that price might be but I'm prepared to pay it. But what I really want to know is this--are you prepared to pay the price for this abhorant and vile website if the life after this you find out the church is true. Is what you're doing here really worth that price? - 11/03/2007 - GRY


I have really enjoyed reading what you have posted here. I am not a Mormon, and the few experiences I have had with them have most definitely left a bad taste in my mouth. First of all, my family was barraged by calls from associates of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after my 11-year-old brother saw an LDS commercial offering a free bible and naively called the number. He never got his free bible, but we did get pestered every week with calls asking if we would like someone to come speak to us about the Book of Mormon, encouraging us to meet with one of the several groups in our area to learn more, etc. Every time we would tell them we weren't interested, the only reason my brother had called was because he wanted a free bible, not to contact us anymore, etc., but the calls just kept coming. I finally was able to stop them by getting extremely nasty. Normally I don't do that, even with telemarketers, but these people just would not leave us alone!

Another time I was out on the patio of my apartment with my dog, re-potting some plants. I saw two young men (much younger than me, a college student at the time) walking through the parking lot wearing black pants and shoes, white button-up shirts and black neckties. At the time I had never had the unfortunate luck to be approached by someone from the LDS church, and I thought they were some kind of salesmen. After they appeared to have left, I took some trash over to the dumpster, thinking the coast was clear. Suddenly they popped up out of nowhere and started asking me if I had ever read the Book of Mormon. Again, I had to get nasty before they would leave me alone, because they ignored my reply of no I hadn't read it and had no desire to because I was happy with my current religion. As a side note, I find it funny that these missionaries (I suppose that's what they would be considered?) are called "Elder" so-and-so, considering that they're all pimply-faced, just out of high school, socially awkward nerds. The Mormons really need to do some marketing research because I guarantee that they're not going to get many converts by sending out these guys as representatives of their religion, especially not in a college town!

Now since I am an equal opportunity bad mouther ;-) I will say that the Jehovah's Witnesses as well as many Protestants are just as guilty of using the same tactics to try and recruit new members. The problem with these people, to me, is not necessarily what they believe. This country was founded on freedom, and I think everyone should have the right to worship as they choose. To me, the problem is that many members of the aformentioned groups are fanatical fundamentalists that try to force their religion and beliefs on others and won't take no for an answer. They also use questionable tactics to control members of their religion and keep them from leaving the fold, so to speak. While there are many "sheep" in the world who are naively looking for a leader that they can blindly follow because they aren't capable of thinking on their own, most of us would rather think for ourselves. Each generation seems to be more independent and free-thinking than the one before, and if the Mormon church wants to remain relevant and recruit new members, they will seriously need to re-evaluate their methods and develop new tactics for integrating into modern society. Somehow I highly doubt this advice will be taken into consideration, so we'll just have to wait and see where these groups stand a few years from now. - 10/29/2007 - Amused



RACIST THATS OFFENCIVE if you were a member you would know our church was true SO SHUT THE HELL UP - 10/27/2007 - screw u


it's a shame that you spend so much time mocking peoples religions. whether it be mormons, catholics, whatever, it's a too bad you find joy in tearing down others faith. - 10/26/2007 - mjw


SO you have nothing else to do. live our faith alone, you belive what you belive and I don't care, but please be more respectful with others people faith, it's not your problem. - 10/20/2007 - Patty


Hey, I just wanted to say that I like the work you've put into this page. Keep it comming! A few things I would like to hear about are the "three levels of heaven", "Baptising the dead", and your take on all the "corrections" made to all the Mormon "scriptures"... I use the term losely,

Really great work, - 10/16/2007 - Mike


Thank you for strengthening my testimony. It is apparent that the Holy Spirit has left you a long time ago. The tragedy is not that you have left the church but that your children will never enjoy the blessings of the gospel much less the blessings of the temple. You will be responsible for this and will one day have to answer for your actions. Go ahead and make fun of the prophet and General Authorities of the Lord. It is to HIM whom you will have to answer to. And do not be suprised when a child of yours leaves the nest and is converted to the gospel and they find out why you never told him or her. How sad. Be true to yourself and find out why you are so unhappy. When did it all start? Is it possible you never had a testimony to begin with? Take Care.... - 10/15/2007 - JR


vc vai direto pro inferno! - 10/06/2007 - samandra


you will surely burn in hell! - 10/06/2007 - someone


It's funny to see the comments here. I was under the impression (from living in Utah) that the men fake it in order to bag the babes and the men I met didn't believe it (except when the wifey was around.) The women seem to fall for it more than the men do, possibly becasue for them there is no two year sentence to be carried out preaching, no merit badges their dad's make them earn, no tax collecting once per month, etc. The women have just two jobs, go to church and fuck their husbands.

However, after reading some of the comments on here I realize that there are actual sincere believers of the Mormon stories and doctrine! I am totally shocked that in this day in age there are still people falling for this scam! Sad dog, sad. - 09/30/2007 - crazy mo man


Mormons still worship Satan. - 09/30/2007 - inachu


The length of one human life is hardly enough to construct something that will be meaningful for the future. Why waste what time we could be using to build, to improve, by tearing apart and desecrating the good things that others seek to build. Those who build advance our society, those who tear down and destroy waste away their lives and waste away at society. Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. Why waste your time? - 09/30/2007 - anon


I think that it's sad that you feel this way about Conference. The world be such a better place to live in if everyone would just heed to the words of President Gordon B. Hinckley and all of the other General Authorities. It's people like you and sites like this that the Scriptures advise us to stay away from. I really hope that you'll someday learn to overcome your insecurities and that you'll actually learn as much as you can for yourself about the church before you criticize it. THIS IS THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST. It is the ONLY TRUE CHURCH upon the face of this earth. It will bring you lots of happiness. I know this because I am a convert. I'm not a born and raised Mormon, and that should prove to you that the message of the church IS TRUE if it was powerful enough to convert me. I hope that you will eventually mature and make the right choice. 09/17/07 - 09/17/2008 - Eric


Yeah, because if Joe's teachings were from God, the church totally would have not embraced them, right?

I mean c'mon. Jesus apparently thought all that needed to be done WAS done when he died, thus his last word on the cross was Tetelestai (Hebrew "It is finished").

To all of you getting mad at this guy for not doing his homework about the church (which I am actually impresses with the amount of homework he actually HAS done), I stongly urge you to take your own advice and look into this "religion" you embrace. If you don't like it, disregard this comment.

By the way, by definition (I don't care how YOU define it, I go off what the actual English language means) the Mormon church is a literal cult. Look up the definition, then look at your church... - 08/30/2007 - Nic


i think this wed site is stupid the mormon church i no joke so leave it alone - 08/25/2007 - anon


I just finished reading "Mormonism Unveiled" or the autobiography of John D. Lee, a couple weeks ago, and "No Man Knows My History" the biography of Joseph Smith, about half an hour ago. I find myself so intensely drawn to the study of Mormonism, but I leave it to scholars like Fawn Brodie to lay out the facts as they are, leaving one to draw their own conclusions about the value the church. No doubt her convictions are tactfully transparent, but not so much that you feel beaten back by them--the way I feel after perusing through this site. Let me just get this straight, I am not a Mormon, and I don't plan on being one, again. I was in the church for just over a month about ten years ago. The reasons why I left are not important here, but what seems of lasting value is the way we all choose to respond or react to differences in value and belief systems. My understanding of Joseph Smith leaves me absolutely no room for finding validity in the church--what with a foundation of such incredible deceit and corruption... more later. - 08/07/2007 - cory


Salt Lake City is the main headquarters of the saints. Joseph Smith prophesied that the saints would someday fill the rockies. And if that isn't enough, listen to the BIBLE: "And it shall come to pass in the LAST DAYS, that the mountain of the Lord's house shall be extablished in the top of the mountains and shall be exalted above all hills; and all nations shall flow unto it." Isaiah 2:2 How could it be that the bible prophesies of the church of God being established in the mountain tops?! Even the Salt Lake Valley! How is it that you cannot be convinced by even the quotes of the bible written thousands of years ago can connect to the church of jesus christ of latter-days saints in the present time? Please consider! - 08/01/2007 - Chaz


I don't understand why any so-called TBM (true believing Mormons) are bothering to visit this site at you can feel self righteous about telling other people off? (Yes, being self righteous and arrogant IS what Mormons do best!) If you don't like this site, STAY OUT OF IT. Let the rest of us who have had the blessings of Almighty God's grace to be released from your cultish darkness enjoy ridiculing this filthy "religion"...this cult that truly offends the sensiblities of thinking people, and is anaethma to God Almighty. (If you actually read your Bible, you'd know how offended God is by your cult and it's teachings.) Actually, it seems like to me even being here should cost you your temple reccomend...can't tell old Mr. Bishop you were here looking at "apostate" materials, now, can you? Or do you lie to your bishop like most of the rest of us did to get your precious pass to revel in satanic, masonic ritual?

Yes, I was a Mormon...for over 40 hellish years of my life. This site...releases some of the anger and rage and hurt that I still feel at all the bishops, stake presidents, home teachers, Relief Society presidents, YOuth leaders, Primary teachers and "prophets who don't prophesy" (check your church history, no one has since Brigham Young) who lied to me, who hurt my children, who belittled my husband, who ruined my life. I thank God for Jesus Christ and being born again, washed clean in His blood from the filth of Mormonism. Rock on, Salamander Society! And for you goody-goody TBM"s....keep your noses in your boring Ensigns. You don't have to think there. - 07/11/2007 - navywife


The saints have had enough crap from people like you! We have since the church was organized! The afflictions will always be there for us, that's what the lord said and whatuoa know! This site sure fullfuls that one! You know, you guys really only give us more faith that we will have afflictions. You give us more confidence in the church and the truthfullness. You give us more chances to bear our testimonies! Although we will continue to plead you to stop these hurtful comments, we still guess that things will get worse cuz thats what happens when the last days close in on us. You make alot of people laugh and ridicule at our religion, but you really hurt us! Please consider our feelings! - 07/28/2007 - Chaz


Sometimes i think that it's hard to beleive that this a choice generation.BUt we are taught to pray for our enimies. Why bashing Mormons? just nothing better to do.. If any of you lack of wisdom let him ask of God james 1:5 Why would people take two years out of there lifes or 10% of what they earn? Because we beleive so strongly that it's right!!! And it blesses us so much! How can you NOT beleive in God? Evolution? K well then how did the monkies get here? How did the world get here? This world was clearly molded by the hand of a master craftsman! but i guess i'm just blessed that i was born in the church..You don't have to beleive it but the least you can do is respect it. - 07/03/2007 - anon


This site is so false! I choose to sit through it and I am only 17! My frined is a convert and she was baptized when she was 15 and her parents do not like the church. We are not a colt. We all have our agency and choose to follow the prophet becuase we know in our hearts that it is true. I choose to have the power in being pure. I have power over adictions because i do not partake of thoes sort of substances. I have never wanted to. And just becuase you feel this way does not mean that you should advertise this crap you made up with other people. Let them decide for themselves.

My testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has helped me through many trials, I do not know where i would be if I did not have it in my life. I may have killed myself because 4 members of a close family died in a car acciednt, a 15, 16 and 18 year old and their mom. But since I know that there is an after life and that they still live and we just can not see them my life has been better although it is still hard. But bad things happen to good people. It builds character and tests our faith.

I know that Jesus and my hevenly father love me and care for me. I have prayed about it and have felt the spirit many times. And no it is not as you desctibed. I have wanted to shout out what I know to the whole world. My brother is on a mission and I am very proud of him. I have seen how the gospel of Christ has changed lifes. And if you are a not a member of the LDS faith and are reading this I challenge you to test what you have heard on this website with your mind or with your heart and soul because it was not convincing at all to me. It sounds like a personal way of venting. - 09/11/2007 - sally


I am an 18 year old GIRL and I KNOW THAT THIS CHURCH IS TRUE AND NOTHING YOU SAY CAN CHANGE THAT!!! I know that the prophets that have been and the prophet now is true and that the things that they have to tell us are to help us get back to our Heavenly Father in our past perfect state. I know that Jospeh Smith is a prophet and that he restored this church to the earth and I can't wait to thank him once I get to Heaven. I also cant wait to meet the characters from the Book of Mormon. I cant wait to hear their first hand accounts of the things that we have not been able to read. I know that they are anxious to tell us everything too. i feel sorry for you! Wait no I'd actually like to thank you. Thank you for choosing before you came down to earth that you would rebel againts the church and create problems for the believers. You help us know of the truthfullness of the church! Of course I worry for your soul cause at this point your screwed! But thank-you for your sense of self sacrifice. Maybe this was your plan from the beginning. maybe you where thinking you would sacrifice your soul to help others. Of course you dont really notice that your doing that do you? But its just o so kind of you! People like me know that satan would never control someone like you to say mean and untrue things about this church unless he really wanted to detroy it. And why would he want to do that? UMMMM...MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S SO FREAKING TRUE!!!!! I mean seriously...has your wife left you yet becuase if you have so much time to do all this stuff againts the church then when do you even have time to breath? And yes I may have taken the time to read some of this and it was only becuase it said that I was able to leave comments on the bottom of the page. So I scrolled down psyched out at the fact that I would get to tell you how I feel! I hope that you someday find peace with the church in this life. If not then i guess we'll be teaching you on the other side. - 06/20/2007 - Malissa


was bitte genau haben sie durch diese seite..fühlen sie sich jetzt toll, nur weil sie andere religionen und deren führer niedermachen? diese seite ist sehr verletzend, nicht nur für die personen, die dort rollen spielen, sondern auch für leute, die diese personen als vorbilder haben oder einfach nur in dieser kirche sind und an das glauben, was das leben lebendwert macht..warum meinen sie, sind wir auf dieser erde? bestimmt nicht, damit wir uns zusaufen und unseren körper ruinieren können. haben sie eigentlich schon einmal so einer konferenz zugeschaut und wirklich konzentriert zugehört, ohne den hintergedanken, der welt irgendetwas beweisen zu müssen? wenn man das nämlich tut, weiß man, dass das männer und frauen sind, die von gott erwählt wurden und die wahrheit sagen!!

ich weiß ja nicht warum sie so verbittert und unndankbar sind, aber lassen sie das bitte nicht an diesen wunderbaren personen aus, die uns führen und leiten. sie müssen ja den versammlungen der kirche nicht beiwohnen, wenn sie nicht wolen, aber lassen sie alle anderen bitte ihre entscheidung, ob sie etwas mit der kirche zu tun haben wollen oder nicht, selber und unbeeinflusst von negativen gedanken treffen. warum wollen sie der kirche unbedingt etwas schlechtes antun? wir haben im laufe der jahre niemandem etwas angetan, eher andersherum. warum haben sie so einen schlechten eindruck davon?

joseph smith war ein wunderbarer prophet und führer, der alles geopfert hat für diese kirche, sogar sein leben. ja, sie sollten darüber beten, am besten über alles. wenn sie wirklich mit voller herzensabsicht es wissen wollen, dann werden sie eine antwort erhalten. dies ist mein zeugnis. sie werden es mir nicht nehmen können, auch wenn sie noch so viel über die kirche lästern, obwohl sie überhaupt keine ahnung davon haben.

und falls es sie interessiert..ich genieße doe konferenzen und sie sind kein bisschen langweilig! - 06/19/2007 - anon


you people are a disgrace to all those who believe in these people. i am a female MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS. HOW DARE YOU MOCK THEM!WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

oh wait let me guess! is it because you are jealous because you got ex-communcated from the church or because you are a big suk because every one bullied you aw! wake up you loser get a life.

i am very proud of my church and very lucky too!waht eva goes around comes around. there are so many churches out there and you decided to pick our church. what did they ever do to you! these pictures on this site will be shown to my lawyer. I'LL SEE U IN COURT MY FRIEND! OH WAIT YOU HAVE NO FRIENDZ,SHAME ON U.HA HA HA LOL! WAIT IM BEING SERIOUS. U WAIT. - 06/18/2007 - vaneesha .r.q


i am very disappointed of the way you treat these kind and generous people. you should be ashamed of yourselves. the church ordinances are sacred. and should not be mocked!. also disappointed in how you mock the church leaders for they are called of god. there are people out there who are offended by your works.there are alot of people out there who respect these people. if you dont like them then keep it to yourselves. if you people dont have any beliefs and you are the ones who are mocking them, then whateva goes around comes around. if you dont have a belief , dont mock other people. just mind your your own business you stupid people! - 06/14/2007 - vanessa blue


Thank you for exposing the truth of the LDS. I've always wondered why they are so adamant on handing out the Book of Mormon, because it contains "the fulness of the everlasting gospel", when really, their "essential" doctrines of pre-earth existence, plural gods with wives, temple "eternal" marriage, chance to repent after you die, temple rituals for the dead, three levels of heaven, etc. are not in the book? If a temple marriage is necessary for eternal life, why isn't it ever mentioned in the Bible (or the Book of Mormon)? And if they truly believe the Book of Mormon, how do they accept the Doctrine & Covenants or Pearl of Great Price since these books teach different concepts that directly oppose the teachings in the Book of Mormon? Mormons claim the Bible is incomplete or "corrupted" in its translation. Why then, doesn't their "prophet" restore the lost books or correct the translation? Why don't they "correctly" translate the Bible once and for all??

Mormonism teaches that the "true church" will have the same structure as Christ instituted. They argue that the true church will have 12 Apostles at its head--and so they are the true church because they are set up as such. But in reality, the Mormons don't conform to their own standard, as they have three "apostles" in their First Presidency as well as their twelve---that makes it 15 apostles at the head of their church.

They claim to have the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthood. Only Levites could hold the Aaronic priesthood. Neither Peter, James, John nor Jesus were Levites, or were priests--so they could not have held the Aaronic Priesthood to confer it to Joseph Smith! A Levite priest had to be 30 years old to hold the priesthood (Numbers 4:3); Joseph Smith was only 24 when he supposedly received the priesthood. His age would disqualify him from priesthood ordination.

Additionally, LDS history records that Smith was from the tribe of Ephraim, again disqualifying him from becoming a priest because all priests must be Levites. It's obvious the LDS religion is deep-rooted in Masonic symbology, teachings, and secret rituals. They have secret teachings, tokens, handshakes, passages, rites, rituals--all deep rooted in Satanic teachings from Masonry. I don't understand how they can be so diluted and so blind to the obvious.

There are many, many more false erroneous teachings of the LDS. Too many to mention. Thank you for allowing me to post my comments. - 06/09/2007 - sm


With all the wonderful things this church does for all those around the world who aren't even of the same faith, it sure would stink for you to have to call on the aid of a church you have bashed when you are in need. Mormons are there in many ways for every natural disaster. Let's hope you are not caught in any kind of disaster and have to humble yourself enough to accept their help. I also would like to remind you that members of the mormon church pray for people like you everyday. We got you covered. Ü - 05/01/2007 - HNH


I am disappointed to see that there are so many people that are waisting their time just to undermine, bash, and criticize the Mormons and their religion. Have they really done something so terrible to you that you feel you need to spend time typing paragraphs of harsh criticism.

Cricket, did you physically go to Utah and take these pictures just to point out all of the things that you think are wrong with the religion and Joseph Smith?

Stray Mutt, with your list of negatives, how do you propose to know that these are true. If they are true I can only imagine that it is because of the all the immoral images and events that are accessible to the public.

Samuel The Utahnite, I would love to see the "Proof" that you have that show that the Book of Mormon is "bogus and a fraud".

For all of you that were once Mormons, how could you have once been spiritually strong enough to have been or become a Mormon and then feel so strongly and angry about how much wrong they have done to you and how "false" their doctrine is. Do you not remember that feeling of peace and love, knowing that the spirit of the Lord was with you. Do you not feel unsure and worried about what your life will bring with out the Lord? I hope that your hearts will be softened and that your hatred for the Mormons and the Lord will dissipate. - 04/29/2007 - What?


I am very sadend by what i read here.. i sat here and wasted maybe 10 minutes of my life reading this garbage! i only wish you could understand the blessings that have ben bestowed upon you! He loves you no matter what you do, no matter what you say, and no matter why you do the things you do. He knows you, inside and out. He made YOU for a reason. whether or not you choose to follow the path, is up to you. And like ive read in some of the other comments. i hope for your sake that you can live with the choices you make. i will tell you what i was looking for too. i was looking for pictures of the sared grove. and i came across a picture with writing on it. and i looked and was stunned to see such rude, disrepectful, and bitter messages that hurt me, and made me want to cry. if this is what you set out to achive, congradulations. you have succeded in making a vary loyal and respacful LDS cry. if that is your life ambition, to make an innocent person cry, then i suggest you take a good look in the mirror, how would you feel if you were the one being humiliated on the internet. if someone exspossed you as a fraud. it would hurt pretty bad too dont you think? i will have you know, that being a teenager, i can take a few jokes, but this is just way over the top. childish and disrepectful. - 04/14/2007 - Megan


I read much of this site and am moved by the hatred that is expressed here for the LDS church. Some anti-Mormon site state that they are trying to win back the lost Mormon souls but this place is just pure animosity towards the LDS faith. And then I read the testimony of Andy Burnett. His simple expression of faith caused me to feel that ever-familiar peace of the Holy Ghost. A scripture came to mind; John 15:26 - But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me.

Thank you Andy for you testimony. I too, know that Jesus is the Christ and He atoned for our sins and through him we may be made perfect and return to our Father. I know that Joseph Smith was called of God to usher in this last dispensation as the prophet who was to restore the gospel under the direction of Christ. I know that the Book of Mormon is a true book of scripture and contains the fullness of the gospel, which is Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God and our Redeemer. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the only church established under the direction of Christ for the fulfilling of prophecy and the preparation of His second coming. And all this I know because I have prayed to know if these things are not true, having faith that the Comforter would reveal God's truth to me and He did. It is true. No power on earth can stop Christ's Holy work, not even this disgruntled website. - 04/09/2007 - aaronbourelle


Hi.I am 16 years old daughter of god and member of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints,and i just want to say how sorry i feel for you.For your stiffneckedness and your hardend hearts.If your hearts were not hardened and neck stiff with pride you would be able to see the truth of the church,and not be as Laman and Lemuel were.I KNOW without a doubt that this church is TRUE,and that the book of mormon is the word of God and that it was translated by Joseph Smith who was and is a TRUE prophet of god,and that Gordon B. Hinckley is a TRUE prophet of god in our latter days.I know Jesus Chirst bleed and died for us so that we recieve the fullness of the atonement sothat we may live again with our father in heaven and his son Jesus Christ!I know that families are forever,and am so grateful to have the plan of salvation,so i can live with them for all eternity,and with my future husband.

It makes me sad that you put so much time and effort in trying to deystroy something so wonderful.I pray and hope that you will come back and find enlightenment again.The church does so MANY wonderful service acts,and we dont do it to be recognized.We do it because "charity never failith,"because we care about our fellow men and wish for their well being and happiness.We dont bash and trash others churchs and beliefs. We do not send our young sons,brothers,grandsons,nephews,and friends to preach a false church and serve god for two years,which they PAY for themselves.I KNOW that if you truly read the Book of Mormon and prayed and really wanted to KNOW if it was true,you would recieve an answer,and know that IT IS TRUE.

All I can guess is you must have been a VALIANT spirit in the predisponsation because YOU came HERE,to RECIEVE a beautiful mortal BODY to show your valiancy to god,be baptized,recieve a beautiful family,and to gain a tesimony of the church from your trials. I KNOW that YOU must be an AMAZING son/daughter of god because satan has obviously tried,and succeed in your fall from the church. Why would he work so hard on you if you weren't? I hope that you will come back to the church,see the truth, peace,and love that is there and that god has for us.I KNOW that if you come back and obey the commandments,and the words of the prophet,and live a righteous life that you can have all of the blessings that are promised,and know what true joy and happinees are.Isn't it easier to be righteous more than it is live in sin?I think it is.

I KNOW that you may not appreciate the things I have said,and my testimony,but I KNOW in MY HEART that those things which I said ARE TRUE,and you can't tell me otherwise with your saddening attempts to bring down the church. This IS GODS CHURCH and it will live on and continue to strive without you,but I HOPE and PRAY that you will come back,because I think it will be a sad day when my fellow men will be judged according to their works.NO IM NOT PERFECT,but I try as hard as I can,because I KNOW what it feels like to be weighed down with sin,and then have it lifted up with the power of the Atonement,and I CAN HONESTLY SAY THE CLEAN SLATE FEELING FEELS LIKE HEAVEN!

If anyone really wants to find about the church,find your local LDS church and ask if missionaries can be sent to your house.I PROMISE you wont regret it.And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.Amen. - 04/07/2007 - EraLeigh


The extreme anger expressed by people who are actively being duped by a church hierarchy that purposely steers the faithful away from historical truths shows just how important it is for some people to have everyone agree with them. For the weak of faith, it is very uncomfortable to have anyone challenge their beliefs. And the challenges are so logical and obvious it must cause great psychological strain on the tbms. Mormons are people who believe something because they want to believe it. The spirit speaks to them in the same manner that it speaks to me when I read, study, and pray about the book of mormon, and the still small voice tells me it is not true, it is not true. You believe what you believe because you have been told to believe that or because you want to believe that. The actual evidence shows that much of what you believe is false, but that doesn't matter to you. The argument that the church must be true because people question it is illogical to say the least. And to say that no one "bothers" or speaks out against other religions is a joke. The beliefs of all religions are challenged by ex members, free-thinking members, outsiders, members of other faiths, etc. This is normal human behaviour. The mormon hierarchy doesn't stand for scholarly dialogue when such dialogue provides evidences that contradict the present or past prophets or scriptures. The mormon church is the new medieval catholic church in this respect.

I love mormons though. Great people. - 04/07/2007 - gbh


I can tell you're angry, but honestly, I don't blame you. I come from a three generation Mormon family - pioneers, SLC natives...the works. I quit after being made to go as soon as I was eighteen and I will NEVER go back.

The more research I do into the Illuminati, the Free Mansons (hello!), and other Secret Societies, the more I feel better about my decision. Why is the church so relucant to discuss the major influence of Mansonic ritual in the church?

We're all on different levels spiritually, and I think members tend be conformists that can't "examine" spirituality on their own, they need authority figures to look up to and guide them.

So, next time you get made, just have pity. Thanks. - 03/17/2007 - EX-MO too!

This is messed up! I can't believe that you would take the extra time of your life to make up such foolish comments, photos, and other pathetic views. - 03/11/2007 - anon


Great work! Funny stuff! 99.9% of Mormons don't know anything about life in the 1800?s. The LDS church has a rather shocking history that has been "tampered with" and significantly altered. The church hides a lot of facts and twist stories around. Common sense and deductive reasoning will give you the simple truth.

If that's not enough read what LDS historians entered into LDS church records to learn the truth. Joseph Smith practiced polygamy in secret. Married women who were already married. 11 between the ages of 14 and 20. After he died Brigham Young married his wives. JS translated out of his hat using a seer stone. Church paintings like to show a different method of translation but all the scribes including his wife Emma tell it different.

JS tried to run like a coward before going to Carthage. He fired a pistol, he drank wine, and smoked in his last day alive in jail. Even ordered someone to try and break him out of jail. Joseph got what he deserved. Brigham Young was a racist bigot and both him and JS believed men lived on the moon and looked like Quakers. The evidence against JS is overwhelming. Only a gullible moron would not bother looking into what they are told.

All it took me was a little common sense at the age of 14. Do you believe that there were fifteen white male prophets, seers, and revelators in the LDS church? All the apostles have been Anglo men. Most of the LDS population is outside of the US and a third are Latin Americans. It's tough to convert educated US citizens. Go for the young naïve bunch.

The Book of Mormon was highly plagiarized and made up. Mark Twain knew it was made up garbage in the 1800?s and I knew it was when I read it at 15. What the headless Shiz? That's why no artifacts have been found to date. NONE! Not even a little coin. Even though the BoM talks about millions upon millions of people who had many battles using steel swords, shields, and helmets and lived in huge cities.

There are people who try to make links but I live in Salt Lake City (Mormon capital of the world) and if anything was found I would have read about it or watched it on the news. Guess what? It hasn't happened and it won't. You can still be a good person and have a lot of love for people without listening to the teachings of some guy who lived 170 plus years ago that you know nothing about.

Get a grip on reality and use common sense for once in your life. It will open up a new world that is so wonderful and will also make you want to learn more. It will also teach you a lesson not to be so gullible in the future. Take down the pictures of prophets because they're just a bunch of old white men who are no better than yourself. Hope you learned something and you become a better person from this. If not than continue believing that 50 women sharing 1 old, stinky, wrinkly, husband made each woman happy. Continue to believe so there won?t be a surprise if the next prophet is another white male. - 03/10/2007 - UtahRob


The "Great and Spacious Building" in the Book of Mormon has no foundation. It is floating in the air. The Conference Center has a foundation! - 03/09/2007 - from The Smart Guy


My husband and I were visitors at the Conference Center on June 2 and 3. My what a beautiful building and everything in and around it. We took a tour of the garden on top of the building and saw some of the most unusual flowers I have ever seen.

I later saw where we could have been with a tour guide about the flowers, etc. I was wondering if there was any way someone could tell me the name of a flower we saw. Looking down from the front of the center across from the long reflection pool and looking down on the water falls was a plant that looked liked a daisy with pink splotches on each petal and a butterfly was perched right in the center of the flower. I don't know if it was in the orchid group or just what it was. It looked like it might be on a vine also. I believe it was about half way down the roof. I would love to know what it was. I hope you can help me identify this beautiful and unusual plant. Thank you.

Thank you for such a beautiful building and for sharing it with all religions. We were blessed with getting to hear the choir practice and also to be able to hear the "Mini Concert". This was truly the high-light of our vacation. There is nothing to compare with hearing the choir in person. - 03/02/2007 - anon


I think the Confernce Center is a wonderful building! It is a large and wonderful building. It is peaceful, and you can feel the special spirit there. I have attended General Conference there several times and do not regret it. It is so awesome that the conference center provides the opportunity to be in the same room as a Prophet of God. And let me tell you somthing else, The Church does NOT just use tithing to build the things around temple square. The church has many other sources of income; including: properties, investments, etc.

And You ask why is the Church putting money in to "downtown Salt Lake City" Well, the answer to that, is because Spreading the Gospel message is more important right now and Temple Square is a place where the Message of Jesus Christ can be given to everyone, so why not put time and money into it? Its the Lords money and he can do with it what ever he wants. The Spirit at Temple Square is special and its a peaceful place to go. So I think some ofyou should remember the words of Jesus Christ "Judge not, that ye be not judged" Dont worry about the little sliver in someone elses eye when you have a beam in your own. - 02/27/2007 - anon


I am a disciple of mankind's savior. I belong to his church, I have taken upon myself his name and although I am not perfect, I do try my best to learn His ways and follow him. I know Jesus is the Christ the son of the living God, because my Father in Heaven has revealed it unto me and I cannot deny it.

I have no desire to argue or contend with anyone about the above statement. Anyone who has a desire to learn of personal inspiration and revelation from God, I would be happy to discuss the gospel of Jesus Christ with them. I certianly will not apologize to anyone I offend by saying this, because only those controlled by hate and my advesary would be offended by the testimony of my Master's servant. I do feel sorrow for those who have lost their way, but I will not apologize to them for saying what is right. I invite you and all who are lost to come unto Christ.

That being said, the reason I chose to comment is because I am a Construction Manager and was involved in the construction of the Conference Center from before the ground was broke until after President Hinkley's 90th birthday party.

I just wanted to make some comments. First I would like to reiterate that it is the work of the devil to tell half truths.

With regard to the comparison made between the stone on the temple and stone at the conference center, the temple stone is structural, the stone on the conference building is a facade, held on by a structural steel support frame.

I assure all who read this and those who comment here that the stone facade is adequate for the purpose it is being used for. Someone has perhaps seen a report with regard to the properties of the stone on the conference center and assumed that it had some structural component, as mentioned it is a facade. That AIA does not dictate structural standards, that is left to structural engineers. The AIA is American institute of Architects they work with owners, dictating things like form, color, size, & cost. Manuals such as AISC and ASTM do dictate structural standards for engineers, fabricators, and installers, but in this case it would be the framework and not the stone that would be subject to their guidelines. It is the steel that would require engineering so as to carry the stone so that it would not fall on someone.

It is true that in some cases the stone has to have a certian integrity in order to be used with a certian type of facade system but if the stone's integrity is unreliable but the owner wants that particular stone then the facade framework is designed to accomodate the weaknesses in the stone, which in most cases is precast and not quarried in this day and age.

So if the person who quoted AIA and ASTM standards would be so kind as to identify those standards (ASTM standards are not found easily btw) and then be so kind as to reveal the source of the quality report on the stone as well as details of the report, I would be happy to review the validity of your claim against societies current guidelines for accepting posited knowledge as truth. Until this documentation is provided for review I would urge any who read the comments on this board to consider the information as unverifed as to it validity. I would also urge it's author to think more of his or her readers than to believe that they would all swallow this bait without review.

In regard to the comments concerning the great and spacious building. This joke has been used since the construction of the building by members of the church as well as non members. And although the conference center is great and spacious it is a building that is dedicated to the building up of the Kingdom of God on Earth, for proclaiming the gospel, perfecting the saints and redeeming the dead, it is not dedicated to mocking the Lord's servants, hence the difference. If you do not believe that the great and spacious building mentioned in Lehi's vision exists today then I sorrow for you because you are among the lost. Also if you need proof that our Father requires large structures to be built for the gathering of his chosen and that the best materials are to be used in these structures, and if you believe in the Bible, then I would refer you to the passages that refer to the tabernacle in the wilderness and then later Solomon's Temple. These were also dedicated to worship of our Father and not men.

I have been in every room in the conference center and never saw that one was dedicated to statues of the prophets. Can you post proof of this room? Without proof or verification please see comments above. I am not saying there isn't one, just that I don't know of it and I think I would have knowledge of it moreso than someone who didn't spend several years working on it.

Also there are several reasons for the studio's to be found behind & below the podium, none of them devious I assure you.

With regard to the money spent the 330 million dollar figure is most accurate. A small price considering the worth of a soul. I pay tithing faithfully and would not question it's use as God has given me everything I have so it is really His anyway. The nature of the building is that is to help people come together to worship and learn of God and so it is worth the cost. Some might contend that this money may have done more good contributed to the poor and hungry. Well I agree that such is important but not more important that teaching them the gospel, and providing for proper worship, and most important for fulfilling the commandments of God, which this building is for.

- 02/15/2007 - Mike S
Salt Lake City
Project Manager


You make me sick with your sick,twisted mind. How dare you make a mockery of something that is so sacred to someone else. It is obvious from your warped mind however,that you haven't a clue about anything to do with all that you are making fun of. How stupid are you? What kind of a moron takes all of this time out of his obviously busy day( probably because you don't have a job), to do all of this, so called research on the church and of our prophet. This must have taken hours and hours. Well pal, it's too bad that you have sold hour birthright for a mess of pottage and while we're on the subject, hopefully, your little boy has more brains than you in the future. I can't wait for judgement day. I want a front row seat, for when you are separated from your family and left all alone. I wonder who will be laughing then. You are an absolute moron and you deserve everything you get in the next life. Hey, give me a call. I'd love for my family and myself to come down for a barbeque ! on a saturday night sometime,( if you get my drift and believe me, you will.)The Lord will not be mocked. Maybe you should have given that a little more thought, before you wrote such degrading articles, but hey, you'll be too busy to write soon, because you will have the privilege of seeing your little kindergartener engage in the sexual activities that you enjoy so much. What do you know. It looks like the joke is on you. You are an embarrassment to society and to religion in general. Of course, coming from someone with no character at all, actually I pity you. - 05/08/2005 - shocked out of my precious sacred underwear


The first words out of my 4 year-old when I turned on conference - MySongAngel

I turned conference on from my computer, and my 4 year-old listened for about ten seconds when he pointed to the screen and said, "This is stupid." I about died. Isn't it funny when young children have more wisdom than a couple million adults?


General Conference impressions of a nevermo scarecrowfromoz

I'm a nevermo, living in SLC, and have a few Mormon relatives. I lurk here occasionally, to try to understand the culture around me, but it's been a while since I posted anything.

Never having watched it before, I turned on GC this weekend just to get an idea of it. In all, I probably watched about 15 minutes total of 3 different talks, while I was doing other things around the house. The speakers I heard and my impressions:

Oaks--The signs are all around (earthquakes, floods, etc.) that we are in the latter days. Prepare for Christ's second coming. Is this a normal theme, that the end is near, and you'd better get ready???

Packer--The future of the church is our children. Don't be afraid to have more children, as there are all these spirit children just waiting to be born. (In other words, we're not getting converts, so have large families so we can survive. Ignore that by having large families that you are unable to support, going into bankruptcy, etc., people like me are having to pay for you.)

GBH--Same theme as Oaks. The end is near, we're in the latter days.

Did I just happen to catch the right/wrong moments of the few minutes I watched, or is there always that much emphasis on the end is coming??? No wonder that can't get converts. To an outsider they sound as loony as the street preachers outside protesting them. For leaders of a church (or ANY organization for that matter) that had to be some of the most undynamic, uncharismatic leaders/speakers I have every heard. BOOOOOORING.

Could General Conference be a deconversion tool for those who are questioning?

Is there anything in a conference session that might raise some red flags for someone who is beginning to doubt? I am thinking of my mother who has read Grant Palmer, and has always been a little skeptical about the church. Nonetheless, she's firmly committed because she believes it's a "beautiful religion".

Here are some possibilities I might suggest that she pay attention to in conference:

-- subtle manipulation through guilt tactics
-- dismissal of science, reason, logic, or thinking
-- outright lies and misrepresentation of church history
-- ostracizing of certain groups: gays, intellectuals, feminists
-- lack of prophecy from the prophet (a few more "i don't knows")
-- hostility towards apostates

I know she will be watching conference. Last time I watched conference it really became the "first straw" that led me out of the church. After 8 hours of listening to talks about eternal families and the priesthood (when my hubby was an apostate), I was depressed for weeks. - 03/30/2004 - Darwin Girl

"This is the best they can do?"

The brethren have six months to prepare for each general conference, during which they have a mass audience of devoted followers eagerly hanging on every word from the Lord's anointed, yea, even the prophet and apostles. They are supposedly in close contact with not only the Holy Ghost but with the Savior Himself. They supposedly have the greatest understanding of the true meaning of the gospel. They should be able to bring its sublime beauty to life in unimagined ways. And yet all they have to say is the same shallow, trite, recycled, hoo-hah delivered with all the fire of a sedated mortician. That's it, folks. That's the fullness of the gospel. That's the fruits by which ye shall know them. Tired, lifeless and hollow, with their best material swiped, without credit, from gentiles. - 03/30/2004 - Stray Mutt

From my personal experience, General Conference was simply a ratification that the system was corrupt and uninspired . . .

--Special, reserved, roped-off seating for the upper echelons of Mormon leadership and their families, accessible through designated portals by those holding non-transferrable tickets that were used to cut in line.

--Invitation-only, between-session luncheons for the GAs, their families and their guests on the top floor of the Church Office Building.

--Teleprompted prayers scrolling across the face of the pulpit, visible from where I often sat up behind the Tabernacle Choir seats.

--Pit bull-faced, stoic security guards staked out around the big, red velvet seats for the leadership elite.

That said, I did enjoy, either before or between sessions, going out to the sidewalks around Temple Square and picking up some interesting reading material from the Church's protesting critics. It helped pass the time when I was back inside listening to the dull, synchronized sermonizing from the Lord's anointed. - 03/30/2004 - Steve Benson

Pet Peeve: Conference, extra holy ending to prayers and talks.

Ever notice that few of the "select" brethren end their talks or prayers with just a simple in the name of Jesus Christ amen? Oh no, that would be too common. They usually elaborate into something like " in the sacred name of the one true redeemer who was sent to earth to atone for ours sins, the prince of peace, our elder brother, Jesus Christ, amen. Does that make anyone else want to throw things at the TV and yell "Shut the hell up you sanctimonious bastard" or is that just me? - 03/30/2004 - Demon Decon

Conference reminds me of the scene in "Shrek"...

...when all the people are gathered into the palace for Lord Farquad's wedding and the palace staff keep showing them placards with the words "laughter" or "applause" at appropriate moments during the ceremony. No one really wants to be there, but think they have to go through the motions in order to please "the Lord".

I was once very much True Believing Mormon, but even then I felt like I was slipping into a coma every time I had to sit through a conference session. Can you imagine what it must be like to be married to Richard G. Scott? I'd kill myself. - 03/30/2004 - brandnewtatoo


What exactly do you have throughout this site? Do you feel cool only when you bring down other religions and their leaders? This site is very hurtful and not only for the people who play a role in the church but also for the people who stand as examples or who simply believe in this faith and find it worthy of their time and lives. Why do you think we are on this earth? Certainly, not to simply get drunk and ruin our bodies.

Have you actually seen a conference and concentrated on what was said, without thinking that these things needed to be proven to the world? When one does this, one can know that these men and women are chosen of God and one can know that they speak the truth!!

I don’t know why you are so bitter and unthankful, but please don’t take it out on these wonderful people who lead and direct us. You do not have to attend the meetings of the church when you don’t want to, but please let others decide if they want something to do with the church or not, and remain un-influenced from negative thoughts. Why do you want to do something bad to the church? Through the years, we have never done anything to anyone, before or since, why do you have such a bad impression of the church?

Joseph Smith was a wonderful prophet and leader, who sacrificed everything he had for the church, even his life. Yes, you should pray about this, it would be best that you pray about everything. When you pray with a true purpose of heart to know, then you will receive an answer. This is my testimony. You cannot take it away from me, even when you blaspheme so much about the church, even though you have absolutely no idea.

And in case you are interested, I enjoy the conference and they are not the least bit boring! - 06/21/2007 - Sour Kraut


I just want to leave my testimony too that I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is lead by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ through His prophet Gordon B Hinckley, that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that it was translated through the power of God by Jospeh Smith Jr. I cannot begin to describe the peace and joy that i have in my life from the knowledge of these simple truths .The best thing about it is that anyone can can be blessed with the knowledge of these simple yet powerful principles when they sincerley want to know where did i come from? why am i here? and what happens to me when i die?. Sincerley ask these questions and i know that you will recieve the answers. Please stop wasting time and energy writing all these negative things life is too short to focus on them, plus all this anti-mormonism stuff takes ages to sort through when i'm trying find the REAL stuff. - 03/31/2007 - David Chapman


I just don't understand you. The church is such a beautiful thing. We do our best to serve and help others, of all faiths, ethnicity, gender etc. We don't go around bashing others beliefs. I really just don't get how you can say such things.

You are obviously going through some sort of rough time. Whatever it is can be fixed through the power of the Lord, if you let him into your life. I've been to all those places pictured in your site, and they are wonderful and spiritual places, that are full of a rich history.

If the church wasn't true, you wouldn't be making comments like this about it. Where the greater good stands, so stands the greater evil.

I hope that someday you will return to the church. I think you will find that a very heavy and dark weight is lifted from you. The whole world becomes lighter, and easier to live in and not of. A feeling of the most joyous peace comes about you and lingers. It's a feeling I wish on everyone. Especially my enemies, and people who have fallen from the church.

I don't know what you've gone through, and only God can judge you, so I will not say you're a bad person, because maybe you aren't, but your page is. It is rude, slang and very unprofessional. I don't think you did much research for it, because it's very incorrect.

"If men do not comprehend the character of God, they do not comprehend themselves." ( History of the Church, 6:303. )

You do not comprehend God, or yourself, and I fear the day you must meet your Father and Brother. Your spirit is so special to God, and I'm sure the heavens will weep mightily for you, and all who have fallen. I do hope you can come back. My heart is with you, and so can the Holy spirit be with you. God Bless you. I will pray for you.

- modbod_yumalicous - 01/06/2007


Is that the best you can do? You do the church a great service, because you give the impression that disgruntled "ex-mo's" are not very clever. This doesn't help your argument.

Why are you so angry and hateful towards the LDS-Church? I would like to wager a guess:

1. Ex-communicated for child molestation, pornography, or some other ugly offense. Maybe you had pre-marital sex enough to force the church to ex-communicate you, to save you from further accountability for your actions. I bet that hurts! Being caught in nasty activities- how embarrassing!

2. You were sick of feeling guilty because you had no desire to follow the church's teachings- it is MUCH easier to discount the church, isn't it!? I bet you feel great now!

3. Someone in the church offended you, and you just can't let it go.

4. You are homosexual, and no matter how much society and pop-culture push the church to embrace it, they hold to their morals.

5. Mommy and daddy made you go to church and you hated it! What a great way to get rid of some rebellious angst!

It is obvious you are not at peace with yourself over your apostasy. Otherwise, why listen to conference when you obviously hate it? Your desire to justify not following the teachings you once embraced is transparent. The energy you put into disproving the church proves that you must fear the power of its teachings- otherwise, why bother?

You can always go back- 09/30/2006 - anon


Death @ these crazy people getting angry at you! Especially the greenie, "". These people really do sound cultish, which is why I fear for your safety!

Well if anon dispises this site so much, then what the hell is he doing here?! You'd have to be doing some scrolling to get here.

I think this is all funny, and I love it! - 09/17/2006 - Jay Kamisese


I am a very devout Mormon. Throughout my life, I have learned almost all I can about church doctrine. I have an extremely analytical mind, and am a perfectionist. I can't help but notice mistakes. There are no mistakes in this religion, and if you know the doctrine, it all makes sense together. There is no way that Joseph Smith could have put together such a well-organized religion by himself. Surely he was inspired, whether by God, or by the devil. Wait, though. Why on earth would the devil begin, and continue to inspire an organization that brings about so many righteous people? Look at all the charity and kindness that the church stands for. Look at the standards of the members. Jesus Christ said "by their fruits shall ye know them." Joseph Smith was inspired from God. - 05/15/2005 - Troubled Mind


Great job! Keep up the good work. - 05/11/2005 - anon


Thank you for sharing your views about the latter day saints, and the prophet Joseph Smith.

I think its just great how people like you are so against this religion, it just proves to me even more that this is the true church. no one bothers other religions, so why this one? Because this is the only true church. I feel so sorry for you that you are this pathetic. its obvious to me that you have such an unfulfilled life you have to lower yourself to this. but i would like to say this. THANK YOU FOR HELPING THIS INACTIVE MEMBER GAIN HER TESTIMONY BACK. NOW I KNOW HOW MUCH THIS CHURCH MEANS TO ME. -LOSER! Many Thanks, Tula X Testimony T-Rex - 04/19/2005


Wow you have no life! Do you really not feel bad or guilty about this retarded site that makes you look like a man or woman with no soul. If you arent LDS, then maybe you should look up and study the church before you start bashing it. If you are a member, than you have some serious problems to deal with. Maybe you all (as in everyone that bashes the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) should read the Book of Mormon before you actually start bashing history. Do some homework and see what you find and then see if you have the soul to rip on a great faith and the ONLY TRUE CHURCH ON THE EARTH! Nothing that anybody says or does will EVER make me leave the true church of Christ. My testimony is too strong for such low-lifes to change my beliefs.

I AM AN 19 YEAR OLD SON OF GOD AND A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS. Gordon B Hinckley is the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator of God and Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith was and still is a true Prophet of God and Jesus Christ. He translated the Book of Mormon and restored the only true church on this earth. Before anybody doubts or denies my testimony, read the Book of Mormon and ponder and pray about it. If you dont do that then all your trash talking that you are doing on the church has no value. READ IT THEN TRY TO TALK TRASH! ANYONE EMAIL ME ABOUT ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT THIS PAGE AND I WILL GLADLY REPLY. - 04/02/2005 -


I always wondered if Hinckley and the other stiffs speaking at General Conference make themselves constipated on purpose days beforehand. The last General Conference had me sitting on the edge of my seat... anxiously waiting for a roaring grunt from these constipated rightious asslickers! - 12/18/2004 - from Pascale Dauphinais-Bujold


Who are you??? This is such a sad, pathetic little site. Use your energy elsewhere doing something constructive and positive instead of trying to make yourself feel better by attacking those who are only trying to help others be good members of society. It is quite apparent that this website is to help you rationalize what your life has become. Get over it. - 07/31/2004 - anon


I do not appreciate your comments here AT ALL. You are invading the rights of other people. You may not be LDS, but some people are. They do not criticize you of your beliefs, so why criticize them? You need to learn when to stop, and this has gone too far. This is uncalled for. You think what you want to, but don't make it known to the whole world. Think as you wish, but do not bring other people into it. It is INAPPROPRIATE to be doing this to well thought of members of the LDS Church. You are a disgrace,and if you don't like the conferences they put on, then don't watch them. IT'S THAT SIMPLE!!! You are complaining about having to sit through it, u don't have to, no one is making you. Please re-think your decision. Maybe you should even pray about it. THANK YOU - 06/12/2004 - anon


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