LDS chruch annouces the new CTR, "Cover Thine Rod" Condom.

Authorities for the Corporation of the Chruch of Latter-Day Saints announced today a "new and everlasting" hard-on by marketing the new "CTR Condom". Avoid K. Packedem, a high-ranking authority acknowledged today that the simple rule of abstention just was not working as well as intended.

"Hell, it is easier to get laid after a seminary dance than to go to 2nd South and 1st East in Salt Lake City" , he said. "In the spirit of protecting our young (and tight) sisteren of the hood, we decided it is better to be safe than sorry, so we added a new tool to cover YOUR tool", he added.

The new CTR (Cover Thine Rod) Condom comes in various sizes and flavors. The LDS leaders also intend to introduce larger models for men that are not from Utah. The most interesting feature is the addition of little "ribbed" CTR emblems that excite and plesure both partners. The CTR Condom could also be used for same-sex experimentation.

The new CTR Condom can be found at the local Chruch Distrobution Center, all Vistors Temple Centers, and at fine Walgreen Pharmacies.

Coming up at the next General Priesthood meeting is a new "self-awareness" program for the Aaronic Priesthood called, "Covet Thy Rod." This replaces the antiquated program promoted by Boyd K Whacker, dubbed "Closet Thy Rod."