Hinckley: "Repent! Repent! For I have not the slightest clue as to what the future shall bring!" - 04/22/2006 - Darrick Evenson
You can't all resign! I need your money to build more temples and buy more real estate! - 08/21/2005 - anon
The Prophet prophesies but nobody listens. - 08/05/2005 - by Matthew
You Mormon scholars need to stop before you totally dismantle everything Joseph Smith built! - 07/10/2005 - anon
Hinckley tries to motivate the members who were called on a construction mission to help build the churches new mall: "Now remember we want the inside of the mall to feel like you are outside!" - 07/10/2005 - anon
Hey! Where are you all going? Why are you leaving? Was it something I said? - 07/08/2005 - anon
Get up everybody's gonna leave their feet, get down everybody's gonna leave their seat, you gotta lose your mind in Detroit Rock City! - 07/08/2005 - cousin
I want my coffin to be HUGE!! Not some tiny boring coffin like the Pope's! - 04/29/2005 - anon
You can all kiss my ass. Kiss my entire ass! - 04/20/2005 - eltic_jrg
Instead of buidling one big ark, I'm going to build lots of little arks! - 03/30/2005 - AxelDC
After years of drought Hinkley calls on the Lord for rain: "I command the heavens be open and the waters of Lake Powell to rise that we may once again enjoy the beauty of it's canyons and admire it's bounty of topless sunbathers!" - 03/30/2005 - by John Wesley Powell
Alright, which one of you jokers dismantled my houseboat?!! - 03/21/2005 - anon
Taking a cue from Mark Hoffman, President Hinkley rallies a team of FARMS researchers to build a ship which they will then claim as being the actual ship used by Nephi to sail to America. - 03/12/2005 - anon
Prepare for a little flick of history! - 03/06/2005 - anon
Fine! I'LL go to Antarctica for the goddamn penguins! - 03/03/2005 - from Jaeld
What do you mean it is not scientifically possible to fit all the species on earth into this boat!?
God has commanded that we build a floating temple that we might take the blessings of temple work to the people of the islands of the sea!
I am building this ark out of a tree that I planted in my yard as a young boy. It started as a tiny acorn and grew into a mighty oak. So I cut it down.
The Lord has shown me a vision that God will destroy the Wasatch front with a giant Tsunami that will lift this ark and cary us to Jackson County Missouri.
Crowd: He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Noah: I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars. --Monty Python - 01/20/2005
Before it was called Family Home Evening...it was Karoake Friday! - 11/09/2002 - anon
"Did I say little factory? Mine's THIS big!!!" - 09/06/2002 - jen
My Brothers and Sisters, I am standing before you today to bury my testimony..... - 06/21/2002 - from been there, done that
I have a headache THIS BIG! - 05/26/2002 - from firstname.lastname@example.org
"Who let the dogs out? who! who! who!" - 05/11/2002 - faroe
You should have SEEN the vision that got away last night... It was THIS BIG! - 03/13/2002 - anon
"SIEG..." - 02/06/2002 - anon
Of course I ain't got no underarm perspiration! I'm a prophet o'the Lard for Crissake! - 01/22/02 - Casio
Hey! Where's my gold medal? - 01/22/2002 - Jamin
"...and there shall be two breasts of each kind and they shall be this large." - 01/22/2002 - anon
"I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha..." - 01/22/2002 - wrestlevideo
Crowd: What's "I don't Knoah anything" building now?
I Don't Knoah: Its called a love boat. We will swap each others wives and sail around and party.
Man in crowd: Not with my wife pal, her body's tight like a dish!!! - 01/22/2002 - dyeager9
God my farts stink when I drink coffee! - 01/22/2002 - Juan Valdez
Gordy is in despair as he is once again the last one chosen to be on a basketball team. - 12/11/2001 - Chris Pettit
I am the great and powerful Oz! - 12/08/2001 - Chewbacca
I knew I shouldn't have used that Viagra Deodorant. I can't get my arms back down. - 11/11/2001 - edmorow
I suggest it's better to have lots of mini-Arks all over the world instead of just one big one in Utah. - 11/04/2001 - Noah Hinckley
DISH! DISH! Build it like unto a dish. - 11/02/2001 - from Jared's half-sister
Nice skullcap Gordy... - 10/31/2001 - anon
Gordo: GOD DAMN IT! Where's My Axe?!?! Did you kids loose it again? Jesus!.......
Pointing woman: It's right there, where you left it, Dad! (Under her breathe) Profit, SEE -er and Revelator -My Ass! - 10/30/2001 - Pat McKitrick
"... and a hole in the bottom THIS big." - 10/18/2001 - Sallyforth
Being slightly off camera, Joany points out the ranting fool on the logs. - 10/18/2001 - Moablo
Don't blame me -- I didn't do it! - 10/18/2001 - Cezoram
I don't know if it's going to rain or not -- I don't know what the future holds. I think we should put the tithing in the boat, though. - 10/18/2001 - girl in the box
Construction Manager Hinckley demonstrates anger at anger demonstrated by stake members at being told they will have to fund costs of new ark, already under development, "and to hell with the attendance numbers! I testify to you that if we build them, someone will show up. It might be the same three people all of the time, but someone will show up!"
President Gordon B. Hinckley today demonstrated the latest in Mormon temple construction technology to the Annual Convention of the Southern Baptist Convention.
Convention attendees either ignored him, or laughed in his face, forcing the 94 year old Hinckley to change out of his tailored suit, and into his "Captain Mormoni" Power Robes. - 10/18/2001 - anon
"Fools! Tithing just covered SOME of the construction costs; we need offerings, too, and somebody should use the term 'mini-ark,' this ark offers all of the spiritual blessings of any other ark ever built. - 10/18/2001 - anon
Hey! Are you those ungrateful damn Third-Worlders from the Perpetual Education Fund? Hold on while I prophesy - no, I don't do that, I'm only sustained in that calling - well, the hell with you! All of you! I'll get Jeff Holland and a couple of Danites out here and they'll beat all your heathen asses!" - 10/18/2001 - anon
She's as sea worthly as Mormonism is true. There are no holes in either one. - 10/18/2001 - Donna
And when we get there we're going to build temples. Big temples! - 10/18/2001 - rprimbs
If you sinners don't start listening I'll dust my feet off at all you bastards! - 10/18/2001 - JohnC
We just don't know much about that... but it's marvelous, it's wonderful! - 10/18/2001 - Heavenly Fodder
"May the Schwartz be with you, my brothers and sisters from Kolob!" - 10/18/2001 - anon
"That is not a space craft in the sky... .. it is the remnants of Israel returning.. thus saith the Lord" - 10/17/2001 - wedda2
Gordy fails his screen test for "Gilligan's Island - The Sequel" as he confuses and combines the parts for "The Skipper" and "Gilligan" - Elder B. Cecil DeMille
"...On the gooOOood ship LolLIpop...." - 10/17/2001 - Dagny
Gee, if my arms were only a little longer, I could play with myself. - 10/17/2001 - anon
Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie ya, where my dogs at? Bark with me now. Master rapper "Big G" sings to unattentive audience because no one listens to a prohpet's voice. - 10/17/2001 - sebastian
You were right, Boyd. Cross-dressing's a real turn-on! - 10/17/2001 - Refugee from the Y
Crowd: How big is the prophet? GBH: I'm thiiiiiiis big! - 10/17/2001 - whoabethy
Y-MCA! - 10/17/2001 - IdahoXMo
Hey! Pay attention! I'm your so-called prophet and we have work to do! I said, shaddup! - 10/17/2001 - anon
What do you mean this sucker's too big to take over the highway to Lake Powell? - 10/17/2001 - Schweizerkind
I don't know that we teach that, now quit asking me stupid questions. - 10/17/2001 - sebastian
What are you complaining about? This ark cost only $260 million to build! - 10/17/2001 - Hagoth the Horrible