Holy Hormones and Mormonia Morals

The powers of procreation are extra special when practiced in "The Mormon Way." Big Brethren are keeping a voyeuristic (oops,watchful) eye through the SSS (Secret Sex Services) division of Church Security which is a subsidiary of the "Strengthening the Members Committee." Submit your story in the box below.

Mormon Newly Wed Advice Madness

01/17/2010 - by Shaun

I also think the Mormon obsession with sex goes both ways - as a newly wed, we had more than a little pressure to start the baby-makin'. Condoms and birth control were seen by members of her family as the same thing as crack cocaine.

When I went in to the the bishop right before I got married, he pulled me aside and gave me 'the talk' in which he went through all the fun things that married couples aren't supposed to do. Oral sex is an abomination, foreplay should be hands-off, don't grope her breasts, don't get too creative with positions, and doin' it with the lights on is the same thing as watch porn.

THEN (this is the good part) he starts lamenting that women don't ever enjoy sex and his wife hasn't been turned on since they got married. Also, since women never get turned on, you'll need a LOT of lube.

I feel bad for all the women married to bishops, stake presidents, and General Authorities. Sex has got to be bland, last about 5 minutes, and unfulfilling.

Mormon Match.com posting

01/13/2009 - by Cooper


Will you work hard to take me to the Celestial Kingdom?

MollyMo83 reading scriptures and scrapbooking at the same time.

Currently online

• 25-year-old woman

• Provo, UT, United States

• seeking men 21-110

• within 5000 miles of Provo, UT, United States

Relationships: Widowed; my husband died while testing a dietary supplement he was planning to sell via his Multi-Level Marketing startup.

Have kids: Yes (14), and they live at home

Want kids: Yes (As many as possible. I will not shirk my holy duty and will continue having children until my uterus falls out.)

Ethnicity: Adopted into the tribe of Ephraim

Body type: VERY high mileage; about due for a retread I am afraid

Height: 5'4" (162cms); I used to be 5’5” but after those last six pregnancies my vertebrae have become rather compacted

Religion: The one true church of God/LDS

Smoke: I would never partake of such a vile substance

Drink: Let me answer by saying there is health in my navel and marrow in my bones

About me

Hair: Flaxen locks that are a gift from the Lord though these locks are often streaked with baby puke and mashed peas

Eyes: Hazel with huge dark circles and big bags

Best Feature: My sweet spirit

Body Art: Pierced ear(s) but only one set

Sports and exercise: Nothing other than walking the floor with my 11-month-old twins and my 1-month-old newborn

Exercise habits: I exercised twice while I was in high school; who has time for that now?

Daily diet: Items rotated out of my years supply


• Scrapbooking
• Visiting teaching
• Genealogy
• Love bombing the non-members in my neighborhood
• Changing diapers
• Helping my 10 school aged children with their homeschooling
• Mormon Tab
• Multi-Level Marketing
• Enemas with new and interesting substances. Started out with various teas and have moved to anything I grow in my garden.
• Having babies

Education: Three weeks as an Early Childhood Education major at BYU; dropped out to marry my RM

Occupation: Baby machine

Income: $0; I stay home with my children as the Lord hath commanded

Languages: English and a little bit of Joseph Smith’s Egyptian that I learned in a discussion one day after Relief Society

Politics: Bizarrely Conservative

Sign: Uhmmmm….the sure sign of the nail?

My Place: Live with my 14 beautiful children ages 2 months to 10 years.

Pets I have: I live in a townhouse here in Provo but we do keep the following in the basement

• Dogs
• Cats
• Gerbils
• Rabbits
• Chickens
• Goats
• Sheep
• Ducks
• A white salamander that hangs around a stone box in the backyard

Pets I like: Looking forward to designing my own when I become a goddess with my temple worthy husband

About my date

Hair: Optional

Eyes: Those that are single to the glory of God

Height: Must be celestial in stature

Body type: Clean and pure

Languages: Any but there must never be a curse word that passes my beloved’s lips

Ethnicity: I do love those Ephraimites

Faith: Christian / LDS and MUST have a current temple recommend

Education: Any but he must not have put off marriage or children to finish his degree

Job: Any as long as he is an RM and does his hometeaching

Income: Any but must be a full and current tithe payer

Smoke: No Way

Drink: Be it far from him

Relationships: Only those that have been consummated after being sealed in the house of our Lord. A history of traveling to Nevada while at BYU, marrying, boinking for the weekend, and followed by an annulment is fine too.

Have kids: Any but they must not be spaced more than 18 months apart. Anything less indicates selfishness.

Want kids: As many as possible


• Hole riddled garments with skid marks and yellow pits
• Talking about having more babies
• Reading the Ensign or the Book of Mormon
• Realizing there are 14 kids packed into this sweet 1200 square foot space and knowing that we can still find room for more
• A man who only wants to have sex to procreate. Any righteous man should be able to wait the nine months of my pregnancies and the three months to recover.


• Men who think for themselves
• Speaking evil of the Lord’s anointed
• Not having a temple recommend
• Not participating during Gospel Doctrine class
• Sloughing off on your Hometeaching assignment
• Working on Sunday

Primary Anatomy

4/11/2008 - sigmund's

I remember as a child my parents owning a copy of Lennart Nilsson's "A Child is Born". I was about four when I was first exposed to it. It features some of the best medical photography of pre-natal life, but also some very graphic pictures of women giving birth, of women being examined by doctors, etc. Looks like no matter how repressive a religion is sexually, something's bound to slip thru the cracks.

Mom became a RS president, dad was in bishoprics, and yet that first glimpse of sex at that age... Why would you let your five-year-old read that? Now he's your twenty-year-old with a medical fetish who is daily tampering with his "little factory".

French Kissing Is Gross

12/21/2006 - MoMoNoMo

I had a female TBM (True Believing Mormon) friend in high school who was FREAKING INSANE!! She's now in her 30's and still thinks french kissing is gross and says she would "never do that!" Personally, I think she just needs her crank turned really good just one time. One really intense "scream-at-the-top=of-her-lungs" orgasm would set her straight. Oddly enough, her little sister seemed to turn out with what I would consider a more mainstream attitude about sex (meaning, she wanted to have some). The older sister once confided in me that her mother taught her that even when married she should never appear naked in front of her husband, and that when she DOES have sex (for procreation only, of course), she still needs to be sufficiently covered all through "the act," and wear a robe.

Oh, MAN! LDS gives women (and men too, but mostly women) complexes about sex. I can only wonder how much more that friend of mine might enjoy life right now if she hadn't been made to fear sex. The saddest part of all is that she is still single with absolutely no dating prospects (a 30 something single woman who won't french kiss is strange even by Mormon standards), and I think still believes that her knight in shining armor is going to just knock on her door one day and carry her away from it all. Of course, he won't want to french kiss or have sex. Ever.

I don't think it's sex that bothers Mormons. I think it's women they don't like. They have demonized women so much that many of the women that have bought into it have even begun to hate and fear their own bodies, hence the story I read here about a woman who spent her entire wedding night (which should contain SEVERAL of those aforementioned screaming orgasms) sitting next to an open window because she was terrified about sex. Specifically, she was terrfied she might actually enjoy it! Add to that the multiple stories I read here about bishops telling rape victims that it's their own fault, and there's a recipe for disaster. Do you have any idea what I'd do to a man who told my daughter that it was her fault she got raped? Someone who told her that would be, in my eyes, a world class asshole worthy of an immediate and severe beating.

Amy's Story

03/21/2008 - Charlene

While I was a student at BYU, I often visited with my roommate's best friend (We'll call friend "Amy"). Amy was a naive Utah young woman. I had been considered very naive when I was in high school (I went to school in upstate NY), but at BYU I soon learned that I was one of the more educated on reproduction and sex even though I was a virgin and had only kissed one guy. Anyway, soon after the beginning of my freshman year, Amy's sister set her up on a blind date with an RM (We'll call him "Brad").

Amy went on the date and came back seeming pretty down and saying she just didn't feel comfortable with him. But Brad bugged Amy's sister into getting her to go on another date. Amy came back crying, saying she didn't know if she could keep seeing him because she wanted children and he couldn't have them. I thought that was a very odd topic for a second date and also was curious as to what had happened to him (I couldn't imagine him having gotten a sperm count ahead of time). She said that he couldn't have children because he told her he was circumcised. I informed her that had no bearing on fertility, but she was under the impression that circumcision entailed the removal of the ENTIRE penis! I explained the truth to her and also told her that if she felt uncomfortable with Brad she shouldn't see him anymore.

But Amy, like many women at BYU, felt she should get married quickly and she should trust a priesthood holder's judgment. Brad assured her that they should continue seeing each other.

On Valentine's Day, Amy came over to tell us the "good" news. Brad had taken her out for dinner, presented with a $1000 (he told her the cost!) engagement ring, and even though she really didn't like him, she "couldn't think of a good reason to say 'no'".

We didn't see Amy again for a few months because she was always with Brad. I was a premed student (for which I was constantly berated for not following a "woman's" career path) with a lot of medical knowledge (I'm the oldest of 11 children and I assisted with 9 deliveries (babies were born at home). Amy knew this, and called me one night asking me to come over. When I got there I was shocked. She was terribly emaciated. She had not been overweight and a loss of 5 pounds would have been noticeable. I asked her what was wrong. She said she'd been passing out a lot. While I asked a few questions she revealed that Brad had told her she needed to lose 15 pounds before the wedding. I asked her how she was dieting and she said that she had 2 fig newtons and a glass of orange juice a day. No wonder she was fainting! I suggested she stop dieting and see someone at the campus clinic to find out how to replenish her lost nutrients.

Then she said that she also was worried because she had missed her period. Now I figured it was probably due to the starvation diet, but I asked the first logical question "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?". She was upset that I could even suggest such a thing. Then she said, "but what would that do with not getting my period"!!!!! I explained the female reproductive cycle after she said she'd been told her period was just a "curse" for women because of Eve's fall!

She got married that summer and when school started again in the fall I ran into her. She had a black eye. I asked her what had happened and she mumbled, unconvincingly, that she had fallen down and hit her eye on a table. Then she revealed that she was pregnant and that Brad was very mad because he hadn't wanted a kid until after he graduated college. Shortly after that, he had her withdraw from school since she wouldn't need a career as she was going to be taking care of the baby.

I saw her only once after that. She was wearing sunglasses and heavy foundation which failed to entirely conceal a bruise on her cheek. I suggested she consider leaving Brad, but she said they'd been married in the Temple and it couldn't be broken.

Mormon Tampon Stories

12/21/2006 - Janet

1) A BYU roommate informs me that I am a sinner because I use OB brand tampons. Unlike the more popular brands, OBs do not feature applicators–the woman inserts them with her own fingers, thus insuring (IMHO) better placement and avoiding excess waste. According to aforementioned roomate, the fact that I had to touch myself “down there” meant I was masturbating. Sorry folks–after looking at the “Jane’s secret” thread, I couldn’t resist sharing this bit of weirdness.

2) To futher the point (and I have one, at least tangentially), another roomate later tearfully asks me if she needs to confess to her boyfriend that she is not a virgin. I hunker down for a serious and compassionate talk about the atonement, forgiveness, and men worth having. The roomie then reveals that she is not a virgin because she wears tampons.

3) A friend calls me on the eve of her wedding to query whether a g-spot and a clitoris are the same thing. I tell her no and suggest she do some reading (or pray like heck her intended has done some). I can practically hear her blush over the phone as she tells me she couldn’t do such a sinful thing, goodness, she doesn’t even wear tampons.

I’m absolutely floored by the level of discomfort LDS women–young women, women my age–feel regarding the most basic of bodily functions, and I am absolutely appalled that so many seem to view sexuality as solely mechanical on their part. Note two of the above illustrations reveal an absence of the notion that female sexuality has anything to do with desire; in the third, the woman in question felt humiliated even pondering desire in her own mind, not to mention bringing it up with her husband-to-be. Yeeeeek, I say!

The New 10 Commandments From The bishop Of My Singles Ward

03/01/2004 - Jerry Joseph

Well folks, you've gotta love the 5th Sunday and the bishop's opportunity to make a fool of himself. Today in elders quorum at the university ward that I attend on a semi-regular basis we got the new 10 commandments. The bishop said it was his job to speak for the lard in the ward and this is what we needed to hear. He passed them out to everybody and here they are, typed as they were presented to us:

Keeping the following Ten Commandments will assist you in staying temple worthy. They are worth following, not only for your being able to marry in the temple, but also for PEACE OF MIND and HAPPINESS in this life.

1. Thou shalt view NO INTERNET PORNOGRAPHY!!! (Avoid this at all costs)

2. Thou shalt not date unworthy members (pray about those you are dating).

3. Thou shalt be cautious when dating as a couple AND set rules with each other.

4. Thou shalt have no privacy, as privacy is the enemy of virtue. Never be alone late at night. Set a curfew for yourself and remember that the strongest members ar not always strong when they are tired.

5. Thou shalt never, never, go into the bedroom of someone of the opposite sex!

6. Thous shalt not have any long kissing! NO French kissing and NO back rubs! Avoid physical contact that has sexual overtones.

7. Thou shalt not lie down next to each other or on top of each other.

8. Thous shalt attend only wholesome activities. Don't go to R-rated movies and be careful about your selection of music.

9. Thou shalt not be the cause of someone else's loss of virtue.

10. Thou shalt not think you are the exception to the above commandments, as some of the strongest members of the *** *th Ward have had moral problems because they thought, "It can never happen to me."

Remember, you are individually responsible for you own actions. However, the Lord and your Bishop holds those who have received the Priesthood and/or have been endowed to a higher standard.

If you are in need of repentance and/or peace of mind, please come and talk with me. You can be forgiven and become temple worthy.

So, it was a great meeting. More than half the guys were hunched over looking at the floor most of the time. The room went pretty silent when the bishop went through the list of things he hates and openly talked about "Masturbation." A quick glance over to the TBM elder's quorum president nodding his head in complete agreement was almost too much. Gotta love the 5th Sunday.

Condom Conundrum

02/06/2004 - anonymous

I was a Mormon from Las Vegas, and I spent the summer before my senior year of high school in Salt Lake City visiting my best friend (nonLDS) who had moved there with her family (her dad was working building stuff for the Olympics). She introduced me to "Brandon," an inactive LDS guy who was also going to be a senior in the fall. He was on the school wrestling team, had curly blonde hair, and was unlike any of the guys I knew in Vegas.

To make a long story short, he and I spent the entire summer screwing eachother like crazy in every way possible; he must have spent close to a hundred dollars on condoms. And at the end of the summer I went back to Las Vegas. I felt awful because here I was, supposedly a "good" Mormon, and yet I was much more sexually experienced than Brandon. He lost his virginity to me! I felt like such a hypocrite; who was corrupting who here? Now that I have left the church, maybe I should look him up...

Brazilian Citrus Soap Opera Fantasies

02/02/2004 - anonymous

Last time I felt normal was the day I received my mission call. Brazil Sao Paulo North. The LTM was a zoo and I was locked down for a double dose of 4 months; something about my visa and the government of Brazil being less forgiving of my two drug related arrests than the church leaders. Anyway, I made it as far as Texas for the stale life of a TBM missionary and the time passed eventually. But my soul was haunted by all those people of Brazil I might have converted, except for my own wickedness.

Back home and horny as a goat, I latched onto the first sweet spirit I met and took her to the temple. Grandniece of a GA, her 10 righteous siblings were surprisingly dysfunctional. Incest, abuse, various perversions, etc. It didn’t last and we bitterly divorced after a couple years. I was so messed up I couldn’t even handle a job flipping burgers.

My parents were called on a mission to Florida. They loved it and spent most of their time chasing down inactives. They only caught one. This Bishop had a widowed mother who was inactive and my parents became very close to her. Turns out she was loaded. Her husband had made millions in the stock market and real estate. He bought 100’s of acres of orange groves. The son may have been a fine Bishop but he had squandered all of their liquid assets and the old lady got fed up with him. My parents stayed in Florida after the mission to manage the orange groves for her and she came back to church in appreciation of it. The money started rolling back in along with the tithing.

She died and left the orange groves to my parents. The Bishop was enraged and tried to sue them but the old lady had the deal iron clad. So I went to Florida to learn about growing oranges, or rather managing Hispanics who actually do the work. My parents begged for the forgiveness of the Bishop and everything was supposed to be in the past. When my mother’s health failed, they moved back to Utah and left me alone in the nice two story Spanish villa surrounding a swimming pool and with a thriving agri-business.

I went on vacation to Brazil to maybe do some of the missionary work that I never got to do. Miracle of miracles, I met a real hot Mormon woman, the mother of 4 gorgeous daughters age 16 to 10. After a quick courtship and the blessing of her Bishop we got married in the temple there and she moved her litter into the villa. At first we were happy. She wanted to do the total Mormon thing. I could not get her to understand why the local church leaders hated me. They took it out on her daughters who dished it back better than most. Trouble with these Brazilians, they will read their scriptures and say prayers twice a day, but they just don’t have the same sense of piety and modesty and they are usually running around almost naked when the Home Teachers arrive for a surprise visit. That was only the beginning of trouble.

We had a crop failure a few years back and my wife was able to import oranges from Brazil and still make some money. At the time we were desperate and the legality of these transactions was unclear. My wife also started importing workers from Brazil we could control better and then branched out to importing attractive teenage girls to work in the vast entertainment industry here. She clears 4-5 grand per girl and they must be baptized in our pool the day they get here or back they go.

Then my ex-wife showed up (maybe on a spying mission from my parents) and claims that we have a child together, which counting back from the age of the child had to have been from an encounter after the divorce, which I know did not happen with me, (she never was very good at math). She wants to get back together since we never divorced in the temple and technically the child is sealed to me. Otherwise, she wants child support and she likes the house and pool. But she quietly reported my wife to DFAC for allowing brief episodes of teen nudity and skinny dipping when I wasn’t even there, like it is any of her business. I should have made her stay in a motel and never let her near the villa.

My second step-daughter, age 14 was recently arrested. She was caught buck naked on a public beach after MIA around midnight with the wild, barely18 year old son of a local church leader and a few other young better dressed LDS couples and she blew a .290 alcohol level. He has a history of multiple drug related arrests and is on parole after months in the juvenile jail/rehab. He resisted arrest to the point that it took 5 police officers to wrestle him into the squad car. The church leaders called me in on the carpet and blamed me for this since I brought the corrupting influence in and they are pissed worse than ever at me.

My wife has convinced the two delinquents that it is no big deal and she has hired them a flashy attorney and promised to get them off. She took them both in to our Patriarch, who is too senile to check for recommends and proceeded to give them blessings which vaguely support this delusion, no mention of incarceration of any kind. Then she scared the crap out of the boyfriend by telling him if he ever came near her daughter again she would personally squeeze his head and family jewels into orange juice and feed the rest of him to alligators. I think the guy has little to fear from her since he will probably get hard time in prison and don’t ask me but I think our second daughter is going to bootie camp.

My wife is not one to be satisfied by just one man and is having a causal little affair with Horatio, one of my field supervisors. (Later, I will black mail him, because he is married and very catholic). She is so hot that every time I want to get mad about it, I just look at her and I forgive her. I think I understand her Latina ways. She wants to be married to me and to have me as the main man in her life, but she needs a little spice on the side. It gives her a real kick in the stomach, the idea of repentance and the process of taking the sacrament every week. She works herself up to the point of tears and the women of our ward think she is so spiritual. I guess she is. She gets up every month real quick at testimony meeting and tells how important the atonement is to her and publicly begs everyone for forgiveness for her many sins which she does not elaborate upon.

Family home evening starts up early Sunday night real nice in our bedroom without fail and is continued for several nights if you get my drift. She told me that if I ever wanted to, I could “test out” one of the young girls; it wouldn’t threaten her or our temple marriage, just as long as I keep away from her 4 daughters. She wants them to marry good return missionaries and become virtuous mothers in Zion.

My parents still own everything. But I will get it all if I can continue to convince them that I deserve it and that my life is stable and most important, that I am active and faithful in the church. Another divorce would definitely call this into question. How am I going to keep my ex happy and from finding out about even some of this and telling? If I get DNA tests to prove her little brat is not mine, she could fink on me about everything else. Maybe destroy my fragile marriage. What if my wife’s testimony collapses after the impending criminal proceedings? What if she slips up and tells the Bishie about Horatio and they ax her? Or me for messing around with teenagers even if I never actually do it, which considering the living arrangements and the immodesty at the villa would be difficult to disprove? And who is going to believe that I had nothing to do with any of the shady and possibly illegal import transactions perpetuated entirely by my wife in my name?

Just another day in Mormon paradise. While you are meditating on my case, have a glass of genuine Florida orange juice, maybe it came from my orchard.


You may know from my other submission in "Bishops in the Bedroom" a little bit of my story already. When I met my TBM wife 14 years ago, we had a sexually-charged dating relationship for 8 months until she had an attack of the morg-guilts. Then - long story somewhat shorter - she cut off the sex for 14 months, until we got married.

But on the day before we were to marry in the L.A. temple, one of my soon-to-be-wife's friends came into town. This friend is SOOOO much of a TBM (True Believing Mormon) that she even WORKS at the COB (Church Office Building) in Salt Lake City.

Now, my wife-to-be had already moved her stuff into my apartment a few days prior. Our bishop knew about it, and some of the EQ members even helped with the move. At the time, I too was COMMITTED to the idea of being chaste until after our sealing, so no one in the local church structure saw any problem with the 2 of us cohabitating for a couple days.

Well, the TBM COB-working friend DID see some potential problems. ON THE NIGHT BEFORE MY FREAKIN' WEDDING, she insists that SHE will share the room with my bride-to-be, and that I will sleep in the spare room bed. Never mind the fact that I was too damn tired to manage anything frisky at that point, she was absolutely paranoid about me and my future-wife sleeping together in the same bed.

The saddest bit of all is that I when I saw how much of a stink this TBM Bitch-monster-from-Hell was willing to make, I just meekly gave in and dragged my pillow behind me to the guest bedroom.

If I had it all to do over again, I'd just shove the wench out of my way, tell her to leave my home if she didn't like it, and report me to my bishop if she had a problem with my actions, but to GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT in any case.

Kinda like what I do with the mishies now. - 10/16/2003 - from former RC, former LDS


Well, I recall walking into the church for the picture-taking before my best friend's reception. I walked through a room where her groom and several of his best friends were talking. They were asking him how the wedding night had been, etc. and he told them in complete disgust how she hadn't let him near her all night and had spent the entire night sitting up in the chair over by the window. He had finally given up and fallen asleep on the bed and when he woke up, she was still sitting in the chair looking out the window. They were all laughing at him and making fun of him. I went and found her and she looked absolutely murderous. I felt sorry for both of them. I decided then and there that I was not going to wait until my wedding night to have sex because I wanted to enjoy it! - 02/17/2003 - anon

the first chic I ever had eat/ride my tubesteak was a devout Morm! In retrospect, it's hilarious seeing that she was the one who always wanted the meat and would even pull me into closets and lockerooms just to get some. I broke up with her a year later and (poof) she became pregnant....AT 15!!!!! - 02/17/2003 - from Mayls

When i was a boy scout. i worked at at camp that had a mormon girls camp across the lake. every week when we went by in our boat girls would yell at us and tell us to come visit. and then at night we would paddle across the lake, climb the cliff(there was one road up from the water and it was heavily gaurded), and meet the girls out in the forest. There was never a time that these girls didn't put out and every week there was a whole new batch of campers. It was every 15 year olds dream come true. One scout even converted to "moronizm" for the summer so he could have more access to the girls. Thank you joe smith! - 02/17/2003 - anon

i work w/ a mormon (a male nurse) and every other night i get to hear his BYU streaming video/audio through his computer into my pagan ears. it kills me. they have got to be the most warped sect of religion on the planet and that's including the radicals--at least they do what they do for a reason . mormons don't really have a reason except to convert all the heathens of the world before they die and make women feel bad about sex.

sex can be the greatest thing in the world and i feel so horribly for those poor girls who are simply terrified to feel pleasure. and those poor men who get snaked into relationships with the twisted girls they think they wanna sleep with. my co-worker yells at me all the time for cussing (as F**k is my favourite word) but then turns around and calls some congresswoman on t.v. a bitch....seriously....muslims on a jihad are better than mormons. - 02/17/2003 - automated alice

My first serious relationship was with a "good little Mormon girl". After all the restrictions and talk of sex being evil she ended up losing her virginity to a guy she only knew for 45 minutes!! (This probably should have been a clue to me that she was not exactly the most trustworthy girlfriend a guy could have!) I was a virgin at the time (17yrs old) and I actually had to fight her off for three weeks before I was ready to lose mine! At first I though it was really cool to have a nymphomaniac girlfriend; what 17 year old wouldn't? To make a long story short she cheated on me every chance she got with whoever was available, and when guys didn't seem to do the trick she decided to switch to chicks. In the end she moved out of California back to Provo, and she still calls me (at my girlfriends house) and tells me that sex before marriage is immoral. GO FIGURE! - 02/17/2003 - from Anti-Mormon Guy

There was a girl at my Catholic school in England. Her parents were devout Mormons. When I was invited to her house, they issued my parents with a dress code. I was forced to wear smart shoes, and a tie and jacket. They also grilled me for two hours about Catholicism and I'm sure that they tried to convert me. I couldn't go near their daughter at the house, nor could we go up to their room, and their wasn't a drop of caffeine or alcohol in the place.

A weeks later, the girl invited me back, and her parents weren't there. I snuck in a bottle of Jack Daniels from my parents' drinks cabinet and this girl seemed to quaff the bottle. Then she persuaded me to have sex with her. Unfortunately, the parents caught us in the business, and threw me out. They moved out soon after that, but not before they had the police round to talk to me. - 02/17/2003 - anon

What I don't get is the weird arranged-marriage aspects of the church.....I've worked with 8 different Mormon guys over the last 6 years and every single one was a fat ugly computer dork who was married by age 24 to a really hot blonde chick. If these are the rewards of Mormondom, I can see why it's attractive to some folks! - 02/17/2003 - yermom

Growing up in an ultra-mormon family sex was never discussed. One day I was sitting around watching a PG movie with my dad, and a scene came up where a bunch of biker chicks "rescued" the main character (Dan Akroyd?) Anyway, on the back of these ladies' leather jackets it said "Dykes on Bikes". My dad looked over at me and said, "Do you know what a Dyke is? I just about friggin died. I was so stunned I didn't even know what to say, so I said nothing. He then said, "Dykes are women who like other women".

Now I could understand that happening to a father and a young teenage son...but I was 30 years old and married! - 02/17/2003 - from Heathen

One day, I was driving somewhere with my brother when we started talking about sex. I asked him who he'd first had sex with, and he replied, "Samantha.", an ex-girlfriend. I then remembered something about Samantha: "Dude, wasn't she a mormon?" He paused for a second, bit his lip, and said, "Not a very good one." - 02/17/2003 - anon

A friend of mine from the southern portion of Idaho was dating another friend of mine from New Jersey across the internet... They got together for the first time in person not too long ago, had some fun romping around for the week he was there, and then broke up shortly there after... - 02/16/2002 - from Nicoli

The idiotic part, is a few days after he left, she started to become worried. They had done about everything in the book, and not only was she worried about the classic "I swallowed and will no get pregnant" misinformation, but she had been told in school that a single drop of semen would get her pregnant... To compound the idiocy, what was the name given to this drop? the drop of *DEATH*... The creation of human life has been labled as the drop of death by her mormon upbringing.

Godess save them all. - 02/16/2003 - anon

This story isn't funny but ir seems germain. One of my dearest friends was a devout mormon until her Sophomore year in college. At that time she was still a virgin, and being very naive and trusting, was the victim of a very violent date rape. She was obviously traumatized, and seeking spiritual guidance, told her Bishop what happened. He told her it was her fault. When she told her staunchly Mormon parents what happened, her father also told her it was her fault. I never understood that logic, but needless to say, she is no longer one of the "faithful." - 02/16/2003 - from Still Mortified

I met a Mormon girl in high school shop class back in '97. Eventually, I ended up skipping with her (Ivy) and her friend (Robyn). We'd go driving around just for the heck of it from time to time while we were truant. One day, Ivy decided to stay in class so Robyn and I ended up driving around for a bit, but after a while we stopped in a secluded area we had all hung at before. She kept looking over at me and saying "Screw?"

To my hormone-filled adolescent mind, this was a very obvious invitation for some sex. We made out for a while and gradually got down to the undergarments, "dryhumping" and kissing etc, but whenever I tried to get those odd garments she was wearing off, she'd delay etc etc. I gave up when we had to go pick up Ivy.

Another interesting note is her and Ivy would always talk about "drying" with boys from time to time which apparently translated to this odd dryhumping ritual decribed on this webpage. I'm now Christian and look back on those days with an "Ugh" feeling. To me, Mormanism is really screwed up. One of my longtime friends is "Mormon", and he doesn't fit the "Ideal Mormon" description at all. Most Mormons, for that matter, that I run into, don't fit the Mormon ideal. Another note: I read somewhere, that Gordon B. Hinckley (President of the Mormon Church) was quoted as saying that the Jesus of the bible isn't exactly the same one the Mormon church believes in. Hmmmm, who knows.. All I know is I'm not going to make any efforts to be Mormon. - 02/16/2003 - from thecatsmeow@anonymous.to

I moved to Utah when I was twelve, and was baptized into the Mormon church when I was thirteen. Shortly thereafter I realized that it was because I had been brainwashed and stopped going to church. I still live in Utah because it is a beautiful place. It never ceases to amaze me how hypocrytical these so-called non-judgemental people can be. No one would let their kids play with me when I was a kid because I madefriends with the neighborhood boys, and they presumed I was doing something I "wasn't supposed to". I was twelve for God's sake! I hardly knew what sex was! Maybe if they taught about sex to their kids, Utah wouldn't have the highest teen pregancy rate in the country, or the highest divorce rate per capita. - 02/16/2003 - from Jenn

I went to high school in a very Mormon suburb of Salt Lake. As a non-Mormon, it quickly became apparent to me that I was mostly blacklisted from the Mormon dating scene. I say "mostly blacklisted" because, in fact, many Mormon girls are more than happy to go out with a non-Mormon guy once or twice, so that they can completely lose their inhibitions and offer the excuse that they were seduced by forbidden fruit. Only once did I ever get a second date with a Mormon girl, and that was to formally let me know that we wouldn't be doing anything like THAT ever again, because I wasn't Mormon. "I'm just trying to be good," they sometimes said. "Well you're not trying very hard" was the obvious come-back that I never got to say. - 02/16/2003 - anon

My Mormon friend asked me to come along to his Prom. Before his parents would allow it (he'd been sneaking out to hang out with me and friends anyway) they had to meet me, though they knew my father. They proceeded to try to convert me when I told them I was an athiest, Told me I was going to hell and slapped an 11 o'clock curfew on the prom date for their son. And before we went they had to inspect what i was wearing and his mother actually came up and started adjusting my dress and offered me a jacket followed by telling us that if we had sex that she would kick him out of the house and call my parents. He was so angry/embarassed that we stayed out til 1 to get revenge. He moved out a week later and converted to baptist within a couple of months and found it to be a lot more forgiving... Imagine that... Southern Baptists forgiving. - 02/17/2003 - from Kar

I'm a fallen Catholic who has Mormon cousins. The first liquor I ever had...my Mormon cousins, the first Playboy I ever saw...my Mormon cousins. My first tittie touched....a mormon friend of my Mormon cousins. I always looked forward to those visits to Provo. - 02/16/2003 - from Pagan Baby

Porn Flick Leads to Conversion and Betrayal

02/15/2003 by anon

I live in the Eastern US where Mormons are hard to find. Most young people don't even know what a Mormon is out here.

One night, four of my friends and I were at a video store trying to find a good movie to rent when a car full of girls that we knew from our high school days pulled into the parking lot. I was surprised when they suggested we all rent a pornographic movie and go watch it, especially because one of the girls was a Mormon.

What group of guys would say no to a car full of girls asking to rent a porno movie? We agreed, and picked two movies of the sinful nature, went back to my house, and watched them.

Throughout the movies the group constantly talked about sex. What surprised me is that the Mormon girl was so open about discussing and watching sex even though she stated several times that it was sin.

One of my friends grew attached to the Mormon girl and they started dating. Over the next year, she slowly converted him into a devout Mormon. The whole time she preached to him the morality of Mormonism and told him that they could not engage in sexual activities because it was sinful to her.

It took a year before my friend and the rest of our closely knit group came to realize that this girl was not who she claimed to be. It turns out the whole time she was dating my friend she was sleeping with Mormon men behind his back. This didn't come out until she became pregnant with one of her Mormon guys baby. She was sleeping with so many guys she wasn’t even sure who the father was.

I couldn't believe the hypocrisy of this girl. She converted my friend to Mormonism, who now eight years later is such a devout Mormon that I can't even stand to be around him. He has gone on his two year mission and still does missionary work for the church.

I can only assume that the only reason this girl even began dating my friend was to convert him into the church. Because of this incident I have done hours of research on the Mormon Church. Every now and then I talk to my friend about the Mormon religion and it turns out I know more about the bizarre practices of the church than he does. I knew about the raising of dead ancestors for baptism into heaven before he did. I knew about the weird underwear rituals before he did. And I also learned of the interplanetary aspect of the religion before he did.

The Mormon Church and one of their whore-female missionaries has brainwashed my friend. It seems their tactics are to use attractive woman and give their church information in small doses over large periods of time in order to make it easier to digest.

Temple Worker Watches Porn

02/15/2003 by anon

My wifes father, who is a grand pooba or what ever and works in the temple loves to watch skinamax. Its great. He would be in his bedroom, his wife down stairs and I would sit in the living room watching what he had on the satalite. SKINAMAX. (that cinamax late night for those that dont know. softporn.) Guess he is going to hell. hahahahaa.

The Bishop From Hell

02/15/2003 by anon

I was a member of the mormon church for a few years, until back in october of 2001 i was raped....i went to my bishop, like my family expected, and told him what happened....now let me tell you, first of all, i'm about five feet tall, this man was about 6 foot four, and for a girl who has just been through what i had, you do not want to be alone, in a room, with a guy, especially one so big...but, as the church demanded, i was...i told him, going by the church's rules, and he told me to REPENT. now let me tell you, repentance is feeling bad for something that is your fault....the rape was not my fault, and telling me to repent was messed up, i left that day, and have not looked back.

A 15-year-old non-believing Mormon girl in Utah

11/30/2002 by anon

I am 15 years old. I grew up in the Mormon church and I find it hypocritical in everything. I am enrolled in a seminary class becasue you must take seminary when you are younger to further our education and dictation. My seminary teacher earlier this year was one of those people that you look at and you say "oh, what a good person" ok, but I must have psychic blood in me or something because everytime I shook his hand, it just felt like I was shaking the hand of a cold-hearted child molester. I switched out of that class, because in Utah you can take it IN school (not separating church and state becasue Utah makes its own rules).

I switched schools even because people were telling me that I was bad for switching out and not being a good Mormon. I raised hell about it to all my friends, but I can't tell my parents because they are hardcore Mormons.

I think that it is better to know what sex is before you get married. Just because it is "sacred" doesn't mean that it is bad. I am so dead set against Mormons that it isn't even funny. Everyone should try to be a 15-year-old non-believing Mormon girl in Utah, and they would understand why I am suicidal, why I am anorexic and why I live everyday trying not to cut myself because I have a horrible life. You wonder why everyone is on Prozac? I know the answer: because they try to make us perfect, and people like me can't handle it...

Sorry for the rant, I'm just kinda pissed off right now....and I only wanted to mention that my old seminary teacher acted like a child molester...
Editor's note: You may log on and get some emotional support at Recovery from Mormonism regarding your situation.

Mormon Bachelor Party

09/20/2002 by Bob B.

I was talking to a stripper from Salt Lake City that does bachelor parties and she told me she did a party for Mormons. She told me that at bachelor parties they do a dance(I don"t remember the name of it)but they take the bachelor and lay him on his back on a table and the stripper squats over his head and she pours a beer over her breasts and it pours down her body and goes off her bush and into the bachelor's mouth.

Well the Mormons wanted to do this dance but they didn't want to use beer so they had her pour caffeine free Dr Pepper. No alcohol, no caffine, but it was okay to have a naked woman straddled over his face and it was okay for his buddies to watch this event.

05/13/2001 - anon
I was married for the first time in 1995. Her Family was hardcore and had given her a lot of strange and scary facts about sex. She did not even know men got erections. she cried on our honeymoon when we tried to have sex. After six months of tring she quit. I tried to work with her for another 3 and a half years, but finally I divorced her. I married a nice catholic girl and have had more fun in the sheets than I thought possible.

10/16/2000 - Martha
We had a Bishop who always asked the kids if they masterbated! My kids didn't even know at the time what the word meant and came home and asked me. They were nine and eleven at the time. He was interviewing them so they could play volley ball..I raised heck over the pervert and have since totally disasotiated with the Mormon Church because of their weird interviews and their choices they make for Bishops. The one in this town now is just as bad if not worse. He is so crude and ignorant to non members and judgmental against anyone who belongs to another religion. It was this type of behavior that turned me against the LDS.

10/11/2000 - R. T. P
You may believe this one or not as you wish, BUT I had a Mormon friend who felt that as long as she imagined that she was having sex with either her "soon to be eternal companion she hadn't met yet", and/or Jesus, when she masturbated, it was not a sin. And now I sit and wonder things like: what about if you're imagining that it's Joseph Smith or Brigham Young (as if Jesus weren't bad enough!)....? I wonder what Bishop told her this...so, I guess if you're a guy, and you imagine that you're having sex with...I dunno, Mary Magdaline (or Jesus...) that it's okay?

08/30/2000 - Repented of More than Mormonism
I remember as a Mormon teenager that the Bishopric wanted to interview me about every couple months it seemed. I was pretty sleazy back then and I guess they wanted to hear some tantalizing details. But I always pretended to be so spiritual. Once I wore this really short skirt and no panties just for the fun of it. I tried to work up enough courage to flash the guy real quickly during my testimony bearing. But there were some things even I wouldn't do back then. Still can you imagine it? "I know that Joseph Smith(quick flash) was a prophet (longer flash) of God and... "

08/17/2000 - Richard in Oregon

Hey Dad, what's a whorehouse?

Remembering prior True Believing Mormon (TBM)days someone wrote:
"I admired my TBM boss who came to work one day bragging about how he had stopped by the University Mall (Orem, Utah right next to Provo, Utah) Theaters, demanded to speak to the manager. He chewed the poor manager out for displaying on the movie theatre marqui "Best Little Whorehouse In Texas". My boss demanded that the sign be removed because he did not want to explain to his children what a whorehouse was and thought that the sign lowered the standards of the community."

What an opportunity the boss missed! Shouldn't kids learn about such things from their parents? And the Bible (e.g. the story of Tamar, Genesis 38:14-18), where the word "harlot" occurs 48 times and the word "whore" - including "whoredom," "whoremonger," etc. occurs 92 times? And what does the boss say when his children ask him about the 22 times in the Book of Mormon where "whore" occurs? Has the boss blacked out those passages so that he won't have to explain them to his kids?

When our two (atheist) boys were about 12 and 7, we took a trip from San Francisco (where we were living then) to see family in Idaho. It was just at the time when the newspapers were running the story about the French woman who ran the five whorehouses in Winnemucca, Nevada, where prostitution is legal. The U.S. government was forcing her to sell them because she was a resident alien, and one cannot enter the U.S. for "immoral purposes" (even though, in Winnemucca, such purposes are within the law). So the whorehouses were for sale. I presume including inventory.

I had always thought (only half seriously, of course) that I would like to own a whorehouse, so when we drove through Winnemucca, we took a look driving by. (I had to laugh when we found that they are located on Baud Street!) Of course, I had to explain to the boys then about prostitution and whorehouses. They listened very seriously. Then the older boy asked, "How much money do the women get for that?" I just guessed, and said I thought maybe fifty dollars.

He was shocked, and got very indignant: "That's AWFUL! That's their BODY!"

I thought I had a real moralist here. Then he added, "They ought to get at LEAST two hundred!"

We didn't buy, by the way.

08/01/2000 - anon
Did anybody else watching the July 24th Pioneer Day Parade happen to notice that those hot young babes on the Provo City float were wearing bare back gowns wide open all the way down to the cracks of their cheesy asses and that even the coeds on the BYU float were borderline outside the dress code standards? I love these Mormons.

07/16/2000 - Robert B
A therapist in Washington State I met told me *half* his sex offender caseload--dozens of men--were Mormons. A disproportionate number of offenders are LDS. Sex-negative attitutes and inappropriate shame are a large part of the problem. Sexist attitudes and willingness to blame victims and too easily pardon offenders are also part of the problem.

Consider that Mormon leaders regularly pry into the sexual habits of the membership and the church leadership*demands* that the members agree to and cooperate with this intrusion in order to be considered "worthy" for temple attendance. One might look at this as schooling for becoming victims and/or perpetrators.

Then we have the "undiscussible" past of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and company . . . . Any wonder there are problems with sexual abuse?

My favorite book on the subject, which very much applies to the LDS church, is Sexual Abuse in Christian Homes and Churches, which presents the problem and suggests a number of approaches to lessening it.

07/14/2000 - anon
And my therapist here in (name of state)in his 23 yrs of professional service told me the very first visit that he has had many, many LDS women come to him for help in battling the LDS culture, priesthood abuses, sexual abuse, and he has really helped me cut through alot of crap!

07/10/2000 - anon
As a LDS Member and as a nurse (male) I assure you that sex is normal and natural with the right mate. What you choose to disclose to the Bishop is your business. The Bishop has a problem with him self if he askes you the most intimate details of your personal life. Stand up for your self and your what is right.Don't let any one lay there hang ups on ypu in the Bishops office!

05/10/2000 - Jeff J.

BYU's Irrational Sex Obsession
During my recent reading of Bertrand Russell, I came upon this statement:

"Most and women, given suitable conditions, will feel passionate love at some period of their lives. For the inexperienced, however, it is very difficult to distinguish passionate love from mere sex hunger; especially is this the case with well-brought-up girls, who have been taught that they could not possibly like to kiss a man unless they loved him. If a girl is expected to be a virgin when she marries, it will very often happen that she is trapped by transient and trivial sex attraction, which a woman with sexual experience could easily distinguish from love. This has undoubtedly been a frequent cause of unhappy marriages. Even where mutual love exists, it may be poisoned by the belief of one or both that it is sinful."

Due to the fact that this is a logic-based statement, one can only expect the exact opposite theories on sex to be taught from the classroom pulpits of BYU. It is unfortunate that it wasn't until my final year at BYU in 1994 did I realize that I was perhaps being controlled by an authoritarian society. I am now embarrassed to admit that as a missionary, I asked people, during baptismal interviews, if they were masturbating or fornicating (asking these questions in Chinese somehow made it seem less intrusive--I was in denial); and while at BYU, I found myself in the Bishop's office with my crying girlfriend feeling needless guilt and sharing very private information with a stranger who called himself "Bishop" (granted, this Bishop was probably just as controlled as I--so I hold no ill feelings towards him--even though he gave me some of the worst sex advice possible).

While at BYU I found that Mormonism's irrational obsession with sex nearly crippled the unwed students of the institution--that is until both the students and administration seemed to quietly agree on an action which I once heard a Bishop in Sacrament meeting call: "simulated sex with the clothes on." People of my generation have found another term: "dry-humping."

The dry-humping phenomenon within the BYU society is an interesting one. It's one of those activities upon which both the student body and the theocratic priesthood--which governs the Standards office--have established an implicit agreement. Technically, the Lord frowns on those students of His university who achieve orgasm whilst rubbing the crotches of their khakis against one another, but for both the students and the theocracy, there is really no other alternative: If the student is asked to honestly give up this type of release altogether in the name of upholding the honor code, his libido, if he had any honor, would probably force him to withdraw from BYU; if the theocracy were to enforce punitive measures against every single infraction beyond kissing, they would be forced expel the majority of the student body. Thus, both sides have found a common ground, and through the power of repentance, there has been established a tacit understanding: Indeed, dry-humping has provided for years now, and will continue to provide throughout Christ's millennial reign of glory, the glue that binds BYU's student body with its arid theocracy. The shrewd Mormons of Provo could probably sell this epoxy at a Provo hardware store and market as: "Temple Sealing."

-5/12/2000 - anon
Dry humping isn't so bad. You don't get pregnant from it and you don't have to go to the public health office up in Salt Lake for secret treatments of diseases I can't even spell.

Not every culture is as sex-obsessed as America where people watch hours and hours of Smut on TV every day. You know Eskimos have a hard time conceiving (not sexually, see what I mean?) of a place where it never snows and the wind never blows hard. Yet much of the face of the earth fits one of those descriptions. And there are places where people go all day, maybe even weeks without thinking about sex, hard as that may seem for us Americans to believe.

I will not pretend to read the minds, devoid of deep thoughts though they may appear to be, of 30,000 Zoobies in Provo, Utah. However, I would suggest that it is within the realm of possibility, to have a large group of young people devoted to some good cause other than "making it" with the opposite sex. Furthermore is it asking too much to allow for the possibility for others to at least strive for this ideal?

How can you assume the majority of the BYU studentbody is dry-humping? You don't actually know anything except what you see and do yourself. The rest is pure gossip, on a subject people are most inclined to lie about. Hell from what my brothers tell me, a whole bunch of those Zoobies in Provo are actually "wet-humping" as you might say.

05/15/2000 - anon
When planning for a dry-humping encounter, it is important to wear the appropriate garment bottom. A (relatively) new pair of cotton garments will absorb a great deal of ones' "man chowder"; whereas mesh garments will undoubtedly leave an embarrasing spooge-splotch on your khakis and may indeed leave tell-tale marks all over the young co-eds' legs as well.

In cases where "relief" has not been acheived for some time, one may even need to throw a pair of gym-shorts over the top of the garment for added absorbency. Or, wrap a few sheets of bounty around your skin flute.

Whatever you do, thank your (local deity) that Levi 501 button-fly jeans have fallen out of favor. I'll guarantee Mr. Straus was never a Mormon teenager.

02/29/2000 - anon
When I was in the 7th grade, my 5th grade brother and I went over to the Bishop's house to shoot baskets with his kid and a few other kids in the neighborhood. After a while my brother went into their house and asked the Bishop, sitting in the front room reading the paper, if he could use their toilet. The Bishop nodded and pointed up the hall. My brother peeked carefully through the closed but not locked bathroom door and saw the Bishop's oldest teenage daughter in the bathtub. Perhaps this is not so remarkable. But he also saw her boyfriend in the bathtub wrestling around on her. He closed the door, went back to the front room and told the Bishop. "Linda and Tony are taking a bath in there togther." Without even taking his eyes off the paper, the bishop said, "Well I guess you'll have to use the one downstairs."

02/23/2000 - J

Secondary Virginity

Understand, I took the Sex Respect program at Mueller Park Jr. High in Bountiful, UT. This is *the* most LDS school in *the* most LDS city in Utah. God was mentioned constantly, even though it was illegal. In science class, the teachers would tell us about God creating the Earth, and then say "But...the government says I have to teach you that we evolved from monkeys and puddles of slime." Anyway, here's how it was explained to my class: Some of us may have had sex already, not realizing that it was wrong and dangerous. If that's the case, then she's sure we feel terrible about it now. We must feel very dirty and ashamed for doing such a thing. But there is hope! If those of us who have lost our virginity are truly sorry, and repent in our hearts, and swear that we will never have sex again until our wedding night, we will be virgins again. The teacher didn't come out and say it directly, but she implied that a girls hymen would actually grow back. I still remember that after nearly 10 years because it was so completely ridiculous that it stuck in my brain and won't ever leave.

02/23/2000 - Lady DB
I broke my hymen accidentally at about age 14 when I was climbing over the corral fence and slipped and came down hard on my you-know-what. And it didn't grow back! But when I finally had sex a few years later, it hurt like hell. So maybe even if it doesn't grow back, you get to experience the pain all over again! So does that validate us as recycled virgins ? Lady DB

02/22/2000 - anon

A Three Peckered Orangutan For A Bishop
My three older sisters all noticed that our Bishop seemed inordinatedly interested in the graffic details of their teenage love life which consisted of getting kissed about once a year if they were lucky. He wanted to know if and how they pleasured themselves, their dreams and fantacies about specific boys in the ward, etc. If polygamy was reinstituted, which ward leader would they want to marry, was another question.

Some of the girls in the ward made up elaborate inventions that seemed to amuse him almost to the point of him slobbering on them.

One day we were visiting my Aunt, a wealthy sophisticated staunch Mormon lady, when she mentioned that she had gone to high school with him and she found it amazing that he had been called as a Bishop. My sisters hinted at some of the contents of their interviews. Auntie said she would not allow herself to be alone in the same room with our Bishop because in high school he was "more perverted than a three peckered orangutan."

02/10/2000 - anon
I dated Becky, a Bishop's daughter. She was quite beautiful, but not as attractive as her 8 gorgeous sisters. She was quite a bit more sensible and down to earth than her siblings. She told me once that "you don't know what peer pressure is until you have 8 sisters constantly pressuring you to loose your virginity and three of them younger than you!"

02/04/2000 - anon
Question : What do Mormon girls put behind their ears to attract men.
Answer : Their feet.

01/06/2000 - anon
Is it just me, or did anyone else have a girlfriend in high school who would threaten to break up with you if you happened to drink a Coke or Mountain Dew, yet would provide "oral pleasure" with gusto?

To be honest, I saw the hypocracy right away but was more than willing to trade some soda for a blow job. Wouldn't you?

12/10/1999 - anon
Why tell the bishop or any other church authority anything? Arent they supposed to have the gift of discernment? If they dont know, then obviously Heavenly Father must not really care about it, either

11/22/1999 - John
My roomate is part of a chat group called LDSSO. It is a group of single LDS people who want to get to know other nice LDS people. Most of them are returned missionaries and are temple worthy. Funny thing is that he has had sex with two girls out of the three he has met in person on the list. Those horny little mormons. I love it.

11/22/1999 - Linda
My experience was that I was a virgin bride in 1970 with my first marriage, because of the Mormon teachings. I discovered two weeks after I got married, though, that I'd had all the sex I ever wanted to have with my husband and, furthermore, I didn't like him all that much. If we'd been free to live together for awhile without the pressure of the eternal marriage commitment and the idea that we'd be sinning if we had sex before marriage, we both would have been more able to move on to a more suitable marriage partner instead of sticking to each other like glue for 20 years and making each other miserable just because we were bound forever and couldn't let God down. What a bunch of crap the Morg's idea of eternal marriage is!

Comment Section




I'll share my experience as a cautionary tale. My general message is: ALL MORMONS NEED TO RELAX ABOUT SEX! Guys and girls, and Bishop's and Relief Society presidents and married men and married women. It is a healthy, fun, great part of marriage and life. I'm not advocating the junk cultural values of the day, but sheesh people, if we are so focused on protecting ourselves from "the sin second only to murder" we are setting ourselves up for failure. I grew up Mormon and my parents taught me things but also acknowledged that sex is a healthy part of marriage. I'll get off my soap box and move on to the story.

Here's a philosophical question I have asked myself many times since my wife went nuts about a year ago after a 14 year marriage and 4 kids. Is it better to not have sex and marry the wrong person in the temple or to have pre-marital sex with the right person, not get married in the temple but remain faithful and have a happy life? This is coming from a recently divorced active mormon guy, return missionary and all.

A brief background, after 14 years and 4 kids, my wife went on a sexual rampage. First she began talking to and imagining sex with old boyfriends. She then discovered MySpace and sought out multiple partners over a six month period. She told me she was learning to get the "lust" back in her life. She would also openly text and talk to different guys while I slept beside her in bed. One night she told me she planned to "F***" some guy when she attended her 20 year reunion, she warned if the sex was good I would have a problem because she would make it an ongoing thing. One day she announced her new career; writing erotica stories and she asked me to help her submit a story to playboy or penthouse. She bugged me to read the story, I finally did and it was extremely x rated, she named the woman character after herself and the male after the reunion guy. I thought she was mental. Because I was trying to keep my "eternal family" together, the Bishop and LDS counselor both said I shouldn't judge her and I should pray to keep my family together and I should attend the temple to find peace. So while I was praying and attending the temple, my wife was.....not praying or attending the temple. After the fifth guy I told the Bishop I wouldn't judge her but I have a life too and I would no longer expose myself to possible disease and I no longer wanted to be married to this person. I informed him I planned to file for divorce and seek sole custody (which I was later awarded). He asked me if I was sure I knew she was having affairs and counseld me to remain patient. He said he would never counsel me to end an eternal family. I don't mean to make light of it, it was a difficult decision but my jewish attorney gave me much better advice when he stated "enough is enough, stop taking the abuse." Now that it's been a year and she has calmed down we have started to talk. At first she said she was struggling with her testimony and didn't think I would live with an inactive spouse. After I assured he I would have she tearfully apologized and asked if I would ever forgive her. I said I did forgive her but I no longer wanted to be married to her. She's accepted this and we discussed what the hell happened.

That's the background, here's the information that may help someone reading this tragedy. I don't blame the LDS church, but we definitely have some cultural issues and views about sex which are problematic. My wife converted to the church in her early twenties before I met her. She came from a troubled home and she was very sexually active before converting to the church. She said one of the most painful and embarassing things she ever had to do was sit in a Bishop's office and recount all of her sexual transgressions before being baptized. Can you imagine being 21 years old, not having grown up in the church or organized religion and recounting where you had done it, how many times, etc...all the way up until you began taking missionary discussions and became converted? I didn't know her full history until just recently, she had dozens of partners, her friends did too so she thought it was normal. Only after experiencing tremendous heartache she sought out and found a way to change her life. She was not sinning against greater knowledge, she simply wasn't taught about God or even to respect herself. She learned moral issues by watching 80's movies and she learend the hard way! She said she felt so unworthy and so disgraced to sit with a man she admired (she had a very loving Bishop) and recount all of her sexual trangressions. Yeah, that would be traumatic to a person that is trying to make changes in her life. She said when she was baptized she felt so clean and happy. So she was counseled to begin attending a singles ward. The first guy she dated was all hands and all over her. After their date he started to grope her and fumble with her blouse, she thought "this seems like every other guy I've dated." He was 19, she was 21 and he was soon to attend BYU. She kicked him out and he apologized, they went out on one more date and he did the same thing. Months later he sent her a letter apologizing, he said he was going on a mission and he wanted her forgiveness! So Larry the Lecher was going on a mission and Mormon's complain about being labeled hypocrites! She dated in the singles ward for two years and she experienced the same thing over and over again. All hands, horny bastards who forgot their priesthood lesson as soon as they went out on a date with her. Admittedly she was/is (ok still is, but really was) a stunning woman. She was beautiful and sexy and not like most mormon girls. I guess the Mormon guys felt they could let loose a little with a girl who had carnal knowledge. Oh by the way, there were the jealous mormon girls too who spread rumors. One jealous girl I dated and broke up with approached me after I began dating my wife and said, "I didn't think you would date a girl like her, she.....used to smoke!" This was the same girl who tried to grind my pelvis into dust while dry humping me into the ground! I call her the jackhammer! (Sidenote: drying humping doesn't feel good and chafes!) And we wonder why people call us judgemental hypocrites? The only other singles ward girl I dated before dating my wife would always try to take my shirt off and on our last date, we wound up alone at my friends beach side apartment and she said, "I don't know if I should stay, I might attack you!" As in, why aren't you trying to tear me apart right now? Repressed much?

So my wife and I started dating, the Bishop was very happy, all was good and we decided to get married....after two months! We were married two months later (met to married in four months) and I have to admit, part of the reason we were married so soon was because the sexual heat was on and neither of us wanted to become unworthy to be sealed in the temple. 14 years later I now see it would have been wiser to date longer. Maybe we would have had sex and realized it was the phyical attraction that brought us together and we weren't a good fit intellectually or emotionally. We really never had that much in common. Our sex life was good early on but she got pregnant three months in and had horrible morning sickness so our sex life stopped. After the baby she would say "good Mommy's don't do those things." Speaking of oral sex, 69 etc....and the days of good care free sex all but ended as we kept procreating, she was tired from child rearing, I was tired from working and things stagnated.

So as we discussed things recently she says she became sexually stifled. She says attending relief society didn't really make her feel like getting "down and dirty" in the bedroom. We had an active albeit subdued sex life after the children came. I say subdued because after some off the best sex of our marriage she would actually ask me if I thought less of her. I guess she didn't feel worthy after we tried different positions. Keep in mind, WE WERE MARRIED!!! I actually thought more of her and I felt closer to her the freakier she got in the bedroom. So why was she ashamed???

So what's the lesson, guys treat your ladies with respect during courtship and girls get your freak on in the bedroom once you are married! Don't be ashamed or feel unworthy.

I'm still active but sometimes I just laugh at what is being taught. I actually had a Bishop give a lesson to a bunch of 30-40 year old married men to warn us against the evils of pornography (which I agree with), but he ended with this dire warning "If any of you have masturbated, you need to come to my office and confess to truly be forgiven." Bishop, GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM! - 10/28/2009 - stormin_mormin


Wow- funny stories. As an LDS man who married a Catholic girl first, then a Mormon girl. I would say the Mormon girl was much better in bed than the Catholic. The Mormon girl gave the best BJ's imaginable. Unfortunately, she was so mentally screwed up that she can't stand a normal relationship- she has to be fighting to be happy. God Bless America am I glad to be rid of her greedy, dishonest ways. I can always get a BJ. - 04/11/2008 - email: panty_chaser_co@yahoo.com name: panty_chaser


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