Be fruitful as fruit flies, reproduce like rabbits and replenish the earth with minivans full of Morgbots. What's with Morgasm madness? Why do General Authorities act like Genital Authorities? From 1830 to the present - here's what's going down with Mormon sexuality.
The M-Word - Mormon General Authorities getting off on this personal issue
Bishop in the Bedroom - First Presidency privacy intrusions
Holy Hormones vs Mormon Morals - Latter Day Sexuality not so Saintly
Rethinking Mormonism - Mormon Sexuality another site's excellent reference material
Multiply and Replenish
BYU Torture of Gays - Electric aversion therapy short circuit
01/07/2007 - by Whoopieee
FIRST: Tell them they must wear hideous-looking long underwear "at all times". (What DOES "all times" mean anyway? Can't there even be temporary substitutions, like thongs, G-stings etc? If any member is unsure, however, they are perfectly free to ask for permission from their bishop/neighbor who lives just down the street and has had great professional training in all human matters.)
SECOND: Tell them that masturbation is wrong which eliminates a great deal of foreplay opportunities, non-penetration options, and many strange-looking sex toys.
THIRD: Tell them that they may use no "lewd language". In GA language that means "dirty talk" (Shouting out God's name too?).
FORTH: Insist that oral sex (and presumably anal sex) are taboo because they are not "natural".
FIFTH: Tell them that erotic stimulation from any pornographic source (written or visual) is forbidden (even reading the Song of Solomon to each other?).
SIXTH: Remind them that they will be interrogated regularly, and SEPARATELY, to see if one person's story matches the other. One party is also obligated to inform on the other at any time in between officially-scheduled interrogations.
SEVENTH: Warn them that even if they fail to "rat each other out" to the proper authorities, that GOD HIMSELF IS ALWAYS WATCHING THEM HAVE SEX! Thus their Eternal Salvation, the Celestial Kingdom, and their Forever-Family status will be at risk anyway (depending on God's explicit sex observations which He may, or may not, share with his Anointed Ones through their various deep "bosom burnings").
EIGHTH: If there's any wrongdoing discovered, there may be social humiliations that range from not being allowed to participate in family weddings and priesthood functions etc. to excommunication (at which time they must describe their sexual deviations in GREAT DETAIL to twelve VERY attentive men).
Other than that -- ENJOY!
GROSSS, no one ever in my entire life has ever asked me anything to do with my sex life. EVER. IF i ever become a bishop, i would NEVER ask that question. thats between husband and wife. To hell with the rest. Why the hell would i want to know what you do with your wife?? THANK GOD my bishop never asks me that. - 03/18/2008 - LT
What church is this you are talking about? In the LDS church:
1. Yes, you can subsitute them at appropriate times (typically the bedroom rather than the beach!!)
2. Your foreplay is up to you
3. No one has ever asked me about my language in the bedroom
4. No one has ever asked me if I have oral sex
5. Don't really need this anyway, we create our own entertainment
6. In fact, in 25 years of temple recommend interviews I have never ever been asked about my sex life with my wife - and I don't expect to be
7. There is nothing to 'rat out'. If we feel something we do together is wrong, our repentance is a private matter
8. The 12 men you mention (I've been one of them) do not actually want to hear the detail. - 03/03/2008 - Mart
Cliff notes on Mormon sexuality:
"Sing a hymn, avoid spicy food, tie your hand to the bedpost, abstain, abstain, ABSTAIN before marriage, ten minutes after temple ceremony, hit the sheets and MAKE DEM BABIES!!!
But try not to think about it. - 10/08/2007 - Hap E. Hetetic
Thank God I wasn't raised a Mormon I think I would have hung myself with the magic underware - 10/07/2007 - Dave
My son was recently baptized into the Mormon church because he fell in love with a Mormon girl. They are planning to marry this month - but since I am not a worthy Mormon I cannot attend. It makes me so sad that this church will make sex seem like something that has to be controlled and reported on. This is disgusting and in my opinion only serves the deviant fantasies of the 12 men doing the interviewing (or was that interrogating!!)
I keep hoping and praying my son will see how evil this cult is and get out soon. - 04/16/2007 - Concerned mother
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