Reviews and News Ann Romney rocks and rolls with Mummy Dearest as she unravels all of her Post-Mitt-Stress (PMS) revealing her true calling and election in life as a Joan Crawford wannabee. I fell in love with her all over again. - Sheri Dew - Deseret Book Tommy Monson is down home loveable like Andy of Mayberry. Hugh Nibley is Don Knotts goofy as his canoptic jar-head companion. You gotta hope they come knock on your door soon to share this Pearl of Great Price with you. - Peggy Stacked Fletcher - Salt Lake Tribune Just so special. A true testimony builder. Even though we thought Paul H. Dunn was better suited for the part of Elder Horus, we still felt the Spirit. - Donnie and Marie Osmond We all know Tommy Monson no longer speaks as a prophet but he sure does sing like one. I have not seen a Road Show as good as this since Saturday's Warrior! I pray that the Brethren will stage this as the Sunday Morning Session of the next General Conference. - Scott Trotter - Ensign Magazine Wow! That Ann Romney sure can play a "ICY" Isis. I got the chills and my money's worth tonight! Who is this woman? - Mitt Romney sitting in the VIP Booth with Donald Trump who quipped, "She's NOT fired!"

The Book of Abraham follows two young missionaries who are sent to Egypt to try to convert Muslims to the Mormon religion. One missionary, Elder Tommy Monson, is an enthusiastic go-getter with a strong dedication to his faith and a weak spot for widows, while his partner, Elder Hugh Nibley, is socially awkward having embalming fluid for blood but is a well meaning nerd whose tendency to embroider the truth soon lands him in double trouble with the archaeology police. Upon their arrival in Egypt, Elders Monson and Nibley must first learn how to speak and write Re-formed Egyptian. During their first class they are seduced by their instructor, Sister Isis whom they lovingly call Mummy Dearest. Unwanted publicity follows when Monson and Nibley are convicted of creating an actual pyramid scheme by illegally selling The Book of Abramah to tourists at the Giza Necropolis. A successful mission may not be easy because the duo is up the Nile River without a paddle.

1. Mummy Dearest - by Joan Crawford

2. Sarcophageal Reflux Disease - Puking Papyrus - by Boo Leemia and the Anorexics

3. Pirates of Papyrus - by Jack Sparrow and the Black Beards

4. Walk Like An Eyptian - by The Beehive Bangles

5. My Crib My Crypt - by Baby Huey and the Fooey

6. Adam Names Every Living Thing - by Julie Andrews and The Sound of Mo-sic

7. Pyroglyphics Joseph's Pants on Fire - by Jim Carey and Bernie Madoff

8. Don't Cry For Me Abrahamah - by MoDonna and the Virgins

9. You're Him and Thumb Him - by Freddy Mo-cury and Queen

10. Highball To Kolob - by Orrin Porter On The Rockswill

11. Kokaubeam Me Up Scotty - By James Kirk and the Handcart Trekkers

12. The Wrap Song - by Eminem and the Duct Tapes

13. Hostess of Heaven - In the Tweenkie of an Eye - by Lady Gaga and the Licked Cupcakes

This movie is so full of phalluseez that even Paul H. Dunn would not endorse this pseudo history. - Daniel C. Peterson - Ancient Alien History Department - BYU

That mummifaction scene with Monson and Nibley breaking into a "wrap music" routine absolutely unraveled me. - Boyd K Packer of Little Factory Fame

If anyone is foolish enough or misled enough to reject the five chapters and three facsimilies of a heretofore unknown text teeming with literary and Semitic complexity without honestly attempting to account for the powerful witness of Joseph Smith and the profound spiritual impact that witness has had on what is now 139 readers, then such a person, elect or otherwise, has been deceived; and if he or she leaves this Mormon Church, it must be done by crawling over or under or around the Book of Abraham to make that exit. - Jeffrey Holland - Apostle and Public Relations Genius