Gordon B Hinckley


Putting the "PR" into prophet and smooze into news

Spent This Evening With The Brethren at Bonneville's Xmas Party

12/02/2006 by Choose The Real

I went to Bonneville International's Christmas party tonight at Little America (Bonneville is the parent company of all the LDS owned tv and radio stations.)

My nevermo spouse managed to seat us with 3 couples in which all the other men were bishops, what a delight. About 6 or 8 of the brethren were there with Gordon B Hinckley being the headliner. Mark Eubanks, a just-retired weatherman, gave an opening prayer and said how thankful we all were to be living at a time when there is a prophet on the earth. Why do Mormons have to run everything like it's a church meeting? It wasn't, it was a company Christmas party (although Bonneville is the only true company....)

Dinner was served, and coffee was actually offered with dessert. I only saw one other person besides myself imbibing, alhtough the room must have held 400 and there must have been a few more. While I was drinking my coffee Gordon B spoke (yep, I've drank coffee and watched Gordon live with only a few other tables of people and one of his body guards between him and my coffee.) He seemed pretty spry for 96. He talked about some mess Bonneville is in with the IRS over the sale of a station in Seattle, advised us not to get old, and held up his cane in the air and said "Tallyho!" as he was leaving. Everybody who spoke ended with some version of "in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen," which was also odd if it wasn't a church meeting.

Dinner conversation: the bishops and their wives discussed the signals they use to tell each other to cut the meeting or the speaker short and how great it was that one of the bishops let church out early last week. Why the hell even go if that's how you feel about it?

I thought my company Christmas parties were pretty bad but this was definitely worse.

President Hinckley goes in for a physical

11/26/2006 by substrate

Doctor: You look in remarkably good shape for a 96 year old.

GBH: Isn't it marvelous?

Dr: First let's talk about your medical history.

GBH: Do we have to get into that? As President Packer has said, "Some truth is not very useful."

Dr: OK, then let's talk about what we know. I understand that you have recently been treated for cancer.

GBH: Look, it's in the past. It's behind us.

Dr: That's what we're trying to determine.

GBH: I see no point in rehearsing these blips and flecks of history. It's behind us.

Dr: I've been told you're having trouble walking, and that you use a cane.

GBH: I don't know that I'd say that. I don't know that I emphasize it.

Dr: Then what's that cane for that you're holding?

GBH: Now that's more of a walking stick than anything else. That gets into some pretty deep physiology that we don't know very much about.

Dr: Look, we're not getting very far here. Do you have some specific health issues you want me to address?

GBH: Let's let the regular processes of the law run their course, then we can take a position.

Dr: I have it on good authority that you have a serious infection in one of your legs.

GBH: I prefer to be positive. The negative becomes the stuff of headlines and long broadsides that, in many cases, caricature the facts and distort the truth--at least the whole truth. The tragedy is that this spirit of negativism seems to prevail throughout the country.

Dr: But what about the blood and pus soaking through your pant leg?

GBH: Look, I want to subdue the negative and emphasize the positive.

Dr: Well, if you're not going to tell me what's going on, I can't find anything wrong with you.

GBH: Isn't it marvelous?

Later that day, the church issued the following press release:

President Hinckley has been examined by his physician, who could not find any trace of cancer or indeed any physical ailment at all in our beloved prophet. Clearly he is reaping the benefits of a lifetime of living the Word of Wisdom and is being blessed by the faith and prayers of the membership.

Ode to Hinckley

09/15/2006 - by Tal Bachman

He claims that the spirit's a must
The surest thing humans could trust
Yet who paid a killer
For fraudulent filler
Before his eventual bust?

Another Ode to Hinckley

09/15/2006 - by Tal Bachman

Who knew the vain fool would so blow it
Selling fraud but trying hard not to show it?
When asked what he taught
He replied, "not a lot...
And what we do - I'm not sure that I know it!"

My GBH experience

04/17/2005 by J-Out

About 5 1/2 years (back in the TBM days) dh and I went to Utah for our 5 year anniversary (first time). We stayed with a family that told us where to go and when to glimpse the high ups. Anyway, they told us when and where to attend GBH's ward so we went and got to see GBH. I thought when the prophet came in it would be this euphoric event, light would shine down and such. Nope. He seemed so ordinary. And his ward, it was fast Sunday and I have never heard such uninspired, unsprititual testimonies in all my life. It was such a poor me session. Definitely not what was "normal" to me.

I really expected GBH's ward to be super spiritual and such. During the meeting my then 8 month old son started fussing and getting loud so I carried him out and the security for GBH was hovering over me like I had a bomb or something. Geeze, like they couldn't hear a child fussing and wiggling around! I was outside the meeting - no where near GBH! They made me feel so uncomfortable following every slight move I made that I just went back into the meeting with my fussy baby.

It takes a prophet to say THIS?

03/23/2005 by Ghost of Capt Jack, Polygamy Porter, Hellmut, Brandnewtatoo, Wine Country Girl

Introduction: Never has so much, said by so many Church leaders in the past, been denied as often and in the presence of so many people as has been denied by Gordon Hinckley.

Never has so much money been spent, to build so many chapels and temples, attended by so few people in ever expanding corners of the globe. Under his leadership, the Church now has 8 million inactives in over 150 countries. Sometime in 2006 more Mormons who don't think of themselves as such will speak Spanish than Mormons who know they are who speak English. Praise God!

Preface: I don't know that we teach that . . .

Samples of Chapter Titles

1. Tattoos and you

2. Stand for something, unless you can make more money to tithe on by not standing, in which case stand for not standing and pay away

3. Governor Ford died deep in debt and one of his children ended up in a mental institution

4. How God told me to build the Conference Center and use my walnut tree for the pulpit

5. Larry King, a righteous Jew

6. I know what this chapter's about but I'm not gonna' tell ya', ya'll haf ta read it fir yerself.

7. Gladys Knight, blessed Negro woman and songster will fix up our hymns

8. Book of Mormon evidences: "Fuck you and the Curelom you rode in on!"

9. Patriarchy, marriage and intimacy: How I pulled the wool over Marjorie's eyes for over seventy years.

10. Masturbation in the Church and at home, and in the car, at work, playing tennis, puting on your shoes, at the symphony.....

11. Understanding doctrines I'm not sure we ever taught.

12. Famous couplets that no longer have deep spiritual meaning.

It takes a prophet to say THIS?

04/02/2004 - by got outta there fast and other people from the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board.

YW meeting text is up on lds.org

"You must know, as you've been told, that you are not alone in this world. There are hundreds of thousands of you. You live in many lands. You speak various languages."

"In my quiet moments, I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences."

"I visited the hospital the other day to see a dear friend. I observed the various nurses who were on duty. They were extremely able. They impressed me as knowing everything that was going on and what to do about it. They had been well schooled, and it showed."

" I do not wish to be prudish about this. I do not wish to be regarded as a killjoy. I do not wish to be thought of as an old man who knows nothing about youth and their problems."

" Sing and dance, swim and hike, become involved in projects together, and live life with zest and excitement."

(look it up on your own...I'm off to find a barf bag)

And now, a bit from the Young Men/PH meeting. by BornUnderPunches

"Do not touch that Hell-inspired mound of flesh between your legs. You are to do the Lord's work, and not diddle your doodle. The Lord loves a working man that gives 10% and keeps his woman in line. Do not touch your penis. Penis. Factory. Emission. Penis. Submission."

Hinckley is the prophet of the obvious by Joe

Thanks for sharing GBH's deep thoughts. Here are some of his more amazing and deep prophetic teachings that could only come from a prophet of the Lord:

"you are not alone in this world" Holy crap. I'm not?

"There are hundreds of thousands of you. You live in many lands. You speak various languages." I do. What the hell did someone clone me?

"I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences." So you mean I will be presented with choices in life and the decisions I make will have consequences?

My god. This is deep stuff. As Neo would say on the Matrix. 'Whoa'

This is subtle, but telling. by Hmmmmm...

"To accomplish His plan of happiness, the Great Creator planted within us an instinct that makes boys interested in girls and girls interested in boys."

Question : Why does God kick this instinct into high gear *long* before worthy young men and women return from missions? by BornUnderPunches

You missed the hidden, subliminal message in the speech by Baura

I've highlighted the first letters of the key words that spell out the hidden message:

"You must know, as you've been told, that you are not alone in this world. There are hundreds of thousands of you. You live in many lands. You speak various languages."

"In my quiet moments, I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next ten years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences."

"I visited the hospital the other day to see a dear friend. I observed the various nurses who were on duty. They were extremely able. They impressed me as knowing everything that was going on and what to do about it. They had been well schooled, and it showed."

" I do not wish to be prudish about this. I do not wish to be regarded as a killjoy. I do not wish to be thought of as an old man who knows nothing about youth and their problems."

" Sing and dance, swim and hike, become involved in projects together, and live life with zest and excitement."

It spells out-- "It's hot. It's WWW, TNT. So sad, kid, sad all."

It's a cryptic message warning the kids to stay away from the WWW (World-Wide Web) and it's "explosive" content.

No one thinks anymore apparently by John Updike

GBH's platitudes are a personal sticking point with me. My first realization that he wasn't particularly inspired was when I was in the MTC and he came to speak to the missionaries.

His "talk" was average, filled with mild wit and aphorisms. But judging from the missionaries' collective reaction, you'd think it was Jesus himself giving Sermon on the Mount II.

Afterwards, the sister missionaries we were with wanted to stay in the auditorium after everyone left to bask in the afterglow of the prophet's presence. Ladies, it wasn't that good, let's get something to eat! It was a real Nude Emperor moment for me, probably my first real one in questioning the truth of Mormonism.

My mom has a line by GBH on her fridge: "Do the Best You Can." Probably the most banal, cliche line one could utter, and there's the prophet's grinning mug beside it. Thanks for the inspiration, Coach Hinckley.

Gordo gets away with it because he's a cute old man. He hasn't uttered a single piece of wisdom that a good uncle couldn't give you. To watch my TBM parents fawn over him is disheartening.

He's no prophet.

"Why lookie there -- competent women. Nurses you say? Imagine that." by Stray Mutt

Yeah, Gordon, and if you were a century younger, you might want to invite one to see a moving picture.

What good advice can an old doddler give a young woman... by hmmmmm II

I sometimes wish every girl had access to a sewing machine and training in how to use it. She could then make her own attractive clothing. I suppose this is an unrealistic wish.

That will certainly inspire a young woman to "Be happy. Wear a smile. Have fun."

And this hint on career choices for young women:

"visited the hospital the other day to see a dear friend. I observed the various nurses who were on duty. They were extremely able. They impressed me as knowing everything that was going on and what to do about it. They had been well schooled, and it showed. A framed motto was on the wall of each room. It read, "We strive for excellence."

Nothing against women nurses but I don't think in our day age many more career options are available than just nursing.

It takes a prophet to say.. by wisedup

"Bind to friends OF YOUR OWN KIND" - not the evil people of the world - the people god hates - Satan's children.

Gordie At The Pulpit

09/21/2003 -by cricket with apologies to Ernest L. Thayer
who created "Casey at the Bat."

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Dudville twelve that October day,

General Conference attendance was poor, even the faithful didn't want to stay.


And then when Monson spoke at length, and Packer did the same,

A pall-like silence fell upon the sheep, bathed in all the blame.


A straggling few got up to go in deep despair.

The rest clung to that hope which springs eternal in the "burning bosom."

They thought, "if only Gordie could but get a whack at it.

We'd put up ten percent now, with Gordie at the pulpit."



But Perry preceded Gordie, as did also Dallin Oaks;

and the former was a boo-hoo, while the latter was a hoax.


So upon that stricken multitude, grim melancholy sat;

for there seemed but little chance of Gordie topping all of that.


But Perry spun a yarn, to the wonderment of all.

And Oaks, the much despised, tore the roof off the hall.


And when the dust had lifted,

and Morgbots saw what had occurred,

there was Dallin safe and Perry's "calling and election" made sure.


Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a rebellious yell;

it rumbled through the Conference Center, it rattled all the way to hell;


it pounded through on the mountain and recoiled upon the "narrow-neck" of land;

for Gordie, mighty Gordie, was advancing to the stand.


There was ease in Gordie's "mantle" as he stepped into his place,

there was pride in Gordie's bearing and a smile lit Gordie's face.


And when, responding to the sneers, he lightly doffed his cane,

no stranger in the crowd could doubt t'was Gordie gone insane.


Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands and smirked.

Five thousand tongues murmured when he drooled that they had shirked.


Then, while the P.R. department spun headlines that "Mormons are hip,"

Alzheimer's flashed in Gordie's eye, a slur curled Gordies's lip.


And now a leather-covered "triple-combo" came hurtling through the air,

and Gordie stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.


Close by the pesky prophet the "triple-combo" unheeded sped --

"That ain't my style," said Gordie.


"Strike one!" the Savior said.

From the pews, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,

like the beating of the storm waves on a stern and distant shore.


"Smite him! Smite the 'mainstreamer'!" shouted someone on the stand,

and it's likely they'd have smote him had not Packer "to the square" raised his hand.


With a begile of apostolic charity, great Packer's visage shone,

he stilled the rising tumult, he bade the conference go on in boring drone.


He signaled to the TV cameras, but once more a "triple-combo" flew,

but Gordie still ignored it, and the Savior said, "Strike two!"


"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered "Fraud!"

But one scornful look from Packer and the congregation was awed.


They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,

and they knew that Packer wouldn't let apostasy rear its head again.


The sneer has fled from Gordie's lip, the dentures are clenched in pandemonuim.

He pounds, with cruel violence, his cane upon the podium.


And now Paul H. Dunn holds a "triple-combo", and now he lets it go,

and now the air is shattered by the farce of Gordie's show.


Oh, somewhere in this "promised" land the sun is shining bright.

The MoTab Choir is singing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.

And, somewhere Exmos are laughing, about that hokey "hosanna shout."


but there is no joy in Dudville --

the mighty Gordie's been knocked out.

And by their works ye shall know them

09/25/2003 - anon

Lets do some comparing. The POPE vs. Gordon B. Hinkley the dumbass.

EDUCATION

Pope - Doctorate in Theology, 1948 with a thesis on the topic of faith in the works of St. John of the Cross. (Earned by Studying)

GBH (the dumbass) - Bachelor of Arts (English from U of U) awarded an Honorary Doctorate by BYU. (Fake degree)

LANGUAGES

Pope - Fluent in English, Polish, Spanish, French, Italian, Latin, German and conversant in many others

GBH (the dumbass) - English, and very poor at that.

FOLLOWING

Pope - 1.2 Billion and growing

GBH (the dumbass) - 11.7 million and stalling

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Pope - With the aid of Ronald Regan the destruction of the Communist party in the former Republic of USSR. Worldwide acclaim in humanitarian aid to the suffering in Africa, the Middle East, Europe, South America, etc.

GBH (the dumbass) - Has been confused by his own religion and is not too sure of its doctrine (Mike, I'm not sure we ever thaught that, and Larry, I'm not sure that is doctrinal). Has overseen the decline in the growth of the Morgs and the financial short fall of the assests of the Morgs (we better lay of some people).

RELIEF WORK

Pope - oversees a worldwide humanitarian missionary work that strengthens the people of the world.

GBH (the dumbass) - Relies on the worldwide humanitarian efforts of the Catholic church to distribute the feable efforts of the Morgs to provide relief to the suffering. (Remember the special fast for the starving in Africa, that was distrubited by the Catholic Relief Services?).

MISSIONARY WORK

Pope - Invited Worldwide and sent Worldwide.

GBH (the dumbass) - Mainly in the U.S., Europe, South America, and any place else too stupid to prevent them from sending the annoying little shits that can't take no for an answer.

LIVING ACCOMIDATIONS

Pope - Small apartment in the Vatican (less than 800 sq. ft.)

GBH (the dumbass) - Spacious penthouse apartment in the Joseph Smith building (over 8,000 sq. ft.)

ATTENDANCE AT GATHERINGS

Pope - Filled to capacity in sports venues with over 250,000 attending. St. Peter square filled every Sunday.

GBH (the dumbass) - Short of capacity by thousands in 22,000 seat newly constructed Conference Center and less at traveling appearances.

FUTURE EPITAPHS

Pope - Great humanitarian, servant of God, Selfless, Leader in difficult times, etc.

GBH (the dumbass) Gordon who?

_________________________________

I and seven other new missionaries were in an airport terminal in New York City on our way to England. It was September of 1972. To our surprise Pres. Hinkley walked up to us. He asked us where we were going and shook our hands. He talked enthusiastically about England as that is where he went on his mission. He asked us if we would like to meet the prophet. We said yes. He left for about 5 minutes and returned with President Lee. He greeted us warmly, though he seemed a bit tired. We said our goodbyes and went off enthused about our experience. True story. Sorry it doesn't fit what you are looking for. I suppose if you ask enough people someone who has met him will have something negative to say. Same holds true of any person, contemporary or historical. You can find negative reports on Jesus of Nazareth, on Bill Clinton, on George Washington or even the estimable Steve Benson. Leave the muck raking alone, it is very unbecoming. - 06/29/2003 - anon

Gordon B. Hinckley

(Tune: "Lady Madonna," by the Beatles" created by Steve Benson - 06/23/2003

Gordon B. Hinckley,
Media at your feet,
Wonder how you manage so much deceit.

Who finds you honest,
When you say, "Don't know,"
If you think that God was man
And God can make him so?

Sunday night you said on "60 Minutes,"
Brigham's views on Africans were not
Official doctrine but you know that's flat wrong,
You've just been caught,

With you suit pants down,
Tryin' to fool the rest,
Sorry but we're not that dumb,
You've flunked the test.

Friday morn you're on the different talk shows,
Insistin' Mormons are in the main flow,
But what about God's plural wives in heaven?
See your nose grow.

Gordon B. Hinckley,
Lyin' through your teeth,
Sayin' women in the Church aren't kept beneath.

Saturday you're tellin' the reporters
That women are as happy as a clam,
But Sunday they are busy takin' orders,
'Cause you da man.

Gordon B. Hinckley,
Tryin' to hide the truth,
I would too, if I were you,
You're such a goof.

How many times has Hinckley said he DOESN'T KNOW? You count them!

05/12/2003 - Deconstructor

Count 'em up folks. Here's a collection of the times the prophet has officially said he "doesn't know." This is the great wisdom 10% of your income will buy:

"Now we are at war. Great forces have been mobilized and will continue to be. Political alliances are being forged. We do not know how long this conflict will last. We do not know what it will cost in lives and treasure. We do not know the manner in which it will be carried out. It could impact the work of the Church in various ways."

"No one knows how long it will last. No one knows precisely where it will be fought. No one knows what it may entail before it is over. We have launched an undertaking the size and nature of which we cannot see at this time."

"I do not know what the future holds. I do not wish to sound negative, but I wish to remind you of the warnings of scripture and the teachings of the prophets which we have had constantly before us."

"Now, I do not wish to be an alarmist. I do not wish to be a prophet of doom. I am optimistic. I do not believe the time is here when an all-consuming calamity will overtake us. I earnestly pray that it may not. There is so much of the Lord’s work yet to be done. We, and our children after us, must do it. I can assure you that we who are responsible for the management of the affairs of the Church will be prudent and careful as we have tried to be in the past. The tithes of the Church are sacred." - Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Times in Which We Live,” October 2001 General Conference (Ensign, Nov. 2001, Page 72)

"I hope that prayer will take on a new luster in our lives. None of us knows what lies ahead. We may speculate, but we do not know." - Gordon B. Hinckley, “Till We Meet Again,” Ensign, Nov. 2001, Page 89

"Brigham Young said if you went to Heaven and saw God it would be Adam and Eve. I don't know what he meant by that." Pointing to a grim-faced portrait of the Lion of the Lord, as Young was called, Hinckley said, "There he is, right there. I'm not going to worry about what he said about those things." I asked whether Mormon theology was a form of polytheism. "I don't have the remotest idea what you mean," Hinckley said impatiently. - Hinckley Interview in "Lives of the Saint", New Yorker, January 2002

"Beyond the wonderful and descriptive words found in sections 76 and 137 [D&C 76; D&C 137] we know relatively little concerning the celestial kingdom and those who will be there. At least some of the rules of eligibility for acceptance into that kingdom are clearly set forth, but other than that, we are given little understanding."

"The next question you ask is why Eve was created from Adam. I can only respond that an all-wise Creator did it that way...."

"Now, Virginia, you call attention to the statement in the scriptures that Adam should rule over Eve. (See Gen. 3:16.) You ask why this is so. I do not know."

"You ask whether men are more important than women. I am going to turn that question back to you. Would any of us be here, either men or women, without the other?" - Gordon B. Hinckley, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, Page 97

"Question: There are some significant differences in your beliefs [and other Christian churches]. For instance, don't Mormons believe that God was once a man? Hinckley: I wouldn't say that. There was a little couplet coined, "As man is, God once was. As God is, man may become." Now that's more of a couplet than anything else. That gets into some pretty deep theology that we don't know very much about." - Interviewing Gordon B. Hinckley, San Francisco Chronicle, April 13, 1997, p 3/Z1

"Is this the teaching of the church today, that God the Father was once a man like we are? Hinckley: I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don't know a lot about it and I don't know that others know a lot about it." - A href="http://home.teleport.com/~packham/gbh-god.htm" target="window">Interviewing Gordon B. Hinckley, Time Magazine, Aug 4, 1997

So how many did you count? Are there others I missed?

Hinckley the Prophet vs. Hinckley the Fraud

03/10/2003 - Deconstructor

Hinckley has blown some real opportunities to shine as a true prophet of God.

Here's some examples of what Hinckley could of said, compared to what he actualy did say:

1. War in Afganistan
In speaking on the start of the war in Afganistan in October 2001, as a real prophet, Hinckley would have said:

"Now we are at war. Great forces have been mobilized and will continue to be. Political alliances are being forged. The Lord has assured me that America will soon vanquish the Taliban from Afganistan. The Lord has told me that this conflict will not adversely affect the progress of the church, but that we are to help in relieving the suffering of the Afgani people as much as possible."

"I tesify that the Lord is aware of our times and is watching over this people. He expects us to be a beacon of charity in service to those who suffer from opression. I am optimistic. I know the Lord will provide for the true needs of the church, even if some of you may struggle with paying a full tithe for a season. The Lord understands. He is forgiving."

"Now, brothers and sisters, we must do our duty, especially as citizens of this great nation. The Lord has warned me that some may use this times of crisis in order to limit civil liberties. Peace may be denied for a season, but as members of the church, and as responsible citizens, we must be vigilant in upholding our liberties and defending the great principles of the constitution. At this time, may we all follow the rigtheous example of Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon, of which was written: "And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery; Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people." (Alma 48:11-12) Our safety lies in defending the freedoms and rights granted in the constitution. Our strength comes of our comittment to social justice."

Instead, this is what he actually said:

"Now we are at war. Great forces have been mobilized and will continue to be. Political alliances are being forged. We do not know how long this conflict will last. We do not know what it will cost in lives and treasure. We do not know the manner in which it will be carried out. It could impact the work of the Church in various ways."

"No one knows how long it will last. No one knows precisely where it will be fought. No one knows what it may entail before it is over. We have launched an undertaking the size and nature of which we cannot see at this time."

"I do not know what the future holds. I do not wish to sound negative, but I wish to remind you of the warnings of scripture and the teachings of the prophets which we have had constantly before us."

"Now, I do not wish to be an alarmist. I do not wish to be a prophet of doom. I am optimistic. I do not believe the time is here when an all-consuming calamity will overtake us. I earnestly pray that it may not." There is so much of the Lord’s work yet to be done. We, and our children after us, must do it. I can assure you that we who are responsible for the management of the affairs of the Church will be prudent and careful as we have tried to be in the past. The tithes of the Church are sacred."

"How grateful I am for the law of tithing. It is the Lord’s law of finance. It is set forth in a few words in the 119th section of the Doctrine and Covenants. It comes of His wisdom. To every man and woman, to every boy and girl, to every child in this Church who pays an honest tithing, be it large or small, I express gratitude for the faith that is in your hearts. I remind you, and those who do not pay tithing but who should, that the Lord has promised marvelous blessings (see Mal. 3:10-12). He has also promised that “he that is tithed shall not be burned at his coming” (D&C 64:23)."

"Now, brothers and sisters, we must do our duty, whatever that duty might be. Peace may be denied for a season. Some of our liberties may be curtailed. We may be inconvenienced. We may even be called on to suffer in one way or another. But God our Eternal Father will watch over this nation and all of the civilized world who look to Him. He has declared, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” (Ps. 33:12). Our safety lies in repentance. Our strength comes of obedience to the commandments of God." - Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Times in Which We Live,” October 2001 General Conference (Ensign, Nov. 2001, Page 72)

2. Nature of God
In a January 2002 interview, Hinckley was asked to characterize God's connubial relationship. With prophetic power he could have explained:

"Brigham Young was a great prophet of the Lord who received many revelations pertaining to the salvation of mankind, as have many other church prophets. We know through modern revelation that there is eternal progression and worlds without number for those who live worthily. As you learn more about the gospel, you come to a true understanding of the nature of God and what eternal progression means."

Instead, this is what he actually said:

"Brigham Young said if you went to Heaven and saw God it would be Adam and Eve. I don't know what he meant by that." Pointing to a grim-faced portrait of the Lion of the Lord, as Young was called, Hinckley said, "There he is, right there. I'm not going to worry about what he said about those things." I asked whether Mormon theology was a form of polytheism. "I don't have the remotest idea what you mean," Hinckley said impatiently. - Hinckley Interview in "Lives of the Saint", New Yorker, January 2002

3. The Celestial Kingdom
When a young woman in the church wrote Hinckley and asked him if women can go to the Celstial Kingdom without a man, Hinckley answered her question from the tabernacle puplit. Here's what he should have said if he were a true prophet:

"Beyond the wonderful and descriptive words found in sections 76 and 137, the Lord has revealed to me that yes, righteous women, as well as righteous men, will receive full blessings and fellowship in that kingdom. I know this question troubles many worthy sisters in the church who, for whatever reason, have experienced divorce. Some in the church may be confused and incorrectly think that women cannot enter the Celestial Kingdom without a man. But let me make it clear that the Lord loves righteous single women as much as righteous married women and their relationship with the Lord is not dimished by the absence of a husband.

This is what Hinckley actually said:

"Beyond the wonderful and descriptive words found in sections 76 and 137 [D&C 76; D&C 137] we know relatively little concerning the celestial kingdom and those who will be there. At least some of the rules of eligibility for acceptance into that kingdom are clearly set forth, but other than that, we are given little understanding." - Gordon B. Hinckley, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, Page 97:

4. Why Eve Was Created From Adam and Why Adam should Rule Over Eve.
When asked this question, Hinckley as a prophet could have said:

"The next question you ask is why Eve was created from Adam. I can understand why this part of the Genesis narrative could be interpreted as a evidence that Man is superior to women. But nothing could be further from the truth. As I have prayed and pondered over your sincere question, I have learned from the Lord that as an all-wise Creator he did not in fact create Eve in this way, nor did he command Adam to rule over Eve. These parts of the story of Adam and Eve are not doctrinal."

"You ask whether men are more important than women. Let me assure you that that notion is also false doctrine and has no part in the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

This is what Hinckley actually said:

"The next question you ask is why Eve was created from Adam. I can only respond that an all-wise Creator did it that way.... Now, Virginia, you call attention to the statement in the scriptures that Adam should rule over Eve. (See Gen. 3:16.) You ask why this is so. I do not know."

"You ask whether men are more important than women. I am going to turn that question back to you. Would any of us be here, either men or women, without the other?" - Gordon B. Hinckley, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, Page 97:

5. Doctrine that God Was Once Man
When asked if the church believes that God the Father was once a man like we are, Hinckley should have said:

"One of the great blessings of this church is that we have the fullness of the gospel and through modern revelation know the true nature of God and the purpose of life. The prophet of the restoration, Joseph Smith revealed that 'God himself was once as we are now, and is an exalted Man, and sits enthroned in yonder heavens.' The Prophet Smith declared that 'That is the great secret... It is the first principle of the Gospel to know for a certainty the character of God and to know...that he was once a man like us.... Here, then, is eternal life - to know the only wise and true God; and you have got to learn how to be Gods yourselves,... the same as all Gods have done before you...' (Journal of Discourses 6:3-4, also in Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 342-345) That revelation has been sustained many times by other leaders of this church, as I sustain it today."

Hinckley actually said:

"I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that we emphasize it. I haven't heard it discussed for a long time in public discourse. I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances under which that statement was made. I understand the philosophical background behind it. But I don't know a lot about it and I don't know that others know a lot about it." - Interviewing Gordon B. Hinckley, Time Magazine, Aug 4, 1997

6. Blacks and the Priesthood

In a January 2002 interview, Hinckley was asked: "Until 1978 no person of color attained the priesthood in your church. Why it took so long time to overcome the racism?"

If Hinckley was a real prophet, he could have answered:

"We are under the dictates of our Heavenly Father, and it was not my policy or the Church's policy. It was the policy of the Lord who established it. We are subject to revelations of the Lord in cases when he wishes to make changes. The Lord had his reasons, which were revealed by the prophets alive during the time of the priesthood ban on blacks. But as we are blessed with on-going revelations from the Lord, that is all behind us know."

Instead, this is what Hinckley actually said:

"I don’t know. I don’t know. I can only say that. (long pause) But it’s here now." - Gordon B. Hinckley Interview – ZDF German Television, Salt Lake City, Utah January 29, 2002.

Why doesn't Hinckley act like a prophet?

Meeting Hinckley In Person

01/03/2003 - various people

I introduced him to one of my investigators at stake conf. While on my mission.. He paid no attention to me but when I told him she was an investigator a light clicked on and he was all charm. Took both her hands and gazed into her eyes and told how the church was TRUE!

She ended up joining butI doubt she stayed active for very long. She was interested in the church because her husband was a Jack-Mo and she thought it would help the sagging relationship. It didn't.

Nice women though, who could not figure out why God would care if she had a cup of tea. Something she loved. - TAK

When I met him I didn't know that he has rheumatoid arthritis in his hands and it causes him excruciating pain to shake hands on his bad days. He was very nice to me and my daughter and I was impressed with him as a person even if I had doubts about his prophetic calling. He was the only church leader I met who spoke to me with warmth. He was not condescending or arrogant and I appreciated that. - Elizabeth

First time, [choir seats in the tabernacle at a YW thing where he spoke] I got ZERO feelings of spiritual signifigance. He was just a man. Nothing special. (and I was the type of girl prone to spiritual feelings)

Second time [company Xmas party at a church-owned company], my husband and I took our newborn up to him (cuz you know, oh how special if he would hold her and we could tell her that the prophet held her) but he wouldn't hold her, and gingerly touched her like she was some slimy frog. We didn't get any warmth from him at all. His wife held her for a moment, though.

I was VERY unimpressed. Nothing special and even a little rude. - Awena

I remember meeting GBH In Colorado Springs at a single's ward stake conference. And I also remember trying hard to stay awake during his talk. Not only did I not find him very uplifting, but afterwards they asked if anyone had any questions for him and it was kind of like an uspoken thing not to ask questions. It was kind of weird. That was when he was first called as a prophet and we had seen him the week before on 60 Minutes. The guy I attended with thought it was just so special, but I really didn't feel it. Go figure. - Zia

Hinckley's Interview With German TV - Response to Tough Questioning

02/15/2003 - cricket

Gordon B. Hinckley Interview – ZDF German Television
Salt Lake City, Utah January 29, 2002 Conducted by Helmut Nemetschek at 47 East South Temple

Hinckley's responses which the Lampoon staff believe are "untrue or misrepresenations" are highlighted in black with our corrections made in red.

HN: President Hinckley, what are your desires, expectations and your wishes for the Olympic Games in Salt Lake City?

GBH: Well, we expect great things in the first place. I’m very happy we can host the games. People from across the world through TV, people everywhere, millions, billions will look upon this community. It’s a great community and festival of athletes who come and try to excel before the world seeking excellence of performance and victory. I am looking forward to it and am pleased that it’s happening. We want to be friendly, gracious and hospitable to all who come here.

HN: What would you like to introduce to the world about the LDS Church?

GBH: Well, this is a very interesting church. This Church began on the soil of America. It’s the only church to come out of America which has spread across the world. (What about The Jehova's Witnesses, The Seventh Day Adventists and Evangelical Churches? The site www.adherents.com lists the LDS Church as the 23rd fast growing Church.) We now have more members of the Church outside of the United States than we have in the United States, substantially more. We’re growing in about 160 nations. We have a great worldwide undertaking. We come with a message of peace and love and that God has spoken to bless His children. Our purposes are all positive and we are all beneficial to all. Ask Holocaust survivors if they believe Mormon temple proxy baptism for Holocaust victims is postive. Ask non-Mormon family members how positive it is for them to be refused entrance into the temple to be present at their loved ones marriage sealings.)

HN: What will be your personal legacy when, Mr. President, your time will be coming to an end?

GBH: My personal legacy? You think my time is coming to an end do you? (with a grin and a chuckle) I just want to build understanding in this world. I believe our Father in Heaven would have us live in harmony and peace. My desire is to bring about peace, respect and understanding among people wherever they may be found.

HN: Your church is experiencing growth. More than 50% are living outside of the U.S. Do you see some theological problems when people, more and more people are coming from different cultures, maybe Oceania and Latin America?

GBH: No, I don’t see any problems. (As long as new members assimilate into Utah cultural norms. What about the polygamous convert in Zaire who can longer practice polygamy after joining the Church? What about thousands of Native and Latin Americans who can't make sense of the "Lamanite Curse/Blessing doctrine?) I think we’ve had enough experience to show to ourselves that really, there are no serious problems. People are the same everywhere. We’re all alike. We’re all sons and daughters of God. We all respond to the same impulses and the same truths. We all have ambitions of one kind or another. People are very much alike regardless of nationality regardless of the nation from where the come. We’ve had great experience in this matter of working internationally and we feel very optimistic about it. We wish to go forward and do all we can to build brotherhood around the world.

HN: Your missionary work is very successful but why do you never publish the figures of dissidents?

GBH: Oh, we have a few dissidents. (How about 40 to 50 thousand Mormons officially resign membership annually. The brightest and most innovative people are excommunicated.) We hear from them. They’re not quiet. They make themselves known. But we don’t have many dissidents really, very few. They’re very few really. Once in a while but not frequently at all, no. Our people are very congenial, happy people who work together and have a good time. They feel the belong to a great organization, love one another and enjoy life whether they’re German, Scandinavian, Japanese, Australian, American. It’s all the same everywhere.

HN: Until 1978 no person of color attained the priesthood in your church. Why it took so long time to overcome the racism?

GBH: I don’t know. I don’t know. (Hinckley knows full well there was no revelation, just a policy change due to outside political pressures and terrible PR.) I can only say that. (long pause) But it’s here now. We’re carrying on a very substantial work on Africa for instance and in Brazil. We’re working among their people developing them. We’ve had them among the leadership of the Church and they’re able to do a great work and we love them and appreciate them and we respect them and we are trying to help them.

HN:The LDS Church in Europe is sometimes considered by the older churches as a religious sect. There are no ecumenical contacts with other churches. Why is it so and maybe you would like better ecumenical contacts?

GBH: We regret that. If there is any of that we’re sorry. We think that comes from lack of understanding. We invite our critics and any others to meet with us and to investigate us. See what we teach, to become acquainted with us, to observe our program. I think as they come to understand us and what we try to do, that all of that will disappear. (It is precisely because the world does investigate the Church that the world avoids the Church like the plague.)We’re part of the great brotherhood of Christ across the world. Testifying of Him, teaching his teachings, building His sense of brotherhood among people everywhere. Lifting others.

We carry on a great humanitarian effort. We’ve expended millions upon millions upon millions of dollars in helping people in the unfortunate areas of the world. We’ve reached out to them, none of them members of the Church. We have a great concern and love for people everywhere who suffer. (This "great love" translates into about 5% of the Church's gross budget, most of which does not come out of the tithes, but out of a separate "Humanitarian Aid" section of the faithful's donation receipts.) We worked for instance, with the German Red Cross and found them very efficient and very able in helping with our humanitarian efforts.

HN: Yes, but my question was, would you prefer to have better relations with the other churches?

GBH: Of course, yes, of course we would. We would like to talk with them. We’d like to recognize them. I recognize that every church does good. There isn’t any question in my mind about that. They all do good. (Hinckley overlooked the Pearl of Great Price scripture, verse 19, currently available online at the Church's official website in which Joseph Smith quotes Jesus Christ, Himself: "I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.”

Do we have something to offer? Yes. I say to other people, you bring all the good that you have and let us see if we can add to that. That’s our whole purpose, our mission, the way we operate. We want to be cooperative with other people. We want to share with other people.

We do so in this community. We have good relations other churches. We get along very well with the people, Catholic, Protestant, other people, Islam people, people of Islam. (Most Christian churches actively complain that Mormons are not Christians. The Southern Baptists are especially vocal about this.) We’d like to build better relationships wherever we go.

HN: Critics of your church maintain that LDS is anti-democratic. What is your answer?

GBH: Anti-democratic? Nothing could be more further from the truth. We’re a very democratic organization. (Those who vote "no" when sustaining the leadership are removed from the congregation. Mormonism is a theocracy, not a democracy.) Our priesthood, for instance. Priesthood is available for every worthy man. We don’t have a few ministers trained in Seminary. The program of the Church is carried forward by the members of the Church. Every worthy man may hold the priesthood. A man may serve as a bishop, may serve as a head of stake, a diocese, of the Church. The Church is run by people who serve on a volunteer basis in the most democratic kind of society that you can imagine, where they all work together. Everyone has a responsibility. Everyone is expected to make a contribution to the over all effort of the Church.

HN: Yes, other critics about finances. I read in different magazines the rumor that your Church is very wealthy and I read the figure of 30 billion U.S. dollars. What do you respond?

GBH: That’s somebody’s guess. That’s a wild guess. Well, the fact of the matter is this. If you count all of our assets, yes, we are well off, but these assets, you have to know this, are not money producing. (KSL-TV, numerous radio stations, Deserert Book, Ensign Peak Advisors, Bonneville International are cash cows for Hinckley.) These assets are money consuming. These assets include meeting houses, churches, thousands of them across the world. They include temples, they include universities, they include welfare projects, they include educational facilities, they include all of the missionary work, they include humanitarian work. The include all of these things which use money which don’t produce money.

In income of the Church comes from the consecration of the people. They tithe themselves, pay their tithes. The ancient law of the tithes is the Church’s law of finance. That’s where the money comes from that operates the Church.

If you look at our balance sheets that show all of the facilities that we have and the programs that we carry we appear very wealthy , but you must realize that all of these programs consume money, they don’t produce it. The money we use comes from the consecration of the people.

HN: In my country we say the people’s churches, the Protestants, the Catholics. They publish all their budgets annually to all the public. Why is not this possible for your church?

GBH: Well, we simply think that information belongs to those who make the contributions, not to the world. (The books are totally closed to even those who donate thousands of dollars in tithing. This secret is more closely guarded than the "sacred" temple ceremonies.) That’s the only thing. Yes.

HN: Now, Mr. President, one question which is a little bit complicated for me to understand but I heard it and one colleague asked me to ask you. What will be your position when DNA analysis will show that in history there never had been an immigration from Israel to North America? It could be that scientists will find out?

GBH: It hasn’t happened. That hasn’t been determined yet. All I can say is that’s speculative. No one really knows that, the answer to that. Not at this point. (DNA science shows no evidence of Israelites migrating to the Western Hemisphere. Only FARMS and BYU attempt to dispute this foregone knowledge.)

HN: Okay, last question. Do you agree that religions in this time have their own responsibility of peace in all the world?

GBH: Yes, of course. We have responsibility for peace and to work for peace. That’s our responsibility along with others and with men and women of good will everywhere, to bring about peace in the world. We all desire it, really. We’re trying to work for it. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to achieve, but it is. And that’s unfortunate, but we keep striving and making efforts and the world is a better place for the efforts of those who try to improve it. (When is the last time Hinckley was in the news helping to negotiate peace in the Middle East or other hot spots around the world. At least the Pope will stick his political neck out.) End of interview.

Hinckley Can't Explain Book of Abraham to Elders

01/25/2002 - Casio
I also saw Gordon B. Hinckley at a mission conference where one of the Elders asked him directly about the Book of Abraham and its inconsistency with the funerary contents of the Papyrus. I had only recently heard about this (from a Baptist we met who was trying to set us straight) and I was relieved when the Elder asked the question. I was expecting Gordy to tell us how it was all true and the papyrus supported the Book of Abraham. But it wasn't to be. GBH was totally flustered. He groped around for words and mumbled something about how some people thought they were simple funerary scripts and others thought that the Book of Abraham papyrus hadn't been found yet and then he was quickly on to the next question. (In other words, he was doing the patented Hinckley "we don't know much about it" routine.)

Hinckley's Cruel Remarks In Leadership Meeting

09/20/2001 - Elder Morgasm from the recovery bulletin board

Editor's Note:In attempting to verify this story I actually called Roger Loomis, (see post below this one) who provided a second witness to the story told by Elder Morgasm. Roger's version is different in that Hinckley did not use the term "fat farm" but instead something like a "health spa." Roger said that the tone of Hinckley's response was to take very lightly the brother's serious question and that those in attendance laughed out loud. The brother did appear to be saddended by the episode. This incident was widely discussed among the local leadership for some period of time afterward.

I thought of an event in my life that may give some insight into what kind of person Hinckley is (away from the PR camera). This story actually took place about 8 years ago.

I was a counselor in the Elder's Quorum at the time. All the priesthood leaders were asked to attend a "special" priesthood leadership meeting in Lansing, Michigan. Hinckley was not yet the prophet, Benson was still alive. As a True Believing Mormon, I was looking forward to some inspiring words from the 1st counselor. Again, this was a leadership meeting, not for the general morg membership. After Hinckley was done with his talk, he allowed questions from the priesthood leaders.

One guy stood up and asked if it was possible to get garments made in larger sizes(he was a fairly large man).

Hinckley looked at him, smiled and said: "I am not sure if it is possible to change the range of sizes. I think your real problem is that you need to go away to one of those FAT FARMS and lose some weight". After which Hinckley started laughing hysterically, along with everyone else in the room.

While everyone was laughing, I looked over at the man and saw his mortified face. Obviously, he was not laughing and actually looked very sad because the joke was at his expense.

Prophet of God?

I really felt bad for this guy. Here he was, restricted to wearing only Mormon underwear and it's not like he could go to the local K-mart and buy a size that fits. I thought he had a legitimate question for the prophet-to-be.

I think there is a lot more to this guy than the majority of us see in the public relation spin...

Verifying The Hinckley Fat Farm Story

09/20/2001 - Roger Loomis, Gorham, Maine

I moved to East Lansing in the fall of 93 to go to school at MSU. This event happened a few months before I came, and the only thing that my friends in the East Lansing Student Ward talked about in regards to Hinckley's visit was this incidence.

President Hinckley came and fielded questions from the priesthood holders. A fat guy asked why they didn't make garments bigger. Hinckley told him to join a health club. The exact wording "Far Farm" is probably a small exageration--everybody told me he said health club.

But I heard the essence of this story over and over from people who were there.

Hinckley in Japan

09/20/2001 - Bob of the recovery bulletin board

Actually I have two stories

1. In Japan at a missionary meeting, a local elder asked if the church was translating anything besides the scriptures and the Ensign into Japanese, as Deseret Book had so much wonderful material in English by the Prophets and General Authorities?

Hinckley's LOVING answer : "When you people start living the gospel described in the standard works well enough to need more material, we'll look into it. You don't need anything else right now."

2. Private fireside with twenty or so members in a home- we were SO lucky, I thought as a True Believing Mormon, but was disconcerted at Hinckley's reply to my friend's question regarding Sonia Johnson, "that bitch is going to get it."

THIS IS TRUE, I so testify. Believe it or not. I've told this to members and they aren't in the least bit offended. So I guess I'm just super sensitive. "that shows they are just men, as they always say in conference...." goes the True Believing Mormon response. WHICH is what I'm trying to tell them.

Comment Section

One of the things that convinced me that the top leaders, or at least several of the top leaders, are not true believers is the way that they deal with rich and powerful institutions and personalities outside of the Church.

People like Hinckley, Monson, etc., seem to have no problem in saying one thing to the faithful Mormon flock, while saying something entirely different to outsiders, whose approval and respect the Mormon leaders so obviously crave.

It's almost like they're winking at the culturally, politically and economically influential non-Mormon leaders and saying, in effect: "Hey, you and we (Mormon leaders) know that a lot of what Mormonism has traditionally taught is patent nonsense, but the followers, who are like little children who believe in Santa Claus, would be terribly depressed and confused if we admitted as much to them. Plus it wouldn't be very profitable for us as leaders of the LDS Church if we ever started treating the members of the Church as adults and told them the truth about what we know and don't know. We're sophisticated, politically aware and clever leaders just like you."

For example, when Hinckley had his interview with Don Lattin of the San Francisco Chronicle, he denied the long-standing doctrine of eternal progression, dismissing as nothing more than an obscure "couplet" the whole idea that god was once a man and that men can become like god. This was obviously a self-concious effort by Hinckley to appear respectable in a mainstream media interview and to distance himself from what he apparently regarded as a kind of nutty belief that Mormons have--a belief that he himself did not particularly share or have any strong convictions about. "I don't know that we teach it" was his answer to the San Francisco Chronicle interviewer. Where was Hinckley during every month and year of the nearly 90 years of his life when the LDS Church consistently taught without qualification or hesitation of any kind EXACTLY what is described in the "couplet"?

Notwithstanding the total lack of conviction and belief expressed by Hinckley to the "gentile" editor regarding the Mormon doctrine of eternal progression, did Hinckley ever bother to declare to the church members in any official Church forum that the doctrine of eternal progression was not really a doctrine and that what virtually all Mormons had been taught on this subject their whole lives as Mormons was nothing but a couplet with no particular doctrinal standing? Of course not. The little people get excited about the prospect of becoming gods. It motivated them to pay tithing and go to Hinckley's temples. Why mess with propaganda that works in your favor, even if you don't believe in it?

Information on the San Francisco Chronicle interview can be read here:

http://packham.n4m.org/gbh-god.htm - 11/22/2009 - Gorspel Dacktrin

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It's amazing.

True Believing Mormons will genuflect at the feet of these Profits, Sneers, and Prevaricators, stand as they enter a room, cry and tremble in their presence, expect to be blessed, and feel all warm and special for just being within a 500 meter radius of them .... and YET get all defensive and say "they are just imperfect men" when these shysters show their true colors. So, why are ya'll excited in the first place again? Why the adoration bestowed on them? Why their self-importance? - 11/22/2009 - freeurmind

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It is interesting to note that prophets have always been the focal point of persecution. Prophets are by no means perfect people. A case in point is the prophet Jonah in the old testament who refused to first listen to the Lord and later complained to the Lord, because the Lord had forgiven the people of Nineveh rather than destroy them. However, whatever weakness Jonah had, he had been called of God to deliver a message, and when he was delivering that message as a prophet a people repented and turned to God. So is it with the late Gordon B. Hinckley; he, like us all, had weaknesses and shortcomings, however, when he was speaking in the capacity of a prophet of God, his words were the will of the Lord. Their effectiveness dependent only on our personal desire to serve the Lord and exercise the faith granted us by the Holy Ghost. Choose ye this day... - 03/07/2009 - Derek

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YOu bore me with your stupid rants. - 03/03/2008 - this site is for kooks

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This is going to sound like a strange story but it is ALL true: I had no intention to serve a full time mission because my parents were not members. However, the young wife of my young Bishop in my home ward developed a crush on me and told her husband. I had no idea that all this was going by the way as no one ever told me that they were having problems in their marriage. Anyways as soon as the Bishop's wife told her husband and the Stake president that she had feelings for me, I was called on a mission! Go figure...all of a sudden the Lord called me on a mission - or was it that maybe the Bishop wanted to send me as far away as possible? I accepted to go because I had no idea of what the real reason for sending me was. I thought it was all inspired. A coupel of months later I received TWO mission calls in the mail from the Salt Lake Office. The Lord must have been undecided because the destinations were different! Greece and Australia. I was told to pray about which one I was supposed to go to. That was the first time when I thought: Holy crap, what is this? a freaing joke!? This church is as inspired as Brigham Young was a monogamist. - 07/28/2007 - M.L.

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I Think President Hinkly and The Pope are both good men who have both dedicated their lives in service to others. I have listened to the message of both of them and pray for their success in making this world a better place. Its time for those who vent this type of hate to follow these examples and try to project more of a Christ like attitude twards life. - 07/20/2006 - anon

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