I am a child of God - Parody Lyrics

I am a child of evolution - 07/17/2004 - from baura

I am a child of evolution
Natural selection has placed me here
Has given me adaptions so that
I'll survive it's clear

Flesh me bone me chromosome me
Help me reproduce
So that I might rise above
The pri-mor-di-al juice.

They say that Joe was it - 07/17/2004 - by justmythoughts

They say that Joe was it
A prophet with a rock
He said he saw the God and Son
Next thing he had a flock

[chorus] Lying, cheating, womanizing
That was all his game
He’d take them young and take them old
But never took the blame

One night he took a walk
To the hill Cummorah old
He said an angel came to him
With plates made out of gold

[chorus]

With rock in hat he sat
With those who were his scribes
Divided by a table cloth
He said he’d change their lives

[chorus]

For secrets did abound
Translations were a joke
And held real tight among the few
Referred to as his folk

[chorus]

He loved the gals so much
He could not stay away
His wanderin’ eyes, twinkled bright
He bedded all he laid

[chorus]

To cover up his tracks
A revelation due
He had to think while on his feet
To bed his female crew

[chorus]

He said God spoke to him
And gave him every girl
For each his own eternity
Became celestial rule

[chorus]

The chosen members heard
Caught all his dirty deeds
Once faithful now, they left him there
And voided Mormon creed

[chorus]

This did not slow him down
The young ones of his flock
Were fresh and firm and yet to pick
Would not be ones to mock

[chorus]

For fools are born each day
And fell for Josephs lies
The town folk though, did not approve
And jailed him where he died
[chorus]

The moral of this story
Shows all that live today
Take care as not to follow man
Who’ll lead you all a stray

Its best to use your minds
And shed the cultish days
Next time the Mormons ring your bell
Just tell them, no damn way!

[chorus]

I am a child of Sod - 07/17/2004 - from Jack Meoff

I am child of Sod,
so I wear no underwear,
He given me an earthly bone,
to play with kind and dear.

Help me Marnie, come lets party,
lets masturbate away. show me all
thats under there,
and let me lead the way.

I Am a Childish - 07/12/2004 - by Steve Benson

I am a childish troll,
And God has sent me here,
Has given me a place to fight,
Against my inward fears.

Feed me, guide me, I'll confide, Me
Thinks I act this way,
'Cause deep inside I really need
To keep my doubts at bay.

Second Verse - 07/12/2004 - activejackmormon

I am a childish troll,
and so my needs are great,
If I make Steve Benson look bad,
my doubts would just abate,

bide him, chide him, then deride him,
show Steve's evil side,
if I can get one zinger in,
I'll fill myself with pride.

Third verse, same as the first, a little bit better and a little bit worse - 07/12/2004 - Steve Benson

Every time I go to town,
The trolls start kicking my butt around,
It makes no difference if Joe Smith's a clown,
You gotta stop kicking my butt around.

Silence! I Am a Child of God . . . - 07/12/2004 - Troll

I am a child of God,
And He says you must hear,
The Mormon Church is the True Way,
Gays, blacks and women fear!

Heed Me, pay Me, bow before Me,
Turn off all your minds,
Do just what the prophet says,
In other words,
Be blind.

I am a needy child - 07/12/2004 - Winston

I am a needy child
of doubt I am afraid
help me to feel like I’m secure
while leading me astray

lies, deception, distortion of perception,
helps me doublethink.
I can live life comfortably
when I throw truth down the sink.

I am a childish troll - 07/12/2004 - activejackmormon #2

I am a childish troll,
my doubts, they are sincere,
if I bash homos long enough,
perhaps I won't be queer,

kane me, bane me, calculate me,
make them go away,
take away the silent fears,
that deep inside I'm gay,

I am a child of FARMS - self righteous jingles - 07/12/2004 - cricket

I am a child of FARMS
Dan Peterson sent me here
to attack all of you apostates
with my huge ad hominem spear

I am a child of Nibley
and so my deeds are great
Help me to understand his words
and Fawn Brody to berate.

I am a child of FAIR
Brown nosing GA's is a chore
Writing like Maxwell's a thrill
Even though he's such a bore.

Bleed me, chide me, walk behind me
Help me define your way
Pass me one more Mountain Dew
As I vanquish all of you today.

I see stupid people. They don't even KNOW they're stupid! - 07/12/2004 - brian-the-christ

Whenever I read the posts of a troll,
Or glance at the temple high.
Whenever I feel the truth of the crutch,
Or I trip on an ill-concealed lie.

Whenever they wash and oil my loins,
Or dunk me on oxens faux,
It's then that I'm grateful I'm out of the Morg,
All those damned years they really did blow!

I am a child of fraud 07/12/2004 - soothseeker

I am a child of fraud.
My parents live in fear.
They made me read a worthless tome.
Adherents, blind, are here.

Feed me. Hide the
truth behind me.
Make me be a slave.
Don't let me think on my own
'Cause I might misbehave.