Mormon Bullshit Bingo

Snoozing in church meetings and conferences? Keep yourself awake and test the the faith of others while you play "Mormon Bullshit Bingo." Play upon the long suffering, patience, tolerance and kindness buttons of your fellow flock members and church leaders. Bless them with an experience they'll never forget. Gain notoriety after appearing on the evening KSL TV Eyewitness News by playing this lively game in the Conference Center during the prophet's semi-annual call to repentance and being ejected by Church Security Danite Militia.

Before (or during) your next church meeting, prepare your 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' card. (see example below)

Draw a square -- some find that 5" X 5" is a good size and fits perfectly inside any triple or quad ziploc scripture carry-along -- and divide it into columns and rows, five across and five down. That gives you 25 one-inch blocks.

Choose 25 from among the words/phrases below -- or create your own. Write one in each square of your 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' card.

Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of your words or phrases.

When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up, raise your arm to the square and shout "BULLSHIT!"

"I know that with every fiber of my being that I had suffered through only four testimonies on Fast Sunday when I won. My heart goes out to those unfortunate souls who have not yet found the truth of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Lucinda W., Ogden, Utah

"I could not let this opportunity pass without testifying to the truthfulness of my feelings. My happiness and attention span during sacrament meetings have increased ten fold due to my newfound faith in 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' Too bad my editor won't let me play it at work." - Robert Kirby, Springville, Utah

"I come before you today to testify that TBM family gatherings and Ward parties will never be the same now that I have 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - LaVerl B. LaVell, Roy, Utah

"I stand humbly before you to testify that Priesthood Executive Meetings have improved 100% since I discovered the truthfulness of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' And since playing 'BINGO' a lot more I am playing a lot less with my little factory." - Johnny Bingo - Mountain Meadow, Utah

"Each Sunday I just can't wait to take my bingo game to Beehive class and sream out 'BULLSHIT' when my advisor starts bearing her testimony. I get to go home early every time. - Sally Sassy, Spanish Fork, Utah

"I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to share my testimony of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' with you this beautiful morning. I haven't fallen asleep at Stake Conference once since a year ago March when I discovered the truthfulness of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Eliza T., Narrow Neck of Land, Utah

"The only way I keep my sanity during early morning Seminary is with 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' My teacher has a heart attack every time I hit bingo. I was the most popular kid on the bus during our Youth Conference Church history tour to Nauvoo because we got to yell 'Bullshit' during the tour guide's testimony. " - Cory Horr - MesaMormon, Arizona

"Brothers and Sisters, I must unburden my heart. I am deeply thankful for 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' I no longer laugh out loud at my RS homemaking teacher. Now I laugh at 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Miniori Lauukkala, Tonga

"Since my Mom and Dad gave me 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' for my 8th Birthday I have been much more reverent in Primary. This might even keep me quiet during Family Home Evening, until I hit "BINGO!" - Dennis Mennis, Provo, Utah

i am absolutely disgusted by this! it is dicrimination to the max! i happen to be mormon! i think that you have to much time on your hands to be able to do something like this i dont know you or anything about you but you have made it plain to see to many people even if they are not a mormon, that you are not a very nice person and you dont deserve respect. i think you should grow up and join the real world! - 03/04/2008 - hyperactiveheather016 - livid

Wow, I'd leave my e-mail, but I don't want any reply. I just want to tell you that it looks like you worked pretty hard on all this stuff and have put a lot of time into it. I wonder why a church you used to belong to would cause you to obsess the way it has? Can't you just let it go? Your tone is rather bitter, so despite the humor, the reader comes away with kind of an icky feeling one feels in the presence of someone who has become completely proccupied with something they cannot entirely leave. It is kind of strange that it has affected you so if you do not believe at least some of it. Best wishes, and may you find the peace that seems to be so obviously missing from your sarcastic entries. - 01/25/2008 - Kevin

Religion full of bullshit crapola that makes no sense. Like the idiot John Smith that read some tablets out of a hat. No one ever saw the tablets. And when he was asked to translate them again, he came up with some dumbass story about that god was mad and had him read from another tablet. Stupid bullshit scripture.

"But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!" Galatians 1:8 - 12/18/2007 - anon

You neet help! - 10/15/2007 - cynthia - DOM

I hope you people realize what you are doing, in having your little fun and games MOCKING our church leaders standards and ordinances, you are hurting people thT FOLLOW THIS FAITH. - 08/23/2007 - Zach

its really sad that you wast your time putting down others beliefs. Find something more productive to do. - 08/28/2007 - j

I much prefer the original version of this game created by Greg Matis for student review in 1987. - 01/30/2003 - from Daves Kilt

I testify that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt and with every fiber of my being of the truthfulness of the following strategy for winning Mormon Bullshit Bingo: write "spirchull" in five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally on your card. In any standard F&T meeting you will win in the first five minutes. In any other meeting where the speaker is a new RM, a GA, High Council member, or some other kind of "speshull" self-righteous pompous ass, you will hit the jackpot in less than two minutes. I testify that if you will do this the windows of heaven will be opened up unto you. Other players may be able to bruise your heal, but you will have power to crush their heads. Isaythesethingsinthenameofjeeschrisamen - 01/24/2003 - from Paya A'Laya Ha'Ayla - Tonga

The church is BULLSHIT. Idea visit a farm collect the shit of bulls in a large ziplock bag, on sunday instead of placing your scriptures in the scripture case put the shit you collected in there instead. when you win scream out "BULLSHIT" and sling the bullshit at the bullshitter as well as those who look at you in shock, then run like hell and never come back. - 11/09/2002 - anon

How a bout "Pin the Apron on the Initiate?" - 11/02/2002 - from jeffsilver

Q:If(the Mormon)GOD doesn't quit having sex, (reference church policy about birth control and spirit babies)then how is J.C. ever going to have his second coming?

Q: Now if Mormons quit making babies,(bodies for Gods spirit children)how long will it be until the millenium? - 06/02/2002 - anon