Mormon Bullshit Bingo

05/26/2002 - created by Jerry the Aspousetate

Snoozing in church meetings and conferences? Keep yourself awake and test the the faith of others while you play "Mormon Bullshit Bingo." Play upon the long suffering, patience, tolerance and kindness buttons of your fellow flock members and church leaders. Bless them with an experience they'll never forget. Gain notoriety after appearing on the evening KSL TV Eyewitness News by playing this lively game in the Conference Center during the prophet's semi-annual call to repentance and being ejected by Church Security Danite Militia.

Before (or during) your next church meeting, prepare your 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' card. (see example below)

Draw a square -- some find that 5" X 5" is a good size and fits perfectly inside any triple or quad ziploc scripture carry-along -- and divide it into columns and rows, five across and five down. That gives you 25 one-inch blocks.

Choose 25 from among the words/phrases below -- or create your own. Write one in each square of your 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' card.

Offering
take just a minute
Active Member
Oh my heck
Sweet Spirt
mysterious ways
Tithing
light unto the world
Affirm
pioneers
Fiber in my body
consecrate
Spesshul
Sweet spririt
Heavenly Father
Home teaching
The Lard
Protection
Priesthood Power
Shortcomings
Fullness of the Gospel
Last Days
Satan
Perfection
stewardship
Best ward
The Veil
Calling(s)
Revealed
Scriptures
Time and all eternity
Be like Boyd
posterity
Patriarchal
Adversity
Celestial Kingdom
Bearwitness
Spirit
High Standards
Assurity
Out in the world
Pray
Truthfulness
Bretheren
Spirit world
Shadow of a doubt
Bare my Testimony
Wordawisdom
Other Churches
Commandments
Wickedness

Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of your words or phrases.

When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up, raise your arm to the square and shout "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonies of satisfied 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' players:

"I know that with every fiber of my being that I had suffered through only four testimonies on Fast Sunday when I won. My heart goes out to those unfortunate souls who have not yet found the truth of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Lucinda W., Ogden, Utah
"I could not let this opportunity pass without testifying to the truthfulness of my feelings. My happiness and attention span during sacrament meetings have increased ten fold due to my newfound faith in 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' Too bad my editor won't let me play it at work." - Robert Kirby, Springville, Utah
"I come before you today to testify that TBM family gatherings and Ward parties will never be the same now that I have 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - LaVerl B. LaVell, Roy, Utah
"I stand humbly before you to testify that Priesthood Executive Meetings have improved 100% since I discovered the truthfulness of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' And since playing 'BINGO' a lot more I am playing a lot less with my little factory." - Johnny Bingo - Mountain Meadow, Utah
"Each Sunday I just can't wait to take my bingo game to Beehive class and sream out 'BULLSHIT' when my advisor starts bearing her testimony. I get to go home early every time. - Sally Sassy, Spanish Fork, Utah
"I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to share my testimony of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' with you this beautiful morning. I haven't fallen asleep at Stake Conference once since a year ago March when I discovered the truthfulness of 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Eliza T., Narrow Neck of Land, Utah

"The only way I keep my sanity during early morning Seminary is with 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' My teacher has a heart attack every time I hit bingo. I was the most popular kid on the bus during our Youth Conference Church history tour to Nauvoo because we got to yell 'Bullshit' during the tour guide's testimony. " - Cory Horr - MesaMormon, Arizona

"Brothers and Sisters, I must unburden my heart. I am deeply thankful for 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.' I no longer laugh out loud at my RS homemaking teacher. Now I laugh at 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO.'" - Miniori Lauukkala, Tonga

"Since my Mom and Dad gave me 'MORMON BULLSHIT BINGO' for my 8th Birthday I have been much more reverent in Primary. This might even keep me quiet during Family Home Evening, until I hit "BINGO!" - Dennis Mennis, Provo, Utah

Comments Section

This is REALLY FUNNY! Thanks for making my day! - 10/13/2013 - ruthy

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You have a lot of hatred in you. Your not funny, your not right. Maybe someday you will see how sick this site is. Probably not but maybe. I really want to call you a loser but your not,just really disturbed. - 02/25/2010 - Mormon

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You have a lot of hatred in you. Your not funny, your not right. Maybe someday you will see how sick this site is. Probably not but maybe. I really want to call you a loser but your not,just really disturbed. - 02/25/2010 - Mormon

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Wait just a minute. I agree with Jerry to a large degree. What he is saying is probably true. I have met and choose to attend meetings and activities with members who profess to be 'spirichull' and yet behind closed doors, have very little depth of conscience. I love them just the same but those type of members cause more harm than good. And to have teachers in the church with a less than true nature is detrimental.

Jerry is crying out for help along with countless others no doubt and we should help where we can, by not being fake. Tell it like it is. If you have a testimony, follow it! Be bold and give the youth of the church strong answers and moreover, a good example at home. Jerry was obvously forced to choose the gospel by parents who did not understand their child. There are many parents who destroy young lives by doing this.

This church could not and would not stand if not for the ministering of angels. Angels continue to minister to men daily. And I'm not just talking about the invisible ones. I'm talking about ones that introduce themself to you and call you by name, and give you an assignment. Or often just to express the love and concern of the Saviour for your obedience. - 04/06/2009 - Rick (Australia)

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Amen! I'd like to testify to you today that this Mormon bullshit bingo is true! The only true church!OOps, i mean Bingo! lol!!!!!!!!! - 12/15/2008 - mindi

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Bloody Brilliant! - 11/16/2008 - Realist in Idaho

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Sounds like a fun game.....and about time someone called it like it is!....I'm 60, a priesthood holder and haven't been to a regular ward meeting in about 40 years...because about 35 years ago I realized the whole thing is a scam...meant to control the minds of the members...not likely goona happen here!! - 11/06/2008 - Scrawny Ronnie

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If the only people that obtain the highest level in the after life are Mormon's; I hope I go to Hell! - 10/03/2008 - Theyaresheep

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The only thing all the Mormons who left a comment on this site seem to have in common (aside from their ridiculous belief in a totally bullshit religion), is that they're all illiterate. Learn to write your language, for fuck's sake!

Signed, A Mexican who knows better English than you. - 08/06/2008 - Nigh

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I am a Mormon and one who goes regularly. In fact, truth be told I am a bishop's wife. To the insecure naysayers "lighten up"!! To those who feel venomous about the church "lighten up". Without the church to poke fun at, your life might be boring. I think Mormon Bullshit Bingo is the comic relief we all need! - 07/18/2008 - Eliza's Snow

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How discriminatory of you! How dare you make Mormom Bullshit Bingo without offering up Baptist Bullshit Bingo and Catholic Bullshit Bingo? ha ha ha ha ha !!! Fun stuff. - 06/22/2008 - CustomBikeMike

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Right on man, Mormons have to be the dumbest human beings on earth. It has been proven through archaelogy and DNA testing that the Nephites, Jaredites NEVER existed. Its a shame that these people who are usually very nice believe in such crap. LDS is basically a business run by evil people, who use a false religion to promote political ideals and large corporations. I seriously doubt this religion will continue through the 22nd century.. - 05/23/2008 - LDS is BS

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I have heard some pompous bullshit in my day, but these self righteous Mormon butt heads take the all time cake. I work with a bunch of these self obsessed, magic underwear wearing assholes and it makes coming to work a living hell. I damm well know all of these holier than thou hippocrites I work with cheat the church when it comes time to pay up, but look you in the eye and tell you they are bound to be honest because they are Mormons. Makes me want to puke! - 05/15/2008 - The Shadow

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Nothing could hurt Mormons more than standing by and letting them fool themselves into thinking they believe something which has value, makes sense or produces any positive result in their lives. - 05/15/2008 - JP

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i am absolutely disgusted by this! it is dicrimination to the max! i happen to be mormon! i think that you have to much time on your hands to be able to do something like this i dont know you or anything about you but you have made it plain to see to many people even if they are not a mormon, that you are not a very nice person and you dont deserve respect. i think you should grow up and join the real world! - 03/04/2008 - hyperactiveheather016 - livid

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Wow, I'd leave my e-mail, but I don't want any reply. I just want to tell you that it looks like you worked pretty hard on all this stuff and have put a lot of time into it. I wonder why a church you used to belong to would cause you to obsess the way it has? Can't you just let it go? Your tone is rather bitter, so despite the humor, the reader comes away with kind of an icky feeling one feels in the presence of someone who has become completely proccupied with something they cannot entirely leave. It is kind of strange that it has affected you so if you do not believe at least some of it. Best wishes, and may you find the peace that seems to be so obviously missing from your sarcastic entries. - 01/25/2008 - Kevin

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Religion full of bullshit crapola that makes no sense. Like the idiot John Smith that read some tablets out of a hat. No one ever saw the tablets. And when he was asked to translate them again, he came up with some dumbass story about that god was mad and had him read from another tablet. Stupid bullshit scripture.

"But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!" Galatians 1:8 - 12/18/2007 - anon

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You neet help! - 10/15/2007 - cynthia - DOM

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I hope you people realize what you are doing, in having your little fun and games MOCKING our church leaders standards and ordinances, you are hurting people thT FOLLOW THIS FAITH. - 08/23/2007 - Zach

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its really sad that you wast your time putting down others beliefs. Find something more productive to do. - 08/28/2007 - j

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I much prefer the original version of this game created by Greg Matis for student review in 1987. - 01/30/2003 - from Daves Kilt

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I testify that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt and with every fiber of my being of the truthfulness of the following strategy for winning Mormon Bullshit Bingo: write "spirchull" in five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally on your card. In any standard F&T meeting you will win in the first five minutes. In any other meeting where the speaker is a new RM, a GA, High Council member, or some other kind of "speshull" self-righteous pompous ass, you will hit the jackpot in less than two minutes. I testify that if you will do this the windows of heaven will be opened up unto you. Other players may be able to bruise your heal, but you will have power to crush their heads. Isaythesethingsinthenameofjeeschrisamen - 01/24/2003 - from Paya A'Laya Ha'Ayla - Tonga

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The church is BULLSHIT. Idea visit a farm collect the shit of bulls in a large ziplock bag, on sunday instead of placing your scriptures in the scripture case put the shit you collected in there instead. when you win scream out "BULLSHIT" and sling the bullshit at the bullshitter as well as those who look at you in shock, then run like hell and never come back. - 11/09/2002 - anon

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How a bout "Pin the Apron on the Initiate?" - 11/02/2002 - from jeffsilver

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Q:If(the Mormon)GOD doesn't quit having sex, (reference church policy about birth control and spirit babies)then how is J.C. ever going to have his second coming?

Q: Now if Mormons quit making babies,(bodies for Gods spirit children)how long will it be until the millenium? - 06/02/2002 - anon

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